Anyone else have this? Basically whenever I'm around people I don't know I feel really anxious and hyper inhibited. I go out of my way to avoid these situations to the point that I feel like I am missing out on human interaction. A lot of people tell me to drink or take drugs for this but I have bipolar disorder and these interact with my medicine negatively, to the point that I start disassociating badly. I have also been on benzos for anxiety before but became addicted to them and had to stop taking them. I really wish I could just take benzos for this, but it just doesnt seem worth it. I'm hiding in my room whenever my roommates bring over people I don't know, and cannot seem to take being in a social situation for the life of me... what am I supposed to do about this?
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What to do about crippling social anxiety?
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outunderthestars
Banned
See a mental health professional, and ignore the advice given to you by strangers on the internet.
(Yes I am aware of the irony of that statement)
You can't Google your way to mental/emotional wellness.
(Yes I am aware of the irony of that statement)
You can't Google your way to mental/emotional wellness.
i do already but its not really that helpful for this?
This paradox is good advice, follow it.
outunderthestars
Banned
Really trying to be as supportive as possible, but what advice could total novices give you that a professional couldn't? I will add that it can take several doctors/therpaists/ etc before you find one that you resonate with.
I went to give before finding the right person for me.
I used to get fast food every night because seeing my roommate caused me so much anxiety that I felt like o had to stay in my bedroom. I still struggle with social anxiety, but I have learned several mangemwnt techniques that really help.
There are processes out there, you just have to keep looking until you find the one that is right for you.
i dont know. i guess i just felt desperate.
outunderthestars
Banned
If you feel that your treatment isn't effective, ask for a referral. I promise that your current Dr/therpaist will understand. Find someone that works better for you.
Whatever you do, don't give up. I'd you get really freaked out PM me and I'll give you my mobile number. Feel free to text me any time and I can talk you through it as best I can.
People that tell you to take drugs are ... not right at least for me.
Weed makes social anxiety worse, alcohol kinda works but leads to insane abuse and smoking or coffe make you even more nervous..
Also don't waste too much time on self help books/anxiety books they usually don't work and are only half steps that waste your time, just go to a doc.
Vermillion
Banned
Aw. I too hid in my room when my roommates brought over people I don't know. But I also did enough things where I realized people would always judge me, for one thing or another. Hiding away only meant that people would come up with their own narratives.
I don't know that I would compare my situation to yours, but... I guess I realized that it's a lose-lose if you fear the judgment of others. Might as well choose the way that's more fun. I say this having not really changed too much, BTW.
Though I'm actually pretty good with total strangers compared to friends of friends or such people I may see again, so your mileage may vary.
I don't know that I would compare my situation to yours, but... I guess I realized that it's a lose-lose if you fear the judgment of others. Might as well choose the way that's more fun. I say this having not really changed too much, BTW.
Though I'm actually pretty good with total strangers compared to friends of friends or such people I may see again, so your mileage may vary.
Get a job in retail.
As someone who dealt with social anxiety as a youth up into my early twenties, this really helped for me. I kind of fell into a retail job when I got out of high school and I was down right afraid at first. But over the years (in conjunction with seeking professional help and learning more about myself) the constant pressure of having to talk to people all day forced me to confront my social anxiety head on.
While this may not be so easy for you to achieve OP, the major thing is to just put yourself in situations where you have to talk to other people. Think of it as being a muscle that you are exercising. You don't have to throw yourself straight into the fire, but if your roommate invites, say one person over, maybe try and hang out with them and go from there.
As someone who dealt with social anxiety as a youth up into my early twenties, this really helped for me. I kind of fell into a retail job when I got out of high school and I was down right afraid at first. But over the years (in conjunction with seeking professional help and learning more about myself) the constant pressure of having to talk to people all day forced me to confront my social anxiety head on.
While this may not be so easy for you to achieve OP, the major thing is to just put yourself in situations where you have to talk to other people. Think of it as being a muscle that you are exercising. You don't have to throw yourself straight into the fire, but if your roommate invites, say one person over, maybe try and hang out with them and go from there.
I actually am a supervisor for like 30 employees and have a job interacting with people all day, but I'm very comfortable there and it doesnt really change how I feel when I'm by myself in social situations
Well shit OP.
Edit: Either way, if you're struggling with social situations just put yourself into more of them. You obviously already have communication skills. If you've been working with a professional, I assume you have probably explored why you feel anxious in this situations, right?
Strangelove77
Member
Not being able to drink booze or take anxiety meds sucks.
Only thing that worked with me was being forced to interact with people by working in retail and the service industry.
For better or for worse I eventually realized that most often strangers don't really give a shit about you or what you're doing. Unless you bring it upon yourself, no one is paying attention or looking at you.
Only thing that worked with me was being forced to interact with people by working in retail and the service industry.
For better or for worse I eventually realized that most often strangers don't really give a shit about you or what you're doing. Unless you bring it upon yourself, no one is paying attention or looking at you.
If you haven't actually brought it up with them, do that first.
Ask them to walk you through an exposure therapy type situation with it.
Nobody that's experiencing social anxiety likes to hear this, myself included at one point, but you're basically going to have to do it to get better at it. Small steps that lead to more confidence and eventually bigger goals. Those steps and goals would be good things to talk to a professional about setting up.
Really the only way to become more confident in rhis practice and to actually get out and do it. But again, small steps. Little things first.
Edit: If you're more confident at work- well then you've got some ground social skills. The trick is now to transfer those to your private social interactions.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Mood stabilizers, SSRI's...I really would not recommend benzodiazepines.
Cognitive behavioral Therapy as well.
I'm the same way. I can certainly talk with strangers and be present in some situations but it is hard work to not give in to anxiety.
Cognitive behavioral Therapy as well.
I'm the same way. I can certainly talk with strangers and be present in some situations but it is hard work to not give in to anxiety.
shanshan310
Member
I'm sure psychologist you're seeing has already told you but hiding from social interactions can get you into a really horrible loop of a negative self-fulfilling prophecy. Stopping that stupid cycle is the most important thing. I feel like I was able to break the loop with the help of a few different things.
- regular support from a kind psychologist. If the one you're seeing isn't helping, maybe the two of you aren't clicking right and you should try seeing someone else.
- starting small. Social occasions seem horrible because you think they will be, and remember them as being horrible, and freaking out about how horrible they will be just makes you more anxious and the event seem more horrible. If you start getting positive experiences at small social occasions your brain will be less prone to automatically freaking out at the next occasion. I recommend just doing stuff with people you trust and feel comfortable around, and slowly adding in more people. If your room mate brings a friend over, pull them into the group you and your room mate have rather than feeling like you are the one invading.
- Don't forget that you notice embarrassing social things you do way more than anyone else does. Those shaking hands, short breath and sweat? More than likely no one else has seen them. Try recording yourself on camera next time you are panicking and have a look.
- You can try things like progressive muscle relaxation and other meditation type activities to get yourself to relax and 'turn off' the fight or flight response.
- Sometimes it helps to try going into a new environment, where everyone else is new to the environment as well. I'm talking about a hobby group or something (In my case though I went on exchange). I'd recommend talking to your psychologist about this first though.
- It might help to try a different kind of medication.
- Whatever you do, don't use alcohol as a dumb crutch. It will continue to be a crutch and you'll not really be getting over the anxiety issues at all. You can do it by just being you, I swear.
Good luck! I used to be afraid of going to social events, and then having panic attacks at home thinking I was missing out. I'd have panic attacks at social events and failed my driving test twice due to the same problem (I was terrified of being tested by a stranger). It's not impossible to get out!
- regular support from a kind psychologist. If the one you're seeing isn't helping, maybe the two of you aren't clicking right and you should try seeing someone else.
- starting small. Social occasions seem horrible because you think they will be, and remember them as being horrible, and freaking out about how horrible they will be just makes you more anxious and the event seem more horrible. If you start getting positive experiences at small social occasions your brain will be less prone to automatically freaking out at the next occasion. I recommend just doing stuff with people you trust and feel comfortable around, and slowly adding in more people. If your room mate brings a friend over, pull them into the group you and your room mate have rather than feeling like you are the one invading.
- Don't forget that you notice embarrassing social things you do way more than anyone else does. Those shaking hands, short breath and sweat? More than likely no one else has seen them. Try recording yourself on camera next time you are panicking and have a look.
- You can try things like progressive muscle relaxation and other meditation type activities to get yourself to relax and 'turn off' the fight or flight response.
- Sometimes it helps to try going into a new environment, where everyone else is new to the environment as well. I'm talking about a hobby group or something (In my case though I went on exchange). I'd recommend talking to your psychologist about this first though.
- It might help to try a different kind of medication.
- Whatever you do, don't use alcohol as a dumb crutch. It will continue to be a crutch and you'll not really be getting over the anxiety issues at all. You can do it by just being you, I swear.
Good luck!
I used to be afraid of going to social events, and then having panic attacks at home thinking I was missing out. I'd have panic attacks at social events and failed my driving test twice due to the same problem (I was terrified of being tested by a stranger). It's not impossible to get out!A doctor can help you. It will take time, and possibly adjustments to your dosage/medications. You have to work for it.
People recommending recreational drugs and/or alcohol should be ignored. They're not solutions.
Astral Dog
Member
I guess i should try this,wanted to do it before but was advised against it.
You are better than me then
way more
Member
Things that you are afraid of and that are clearly defined are the best cases when it comes to anxiety disorders. You know exactly what you dislike and more than that you have on your own terms realized it. This says you are both aware it's a stupid reaction you have and you can view you actions from a outside perspective.
A counselor would be best but I bet you would need to parse 2-3 self-help books to find the one that works for you, I don't know self help books very well but your issue is so common and relatable that many, many people have conquered it. People you would never suspect. Actors and stuff.
A counselor would be best but I bet you would need to parse 2-3 self-help books to find the one that works for you, I don't know self help books very well but your issue is so common and relatable that many, many people have conquered it. People you would never suspect. Actors and stuff.
I have problems with this too.
I don't have the answer but, since you mention drinking, I'll comment and say that alcohol is definitely not the answer.
Speaking from experience, it will gradually make your anxiety worse and you become more and more dependent on it, and soon you need to get trashed just to (poorly) perform the most basic tasks and obligations.
Then after a while, your poor mental health has not only gone unchanged, but it has extended into poor physical health as well.
Self-medicating with alcohol is always a bad idea. It's what turns people into drunkards.
And don't fool yourself into thinking that other people can't tell that you've been drinking. They can.
I don't have the answer but, since you mention drinking, I'll comment and say that alcohol is definitely not the answer.
Speaking from experience, it will gradually make your anxiety worse and you become more and more dependent on it, and soon you need to get trashed just to (poorly) perform the most basic tasks and obligations.
Then after a while, your poor mental health has not only gone unchanged, but it has extended into poor physical health as well.
Self-medicating with alcohol is always a bad idea. It's what turns people into drunkards.
And don't fool yourself into thinking that other people can't tell that you've been drinking. They can.
Monocle
Member
This is all true in my experience.
Good luck, OP. It's definitely possible to work your way out of this. Social anxiety is way more common, and more curable, than you'd think.
Razgriz-Specter
Member
I had problems with this, was keeping me from finding a job.
Took a job stocking overnight at walmart figuring most other people there might have some kind of anti-social thing going on as well.
After a few days/weeks it was absolutely gone.
Got even better after making friends there as we go out and everything now and I don't even get hints of that awkward feeling I had pretty much doing anything in public before(shopping, etc).
Took a job stocking overnight at walmart figuring most other people there might have some kind of anti-social thing going on as well.
After a few days/weeks it was absolutely gone.
Got even better after making friends there as we go out and everything now and I don't even get hints of that awkward feeling I had pretty much doing anything in public before(shopping, etc).
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Shan's post is great.
One thing that has helped me was multiplayer gaming. Just being comfortable communicating with strangers and my voice has actually translated to real life situations. I know some communities can be toxic, you know, like the stereotypical Counter Strike player, but once in a while you do get those great experiences where it's a friendly vibe and you play multiple games with people and become more accustomed to being vocal with strangers.
I also do ridesharing as a side-job and that has helped me as well.
One thing that has helped me was multiplayer gaming. Just being comfortable communicating with strangers and my voice has actually translated to real life situations. I know some communities can be toxic, you know, like the stereotypical Counter Strike player, but once in a while you do get those great experiences where it's a friendly vibe and you play multiple games with people and become more accustomed to being vocal with strangers.
I also do ridesharing as a side-job and that has helped me as well.
MidgarBlowedUp
Member
I have it, not as bad as you, but I deal with it daily. I'm far better in social situations now than I was. It was a combination of prescribed drugs, watching other people interact, interacting myself, then slightly lowering my dosage, all over time. I have night terrors, so I don't know that I'll ever be free of medication. But, learning relaxation techniques, slowing down, focusing on simple interactions first before complex ones, and many other things have helped me. For instance, survival horror games and movies have helped me to deal with night terrors and anxiety, strange I guess but whatever works. Exercise and eating better has been a huge help for me too. Just take things slow, think small simple interactions first. I mean going to a convenient store to buy a candy bar is a less complex interaction than going on a blind date.
One and done.
Seek help. You're going to need more than Gaf can give you. The good news is you recognize the problem and are trying to do something about it.
8 X 11 Printer Paper
Member
Seek a mental health professional (Both a psychologist and psychiatrist), I say this as someone who suffered (still suffer to a decent extent, but it's much more under control) from extreme anxiety disorder and depression.
Citizen Mane
Member
It can be hard, but I honestly think exposing yourself to those situations that make you feel uncomfortable is the best way to deal with this. Next time your roommates have people over, come out of your room and introduce yourself. Really, nothing can go wrong it's all in your head.
titiklabingapat
Member
How long have you been seeing your therapist? It will take time to see the effects. Keep seeing him/her. Do not forget that they are there for your benefit. Be honest and tell them about your crippling anxiety. Try everything with them that you think will help you. CBT, medication or a combination of the two.
In the mean time, try to be more active. Running, hiking, biking, swimming,sports or whatever your form of cardio that you enjoy. This has personally helped me tons. I'm also meeting my therapist for my second session in two weeks.
Mine is more panic disorder more than social anxiety. Sometimes, I can just trigger it by thinking I'm gonna have one and it's very irrational and it feels like it. Sometimes it is triggered by being alone but I'm confident I'll get through this. Hang on there, OP.
In the mean time, try to be more active. Running, hiking, biking, swimming,sports or whatever your form of cardio that you enjoy. This has personally helped me tons. I'm also meeting my therapist for my second session in two weeks.
Mine is more panic disorder more than social anxiety. Sometimes, I can just trigger it by thinking I'm gonna have one and it's very irrational and it feels like it. Sometimes it is triggered by being alone but I'm confident I'll get through this. Hang on there, OP.
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