My last "real" ex was my wife. She was extremely selfish and lied to/used me. She'll probably never own up to her mistakes and really apologize to me unless there's something in it for her.
I still don't believe she's a bad person. She was great at times, and certainly could have lived up to the person she claimed to be. I think her depression combined with the way she was raised just made it too difficult for her to do the right thing in the end, so she chose anger and denial. I understand why she did it, I really do, but I have every right to be disappointed in her and I certainly am. She brought me to the weakest point in my life, and in many ways I'm still recovering despite having two amazing relationships since.
In my heart, I hope that she's managed to come to terms with what happened in our marriage, found a way to be happy with herself, and learned to not let her emotional issues cause her to neglect and say/do things to hurt people she loves. I also hope she's found someone else more compatible that can finally break through and help her the way she needs like I couldn't.
But if I had to guess, and I have to guess because she refuses to speak to me anymore despite claiming that would never happen, she probably reconnected with her shitty family, used reassurance from them and anyone else that she's better off this way to go further into denial about what happened, and browses internet forums trying to find situations similar to ours that she can use a template to justify all the bullshit and paint me as the bad guy.
The thing that was most difficult about our relationship is she really started to make me believe I was wrong for asking her to change. It wasn't until I started dating again and talked about the marriage openly and honestly with my partners that I realized my mistake in the relationship was letting things get as bad as they did before seeking counseling, and staying too long after it should have been obvious she was pushing me away for years.
So how do I feel? I feel mostly resentment and disappointment when I think about her.
But I am grateful for the good times we had when things were still good, and I'm grateful that the relationship let me finally conquer a lot of demons I had by giving me a way to prove who I really am.
I guess the reason why it's so hard for me to get over is I feel like it wasn't my fault, but I also still feel like I failed. It's just the awful, confusing place to be and I don't want to be there anymore. Like I said before, my current relationship is helping me move past it, but I don't know that I'll ever fully heal.
