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[mcrae]

i think ive bitched about this on gaf before, but im going to do it again.

my best friend and his fiance are 23. shes doing her phd and got a 50k grant this year. shes spending 25k of it on their wedding. her family/him/his family is putting up the other 27k for their 52,000$ disney wedding.

i dont have a fucking clue where all that money is going, cause im in the wedding party and paying for my own transportation/hotel/tux. there is less than 100 people attending, i get the impression its more like 60. and the reception only runs from 6pm-11pm.

due to this wedding, if he misses 1 week of work, they'll be behind on their rent.

his fiance is such a crazy bitch

 

[GraveRobberX]

I understand for some it's "That Day", to most it's the "Only Happens Once" *swoon*

You shouldn't mortgage you financial future to celebrate the present

Why the fuck do you think the divorce rate is so high

Just because it's a joyous occasion doesn't mean you throw common sense out the fucking window

 

[Dark Octave]

$52k for 5 hours? That's dumb.

Anyway, we went down to the courthouse. I forgot how much it was, like $100 or some shit. The wedding is the least important part of your lives together.

 

[Akuun]

i think ive bitched about this on gaf before, but im going to do it again.

my best friend and his fiance are 23. shes doing her phd and got a 50k grant this year. shes spending 25k of it on their wedding. her family/him/his family is putting up the other 27k for their 52,000$ disney wedding.

i dont have a fucking clue where all that money is going, cause im in the wedding party and paying for my own transportation/hotel/tux. there is less than 100 people attending, i get the impression its more like 60. and the reception only runs from 6pm-11pm.

due to this wedding, if he misses 1 week of work, they'll be behind on their rent.

his fiance is such a crazy bitch

....that sounds like such a fantastic and practical idea. What could possibly go wrong!!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!?

 

[crazygambit]

i think ive bitched about this on gaf before, but im going to do it again.

my best friend and his fiance are 23. shes doing her phd and got a 50k grant this year. shes spending 25k of it on their wedding. her family/him/his family is putting up the other 27k for their 52,000$ disney wedding.

i dont have a fucking clue where all that money is going, cause im in the wedding party and paying for my own transportation/hotel/tux. there is less than 100 people attending, i get the impression its more like 60. and the reception only runs from 6pm-11pm.

due to this wedding, if he misses 1 week of work, they'll be behind on their rent.

his fiance is such a crazy bitch

I truly don't understand how American weddings work. Reception, rehearsal dinner, I don't get any of it. You go home at 11pm? That's so lame.

Here they're usually at night. You get married (usually in a church) at around 7-9pm and then you have the dinner (at the event hall) with all your guests at 10-11pm and afterwards the party goes on till 5am (always with an open bar, the quality of which can vary from wedding to wedding of course).

Can someone explain to me the usual timeline of an American wedding?

 

[freenudemacusers]

I'm sorry last page I read someone is paying $4,000 for DJ... What the Flying Fuck?... unless you booked DJ Tiesto or (for urban flavor) Funk Master Flex, da fuck are you paying that goddamn much for? $500-$1000 tops and I'm being generous here

and most wedding DJs are iTunes jockeys at best haha.

 

[Tenks]

Wow. I'm spending more than that to ATTEND a wedding.

Speaking of which, how is this, etiquette-wise?

- couple decides to hold wedding at a resort type place in a country where neither side (family, friends, etc) lives. This means everyone attending the wedding has to fly there. The guests get a group package discount to the resort, but it's still over a grand per person, and the guests have to pay that out of their pockets.
- bridesmaids have to pay for their own dresses, but they get makeup for free.

This is why destination weddings are a massive dick move.

 

[gutterboy44]

If people want to spend that much , I don't give a crap, weddings are some of the best parties I have been to. I love how people are like, "just put it towards a house!" You don't think people go into debt and buy a ton of shit they don't need when they get a house? I've seen way more people blow shit loads of money on houses that are way too big than extravagant weddings. I've experienced the entire gambit of weddings from 1K to 500K and they were all fun and everyone seemed to be very happy. Just pick your budget and make sure everyone is happy.

My own wedding, which I am currently planning is looking to come in around 10-13K and that is for a wedding in Brooklyn with ~60 guests. I can't wait to have all my closest friends and family come down to the city. Drinking and eating with a bunch of people you love is fantastic and you only get to do something like this once (insert GAF cynicism here). Moreover, if both the bride and groom are paying and you are getting the tradition of the groom's parents covering the rehersal dinner and the brides parents covering some other parts of the wedding, 20K across two people and four parents isn't that much.

Lastly, I've seen computers in GAF threads that cost more than weddings I have attended. And you're likely going to have more PC's than wives. To each his own is really the only thing that can be said about all of this wedding rage.

 

[Zoe]

Can someone explain to me the usual timeline of an American wedding?

Rehearsal dinner the night before.

You can have a morning, noon/afternoon, or night ceremony. Most will have the reception an hour or so after the ceremony (give time for pictures and to wind down), but I have been to one that was in the morning and then the reception wasn't until at night.

Most people do call it a night after the couple has left the reception.

 

[Takuan]

I don't have a problem with people spending big money on their weddings. Usually, the respective families will fund their kids' big day, and for a lot of cultures, the wedding is as much for family and friends as it is for the actual bride and groom. I don't agree with the mentality surrounding it all, but if it isn't my wedding, I couldn't care less how much people spend.

I only take issue with people who throw weddings they know they can't afford, expecting their guests to foot the bill.

I love destination weddings because it's an excuse for me not to attend, saving me a couple hundred bucks in gift money.

 

[Zoe]

This is why destination weddings are a massive dick move.

You don't have to go:

I always thought destination weddings are intended to be a subtle way to cull the list of guests without insulting anyone.

 

[Dark Octave]

This is why destination weddings are a massive dick move.

Three years ago we had to go to a wedding in Texas while both bride and groom lived on the same street as me in California. We had to buy plane tickets, rent a car. I had to rent a tux. My wife had to buy a dress. We were bridesmaids and groomsmen so they had to fit a scheme. It turned out to be pretty expensive.

The couple divorced 9 months later...

 

[Tenks]

You don't have to go:

I don't know a single person who doesn't find people having a destination wedding as anything other than a selfish and douche move. I want to attend and be there for the couple's day but it is completely selfish of them to expect me to spend a grand on it.

 

[GraveRobberX]

Can someone explain to me the usual timeline of an American wedding?

Most do it early as fucking possible

6:00 AM Both families wake up, if traditional views/living separate houses, groom can't see bride, for some fucking reason, "JINX!"

7:00AM Get Ready, Jitters start popping for everyone, due to w/e reasons on this joyous occasion

8:00AM Limo's arrive for pick up

8:30AM Get to Church, last 30 minutes of countdown clock begin of being single, "Pressure Cooker"

9:00AM Ceremonies Start

9:30AM-"##:##AM" Ceremonies End, left random numbers due to some who go out of their way to prolong

"Break Time" after Send Off

11:00AM-12:00PM Guest start going to hall/whatever

5:00-6:00PM Shut it Down, okthnxbaibai

This is the morning wedding schedule, if it's late day start add +4 hours to each time of the timeline, if very late, add +6 to +8

 

[Akuun]

Can someone explain to me the usual timeline of an American wedding?

Canadian here, but for the weddings I've been to:

- Ceremony at noon, or slightly after.
- Drinks/random free time for an hour or two while they set up the reception.
- reception in the evening, usually ending at around midnight, give or take an hour.

That's if you're just attending. It's obviously much more complicated if you're participating in any way.

 

[Takuan]

I don't know a single person who doesn't find people having a destination wedding as anything other than a selfish and douche move. I want to attend and be there for the couple's day but it is completely selfish of them to expect me to spend a grand on it.

It's only douchey in my eyes if they get mad at you for not attending.

An acquaintance of mine fully expects his buddies not only to attend his destination wedding, but also to attend his destination bachelor party the weekend before it, which would require having to take an additional week's worth of vacation off, not to mention hotel costs. He wrote an email calling certain individuals out for it, saying he attended their parties and expected "reciprocal treatment". These are guys who are already coughing up several grand just to attend the wedding. THAT is douchey.

 

[Tenks]

It's only douchey in my eyes if they get mad at you for not attending.

An acquaintance of mine fully expects his buddies not only to attend his destination wedding, but also to attend his destination bachelor party the weekend before it, which would require having to take an additional week's worth of vacation off, not to mention hotel costs. He wrote an email calling certain individuals out for it, saying he attended their parties and expected "reciprocal treatment". These are guys who are already coughing up several grand just to attend the wedding. THAT is douchey.

See thats kind of the thing. People want to attend your wedding. I know it is easy to get wrapped up in this "all about me" mentality about a wedding but your getting married means a ton to your family and friends as well as yourself. All these people want to go but can't afford to drop a sizable amount of money. Even if you're perfectly cool with people not coming it still seems really self centered to me.

 

[Zoe]

See thats kind of the thing. People want to attend your wedding. I know it is easy to get wrapped up in this "all about me" mentality about a wedding but your getting married means a ton to your family and friends as well as yourself. All these people want to go but can't afford to drop a sizable amount of money. Even if you're perfectly cool with people not coming it still seems really self centered to me.

Doesn't that make you the self-centered one?

It's their day. It's their choice as to how they want to spend it.

 

[crazygambit]

Rehearsal dinner the night before.

You can have a morning, noon/afternoon, or night ceremony. Most will have the reception an hour or so after the ceremony (give time for pictures and to wind down), but I have been to one that was in the morning and then the reception wasn't until at night.

Most people do call it a night after the couple has left the reception.

Sorry, I'll need more detail on this. It's just so foreign to me. What exactly are you rehearsing? Does the bride wear her dress here before being actually married? Who attends this rehearsal dinner? All your guests? Are you supposed to feed them and booze them here and then again the next day? Sounds incredibly inefficient.

I think I'm definitely liking the way we do it here a lot more.

 

[phisheep]

It's ridiculous. But I tell you whats even worse, Funeral costs. Like £10k+. Worst of all from what i've read, some old people don't leave any money towards funeral costs making their family pay it all.

God I hope my descendants don't spend a dime on me when I die. I'm dead, I won't care.

Wut? Last funeral I arranged (couple of years ago) came to just over £1,500. What in hell would you spend £10k+ on?

 

[Zoe]

Sorry, I'll need more detail on this. It's just so foreign to me. What exactly are you rehearsing? Does the bride wear her dress here before being actually married? Who attends this rehearsal dinner? All your guests? Are you supposed to feed them and booze them here and then again the next day? Sounds incredibly inefficient.

I think I'm definitely liking the way we do it here a lot more.

The wedding party does a rehearsal of the ceremony in plain clothes. They + selected guests go out to eat after.

 

[Tenks]

Doesn't that make you the self-centered one?

It's their day. It's their choice as to how they want to spend it.

No. You obviously seem to want to have a destination wedding at some point in the future and you can spin it however you like but just know that most people think you're being a dick.

 

[Zoe]

No. You obviously seem to want to have a destination wedding at some point in the future and you can spin it however you like but just know that most people think you're being a dick.

Where did I say that? I said I didn't even want a wedding.

Does that make me a dick too?

 

[Akuun]

The wedding party does a rehearsal of the ceremony in plain clothes. They + selected guests go out to eat after.

Yeah, we did this too. The guests that are just attending don't have to go. The people who are participating in any way should go.

The point is not to wear the dress or anything, but to let the participants see the venue and have an idea of what will happen during the wedding. They learn where to stand, what to do, and what cues to look for. Small stuff like that.

 

[Takuan]

No. You obviously seem to want to have a destination wedding at some point in the future and you can spin it however you like but just know that most people think you're being a dick.

I dunno about that. I agree that it's a selfish move, but they get a free pass since it's their wedding. I don't think any well-adjusted person would get mad at that.

 

[victreeb3l]

If you think American Weddings cost, you haven't seen Pakistani/Indian Weddings or as we say Desi Weddings

You can go the ultimate traditional route:

Thail - Grooms Family + Personal Friends go to the Bride's Home and meet their Family + Personal Friends, first meet & greet of many
"Pre-Party Superbowl"

Mehndi - Bride's side holds this celebration as all the girls from both family sides get tattooed up in heena like a motherfucker
"Kick-Off Special"

Nikha* - Mostly Bride's side, can be split by both sides, but customarily Bride's side, it's like 50% deposit dowry. The Granddaddy of them all, "The Wedding", "The Contract + The Decision" all-in-one
"SuperBowl"

Valima* - Mostly Groom's side, can be split by both sides, but customarily Groom's side. This is to finalize the marriage and show to the world and everyone that "Mr. & Mrs. Insert Last Name Here" are ready to start their life
"Super Bowl After-Party and maybe a little After-After Party"

* These 2 can be flipped-flopped by either party, $$$$ and prestige + respect speaks volumes

You will not have many desi weddings under the < $10k mantra, no way no how, that shit isn't even the average, that's bare minimum

Highest desi wedding I've been to is my cousin getting hitched, they spent roughly $500,000... YES!, you are reading that right, I haven't misplaced a $0, FIVE HUNDRED FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS
The Valima alone was $400k, it took place at Oheka Castle in NY

The cheapest I've been too, lol I shit you not... $150... they just got a marriage license, did nikha through Imam for free, and then got 10 of us to show up to local desi watering hole for buffet LOL, was a blast to say the least, I think all of us chipped in $100 each, so they made PROFIT!, lol

It's cheaper as fuck to do shit in your homeland though, if here or more western nations, yeah the prices skyrocket

I mean $5,000 American in Pakistan, you feast like a fucking king and get shit done

yep, desi weddings are the best

that castle place looks awesome too :O

 

[Tenks]

I dunno about that. I agree that it's a selfish move, but they get a free pass since it's their wedding. I don't think any well-adjusted person would get mad at that.

I wouldn't say "mad." It is one of those "Well, shit" type deals. Where you wanted to go to these people's wedding but you can't afford to drop that kind of cash.

 

[gutterboy44]

No. You obviously seem to want to have a destination wedding at some point in the future and you can spin it however you like but just know that most people think you're being a dick.

If your guest list is comprised of people with stable jobs and you give several months notice, there is nothing wrong with a destination wedding. If your guest list is a bunch of fresh out of college friends and plane tickets alone are 900$ than yeah, that is stupid. Last destination wedding I went to no one was under 28 I think and it was just a nice trip and a wedding for everyone.

 

[RustyNails]

mine cost $4500 I think. you have to know your limits.There is a way to cut down without looking cheap many times. Food selection to place where you get married.

My reception cost $6000 inc hall, set and catering. Not sure how much bride's side spent for marriage. They went all out haha.

 

[mcrae]

I truly don't understand how American weddings work. Reception, rehearsal dinner, I don't get any of it. You go home at 11pm? That's so lame.

Here they're usually at night. You get married (usually in a church) at around 7-9pm and then you have the dinner (at the event hall) with all your guests at 10-11pm and afterwards the party goes on till 5am (always with an open bar, the quality of which can vary from wedding to wedding of course).

Can someone explain to me the usual timeline of an American wedding?

we're all canadians flying down to disney for the wedding. normally around here it will last till 1 or 2 am, (2am being the last time alcohol can legally be served) and then maybe afterparties in hotels or whatever.

my friends dont want to pay past 11pm cause there will be relatively few younger 20-30 somethings that will still want to party hard past that point, and the cost of the bar and the dj goes up by 1.5x after 11. so he's saying we'll just go out and hit the bars after.

off the top of my head, its 250$/plate, 15$/person for cake, and 55$/person/hour for open bar.

 

[samus i am]

If I get married some day, I really hope her parents pay for everything. I can't afford 1,500 let alone 20,000.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

I don't know a single person who doesn't find people having a destination wedding as anything other than a selfish and douche move. I want to attend and be there for the couple's day but it is completely selfish of them to expect me to spend a grand on it.

I live in Louisiana but I'll be moving up north and more than likely will stay there. If/when I ever get married, the only requirement is that the wedding take place in New Orleans, the location alone would be pricey. My father insist that he will pay for the wedding, though the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable.

I'm also sort of a private person, I doubt I'd be inviting anyone other than my family and close friends. They can choose to come or not, if they don't I wouldn't hold it against them, but at the same time, it would be my wedding who my parents who are living in Louisiana would be paying for it.

 

[Tenks]

I live in Louisiana but I'll be moving up north and more than likely will stay there. If/when I ever get married, the only requirement is that the wedding take place in New Orleans, the location alone would be pricey. My father insist that he will pay for the wedding, though the thought of it makes me feel uncomfortable.

I'm also sort of a private person, I doubt I'd be inviting anyone other than my family and close friends. They can choose to come or not, if they don't I wouldn't hold it against them, but at the same time, it would be my wedding who my parents who are living in Louisiana would be paying for it.

This isn't really a destination wedding. NO makes since because you lived in Louisiana for quite some time. I'm talking about people just going to Hawaii or LA or San Diego for no reason other than "its pretty."

 

[Agent Cooper]

I want to have a backyard wedding. The things I want to pay the most for are the dress and tux/two dresses.
I don't see the point in wasting thousands upon thousands of dollars for one day.

 

[JoshDigi]

Another reason might be that for some people with mundane lives, this will be the biggest party they ever attend.

Pretty much. Find me a boring chick who is engaged and I guarantee she is subscribing to numerous wedding related magazines and spends her free time on the internet reading about cake decorations or whatever.

And then she realizes after the wedding that her life is boring again so now all she can think about is getting knocked up. Thats how babies are born.

 

[Steve Youngblood]

I think our wedding was about $10 to $11 grand. I'd say 8 to 9 of that was parents, with the rest covered by us. As far the average cost being $25 grand, though I don't encourage it, I can definitely see how that can happen. If you're not budgeting tightly (either because you're irresponsible or because other people are throwing their own money around and assuring you that it's no concern of your's), then this stuff adds up quick. The reception was where most of our money went, and we could have easily doubled what we spent (about $7,000) had we been a little more whimsical. I think our amount came to about $70 - $80 per plate, and this was at our second choice, and a cheaper Friday event. Furthermore, we made sure to keep the guest list below 100 (total tally was about 90).

But, let's say we threw caution to the wind and went with one of her first choices. One of the places she liked was $110 a plate. Second, let's not keep the guest list under check and expect 200 attendees. We're at $22,000 for just the reception. Then you've got the DJ, flowers, other decorations, wedding dress, wedding bands, photographers, videographers. Yeah, it adds up quick if you're not careful about budgeting.

 

[gutterboy44]

Pretty much. Find me a boring chick who is engaged and I guarantee she is subscribing to numerous wedding related magazines and spends her free time on the internet reading about cake decorations or whatever.

And then she realizes after the wedding that her life is boring again so now all she can think about is getting knocked up. Thats how babies are born.

The simplest weddings I have attended were buy the most modest people I know. The extravagant ones were buy people who travel to Paris for a "weekend" and have a ton of money and live anything but a mundane life. It is pretty much the exact opposite of your theory. Weddings can just be a nice celebration, that aren't always a desperate cry for help or some other delusional bullshit. Shitty people have shitty weddings no matter what they cost.

 

[Arsenic Yellow]

This isn't really a destination wedding. NO makes since because you lived in Louisiana for quite some time. I'm talking about people just going to Hawaii or LA or San Diego for no reason other than "its pretty."

Ah ok, my bad. I figured destination as in any place where people had to travel quite a distance.

 

[xxracerxx]

The people saying that it is just an attention whore day, you are wrong for some people, at least for the wife and I.

We had a wedding that we looked at like a big party/celebration. We had 80% friend attendance/20% family (this is usually reversed in traditional settings), friends were coming from all over Japan, NYC, London, etc and otherwise we never would have had all our friends together from these locations in a room together ever. The ceremony was where the reception was and only took 20 minutes, then it was off to eat and drink and dance the night away for 6 more hours. It was an amazing night and well worth it.

 

[Invisible_Insane]

It's not for you, Mr self-center. It's for those left behind.

It's not self-centered to not want people to throw money after a corpse when that money could be spent on something more worthwhile.

 

[Fuzzy]

It's not self-centered to not want people to throw money after a corpse when that money could be spent on something more worthwhile.

Then you should have all of your funeral arrangements done and paid for before you die.

 

[Septimius]

It's not self-centered to not want people to throw money after a corpse when that money could be spent on something more worthwhile.

Then you should have all of your funeral arrangements done and paid for before you die.

Exactly. An saying money should be spent on something "worthwhile" is possibly even more self-centered if you don't realise the people around you need to say goodbye. Does that mean $50k coffin? Nope. Nice ceremony? Yes.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Because some people have been programmed that their self worth as a bride is directly proportional to the lavishness of the wedding they have.

Remember, there's an entire industry designed to promote the idea that a HUGE wedding is what everyone should want.

I personally think it's fucking dumb to spend what could be a down payment on a house just so she can play Princess for a day.

I'm down with going to the courthouse with 754 and sealing the deal. She wants this whole big ceremony. I'm gonna do what she wants because it's her day, it's something she's dreamed about for a long time. I want her to be happy.

Personally, I'd prefer a courthouse, a nice honeymoon and money in the bank.

 

[Invisible_Insane]

Then you should have all of your funeral arrangements done and paid for before you die.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Begging_the_question

Try again.

 

[Fuzzy]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Begging_the_question

Try again.

Fine, stop spending money on internet access when children are starving all over the world, even in the city you live in. Is your internet more worth while than starving children? People spend money how they want and if you don't want them to then you should take that decision out of their hands by doing it yourself.

 

[Steve Youngblood]

In regards to the argument of "I'd rather hold on to that money for retirement or a house down payment," I'm not really sure I agree with the sentiment. Most of the time, family pays for a good chunk of the wedding. And it's not money they're just throwing at you because, hey, it's money. They're paying for a wedding. It's family that wants a celebration as well, and it's family that knows they can be expensive.

So, there was no money for us to just throw in the bank.

 

[Vox-Pop]

It's kinda sad I'll never get married.

 

[neutralgamer02]

So, how do people pay for these weddings? Do couples save up for themselves or does family pay for them?

I would feel weird if my mother had to chip in for my wedding.

 

[Steve Youngblood]

So, how do people pay for these weddings? Do couples save up for themselves or does family pay for them?

I would feel weird if my mother had to chip in for my wedding.

It depends. But typically, the parents pay for a good chunk of the wedding. Old tradition would suggest that it's the bride's parents that pay for the wedding, but in practice, either side's parents typically chip in what they can.

I've heard of people acquiring credit card debt from lavish honeymoons before, but as for the bride and groom themselves, they usually don't throw in a substantial amount for the wedding. I mean, it's not nothing, but it's usually only the little odds and ends that haven't already been paid for by parents.

Of course, your mileage may vary. There really aren't hard and fast rules for this. Obviously, if your mother can't afford it, nobody (i.e. not you, not your bride, and not the bride's family) should expect her to spend a ton of cash on your wedding. But if she has money, more likely than not, she'll contribute more than you think for the big day. It's just the way it works.

 

[MontTrain]

So, how do people pay for these weddings? Do couples save up for themselves or does family pay for them?

I would feel weird if my mother had to chip in for my wedding.

Wife and I saved from the engagement date till wedding which was about a year. 15k

Her parents 20k

My parents 5k

Reception money from guests 5k