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[Deleted member 47027]

Check this out. She's 32 years old and pregnant, and married:

He left the browser open on our laptop after he went to work this morning. I go to work after, so I usually hop on and do my own things on my real account.
Today, however, I was disgusted at what I found. My husband is a troll. A really fucking nasty troll. He leaves horribly mean comments to all kinds of people. They're filled with racist slurs, awful insults, he tears into fat people, ugly people, etc. He loves to troll around places like /r/progresspics to discourage people, etc. He's sent PMs to people to call them names, calls women who post on /r/gonewild sluts and whores and cunts, etc.
I was horrified. Completely horrified. My husband is a nice, gentle man who is supportive and kind. In our 9-year relationship, we've fought three times total. I never thought this is a behavior he would take part in.
But this is something else. It made me wonder what else he did on the internet, so I looked at the browser history to find him also harassing teenagers on tumblr. Telling them to kill themselves, calling cute girls ugly and fat and stupid, etc. It horrified me to think this was the man who could be raising our daughter with me in a few months.
I understand trolling can be fun, we've all laughed at Ken M once or twice. But this goes far beyond what I ever imagined. I don't know how to look at him. I've lost respect for the man I looked up to and admired.
Good men don't tear each other down. People people don't do that in general.
I don't know what to do. I want to bring it up to him, but I don't know how to do it without him automatically getting defensive and spouting off the same lines you hear from people (get a thicker skin, the world isn't kisses and rainbows, etc, of course it isn't but why contribute to it?).
tl;dr: discovered my husband is a very nasty, negative, mean-spirited Reddit troll.

Part 2, the update:

I confronted him about the issue very tamely, over breakfast. I asked him, flat out, if he was harassing and bullying people online. He said yes, and immediately withdrew. After telling him that I needed to know why -- really why, not just "I don't know", he said he needed time to think about it.
When he finally gave me his answer, I was disappointed. He said he trolled/bullied people because it was an outlet for him to relieve stress. He said he didn't view the people as real, or what he was doing as anything other than a joke, and if it hurt feelings, "those people have bigger problems and it's not my fault."
I told him that it wasn't an acceptable behavior of an adult, and that he needed to stop it and find another way to express his frustrations that didn't involve hurting strangers. He said he would think about it.
Unfortunately, he's still doing it. I saw it happening a few mornings back, and after he left, looked again to see more comments and posts. I was disappointed. This was not the man I married. Or so I thought. But I guess it is.
I told him that we need to either go to counseling for this, or start the separation process. I told him that I couldn't trust him to help raise a child if he speaks to strangers, children included, the way he does online. I let him know that I thought it was cowardly, pathetic, and that I have lost a lot of respect for him. I knew this would be abrasive and hurtful and I don't like that I had to tell him that, but I cannot look at him the same way. We haven't had sex, have barely touched.
I cannot see my husband as a loving, gentle man. I'm not afraid of him, but I am disgusted with his behavior. This is the sort of thing children do. I made an appointment for counseling for myself over this.
Unfortunately, he told me that he wouldn't be going to counseling, because there's nothing wrong with what he's doing, and he deserved to have his "me time" and release his emotions.
And because I want to protect my child, myself, I have asked him to leave the house. He's staying with some friends, but I don't think this will lead to a reconciliation.
I'd hoped this story would have gone another way.
tl;dr: Confronted him, he decided it was more important to troll people than to be a good husband and father.

So he went on about his life, throwing away his pregnant wife. How does this happen? Six years of marriage.

http://ud.reddit.com/r/relationship...f_just_discovered_my_husband_34_of_six_years/
http://www.reddit.com/r/relationshi...e_i_32f_just_discovered_my_husband_34_of_six/

 

[Stinkles]

Bizarre. Almost like a mental illness.

 

[TUSR]

Regardless if this is true or for karma, taking out your 'stress' on other people in this manner is pretty fucking low. Might have some sort of mental issue, who knows really.

 

[MorisUkunRasik]

Give up your life to continue to tell kids to kill themselves...

 

[GotEmRunnin]

I'm team wife.

If it's as bad as she's making it out to be, you can't justify that type of behavior. Plus he said he doesn't view his victims as real people.....so there's that also.

 

[EdibleKnife]

Give up your life to continue to tell kids to kill themselves...

Fair trade, I say. What a sad man.

 

[Onemic]

That dude has problems.

 

[DJ_Lae]

I can understand the relieving stress angle but that's why you participate in sports or exercise, play videogames or find a hobby. You don't belittle and attack people online, many of whom likely have low self esteem in the first place.

 

[Kraftwerk]

I love trolling and do it a lot, what he is doing isn't trolling at all. Straight up cyber-bullying.

Fuck that guy.

 

[VoxPop]

It's been a rough morning at the house but in the end, I won.

 

[HuskerDutheDu]

There's definitely some deeper problem there; hope he gets the help he obviously needs.

 

[ishibear]

I highly disagree it's a mental illness involved. I think the husband is just an asshole and a bully. Good on her for confronting and giving him an ultimatum.

#TeamWife

 

[Toxi]

One of the worst things about the internet is how we assume it acts as an "outlet" for mean, nasty things so that we act calmer and nicer in real life. It doesn't. It takes the mean, nasty things in our hearts and amplifies them until we act like worse people. There is no "wall" between how you act online and how you act offline; if you act like a jerk online, it's going to leak into your interactions with the people you know.

 

[pants]

I troll people online all the time, not randoms on tumblr and such though, fellow miscreants like 4channers, miscers etc If everyone's a troll no one is.

 

[Dominican Power]

What a clown.

 

[BPoole]

That's probably how most trolls are. Appear normal in person, but they use their trolling to vent out of their anger and nasty habits.

 

[manual4]

that is not trolling

 

[studyguy]

Show me some receipts, Reddit's too full of people scrounging out karma for me to bother with a number of the stories posted there.
If it's true then well shit, guy fucked himself for sure.

 

[ConfusingJazz]

Must suck to find out that you are married to a sociopath.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

Husband: All I do is what you tell me to do. If I had to choose between that and the Internet...I'd choose the Internet.

Wife: The Internet isn't real.

Husband: I disagree, honey. I think that the Internet can be more real than this world. All I do is post a meme here, but there... you have to watch a redditor cry.

 

[backflip10019]

Wow, sounds like a complete asshole. I can't imagine that his internet trolling doesn't bleed into his real life at all. Seems like the kind of thing that's not exclusive to one medium.

 

[JB1981]

What a loser.

 

[Lucario]

I love trolling and do it a lot, what he is doing isn't trolling at all. Straight up cyber-bullying.

Fuck that guy.

Transforming into a spiteful monster when you go online is a pretty big departure from simply enjoying insincerity.

This man went beyond 'trolling'. He was a hateful, disgusting bully.

 

[terrisus]

He said he didn't view the people as real, or what he was doing as anything other than a joke, and if it hurt feelings, "those people have bigger problems and it's not my fault.

There are so many wonderful people in the world, aren't there?

 

[Kinyou]

I highly disagree it's a mental illness involved. I think the husband is just an asshole and a bully. Good on her for confronting and giving him an ultimatum.

#TeamWife

I don't think people who suggested mental illness were siding with the husband. Just that it seems like the guy is almost addicted to it.

 

[P3P5I]

He said he didn't view the people as real

Huh, I never thought of that as a reason to try to rationalize this behavior. This explains a lot of my online gaming experiences (to be clear, I would be the one getting raged at, not doing it).

 

[andymcc]

damn, even reddit laughs at Ken M

Spoiler

asters

?

 

[pants]

that is not trolling

Also yeah. nudemacusers, for example, is a troll, this shit is just mean spirited

 

[whytemyke]

That's messed up. She's smart to get out now because there's no way that situation improves. It would just start to leak into their real life.

 

[Village]

I highly disagree it's a mental illness involved. I think the husband is just an asshole and a bully. Good on her for confronting and giving him an ultimatum.

#TeamWife

The end of the bolded, does not mean the beginning of the bolded does not apply.

And even if it didn't therapy might not be needed.

Mental illness or not, he was being an a hole and a bully.

 

[CrankyJay]

How do we even know this is real? I have a hard time understanding why people who read reddit report stuff to talk about it here, without being able to independently verify it's true.

Duckroll even locked a thread similar to this saying GAF wasn't a dumping ground for things that occur on reddit.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Not viewing people as real is something serial killers often say.

 

[TheJollyCorner]

reminds me of:

An oldie but goldie... and true.

 

[Kayhan]

Sad man.

 

[ultron87]

He said he didn't view the people as real, or what he was doing as anything other than a joke, and if it hurt feelings, "those people have bigger problems and it's not my fault."

This justification is pretty crazy, but actually mirrors the justification for it from other trolls that I'd seen elsewhere. I'm reminded of when Patrick Klepek had a bit of a dialogue with a troll to try and get into his head to figure out why he did it. That guy also speaks to a general lack of responsibility for the results of his messages and suggests that anyone who actually gets hurt by it probably has larger issues than the attentions of an Internet Troll.

Bullying and harassment are not matters to be taken lightly or in jest. I should know. However, the “cyberbullying” phenomenon is completely hyperbolic in my opinion. Imagine the “older street tough” of lore taking your lunch money every day, or to be a woman and have a male coworker slap your ass or make other unwelcome advances. These are serious issues that have a real impact on a person’s life and psyche.

It is entirely another matter to be on the receiving end of a completely anonymous voice, with no physical presence whatsoever, spilling words into a medium that one has complete control over. At any time, I can block anyone on Twitter, I can tell them to go away in whatever terms I choose, or I can even delete my account or make it private at no cost to myself. I simply don’t see the connection. If someone is so weak of will, so volatile of temperament, so easily influenced by the slightest whisper that they take their own life because of something I typed in one second on the other side of the earth, then perhaps they’re doing all of us a favor by eliminating their obviously flawed genes from the pool

 

[ishibear]

I don't think people who suggested mental illness were siding with the husband. Just that it seems like the guy is almost addicted to it.

I didn't say anyone was siding with him tho...

 

[Foffy]

Makes me wonder if his views are what he hides in his mind when he sees people in everyday life. He could act nice but hold a lot of ill thoughts to people, continuing to look at them as less than him.

 

[demosthenes]

There's definitely some deeper problem there; hope he gets the help he obviously needs.

Sounds like he's deflecting going anywhere near that.

Good on the wife for taking him out of her life. This will be an awkward conversation in telling her child about their father eventually.

 

[terrisus]

Must suck to find out that you are married to a sociopath.

There are certainly worse ways to make that discovery.

 

[Epsilon-delta]

The husband is an idiot and he's going to be a father as well? Yeah, something is wrong with him telling teenagers to go kill themselves.

The wife has every right to kick his ass to the curb.

 

[ZombieSupaStar]

Yeah he needs to talk to someone professionally.

I understand the need to relieve stress. With me I play online games (mostly tf2) and smacktalk when I play. I keep it relatively tame, never use slurs, or stuff like that. But I notice I become more of a jackass when my irl life isn't were I want it, and vice versa.

I can't imagine being this age (32), and harassing people personally on their online social accounts, etc like he is doing though, and unwilling to change either? ugh, best his wife do what she is doing. Very sad.

reminds me of:

An oldie but goldie... and true.

yeah but nowadays with facebook, and twitter etc, people still have real names and spout awful shit.

 

[Stet]

Bished from your own marriage.

 

[Samara]

What a loser.Probably couldn't find it in himself to give up this online personna just like those catfish tv shows. Wife did good.

 

[DietRob]

Sounds like a guy that really didn't want to be a family man and has taken the 'easy way out'.

*this way is not easy and he will find this out.
**also mental illness is likely

 

[Stuart444]

The funny thing about this husband? So many people think the same way.

"I don't see them as real people"

"They must have bigger problems so it's not my fault"

What bullshit but it's the way people see the world. They don't give two shits about hurting others because they don't see them as real people.

I really dislike this line of thinking. But meh

 

[BossLackey]

What an interesting situation. I'd have to side with the wife on this one. That goes beyond what trolling was originally about.

 

[Mangoverboard]

At least the wife is being sensible, gave him a chance and then got herself and the baby away.

Also, isn't there a meme similar to this? Man at a computer with a wife leaning against a door frame in the background?

 

[jay]

I am a complete asshole in real life so when I go online I can be a relaxed gentleman.

 

[OrlanisWorks]

To choose harassing other people on the internet over having a family is beyond ridiculous

Spoiler

if the story is all true

.

 

[Camp Lo]

reminds me of:

An oldie but goldie... and true.

Yeah, I don't think I'd call that guy normal.