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[entremet]

I have a kid on the way, but not a parent yet. I'm not defending him, cut that out. I'm just saying that it's an extreme step to say "My spouse is being a douche online". It's as if Step One was: Ask why and if he can change. Step Two: Separate. In a marriage with no major issues and a kid I think there should be more steps involved.

This is reasonable.

It's strange how making an effort to save a marriage with child and you're now condoning evil.

I'm guessing if you married this person, that you love them, and maybe taking extra measures to help them would be prudent.

I know if I found myself in this situation, finding out wife with child is a horrible troll, I'd try to make more effort finding out why and perhaps start going to therapy.

 

[P3P5I]

This. In many cases you really have to go out of your way to be an asshole. Even assuming that everyone is (at worst) a base animal concerned only with their own self-interest, being polite and cooperative tends to be a better way of achieving those aims over burning bridges.

I think it's more than that. A lot of the time (even IRL) if something bad happens to me (get cut off while driving, getting tailgated) I just don't feel like expending the energy to rage at them or "teach them a lesson", I'll just move over and get on with my day. It's more a feeling of apathy against stooping to their level, and these are situations where I'm not the instigator.

I don't know how people have the energy or drive to try to "get back" at everyone who wrongs them. :/

 

[Kinyou]

Maybe instead of assuming you need to tell me how to post, I'll suggest you learn to ask questions and stop jumping to conclusions for no reason. Everything you're trying to bicker with me about was never said. That's why I'm going WTF.

Also, if there actually are people coming in here saying they side with the husband, why do you need to stand up for them and play hero? Do you sympathize with him?

I didn't stand up for anyone. I just thought you were saying that people who said he has a mental illness were not siding with the wife. Fair enough maybe I should have asked first your aggressive tone is kind of uncalled for though.

 

[TangoAlphaLima]

What if this whole story is made up, and the pregnant wife is really the troll?

 

[mernst23]

Separating because someone is being a jerk online is kinda hard for me to swallow.

I'm not agreeing with the husband because I think doing shit like that is just dumb and immature. But at the same time: Really? Your husband has been kind, gentle and good to you and you're going to break up w/ him because the internet?

At the same time your wife asks you for the sake of the relationship to chill the fuck out one should chill the fuck out.

And why is she going through his internet activity? I feel bad for the kid.

I was thinking about the converse side of this as well. Why would you purposefully end a by all accounts normal and loving relationship because the guy is an internet fuckwad? The analogy that comes to my head would be me seperating from my wife because she's a super aggressive driver. I'm not trying to defend the guy but some people really need to learn how to cut assholes out from their online experience or at least remember that anonymity makes people unreasonable assholes because they are sad people. The capabilty to hide and ignore such stupidity isnt that difficulty.

I know this might come across as victim blaming, but what difference does it make if someone with no credence to your life criticizes you? Why would people post or share information online that they have reserves about in the first place? And if you are going to post things such as pictures of yourself, why are they not limited to your inner circles so that you can control outsider stupidity?

 

[ReignofSparrows]

Meta comment:

Does anyone actually take treat these reddit stories as non-fiction?
I kinda treat reddit and most of these forum stories as a novel form of semi-interactive entertainment medium, and assume that everything posted is made-up and fictional.

The only way I'd believe the aforementioned story to be true is if the wife posted copies of divorce papers.

Yes, I do. But I am skeptical of most things I read online given our propensity to exaggerate and fabricate. You can find all sorts of amazing stories on this very forum, like that guy who was at Best Buy and just happened to see three people in line returning their PS4s specifically to get an XB1.

 

[Perspicacity]

I have a kid on the way, but not a parent yet. I'm not defending him, cut that out. I'm just saying that it's an extreme step to say "My spouse is being a douche online". It's as if Step One was: Ask why and if he can change. Step Two: Separate. In a marriage with no major issues and a kid I think there should be more steps involved.

She did exactly that and the dude said no because he needs to harass people. Woman is right to tell him to fuck off.

 

[Brawly Likes to Brawl]

A guy that's so in love with telling teenagers to kill themselves that he won't stop even when his pregnant wife says she hates it sure sounds like a real catch. How could she let that one get away.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

If you apply that to reddit, you have to apply it to here. Plenty of people post stories that people take at face value without any hint of proof.

Reddit has plenty of people who post things in all honesty while others will post things that are obviously fake. The same could be said for here.

I can't just put a whole blanket over one website (that also have many different sub communities with different people on each of them) and not put one over another website like this one.

Well, are girl-age threads so popular because people believe them to be true, or because they are treating it as an engaging piece of interactive storytelling?

Sure, when proof is supplied I'll take it at face value, but I highly doubt that all of the girl-age stories are actually truthful - not that it detracts from my enjoyment participating in them.

 

[andymcc]

Marriage with major issues? She just found out he is a psychopath. He also refused to change after she asked him.

the fact that he doesn't see them as "real people" is pretty telling.

 

[pigeon]

Deep down, everyone is an asshole held back by societal norms.

No. Deep down, everyone is basically a nice person, damaged by societal norms.

 

[foxtrot3d]

I'm confident I'll be in the minority here, but I think the wife has messed up priorities.

She said he's a great husband and father of 9 years. They reportedly fought 3 times in that span of time. This sounds like a good relationship from this report. I couldn't imagine 3 arguments in 9 years. That's some saint-level stuff.

Marriage is for good and bad, and if she's going to leave the marriage over his behavior online, that's pretty petty. Is what he's doing nice? No. Is it illegal. Doesn't sound like it.

It sounds like he has a persona/alter ego on the internet. To him, it's not real, or at least, unimportant. He's going to put up a wall when his wife is trying to tell him how to behavior on the internet. That's pretty nitpicky and controlling. Would you allow your spouse to have say on every comment you left on the internet? Then he/she could feel justified in leaving you if they don't agree.

Sure he has some issues to work on (as I agree that behavior is such a 180 from how he presents himself that it'd be a great therapy topic) but to divorce the guy over how he's treating strangers online. Guess it's no surprise the divorce rate is 50%.

That is just faulty logic. You're saying because he acts nice towards his family that excuses his behavior towards others. Now, let's take an extreme example, let's say he's a serial killer. Does it matter that he's never once fought with his wife or treats his child lovingly? No, that does not excuse being a psychotic murderer.

Now, while that is an extreme example what he is doing is unacceptable. Telling teenagers to kill themselves and calling people racial slurs is not acceptable behavior. His wife has now come to realization she's married to a hateful racist, misogynistic bastard, she has every right to be upset and want to leave him. The fact that, as far as we know, he only does it online doesn't excuse the behavior.

 

[Calibus]

This story just smacks of BS to me and it's hard to put a finger on why. Just the way it was worded I guess.

 

[ishibear]

Mental illness or not, he needs therapy. In mass quantities. Any man who can look down the barrel of losing his fucking FAMILY and decide he'd rather troll on interwebz needs real counseling. Of that, there can be no doubt.

I can agree with this. Therapy isn't reserved for only the mentally ill. And he's a special breed of being a cyber bully so it may help him.

I just don't believe he's mentally ill... There's a lot of people online who do these things and they're just assholes. But even assholes could use therapy.

But didn't she say she suggested it to him?

 

[Toxi]

They're all fake. Well, maybe not, but I see them as fake.

It's just so easy to set up an account and post "amazing" stories for sweet, sweet karma.

Does karma actually get you anything?

This is reasonable.

It's strange how making an effort to save a marriage with child and you're now condoning evil.

I'm guessing if you married this person, that you love them, and maybe taking extra measures to help them would be prudent.

I know if I found myself in this situation, finding out wife with child is a horrible troll, I'd try to make more effort finding out why and perhaps start going to therapy.

She told him to go to therapy. He refused. That's why she asked him to leave.

 

[Platy]

Separating because someone is being a jerk online is kinda hard for me to swallow.

He was a women hater and told kids to kill themselfs.

You are a woman with a kid.
I don't see HOW you should not feel disgusted by this person

 

[entremet]

This story just smacks of BS to me and it's hard to put a finger on why. Just the way it was worded I guess.

It probably is. It is the Internet.

 

[Stuart444]

Well, are girl-age threads so popular because people believe them to be true, or because they are treating it as an engaging piece of interactive storytelling?

Sure, when proof is supplied I'll take it at face value, but I highly doubt that all of the girl-age stories are actually truthful - not that it detracts from my enjoyment participating in them.

I wouldn't know but fair enough, you take the same approach to both stories here and on reddit.

My general point was, a lot of people who are saying "It's reddit, it's probably not true" believe all (or most of) the stories that get posted here even without proof.

 

[stufte]

Does karma actually get you anything?

Temporary happiness.

 

[-COOLIO-]

I have a kid on the way, but not a parent yet. I'm not defending him, cut that out. I'm just saying that it's an extreme step to say "My spouse is being a douche online". It's as if Step One was: Ask why and if he can change. Step Two: Separate. In a marriage with no major issues and a kid I think there should be more steps involved.

finding out your fiancée is an evil douche is a major issue.

 

[terrisus]

I'm guessing if you married this person, that you love them, and maybe taking extra measures to help them would be prudent.

I know if I found myself in this situation, finding out wife with child is a horrible troll, I'd try to make more effort finding out why and perhaps start going to therapy.

...Did you read the OP?...

 

[demosthenes]

What if this whole story is made up, and the pregnant wife is really the troll?

What she did hurts literally nobody. That is a troll. The behavior she described is not trolling but harassment and being an asshole.

 

[OJdaKiller]

Also if we want to find bad in anyone we can. Maybe that's what I'm having a problem with.

No one is perfect. No one thinks pure thoughts and kind messages every minute of their lives. He's got some issues. Who doesn't? I guess it comes down to the fact that everyone has issues and it only really matters to what degree these issues affect your everyday life.

I can't fault someone for "hiding it for 9 years." That's called being a part of society. That's called managing your issues. Are there healthier alternatives? Of course. Is he playing by rules and not doing something that would obviously destroy his life? He is.

I know people don't agree with this, and I agree his online behavior is potentially a partial reflection of him, but as I said, if you look hard enough(read into their behaviors) at anyone you could find things to hate about them.

 

[ishibear]

I didn't stand up for anyone. I just thought you were saying that people who said he has a mental illness were not siding with the wife. Fair enough maybe I should have asked first your aggressive tone is kind of uncalled for though.

I didn't mean to come off hostile. My apologies.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

She found out her husband has been telling KIDS ONLINE TO KILL THEMSELVES.

Do you understand that part? How should a wife react in this situation? Please elaborate on these steps.

Marriage with major issues? She just found out he is a psychopath. He also refused to change after she asked him.

Yes, I understand. Don't try to get outraged and act like I approve of that shit. Obviously I don't but if you need to reiterate I surely will: I don't agree with what he's saying. What I am saying is that it takes time to change someone like that and really deal with *why* they're doing fucked up shit online and this isn't someone you've been dating for a week and can just dump. Perhaps a separation will get his head out of his ass and make him wake the fuck up. I dunno. I just thought that was a drastic step from initially asking your husband to change a really shitty behavior.

I'm saying change can take time.

 

[Blader]

The wife handled that really well.

I don't think three fights over 9 years is a sign of a healthy relationship, though, and in hindsight seems like an indicator of venting out feelings elsewhere.

 

[ISOM]

It's possible she's more concerned with whether he's kind, gentle, and good, PERIOD.

It calls into question whether or not his kindness is a facade. That's basic dishonesty. Once you cease trusting your significant other on a fundamental level, things go sour quickly.

She obviously can't trust this guy to be good and decent because he spends large amounts of his time being the opposite of that to complete strangers for hours at a time, every day.

edit: The lack of significant conflict/fighting over the course of those 9 years can also be put in a new light upon discovering the man is able to construct and live behind a facade of civility for long stretches of time. How honest/real are the interactions now once you know the man is nothing BUT conflict on a daily basis for others?

this pretty much


The wife now doubts the sincerity of the person she thought she knew. She is totally justified in what she is doing.

 

[-COOLIO-]

What if this whole story is made up, and the pregnant wife is really the troll?

perhaps, still makes for a good discussion.

 

[Kinyou]

I didn't mean to come off hostile. My apologies.

No problem, was my mistake to begin with. Sorry

 

[Toxi]

I know this might come across as victim blaming, but what difference does it make if someone with no credence to your life criticizes you?

There was a recent thread where a guy was called a "fucking Jew" by some strangers on the street. I'm not sure how that sort of random cruelty wouldn't affect you.

 

[Hylian7]

He was a women hater and told kids to kill themselfs.

You are a woman with a kid.
I don't see HOW you should not feel disgusted by this person

Basically this, that is disgusting. There's a major difference between "Kill yourself you fucking f***ot." and something like "There's a secret cheat code if you throw a grenade at your feet in X video game."

 

[adj_noun]

He said he trolled/bullied people because it was an outlet for him to relieve stress. He said he didn't view the people as real, or what he was doing as anything other than a joke, and if it hurt feelings, "those people have bigger problems and it's not my fault."

I really try to empathize with and understand viewpoints that I do not share.

This one's really hard for me. At a fundamental level, I cannot understand this line of thinking.

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

I'm confident I'll be in the minority here, but I think the wife has messed up priorities.

She said he's a great husband and father of 9 years. They reportedly fought 3 times in that span of time. This sounds like a good relationship from this report. I couldn't imagine 3 arguments in 9 years. That's some saint-level stuff.

Marriage is for good and bad, and if she's going to leave the marriage over his behavior online, that's pretty petty. Is what he's doing nice? No. Is it illegal. Doesn't sound like it.

It sounds like he has a persona/alter ego on the internet. To him, it's not real, or at least, unimportant. He's going to put up a wall when his wife is trying to tell him how to behavior on the internet. That's pretty nitpicky and controlling. Would you allow your spouse to have say on every comment you left on the internet? Then he/she could feel justified in leaving you if they don't agree.

Sure he has some issues to work on (as I agree that behavior is such a 180 from how he presents himself that it'd be a great therapy topic) but to divorce the guy over how he's treating strangers online. Guess it's no surprise the divorce rate is 50%.

She has messed up priorities? He's willing to give up the woman he loves and the baby they made together so he can "do hood rat shit with his friends". He's the poster child for man babies everywhere.

I can see how it would be even more frightening for the wife to think back on all the times they could have had an argument, and he just brushed it aside...only to find out that, for years, he had been venting all of his very real frustrations not at the gym, not at the gun range, not on a video game...but on other people. He's been pretending all of these years.

 

[Sub_Level]

This story just smacks of BS to me and it's hard to put a finger on why. Just the way it was worded I guess.

It's really not that unbelievable.

Some of you guys really need to venture out to other forums! Telling people to kill themselves online is very common.

Anyways for my 2cents: if wife leaves it is understandable but with a kid on the way I hope they can work things out instead.

 

[KHarvey16]

Also if we want to find bad in anyone we can. Maybe that's what I'm having a problem with.

No one is perfect. No one thinks pure thoughts and kind messages every minute of their lives. He's got some issues. Who doesn't? I guess it comes down to the fact that everyone has issues and it only really matters to what degree these issues affect your everyday life.

I can't fault someone for "hiding it for 9 years." That's called being a part of society. That's called managing your issues. Are there healthier alternatives? Of course. Is he playing by rules and not doing something that would obviously destroy his life? He is.

I know people don't agree with this, and I agree his online behavior is potentially a partial reflection of him, but as I said, if you look hard enough(read into their behaviors) at anyone you could find things to hate about them.

So since everyone "has issues," a guy who spends every morning harassing strangers with cruel messages and abuse isn't worth worrying about? Your reasoning is atrocious.

 

[Foggy]

Well this is a strange exercise in treating random reddit post as something that has any weight to it.

If true, fuck him.

 

[demosthenes]

Also if we want to find bad in anyone we can. Maybe that's what I'm having a problem with.

No one is perfect. No one thinks pure thoughts and kind messages every minute of their lives. He's got some issues. Who doesn't? I guess it comes down to the fact that everyone has issues and it only really matters to what degree these issues affect your everyday life.

I can't fault someone for "hiding it for 9 years." That's called being a part of society. That's called managing your issues. Are there healthier alternatives? Of course. Is he playing by rules and not doing something that would obviously destroy his life? He is.

I know people don't agree with this, and I agree his online behavior is potentially a partial reflection of him, but as I said, if you look hard enough(read into their behaviors) at anyone you could find things to hate about them.

He is telling people to KILL THEMSELVES.

That is NOT normal. A partial reflection? He and YOU apparently think this is ok. I would never trust either of you.

 

[The Technomancer]

I was thinking about the converse side of this as well. Why would you purposefully end a by all accounts normal and loving relationship because the guy is an internet fuckwad? The analogy that comes to my head would be me seperating from my wife because she's a super aggressive driver. I'm not trying to defend the guy but some people really need to learn how to cut assholes out from their online experience or at least remember that anonymity makes people unreasonable assholes because they are sad people. The capabilty to hide and ignore such stupidity isnt that difficulty.

I know this might come across as victim blaming, but what difference does it make if someone with no credence to your life criticizes you? Why would people post or share information online that they have reserves about in the first place? And if you are going to post things such as pictures of yourself, why are they not limited to your inner circles so that you can control outsider stupidity?

It doesn't come across as victim blaming really, but it does seem kind of clueless. Just because you don't react to people insulting you online doesn't mean that other people don't. And I mean, the fact that other people are bothered by that stuff is really all the intrinsic proof we need that people can be affected by it.

 

[Skyzard]

Can't blame her, who'd want someone so juvenile and inconsiderate, at best.

 

[Blader]

Also if we want to find bad in anyone we can. Maybe that's what I'm having a problem with.

No one is perfect. No one thinks pure thoughts and kind messages every minute of their lives. He's got some issues. Who doesn't? I guess it comes down to the fact that everyone has issues and it only really matters to what degree these issues affect your everyday life.

I can't fault someone for "hiding it for 9 years." That's called being a part of society. That's called managing your issues. Are there healthier alternatives? Of course. Is he playing by rules and not doing something that would obviously destroy his life? He is.

I know people don't agree with this, and I agree his online behavior is potentially a partial reflection of him, but as I said, if you look hard enough(read into their behaviors) at anyone you could find things to hate about them.

Taking out on your feelings on other people -- insulting them, attacking their self-esteem, telling them they should kill themselves -- is neither hiding or managing your issues; it's being very direct and confrontational about your issues.

Being a part of society does not mean habitually verbally abusing strangers. In fact, it means the exact opposite.

 

[Adam Blue]

32 is "on the other side of the technological generation gap" now?

More in terms of the gap being how to use social media and how not to (not technology as a whole), considering our generation didn't grow up with this kind of social construct. I'm 30 and in social media marketing - there are people at any age that either get it or don't. It may take another generation for the people that 'get it' to be common.

Everyday we're seeing examples of how people are using social in bizarre ways, and not stories about people just being bizarre. Like, social media is news - it's still a young thing people are grasping.

 

[Trey]

No. Deep down, everyone is basically a nice person, damaged by societal norms.

Hey.

I like this. We're fundamentally built to work together and be empathetic. Word.

 

[Foggy]

I'm confident I'll be in the minority here, but I think the wife has messed up priorities.

Oh man, ohhhhhhhh man this is gold!

 

[EdibleKnife]

Also if we want to find bad in anyone we can. Maybe that's what I'm having a problem with.

No one is perfect. No one thinks pure thoughts and kind messages every minute of their lives. He's got some issues. Who doesn't? I guess it comes down to the fact that everyone has issues and it only really matters to what degree these issues affect your everyday life.

I can't fault someone for "hiding it for 9 years." That's called being a part of society. That's called managing your issues. Are there healthier alternatives? Of course. Is he playing by rules and not doing something that would obviously destroy his life? He is.

I know people don't agree with this, and I agree his online behavior is potentially a partial reflection of him, but as I said, if you look hard enough(read into their behaviors) at anyone you could find things to hate about them.

You're right that no one is perfect. There is a difference between having imperfections and letting those imperfections affect others. He's taking out his stress on actual people that exist. He isn't beating any one or anything but he is still out inflicting as much emotional harm as he can and walking away scott free with an attitude of "Meh. It's just harmless stress relief." The kicker in this entire situation though is that he wasn't even willing to see his own imperfections when confronted by the only people he claimed to love.

 

[OJdaKiller]

That is just faulty logic. You're saying because he acts nice towards his family that excuses his behavior towards others. Now, let's take an extreme example, let's say he's a serial killer. Does it matter that he's never once fought with his wife or treats his child lovingly? No, that does not excuse being a psychotic murderer.

Now, while that is an extreme example what he is doing is unacceptable. Telling teenagers to kill themselves and calling people racial slurs is not acceptable behavior. His wife has now come to realization she's married to a hateful racist, misogynistic bastard, she has every right to be upset and want to leave him. The fact that, as far as we know, he only does it online doesn't excuse the behavior.

Until what he is doing is illegal, he's playing by the rules society has set forth. Once people cross the lines into criminal behavior, then they're no longer playing by the rules and endangering all of those who associate with them. If you're crossing the lines into illegal behavior and simply don't care when confronted because only what you want matters, then that speaks a greater character issue.

 

[P3P5I]

Taking out on your feelings on other people -- insulting them, attacking their self-esteem, telling them they should kill themselves -- is neither hiding or managing your issues. Being a part of society does not mean habitually verbally abusing strangers. In fact, it means the exact opposite.

I don't feel like I ever want to tell people to kill themselves. Am I in the minority?

 

[Wazzy]

Good on her. He sounds like a complete asshole and he's about to raise a child? Sounds terrible.

 

[Kraftwerk]

Yes, I understand. Don't try to get outraged and act like I approve of that shit. Obviously I don't but if you need to reiterate I surely will: I don't agree with what he's saying. What I am saying is that it takes time to change someone like that and really deal with *why* they're doing fucked up shit online and this isn't someone you've been dating for a week and can just dump. Perhaps a separation will get his head out of his ass and make him wake the fuck up. I dunno. I just thought that was a drastic step from initially asking your husband to change a really shitty behavior.

I'm saying change can take time.

Still, if I was in her place I would distance myself from him very fast and get him help. Especially when there are kids involved. She tried to get him help, and talked to him, but he is declining to change.

Also, I never said you approved of him doing this, I was just more baffled at how nonchalant you sounded towards his behaviour even though he is telling people to kill themselves.

 

[Kuro Madoushi]

that is not trolling

I thought it was trolling?

Spoiler

If he needs to relieve stress, there is always gaming.

Telling someone to go kill themselves is taking it a bit far.

 

[Einbroch]

Does karma actually get you anything?

Nope. I had a friend call me on Skype just to tell me his post got 2k upvotes.

I don't know why he felt the need to tell me, but it clearly mattered to him.