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Wife discovers husband is a Reddit troll, issues ultimatum

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Oh please, as if you have never looked at, shared, linked, or talked about a celebrities private photos or video.

I'm not the person you were quoting but for the record, no I haven't, and I think anyone who deliberately does so is unethical. If a person (that includes celebrities) makes something for private use, it should stay that way and anyone who breaches that privacy is in the wrong.
 
I wanted to be able to deny this, but it really feels like the people defending the man and what he's going through are definitely relating to his situation for whatever reasons over relating to the woman who's suffering through this.

Nah, it's a pretty clear throughline in the arguments through the thread.

Some posters are placing a higher level of importance on whether or not the man is being left. That's the transgression that carries the most weight with them.
 
Therefore what? All the more reason she's justified in ending it, no?


Why not? Some people go to the Internet when they face a difficult situation they don't know how to deal with. It's hardly uncommon even here on GAF. There's nothing implausible about it.

I really don't understand what point you're trying to make.
If the internet is an early stop in your marriage difficulty after 9 years...ahem...THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR MARRIAGE.

My parents have been married about 40 years in a week. They haven't always been smooth years. Private matters stay private. The internet is not a confidant.

You don't know anything beyond the information we have, but the evidence suggests there's far more to this result than we're privy to. Yet, you (and others) have no problem reaching judgement despite only having the incomplete version of one side of the story. No...you're not really going to understand my point when this is the game you've chosen to play. PEACE.
 
If the internet is an early stop in your marriage difficulty after 9 years...ahem...THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR MARRIAGE.
Here we go again with someone minimizing the Internet, as if it isn't unquestionably the most important thing in many of our lives. Like it's not the first thing many of us make sure we have running smoothly as soon as we move into a new place.
 
wow what a massive dirtbag

people who "troll" like that are pretty sick in the head

good on her for leaving him

A chick my friend used to date had a blog site where she documented her life. She had a huge crush on some guy and she didn't know how to approach him on taking the friendship to the next level, but from everything she and her friends were saying he was way out of her league.

I was bored one night at work so I emailed that guy she liked a link to her blog where she says she loves him, emailed him about 20 nude pics of her, and basically framed her as a whore.

The next day when she wrote about it on her blog I actually went and popped some popcorn and grabbed a soda before I started reading it. The friend who used to date her called me immediately and we were laughing our asses off. I was going to email those nudes to everyone in her contact list on her birthday but my damn hdd crashed and I lost them.

you seem like a pretty a shitty person
 
Oh please, as if you have never looked at, shared, linked, or talked about a celebrities private photos or video.

Ok I looked at one once, it was Scarlett Johansson. I immediately felt gross afterward. People do it sure but no not everybody. We're also talking about a celebrity whom people pay to watch in media (buy tickets), there is an intentional fascination that develops. Some random girl that your friend dated isn't really the same thing.
 
Here we go again with someone minimizing the Internet, as if it isn't literally the most important thing in our lives. Like it's not the second thing many of us get as soon as we move into a new place after securing a bed.
She's married 9 years, says he's a great guy otherwise, yet the first stop is the internet before even confronting him. Her own words. How much does she respect or care for this guy? Actions speak louder than words, and if you went to the internet before confronting someone you supposedly cared about, I'd call you out for being a fraud too.

There are clear communication problems in the relationship. The fact that she claims he owned up to his actions even suggests he might not be the one hindering the communication process.

What? Should I approach these posts like I don't deal with divorcees on a daily basis, each trying to paint the other person as a complete scumbag when really the issue is they just can't talk to each other? This one has all the signs, right down to using the child as a shield. If we're going to go on incomplete information, I'd rather stay neutral rather than assume one side is right. PEACE.
 
She's married 9 years, says he's a great guy otherwise, yet the first stop is the internet before even confronting him. Her own words. How much does she respect or care for this guy? Actions speak louder than words, and if you went to the internet before confronting someone you supposedly cared about, I'd call you out for being a fraud too.
She anonymously asked for advice and then confronted him about it. She gave him a second chance, and then he got caught red-handed again. What's wrong with what she did here?
 
If the internet is an early stop in your marriage difficulty after 9 years...ahem...THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOUR MARRIAGE.
Glad we all agree that there was something wrong with their marriage. Still don't know what point you're trying to make.

My parents have been married about 40 years in a week. They haven't always been smooth years. Private matters stay private. The internet is not a confidant.
Because every single person reacts the same way your parents do?

You don't know anything beyond the information we have, but the evidence suggests there's far more to this result than we're privy to.
You have a strange definition of "evidence." I'm not aware of any jurisdiction where "wild assumption based on my own personal unsubstantiated projection of how every single married individual is likely to react to a difficult and unexpected situation that they don't know how to handle" constitutes meaningful evidence for anything. Where do you get the idea that people don't ask strangers on the Internet for advice with personal situations, that's proven wrong like 20 times a week here on GAF.
 
She's married 9 years, says he's a great guy otherwise, yet the first stop is the internet before even confronting him. Her own words. How much does she respect or care for this guy? Actions speak louder than words, and if you went to the internet before confronting someone you supposedly cared about, I'd call you out for being a fraud too.

There are clear communication problems in the relationship. The fact that she claims he owned up to his actions even suggests he might not be the one hindering the communication process.

What? Should I approach these posts like I don't deal with divorcees on a daily basis, each trying to paint the other person as a complete scumbag when really the issue is they just can't talk to each other? This one has all the signs, right down to using the child as a shield. If we're going to go on incomplete information, I'd rather stay neutral rather than assume one side is right. PEACE.

if you're a shitty person on the internet, you are a shitty person. just because you spew your racist, mysognistic bullshit on reddit doesn't make it ok

PEACE
 
Oh please, as if you have never looked at, shared, linked, or talked about a celebrities private photos or video.

I certainly have not shared or linked to celebrities private photos or videos but hey, keepin applying your behavior to others if it lets you sleep at night.
 
Why? He says he is sorry, no one will believe him. He says he's not, it just reaffirms what everyone already believes.

This exactly.

Are people going around asking every person who did shitty things in that thread if they are sorry or not? Nope.

What i did isnt nearly the worst thing in that thread. Yet for some reason i have to issue a public apology or people wont stop bringing it up in almost every thread i enter.
 
This exactly.

Are people going around asking every person who did shitty things in that thread if they are sorry or not? Nope.

What i did isnt nearly the worst thing in that thread. Yet for some reason i have to issue a public apology or people wont stop bringing it up in almost every thread i enter.

You are being held accountable for your
shitty
actions?! How dare they!
 
Glad we all agree that there was something wrong with their marriage. Still don't know what point you're trying to make.


Because every single person reacts the same way your parents do?


You have a strange definition of "evidence." I'm not aware of any jurisdiction where "wild assumption based on my own personal unsubstantiated projection of how every single married individual is likely to react to a difficult and unexpected situation that they don't know how to handle" constitutes meaningful evidence for anything. Where do you get the idea that people don't ask strangers on the Internet for advice with personal situations, that's proven wrong like 20 times a week here on GAF.
1. Don't worry your pretty little head.
2. People who go to the internet first have communication problems just like our friend the trollmeister. Poor communication skills take many forms. Shock and awe...I know.
3. Read my last post. She went to the internet first. In what world is that normal communication? Oh yeah...I was born before the internet and was raised in a world where going to the person you had beef with first was considered normal. Not sharing their business with the world on the grounds of "seeking advice". That's not normal. If that's normal, then it's no surprise their marriage is ending for this reason. You can't sustain a relationship when there's no respect. PEACE.
 
pimpwerx what are you even going on about lolPEACE

What i did isnt nearly the worst thing in that thread. Yet for some reason i have to issue a public apology or people wont stop bringing it up in almost every thread i enter.

is the concept of actions having consequences so foreign to you?
 
This exactly.

Are people going around asking every person who did shitty things in that thread if they are sorry or not? Nope.

What i did isnt nearly the worst thing in that thread. Yet for some reason i have to issue a public apology or people wont stop bringing it up in almost every thread i enter.

I'm concerned that you haven't learned why the logic of "Other people do bad things, therefore I don't have to feel sorry when I do bad things" is wrong.
 
1. Don't worry your pretty little head.
2. People who go to the internet first have communication problems just like our friend the trollmeister. Poor communication skills take many forms. Shock and awe...I know.
3. Read my last post. She went to the internet first. In what world is that normal communication? Oh yeah...I was born before the internet and was raised in a world where going to the person you had beef with first was considered normal. Not sharing their business with the world on the grounds of "seeking advice". That's not normal. If that's normal, then it's no surprise their marriage is ending for this reason. You can't sustain a relationship when there's no respect. PEACE.
What is your thing with "she went to the internet first"? Who doesn't do that when they need advice and a consensus on what to do next when something serious happens? She kept everything anonymous anyway.
 
What i did isnt nearly the worst thing in that thread. Yet for some reason i have to issue a public apology or people wont stop bringing it up in almost every thread i enter.

The difference is that most of the other posters hadn't then gone on to contribute to a thread wherein they defended, by proxy, their right to continue engaging in that shitty behavior.

It's also why asking if you're sorry or not is almost a rhetorical question.

What is your thing with "she went to the internet first"? Who doesn't do that when they need advice and a consensus on what to do next when something serious happens? She kept everything anonymous anyway.

I'm fairly sure I've seen Pimpwerx enter various advice threads here on GAF before, and I don't remember any prefacing of advice, helpful or not, with the suggestion that the mere fact they'd asked a gaming forum for its collective advice was questionable, if not an outright negative.

The dissonance between people who use the internet as much as they do claiming that it's somehow a lesser form of interpersonal communication is remarkable, really. Like - who you trying to convince here?
 
This exactly.

Are people going around asking every person who did shitty things in that thread if they are sorry or not? Nope.

What i did isnt nearly the worst thing in that thread. Yet for some reason i have to issue a public apology or people wont stop bringing it up in almost every thread i enter.

You tried to ruin a persons life for shits and giggles and people are calling you out on it? THE NERVE!
 
If Mr.Wreckless is sorry for the shitty, scummy thing he did years ago and has learnt from it and stopped doing it then that's fine. He did a horrible, shitty thing in the past for no reason at all to someone he didn't even know (according to him) and that is fucking disgusting and a major scumbag move but if he's stopped doing that and moved on with his life then that's fine.

Though he does seem to still be part of a "nude trading network" so I don't know if he has learnt from his past fuck ups and grown as a person.
 
Getting divorced because your spouse is an internet troll? Not sure how I feel about this. I don't care for trolling, but come on. I guess she might have concern that internet rage could turn on her physically at some point, but I don't know. He owned up to it. His reasoning seemed dumb, but it's dumb behavior to begin with.

Still, a friend of mine once said it best. That little thing that bugs you about the other person will grown into a big thing that bugs the hell out of you over time. Better to address it early and if it can't be reconciled, move on. PEACE.
But isn't that the interesting thing about it? If it's just dumb behavior and nothing all that important, than why was it so hard for him to give up? If it's nothing important and it's a weird thing for her to divorce him over, then why did he choose it over his marriage and refused to even consider going to counseling or anything over this? She made an attempt to reconcile and gave him avenues for changing his behavior, but he's the one who refused them all and those to continue the behavior over the marriage.

I think a big problem here is perhaps the use of "trolling." From what has been said, it doesn't really sound like this was trolling, but more active harassment and cyber-bullying of people online.

That being the case, the reason for this just seems to be out of genuine empathy for others. I know I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyone who actually treated people like that in real-life, and the same would go for people who engage in that type of behavior on the Internet, since the Internet is real life. It's not some separate reality, but just a different means of communication and if you, at this very instance, are a real person reading this, with your own motivations, desires, and feelings, it's the definition of cognitive dissonance to believe that others on the Internet are anything less than you yourself and aren't still real people, just as real as you, with their own feelings and motivations, wants and needs, just because of the particular mode of communication being used.

That being the case, why is it weird that someone would divorce their spouse for engaging in this kind of behavior? If the husband actually engaged in this type of behavior in real-life personal encounters with others and treated them the same way he treats people online, I severely doubt you or anyone would have anywhere near as much confusion or apprehension over the idea of her divorcing him for such behavior. But as established, the Internet is real-life. People don't stop being real just because the method of communication changes. Regardless of whether you're talking to people in person, over the Internet, through phone or whatever, the important point is that they're people all the same, that doesn't change, and they still have their own feelings and emotions regardless of which of those modes of communication is being used.

The only thing that does change is that when using the Internet, there typically are much less severe repercussions for one's words and actions, and a lower chance that those repercussions would be invoked to begin with. However, as Opiate explained, if anything that why a person's behavior in a realm essentially in a state of anarchy is the truest representation you can possibly hope for of who they truly are as a person and it's for that precise reason that instead of handwaving people's behavior on the Internet we should instead be judging them more harshly for it precisely because they're under no actual obligation to actually treat anyone with any kind of decency and thus whether they actually do so or not in such a situation gives you the truest possible picture for who they are as a person you could possibly hope for:
In some ways, I judge people more harshly based on what they say online relative to what they say in person.

Both people you talk to in person and people you talk to on the internet are real people; I'm not sure how one could rationally argue otherwise. There are breathing, feeling, thinking human beings typing every post in this thread. The difference, then, is in the repercussions: it's quite clear how being an overt bigot and a bully to those close to you might have direct negative consequences for yourself -- lost friends, lost inheritance, lost job, etc.A lot of people who are secretly jerks deep down are able to be quite friendly at work just because it's in their best interest to play nice. By contrast, very little is on the line for you when you act like a jerk or a bully online. Outside some extenuating circumstances, most bullies on the internet get away with it, and suffer no real, personal consequences as a result of their behavior.

In short: I'm not impressed by people who can avoid being a massive jerk to their coworkers, as that's in a person's self interest. I'm much more impressed by people who are kind and compassionate when there is little or no consequence for being a selfish, cruel person.
Basically, her discovering his online behavior revealed a different side of him that she previously had no clue about. It's telling that if he could get away with such behavior in real life, he likely would and the only thing that actually stops him from doing so is that potential repercussions for engaging in such behavior with interacting with others in person. That is, it's clearly not morality/ethics or any actual sense of empathy or sympathy for others that govern his behavior (or else he wouldn't be able to act like that online to begin with), but rather fear and how a given action will end up affecting him, and whether he personally stands to benefit or lose from a given action, with no real thought given to how it actually affects others.

This isn't information you can really gather until you see a person's behavior in a realm of anarchy such as the Internet. Once you see it though, it's the truest reflection of who a person is you could possibly ask for, so once this woman gleaned this information about her husband, it really makes a lot of sense that it completely altered her perception of him, especially when he then went on to make no attempt at changing his behavior and refused to even consider counseling or any of her attempts to work out this problem together. Combining his online behavior with his complete unwillingness to change it when his wife expressed her concerns to him and shrugging off her attempts at reconciliation, I really can't help but sympathize with her reasons for the divorce myself.

But overall, for the situation as a whole, I have to say this post does a fantastic job summarizing my own thoughts on the matter and that it captures what I'm getting at here much more eloquently than my own post:
Some of the posts in this thread are a little baffling to me, regardless of whether this story is true or not.

The wife doesn't want her child raised by somebody who relieves stress by telling teenagers to kill themselves (and it's not like, out of the realm of possibility that this could contribute to an actual teenage suicide).

She asks him to stop. He refuses because he doesn't view his victims as people.

She asks him to attended therapy. He refuses.

She seeks to separate. She has messed up priorities.

How?

As far as I can see, her priorities appear to be;

1) The wellbeing of her future child.

2) The wellbeing of the people her husband is abusing.

3) Her husband's mental health.

I mean, there's really no self interest here. As she says, he's never been abusive or cruel to her in the slightest. It'd be really easy for her to say, ignore all this, pretend that her husband's victims aren't real (kind of like he's doing) and keep on living.

I guess I'll ask a corollorary question to those criticising the wife's priorities. What should she be prioritising ahead of those three things I listed? And another question; why aren't the husband's priorities supremely fucked in that he's putting his enjoyment at abusing people online ahead of the things the wife is concerned about?
 
1. Don't worry your pretty little head.
2. People who go to the internet first have communication problems just like our friend the trollmeister. Poor communication skills take many forms. Shock and awe...I know.
3. Read my last post. She went to the internet first. In what world is that normal communication? Oh yeah...I was born before the internet and was raised in a world where going to the person you had beef with first was considered normal. Not sharing their business with the world on the grounds of "seeking advice". That's not normal. If that's normal, then it's no surprise their marriage is ending for this reason. You can't sustain a relationship when there's no respect. PEACE.

Err, I'd say it's fairly normal to ask for advice on how to approach and communicate a problem with a friend/family/co-worker/boss/somebody else. There are GAF threads like this all the time. There's also those newspaper advice columns which existed before the internet. It's not like she identified him, I don't see the problem.
 
What is your thing with "she went to the internet first"? Who doesn't do that when they need advice and a consensus on what to do next when something serious happens? She kept everything anonymous anyway.
Someone should tell her and others who keep ending up in these stories that it's normal behavior, and clearly a viable option for success in the relationship. The track record is undisputable after all.

When I was raised, you had an issue with someone, you ask them about it. I don't need to ask the internet how to ask my spouse about their weird internet behavior. The internet doesn't know him. The internet wasn't married to him 9 years. My friends or family are people I can turn to, but the internet?

Keeping it anonymous isn't the point. The point is she needed advice from strangers on how to approach the person she's been married to for 9 years.

















I'll leave it at that. PEACE.
 
It's internet trolling. There are varying degrees of it, but that's what it was. Was there evidence of him propositioning underage girls or something that would force it into a separate category?

What he did was vile and reprehensible, but let's not make up some new lsble for what is still just internet trolling. Just because he's telling some kid to go kill themselves instead of an on-air personality doesn't make it more/less trollish.

There's justification in getting divorced, but doesn't make the circumstances any less weird. I assume we both agree that there's a lot missing from this story. PEACE.
Why would anyone need to agree to that? Why does the wife have I have any degree in culpability for not wanting to be married to a terrible person. Telling people to kill theirselves for "lulz" is piece of shit behavior. I wouldn't want to raise children with a piece of shit either.

It's crazy how tribal we still are. Treating other people like shit is ok as long as there are enough degrees of separation, apparently.
 
When I was raised, you had an issue with someone, you ask them about it. I don't need to ask the internet how to ask my spouse about their weird internet behavior. The internet doesn't know him. The internet wasn't married to him 9 years. My friends or family are people I can turn to, but the internet?

Keeping it anonymous isn't the point. The point is she needed advice from strangers on how to approach the person she's been married to for 9 years.

So when does a relationship become too long to ask for advice on GAF? Just wondering if I ever make a relationship advice thread.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=89933
 
This exactly.

Are people going around asking every person who did shitty things in that thread if they are sorry or not? Nope.

What i did isnt nearly the worst thing in that thread. Yet for some reason i have to issue a public apology or people wont stop bringing it up in almost every thread i enter.

You haven't even done that! You laugh it off and try to rationalize shitty behavior. Your defense for "I used to trade private nude pics" wasn't "Yeah, that was a shitty thing to do" was to rationalize it with celebrity nude pics. No, stop. It's a shitty thing to do, and you should know that.

We can call bullshit when we smell it, and maybe you should realize that your actions and statements have led most people on this board to think you are kind of a dick, and you should probably change your behavior thusly. We aren't digging into your private life or anything, and that's quite rightly a bannable offense, we are just going by information you volunteer on this message board. It's not a pretty picture. Do you think that's because of us, or do you think it's because of you?
 
Someone should tell her and others who keep ending up in these stories that it's normal behavior, and clearly a viable option for success in the relationship. The track record is undisputable after all.

When I was raised, you had an issue with someone, you ask them about it. I don't need to ask the internet how to ask my spouse about their weird internet behavior. The internet doesn't know him. The internet wasn't married to him 9 years. My friends or family are people I can turn to, but the internet?

Keeping it anonymous isn't the point. The point is she needed advice from strangers on how to approach the person she's been married to for 9 years.

...What's wrong with going to the internet, or any neutral third part for that matter?

Granted, going to the internet instead of actually dealing with your problems like a mature adult is a problem. But it doesn't seem like she's doing that.
 
Someone should tell her and others who keep ending up in these stories that it's normal behavior, and clearly a viable option for success in the relationship. The track record is undisputable after all.

When I was raised, you had an issue with someone, you ask them about it. I don't need to ask the internet how to ask my spouse about their weird internet behavior. The internet doesn't know him. The internet wasn't married to him 9 years. My friends or family are people I can turn to, but the internet?

Keeping it anonymous isn't the point. The point is she needed advice from strangers on how to approach the person she's been married to for 9 years.

I'll leave it at that. PEACE.

Why are you so fixated on this point? So what if she went to the internet instead of going straight to the husband. Maybe she doesn't have many close friends or family she can talk to? Are you seriously suggesting that talking to others about advice is wrong? Those bad therapists and counselors, somebody tell them asap.It's completely moot anyway because she DID go to the husband anyway.

How about we focus on what actually matters here. A woman find out her husband is being disgusting to people online including children, asks him to stop, he won't, and she wants to leave him. He has held a very dark part of his personality from her for 9 years. That's not acceptable behavior in marriage. She feels like she doesn't really know him and is scared that he is capable of being so disgusting without her even knowing. She no longer feels like she knows him and since he is not willing to stop destructive behavior, it's not hard to see why she would want to leave him is it? If he really is telling kids to kill themselves that constitutes as criminal behavior. Why would any Mother accept that kind of behavior around their child?
 
Take a tip from someone who is part of a nude trading network. Dont send nudes period. People can identify you just from things in the background, a birthmark, a scar, your posture, etc......

I don't want my son playing with Barbies but I can't wait until he is of the age that he can share nude selfies he gets in high school on my IRC channel
 
The (future ex)husband should look up that 30 year old woman that references 4chan all the time. It's a match made in internet heaven.
 
Separating because someone is being a jerk online is kinda hard for me to swallow.

I'm not agreeing with the husband because I think doing shit like that is just dumb and immature. But at the same time: Really? Your husband has been kind, gentle and good to you and you're going to break up w/ him because the internet?

At the same time your wife asks you for the sake of the relationship to chill the fuck out one should chill the fuck out.

And why is she going through his internet activity? I feel bad for the kid.

True character is tested when zero consequences is weighted to actions. He decided to tell teenagers to go kill themselves and harass people online.

He's not a good person.
 
So when does a relationship become too long to ask for advice on GAF? Just wondering if I ever make a relationship advice thread.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=89933

Made me lol. 2006 was weird. PEACE

OK, so I'm almost pussy-whipped without the pussy. Someone fucking save me.

I've told her my intentions (FHUTA), but the next time, I simply put the moves on her and bury my bone. This means I probably won't be able to talk to her again for a while once the sex wears off. It'll make work uncomfortable for a few months, assuming she's not totally digging the dick.

Help me out. This one isn't married...for a change. Funny story: the last one got pregnant a week ago. So this one is almost completely innocent. Let me know what's up. PEACE.
 
Wow I don't know if I have a gif for this

I do.

iUX57zSwrrrgS.gif
 
This thread doesn't really refute his point, and it was 8 years ago.

Still funny, besides.

But it does speak to the outdated notion of the internet being a lesser form of communication, one that doesn't, and shouldn't, count as much as some other, "realer" form of communication.

I mean - he's been part of an online forum for going on a decade. About as long as the guy in the reddit thread has been married while harassing teenagers online.

And yet we're supposed to believe that the level of interest, and honestly, dedication to communicating with others in this way is still lesser and not worthy of taking all that seriously.

Over a decade. Non-stop. Think about all the things you've quit in that space of time, things you've abandoned, things you just stopped doing. Posting at NeoGAF is not one of them. Asking "strangers" for advice on what to do in your personal life is not one of them.

Again - when you try to draw these imaginary lines between "real life" and "internet," who you trying to convince?
 
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