I did not witness this, it happened to me.
I was at a buddies place drinking last night drinking for the new year, it was a small party. His girlfriend, a friend of the girlfriend (hot) and myself, so just four people. Anyway, we got intoxicated and it was good times, watched the ball drop, then eventually people got tired.
My buddy tells me I can sleep in his little sisters room (shes 5) because her bed is longer than the couch. Great news for a drunk person, sleeping on the couch sucks!
Except the hot girl was right outside the room, sleeping on the couch, and she was hot. To my drunken self, she was the holy grail. I walk outside and manage to chat with the chick for a few minutes in the dark after my friend had retired; and somehow secure a great, sloppy make out session, but the wench would not progress it to the bedroom.
So there I sat, on a pretty red bed with flower patterns in a pink room with Disney Princesses staring down upon me from the ceilings. I had the most intense blue balls of my life. Despite the pain, I manage to fall asleep, only to awake twenty minutes later to a terrifying realization. I was having an incredible sex dream involving the girl just outside, and woke myself up with a groan. In a moment of clarity, I look down at my pants...
I have completely ruined this childs bed with a nocturnal emission of my man glaze. Somehow, my penis escaped the flap of my boxers (God damn clothing companies who make boxers without buttons!) and managed to spill seed all over the sheets.
Fuck! I have no idea where this dudes washing machine is, I can't bloody well walk into his room at 3 AM to tell him what happened, and it was all the beautiful wenches fault! So, I do what any sensible, still drunk man would do, and remove the sheets from the bed to take them on a journey outside in the cold, new year air. I proceed to spill my leftover rum and coke all over the bedding, pat it down dry, and replace the sheets on the bed. Pushing my luck, I then went back to the couch and laid down next to the woman who was responsible. It was actually cold as hell in the house so she welcomed the body heat.
In the morning, I woke my friend up and told him I drunkenly fucked up and spilled my drink on his sisters sheets. It turned out better than I could have imagined! He said no worries, and stripped the sheets and simply threw them away.
Thank Christ. Now I don't have to worry about my semen finding the reproductive area of a small child, and all things considered it was a decent new years eve.
