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[Kntj]

My friends call me bastard, because my parents aren't married. That's my favorite.

 

[Dirk Shmiggler]

i once told my good buddy "in a battle of wits, your the knife at the gunfight"... to good effect. felt bad afterwards b/c he got all quiet, but he was being a know it all jerk and trying his best...

i guess i'm a jerk....

 

[Mineshaft_Gap]

You people suck at insults.

I've always been a fan of the now uncommon but hilarious term dingbat.

 

[fallout]

I once referred to a pair of cooks that worked under me as the "culinary special olympics".

 

[Fimbulvetr]

I once referred to a pair of cooks that worked under me as the "culinary special olympics".

Fuck that Gordon Ramsay hack, you're a dick with purpose. I wanna grow up to be just like you.:lol

I'm partial to "numbnuts".

 

[Raguel]

I once called a coworker a useless bag of dick juice. He laughed his ass off. Then reported me. I'm also partial to cock-blaster, needle dick (i used it as a reference from one of Link's move in Smash Brothers in which he jumps/dives with his sword thrusting out), cum bucket, "you're a god damn disgrace,", maroon, idiot, and pedobear.

 

[DieNgamers]

Zappa made a great one:
"May your shit come to life and kiss you on the face."

That's very awesome.:lol

 

[SatelliteOfLove]

“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk.'

'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.'”

“'Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!'

'And if you were my wife, I would drink it!'”

None can touch Churchill. NO ONE.

 

[cashman]

"You came out the wrong hole."

“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk.'

'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.'”

“'Mr. Churchill, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea!'

'And if you were my wife, I would drink it!'”

None can touch Churchill. NO ONE.

FFFFFFUUUUUUU

 

[gblues]

Sure thing, PAL.

I say it to people I work with mostly because it's not offensive or vulgar, just enough snark to get my point across without getting in trouble.

I'm not your pal, buddeh.

 

[MilesWebber]

You're like a filet-o-fish sandwitch at McDonalds. No one likes you, but you're always there.

Fuckface

waste of flesh

psychic vampire

mouth breather

 

[Joey Fox]

One dude used to call me Mangina, because of my last name, and whatever other reasons.

We used to stand across from each other in boot camp so maybe it has something to do with that. :lol

 

[BIVIANO!]

Watch 'In the Loop' if you want to see a put down done right.

 

[Archer]

ive called a few idiots "butt nuggets," which works nicely.

 

[MickD]

Watch 'In the Loop' if you want to see a put down done right.

My man!

 

[Tonche]

No.

That is a taint.

A chode is when your dick is wider than it is long. Kids these days.

Aussie version is definitely 'Gooch' - never even heard of any of these others.

I like 'delicate flower' when someone is being precious.

 

[ViperVisor]

"Twat"

"D-Bag"

 

[hemtae]

Pretty sure he's referencing the movie, The Sandlot but he forgot, "buffalo-butt breath" and "pee-drinking crap-face!" from the same scene :lol

my memory of that movie isn't what it use to be

 

[wRATH2x]

Fucktard and dumb fuck are used quite a lot, so are micropenis and cum slurper. cock gagger is an oldie but goodie, so is brazillian transvestite. I don't know I use a lot.

 

[fisheyes]

oh and how could I forget, my sister and I have fallen into the childish and idiotic habit of "your face" and "your mom". So whenever somebody says something, for example "this food tastes great" we reply "your mom tastes great". Or in response to "this show is weird" "your face is weird."
Its idiotic and immature and yet we cant stop it. It's addicting to just use it in response to everything someone says until they snap and go nuts.

Yeah, this. Often will end up as an exchange with both included, eg
"this show is weird"
"your face is weird"
"well your mum is weird"
"well yeah but your mum's face is weird"

other common application is the eventual 'your mum's face's army' response to 'you and what army?'.


I also like needlessly childish ones, like poopypants and wee-wee-head, particularly when in response to someone giving you a much more harsh one to start with...
"shut up, fucktard"
"no you, you smelly head"

 

[broony]

fucktard
twat
cunt
cockbite
bell end

lick my balls
sniff me balls

Edit*
Forgot pissflaps, cuntflaps and ballbag.

 

[crazy monkey]

I forgot :
Go fuck your mother

 

[Stat Flow]

Cunt Bag
Cunt Rag
Cunt Sag

 

[red shoe paul]

"You are."

 

[jinzo]

ass clown

 

[rothgar]

jerkwad
dickweed (from mst3k)

 

[HisshouBuraiKen]

Nothing beats "eat a dick" in my personal opinion.

 

[Calcaneus]

I forgot :
Go fuck your mother

I heard: "Go fuck my mother" once.

It really wasn't much of an insult because I was laughing my ass off.

 

[Insaniac]

cock-juggling thunder-cunt

 

[riskVSreward]

Chumly

 

[Lion Heart]

For some reason I will tell someone to "shut your fuck".

Or Penis Head.

 

[myDingling]

The best was when I was playing with a friend, who isn't quite quick on his feet when it comes to witty replies (and gets pretty involved and intense when we're playing games). He was doing horribly and I laughed and said, "bwahahah, man you SUCK!"

"I'LL SUCK YOU!"

I think he was going for "I'll show you" while trying to throw my insult back in my face, and failed miserably. After a small period of silence, we both just started laughing for five minutes. :lol

Holy fuck do I know you? Is this SEAN?!

 

[Iamnub]

"your face" and variations of work in almost any situation!

"this show is so dumb"... "so's your face"

"double denim is such a crime against fashion" .... "your face is a crime against fashion"

"i hate marmite" ... "i hate your face"

 

[madmook]

Rusty cuntflap

 

[BobTheFork]

Calling someone a "waste of organs" is great IMO. It just feels so angry and cold-blooded.

"You're a fucking waste of organs. To think someone useful out there could use your liver".

 

[rezuth]

"Oh Yeah, Well I Had Sex With Your Wife!"

 

[Spider from Mars]

It's a shame you weren't aborted.

 

[BobTheFork]

It's a shame you weren't aborted.

also see

"You should have been a blowjob"