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kame-sennin · Jan 16, 2014

What does it mean when someone's status says "available"? I know there are a lot of polyamorous people on okc, which is cool. But those people usually talk openly about polyamory/ethical non-monagamy in their profiles. I'm talking to a woman right now whose status is available, but her profile says nothing about open relationships. She was also pretty quick to suggest a meet. After six messages, when I thought the conversation was getting dry and one-sided (on my part), she sent another message, "I'm saving all my questions for when we get a drink". Is this woman tryin to step out on some dude?

electricshake · Jan 16, 2014

Lucian Cat said:
I reckon it took 2 days for my now bf to give me his number. We'd sent probably 100 messages back and forth by that stage on okc and he decided we should take it further. I remember tipsily texting him several hours later. Inseparable since.

I'll have to reactivate my account to get a copy of those messages as a keepsake

Edit: Balls, top of the page.

Holy shit, that's crazy! With the guy I'm seeing I gave him my number and told him to text me if he wanted to go for a drink after about 15 messages (total). Though that was spread over a couple of days. And we texted a fair amount (more than I would normally have) before we met up.

Lucian Cat · Jan 16, 2014

electricshake said:
Holy shit, that's crazy! With the guy I'm seeing I gave him my number and told him to text me if he wanted to go for a drink after about 15 messages (total). Though that was spread over a couple of days. And we texted a fair amount (more than I would normally have) before we met up.

It may have been less, I can't remember. They were just short messages like you would do with fb. Not massive essays. Just discussing anything and everything. Got a feel of whether I'd like him in person.

csquared587 · Jan 16, 2014

Should I just leave out that I am into video games? A lot of my matches have gaming in their profile, but I don't know if some women see that as a deal breaker on a dating profile.

Red_taiyaki · Jan 16, 2014

csquared587 said:
Should I just leave out that I am into video games? A lot of my matches have gaming in their profile, but I don't know if some women see that as a deal breaker on a dating profile.

Here's a better question. If a girl sees this as a deal breaker, would you really want to be going on a date with them?

'Cuz if you're into games, chances are she'll find out sooner or later...

csquared587 · Jan 16, 2014

Red_taiyaki said:
Here's a better question. If a girl sees this as a deal breaker, would you really want to be going on a date with them?

'Cuz if you're into games, chances are she'll find out sooner or later...

Good point lol. I did put it on there.

Lafiel · Jan 16, 2014

Red_taiyaki said:
Here's a better question. If a girl sees this as a deal breaker, would you really want to be going on a date with them?

'Cuz if you're into games, chances are she'll find out sooner or later...

I know a Russian guy who I'd describe as a bit of a playboy always has a new GF every month or so etc claims that he never tells any of his girlfriends that he plays video games. :lol

stn · Jan 16, 2014

Don't list the games. Yes, she'll eventually find out. Let her deal with it when she actually knows you, not when she's deciding whether she wants to know you. Dating is not done in an ideal world, many girls who see "gaming" will assume you're anti-social and a loser. Its not like its real-life where you can show the girl you're social, normal, and do other things besides gaming. All she has is text and a picture to go on. Don't hurt yourself, just take it out.

You know what's ironic? I'm a gamer, I love games. But I also love to go out and party. One of the reasons I stopped talking to one girl was because she said she loved gaming and didn't like going to clubs and stuff. So I assumed, for better or worse, that she was/is anti-social or too much of a homebody for my needs. She talked so much about games that it felt like it was her only hobby. Shit happens.

EDIT: She was also ridiculously awkward and desperate in her approach, maybe because she didn't socialize enough. Which can be a result of...staying home too much and gaming. Could be totally irrelevant but this is the kind of mindset anyone can adopt.

megamerican · Jan 16, 2014

csquared587 said:
Should I just leave out that I am into video games? A lot of my matches have gaming in their profile, but I don't know if some women see that as a deal breaker on a dating profile.

Don't feature it prominently, but you can say something like "I like relaxing with movies, music, games etc..." Get it in there without going on and on about it.

I've definitely connected with some over video games, I've only had one kind of talk shit about it, and I think she was just messing around.

Servbot24 · Jan 16, 2014

Girls will assume that guys play some video games. No need to put it in generally. If you do, don't say "I'm a gamer" because that translates to "I'm a fat pathetic nerd with no social life". Instead in the media section just say "Some of my favorite games are X, Y and Z" and leave it at that.

duxstar · Jan 17, 2014

guys man im so done .......... with it all, the whole dating scene is fucked and I give up. I dress well, have a nice car, pay for everything on a date, everyone who knows me say's im hilarious, yet I've been on over 20 fucking dates this year and just want to give up. I workout 3 days a week, and I HATE the bar so I figured the online thing would work. Except it doesnt work out for me EVER. I'm not even trying to get sex, because I have low Testosterone from a previous illness so it's not even like I'm desperate for sex.

I'm fucking beat down, its like everyone is all like "oh man have confidence" except how do you have confidence when you have THAT many dates go badly? I know its not because I don't look like my pictures because i ask EVERYONE i know, hey does this look like me? and they all say Yes. Which amazes me even more, because if i was UGLY I wouldn't be getting dates in the first place based on what i look like.

You can tell me its all a numbers game and shit, but a couple of these girls werent even "cute" just merely average and none of em liked me. Dates always go the same way, I laugh and be myself (I can be sarcastic, and joke around a bit) we have fun, and it's always "oh yeah lets do it again sometime" then about 2 hours later I text "hey just wanted to say had a good time blah blah" and ......... nothing. ever.

I'm so tired.I just want a good girl to fucking trust and do shit with, and have sex with once a week or so. I'm trying to do shit the right way, and get fucked over, over and over and over again.

So so tired of it all

kaizoku · Jan 17, 2014

Haha most demoralising experience so far, this girl has been on the site for about a week, I message her for first time last night. This morning she has removed all pics and text from her profile and blocked me! I didn't say anything weird. Why are some people just crazy? She'd put a lot of effort into it as well cos she was online a lot and rejigged her profile regularly. Now it's just gobbledygook.

Red_taiyaki · Jan 17, 2014

kaizoku said:
Haha most demoralising experience so far, this girl has been on the site for about a week, I message her for first time last night. This morning she has removed all pics and text from her profile and blocked me! I didn't say anything weird. Why are some people just crazy? She'd put a lot of effort into it as well cos she was online a lot and rejigged her profile regularly. Now it's just gobbledygook.

Wait- are you sure she just didn't disable her account? oo

stn · Jan 17, 2014

@duxstar

Take a step back and relax. You work out, you have a car, and all that stuff - you're in a good position to meet girls. What you should do is try something different next time you go out. Instead of doing what you usually do, try something new. For example: flirt a lot. Even if the date ends because of it, just try. See what works and what doesn't. There's no formula for dating, what you do with one girl might not resonate with another.

Lastly, how do you know you're funny or witty to these girls? You may make jokes and all that stuff but they might not be receptive. Don't be discouraged, try again.

kaizoku · Jan 18, 2014

Red_taiyaki said:
Wait- are you sure she just didn't disable her account? oo

I guess it's the equivalent, remove all traces, put some random characters in mandatory fields and hide your profile. Guess POF wasn't her thing!

EatinOlives · Jan 19, 2014

Finally after seven centuries the girl I've been talking to wants to meet. We're both on campus at my uni and she's open to the idea of meeting there, but I don't know if I should treat this as a "date"? As in, do I worry if the place I suggest is not "date-y" enough and she's turned off?

My inclination is to not give a shit and treat it as a get-together, but what the hell do I know.

Red_taiyaki · Jan 20, 2014

EatinOlives said:
Finally after seven centuries the girl I've been talking to wants to meet. We're both on campus at my uni and she's open to the idea of meeting there, but I don't know if I should treat this as a "date"? As in, do I worry if the place I suggest is not "date-y" enough and she's turned off?

My inclination is to not give a shit and treat it as a get-together, but what the hell do I know.

No idea what to tell you, but good luck! Just take it easy

.

dralla · Jan 20, 2014

I'm back on OKC after splitting with my ex (who I met on OKC). So far my reply rate is a perfect 100%, I'm getting a little nervous about breaking the streak here. I've also been getting a lot of unsolicited messages, which I didn't get too many of before. I just got one and it's a friggin' novel, wow. I've texting two already, I've been moving from OKC to text in about 5 messages or so. One of them is actually older than me, which is crazy, I've only dated younger before. I have noticed the quality of women has gone down since I've last been on here, but on POF it's packed with gorgeous girls. I'm talking with one on there too. It's strange talking to new girls after being with my ex, I still feel a little guilty about it, like I'm doing something wrong. I'm hoping to meet up with at least one this week.

edit. Oh wow, one of the girls I'm talking is from my high school, she was one grade below me, I knew I recognized her. She's lookin good

mother of god

kame-sennin · Jan 20, 2014

dralla said:
I'm back on OKC after splitting with my ex (who I met on OKC). So far my reply rate is a perfect 100%, I'm getting a little nervous about breaking the streak here. I've also been getting a lot of unsolicited messages, which I didn't get too many of before. I just got one and it's a friggin' novel, wow. I've texting two already, I've been moving from OKC to text in about 5 messages or so. One of them is actually older than me, which is crazy, I've only dated younger before. I have noticed the quality of women has gone down since I've last been on here, but on POF it's packed with gorgeous girls. I'm talking with one on there too. It's strange talking to new girls after being with my ex, I still feel a little guilty about it, like I'm doing something wrong. I'm hoping to meet up with at least one this week.

edit. Oh wow, one of the girls I'm talking is from my high school, she was one grade below me, I knew I recognized her. She's lookin good

mother of god

Wow. You should post your profile our at least copy and paste the text.

Kilrogg · Jan 20, 2014

kame-sennin said:
Wow. You should post your profile our at least copy and paste the text.

I second this. You (dralla) get the same amount of attention women do!

electricshake · Jan 20, 2014

Kilrogg said:
I second this. You (dralla) get the same amount of attention women do!

He's hot, which helps a lot.

dralla · Jan 20, 2014

Kilrogg said:
I second this. You (dralla) get the same amount of attention women do!

Nah, since I re-activated my profiles it's normal to see increased activity since my profile is popping up for the first time (for them).I try and keep my messages really short, 2-3 sentences, and ask a dumb question. My reasoning is it's a lot easier to respond to something like that and get the ball rolling, compared to that novel I was sent. Which I will respond too...eventually. And also it's not about quantity, it's quality. It's good to talk to a lot of people but realistically there aren't that many people I talk to that I could see myself in a relationship with.

If also been doing things I "shouldn't" be doing. I've been texting with both girls a lot, about day to day stuff, kind of like we're dating already. I haven't met either and it could be a case where there's no attraction or chemistry. I recently got out of a relationship and it does feel good to talk like this again. I genuinely enjoy talking to both girls though and I'm hopeful something will come out of at least one. Another mistake of online dating, getting your hopes up so soon. I did this with my ex though (talk a lot before meeting) and that worked out well.

electricshake said:
He's hot, which helps a lot.

No I'm not shhh

My OKC profile, in picture form so anyone can view

I get the most comments about my "You should message me if" section. Which I also change from time to time.

I like OKC because it's 1000x easier to use than POF, which is a terrible site to navigate, but POF has the better quality of girls atm, I really should be using that. My POF profile - http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=68244125

peteykirch · Jan 20, 2014

I just can't stand how two faced people are.

Talk to this one girl for a while, she opens up to me and what not, and she keeps stating how she has had awful luck with guys, how she's tired of guys just disappearing.

We make plans for a date, the day comes, she never shows up.

I don't text her until a week later, asking her how it feels to be a complete hypocrite, you complain about guys just disappearing with no notice, but yet you have no qualms doing the same to someone else.

She never responded, but women need to learn, guys deal better with straight up rejection, than just being ignored and wondering what if.

stn · Jan 20, 2014

@peteykirch

Sorry that happened to you, man. Don't despair, just keep going at it. Failure is a part of success! Normally I would say "do nothing" but you were right to send an angry text at her. Standing someone up is extremely rude and inconsiderate, its proper not to put up with that shit. Says a lot about her character. There are some amazing ladies out there, don't be discouraged.

As for the girl? I actually tend to avoid girls who complain too much or just use conversation time as a way to rant about men. Those are the ones that usually aren't interested in the person they're talking to but more just sympathy and attention. Keep that in mind for next time.

I could be 100% wrong but its carried me well thus far.

Kilrogg · Jan 20, 2014

electricshake said:
He's hot, which helps a lot.

I meant other than looking hot, Jeez

.

dralla said:
My OKC profile, in picture form so anyone can view

pic

I get the most comments about my "You should message me if" section. Which I also change from time to time.

I like OKC because it's 1000x easier to use than POF, which is a terrible site to navigate, but POF has the better quality of girls atm, I really should be using that. My POF profile - http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=68244125

What I've been denying all this time now appears to me clear as day: you gotta be interested in tons of stuff (and make it sound interesting) to have a good profile. If half of what you wrote in it is true, heck, I'd date you, and I'm straight. Seriously, you know how to cook, you have a healthy lifestyle, you go for the serious-when-needed angle, you're confident... Your profile is a beaut', man.

kaizoku · Jan 20, 2014

What do you normally do if a girl has pictures that look like they might be off a celebrity's twitter or something? They're like awesome selfies. I usually can't help but mention it.

electricshake · Jan 20, 2014

Kilrogg said:
I meant other than looking hot, Jeez .

What I've been denying all this time now appears to me clear as day: you gotta be interested in tons of stuff (and make it sound interesting) to have a good profile. If half of what you wrote in it is true, heck, I'd date you, and I'm straight. Seriously, you know how to cook, you have a healthy lifestyle, you go for the serious-when-needed angle, you're confident... Your profile is a beaut', man.

Haha sorry I know that's not particularly helpful, but it is a good profile and I'd consider messaging him (and definitely reply if he messaged me first) if I wasn't already seeing someone and we lived even remotely close. But the more time I spend in here and in the dating-age thread (and on gaf in general), the more I realise I'm not really your typical girl so I don't know how helpful I can really be.

megamerican · Jan 20, 2014

dralla said:
No I'm not shhh

My OKC profile, in picture form so anyone can view

That's a really good profile. Manages to pull off confidence without being arrogant. It's also funny without being overwrought or treating the whole thing ironically. There is a warmth to it too.

kame-sennin · Jan 21, 2014

Thanks dralla!

potam · Jan 21, 2014

Hmmmm, been chatting to this girl last night/today, and we probably won't be able to meet up until later next week (assuming she doesn't flake out). It seems that every girl I've talked to on here, I keep putting off meeting them, and then overanalyzing their pictures and losing interest. Then again, this girl is actually legit cute, so it might not happen this time.

I guess I'll play it by ear.

In retrospect, this post is pointless.

LProtag · Jan 21, 2014

I was chatting to this girl who seems interesting, but is 19. I'm 25. She wants to meet up to chat sometime. I feel like I'm a bit too old and I'm not sure if I want to go through with it.

potam · Jan 21, 2014

LeadProtagonist said:
I was chatting to this girl who seems interesting, but is 19. I'm 25. She wants to meet up to chat sometime. I feel like I'm a bit too old and I'm not sure if I want to go through with it.

Eh, I can see what you mean. But at the end of the day, she's an adult, and 25 isn't that old.

dralla · Jan 21, 2014

LeadProtagonist said:
I was chatting to this girl who seems interesting, but is 19. I'm 25. She wants to meet up to chat sometime. I feel like I'm a bit too old and I'm not sure if I want to go through with it.

I met up with a 19 year old last year, when I was 27, and it went amazing. Really, what's the worst that happens? If you feel uncomfortable about it, you go home and never see her again.

--

I replied to that giant ass (boring) message. I would actually like to meet her just out of curiousity, see if she's like that in person or not.

And the two girls I'm texting with..man, this is really gonna bite me in the ass. I'm talking to them too much. I'm getting too comfortable with them and it's gonna kind of shitty when we finally meet and there's no attraction. The pictures I've seen of one them specifically has me worried, the angles! And OF COURSE they both want to meet on Wednesday. I think I may try and meet girl 1 in the afternoon, then jump on a train and meet girl 2 in the city in the evening. I really need to meet these girls!

Oblivion · Jan 21, 2014

What the hell did those idiots do to the search feature? D:

LProtag · Jan 21, 2014

I guess it's just the fact that I just finished my student teaching and some of the high school kids I was teaching were 18, so that's throwing me off a lot.

potam · Jan 21, 2014

dralla said:
And the two girls I'm texting with..man, this is really gonna bite me in the ass. I'm talking to them too much. I'm getting too comfortable with them and it's gonna kind of shitty when we finally meet and there's no attraction. The pictures I've seen of one them specifically has me worried, the angles! And OF COURSE they both want to meet on Wednesday. I think I may try and meet girl 1 in the afternoon, then jump on a train and meet girl 2 in the city in the evening. I really need to meet these girls!

Beware the angles. Beware. I knew it from the get go in my heart of hearts, but I had to meet one girl for me to fully believe that if a girl doesn't show at least a single, clear body shot, then something's up.

LeadProtagonist said:
I guess it's just the fact that I just finished my student teaching and some of the high school kids I was teaching were 18, so that's throwing me off a lot.

that should make it better

EatinOlives · Jan 21, 2014

Great. Just as I'm about to go off and meet that one girl from my other post, I realize one of my friends is 1) on OKC, and 2) looked at my profile. I don't know why but she looked at it like 3 weeks ago and I just never realized it was her.

Thing is, I know her. She's a friend, not a REALLY good friend, but a friend, and granted we do have a lot in common (same major, lots of same interests) and we've talked a lot before. I never thought about dating her but frankly it's because I thought she must've already been dating someone.

I saw this earlier today and I thought why the hell not, ask her out. I know she's single and stuff. But I dunno, is it weird? I mean I actually saw her last week not knowing she looked at my profile at all and didn't mention it. I didn't because I didn't even know about it x_x She didn't mention it either, maybe she's got zero interest there and I just make it awkward simply by asking. Or maybe she found it curious and was waiting for me to say something. So what the fuck is the harm in asking. I don't see her all that much anymore so there wouldn't be that awkwardness from seeing someone who rejected you frequently.

We'll see. I'm also meeting the other girl in the evening so tomorrow should turn out pretty interesting.

Bruce Lee Kicks · Jan 21, 2014

So I made a profile on OKC out of boredom (probably a bad idea), filled it out, answered the questions, etc....now what? I'm totally new to all of this. (scratching head)

Mystic Theurge · Jan 21, 2014

You look for people you like and message them.

dralla · Jan 21, 2014

Bruce Lee Kicks said:
So I made a profile on OKC out of boredom (probably a bad idea), filled it out, answered the questions, etc....now what? I'm totally new to all of this. (scratching head)

Search and if you see someone who you think you'd like, message them? There's really not a lot to it. Talk and a text a little, meet up with them and see how it goes, that's pretty much it. Remember to have fun with it too.

--

The thirst is strong with this one (Brittany, girl from above). I suspected she was a little clingy before. But what's weird is that she's in her mid twenties and her parents don't allow her to use WiFi after midnight, which I thought was a little..odd. I want to bail out, but there's something holding me in..I'm going to give her my number, because I'm stupid

edit. I gave her my number.

First she starts telling me all about her ex and how no man has ever loved her, than she starts talking about how 'fat and disgusting' she used to be and how fat her arms still are, then she tells me shes into the dominatrix thing and how she likes the more extreme stuff. Also mentioned her shaving habits, her bipolar disorder, how my legs look small and hairless, and a few other things.

[/IMG]

megamerican · Jan 21, 2014

At least she did you the favor of revealing herself before you met up. I had a strikingly similar conversation except it was in person and in public and I felt like I wanted to die. Those types are usually non stop talkers too.

Perspicacity · Jan 21, 2014

Bruce Lee Kicks said:
So I made a profile on OKC out of boredom (probably a bad idea), filled it out, answered the questions, etc....now what? I'm totally new to all of this. (scratching head)

Put up a picture. You ain't shit if you don't have a picture.

Rodney McKay · Jan 21, 2014

I'm going on my third date with someone I met on OKC recently.
It was actually a little funny how I got in touch, because i saw her profile and thought she looked great, but I went to message her and it said I already had! I didn't remember, so when I checked we had actually messaged back and forth a little bit nearly a year before.

She must have found a boyfriend around that time and dropped off the site back then (and I probably got busy with work and forgot about it) and she said she got back on a little after they broke up. Pretty funny that I managed to find her again and even better that we've managed to go out several times now!

stn · Jan 21, 2014

After you send a message, how many hours/days would have to pass before you assume the party is no longer interested? I'm just curious what the general feeling is.

Square Triangle · Jan 21, 2014

stn said:
After you send a message, how many hours/days would have to pass before you assume the party is no longer interested? I'm just curious what the general feeling is.

In the details tab of their profile it shows when they last logged in. Youll get the hint then..

Perspicacity · Jan 21, 2014

If you feel a girl should have responded quicker just send her a "pls respond". But wait at least 4 minutes, you don't want to sound desperate.

Square Triangle · Jan 21, 2014

Perspicacity said:
If you feel a girl should have responded quicker just send her a "pls respond". But wait at least 4 minutes, you don't want to sound desperate.

Lol.

EatinOlives · Jan 21, 2014

Well that was anticlimactic. Girl who I knew IRL said she "doesn't date people she knows IRL", which maybe isn't true, but the bottom line is she's not interested so I left it at that.

And the other girl moved our meet-up time from today to Thursday because of some work thing, which maybe isn't true either, but the bottom line is she doesn't want to meet today so I left it at that.

dralla · Jan 21, 2014

If I don't respond to her text fast enough she'll message me on OKC asking me where I am. Oh my goodness. WHAT IS THIS

kame-sennin · Jan 22, 2014

Get the fuck out of there.

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