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Had sex last night

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A

Alucrid

Banned
so from what i gather op is trying to say...

we should all go out, buy a block of tofu, and fuck the shit outta it.
 
S

Sho_Nuff82

Member
Symphonic said:
what-does-that-mean.gif
Click to expand...

From this day forth, I will use tofu as a euphemism for pussy. I advise you all to do the same. If anyone asks you to clarify, don't.
 
A

ATF487

Member
Goddamn

Good to get that monkey off your back op, but jesus. Next time wear a rubber and turn it down a notch, its only sex.

Ooh ee ooh, killer tofu
 
S

Sober

Member
Sho_Nuff82 said:
From this day forth, I will use tofu as a euphemism for pussy. I advise you all to do the same. If anyone asks you to clarify, don't.
Click to expand...
Will probably end up being a GAF-ism later on but I don't see it getting out into the world like that.

Unless you repost this on reddit, we might have a chance ...
 
C

CriginsMcJuggs

Member
No condom on a girl that eager to suck up your love juice is a risky proposition

My first time was me, a girl on her time of the month, and a fifth of rum.

I never finished but I got my red wings...
orally :(
 
F

faridmon

Member
Why the hell do people post these things? People have sex all the time. Its natural.
Do people actually talk about sex in real life i na such lengthy manner
I am gonna post about my Porridge tomorrow when I make one.
 
T

Tragicomedy

Member
Heavy said:
With the cerebral assassin that i am, that got me thinking that something was afoot so I began testing her with silly sexual innuendos and jokes.
Click to expand...

A cerebral assassin doesn't have unprotected sex with a girl he barely knows.

Heavy said:
(I pretended i wasn't a virgin obviously)
Click to expand...

She knows.

Heavy said:
She said yes and so i told her i couldnt last weekend but this weekend i could. I wasn't busy last weekend of course, i was just a bit scared because it was just a few days away.
Click to expand...

LOL.

Heavy said:
I started kissing and licking her inner thighs near her hoo-ha.
Click to expand...

Did you just call her vagina a "hoo-ha"? You are 30?

Heavy said:
It felt pretty good, wasn't some magical shit or anything. It just felt like somebody's mouth was on my penis sucking it up and down, it wasn't a mind-blowing experience but it felt 'pretty good'.
Click to expand...

LOL.

Heavy said:
I always wanted my first time to be without a condom.
Click to expand...

Dumb.
 
M

MechaX

Member
Batigol said:
No. half-sister. It barely even counts.

My dad had an affair with another woman. Practically had another family in secret. Well, one kid anyway.

Parents broke up, he left, moved to a different country. Few years later he gets back in contact inviting me to his wedding 'cause he wanted to make it official with this skank.

I go meet his 'family' and his daughter, who's 5 years younger than me. Basically talked to her all night 'cause my family disowned him and I didn't know anyone else.

Stayed at his house, got drunk had sex. The end. I could barely keep it up because my head was spinning. Literally a few dozen thrusts. Didn't talk about it again and I never mentioned it to my dad. They live in England now so I barely see them
Click to expand...

You had sex with a being that was 50% your dad. Sorry dude, it counts; you fucked your sister.
 
P

Peco

Member
Batigol said:
No. half-sister. It barely even counts.

My dad had an affair with another woman. Practically had another family in secret. Well, one kid anyway.

Parents broke up, he left, moved to a different country. Few years later he gets back in contact inviting me to his wedding 'cause he wanted to make it official with this skank.

I go meet his 'family' and his daughter, who's 5 years younger than me. Basically talked to her all night 'cause my family disowned him and I didn't know anyone else.

Stayed at his house, got drunk had sex. The end. I could barely keep it up because my head was spinning. Literally a few dozen thrusts. Didn't talk about it again and I never mentioned it to my dad. They live in England now so I barely see them
Click to expand...

MechaX said:
You had sex with a being that was 50% your dad. Sorry dude, it counts; you fucked your sister.
Click to expand...

MjVAa2u.gif
 
Maximus.

Maximus.

Member
You didn't like the bj? The fuck it typically feels better than the vag IMO. The cumming part is not weird for your first time, but it does get way better.
 
B

BlackNMild2k1

Member
you guys are all trippin'

that's how you know she was healthy, because her "hoo ha" smelled like tofu

it's and ancient chinese secret.


Broken Joystick said:
I've never had tofu nor had sex.
Which do I do first?
Click to expand...

First, fix your joystick, and then have sex with some tofu.


GHG said:
Wat.

And you went down on a girl your barely even know. And she took your jizz in her mouth...?

http://24.media.tumblr.com/a41fa7f86b000784b0f2b89c5c64644d/tumblr_mpymj3uOcq1sxviy0o1_400.gif

Get to the clinic, you're not the only one.
Click to expand...

You meet a hot young girl in class that lives in the dorms and enjoys "sexting"?
trust me, it ain't her first time.

she invites you back to her dorm after the first date and her roommate is conveniently not around?
trust me, it ain't her first time.

she tells you she's on the pill and and takes you at your word that you are clean?
(as if either of you would be truthful at this moment...)
trust me, it ain't her first time.

she lets you ride bareback and never even once brought up the word condom...?
trust me, it ain't her first time.

she hoped off your dick and then sucked the cum from your tip...?
(did she swallow?)
trust me, it ain't her first time.


But at this point, if you can use this chick to boost your experience level for a while, then go for it.
I bet you could even get some anal out of her, because
trust me, it ain't her first time.
 
Exr

Exr

Member
You know after reading the title of the thread I was prepared to enter this thread and hate on a guy who would make a thread on an internet message board about how he had sex for the first time...but after reading that OP you are a champion Heavy.
 
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