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[6502]

This may sound like something for mums net, but gaf I need a scheme to defeat a constantly respawning menance who is immune to both hints and direct conversation.

In short, the Mrs mother (widowed years ago) has been pretty tidy over the years though has been a bit cunty slagging me off to the wife in private. But in the scheme of things was better than my own mother who I banished from my family after her psycho attention seeking ruined my young kids birthday and christmas in close succession.

A visit twice a week has turned into a 9am call, followed by a visit until 9 / 10pm every day the past two months. Somewhat annoying. She is driving my wife crazy undermining her with the kids, moaning she isnt helping enough with her mothers house (she tries to but it is often blocked in favor of the mother visiting us), making statements that she is wants to see "her" (our) kids to now accusing the wife of having an affair because in the course of these 12 hour visits my wife texts ex work colleagues (her good character aside, between the time I am with her and her mother is, she has zero opportunity to do anything). This culminated with her mother slagging her off to family yet encouraging her to "visit the guy on the side" when she was ferrying her around grave sites the other day. Mrs very upset with her own mother head fucking her this way. The mother refuses to say sorry and even demanded an apology!

The only motivator for the wife (or me) to do anything on the side is the fact that with this woman haunting my house I can't remember how long ago I had the opportunity and wife had the energy for any sex. The mother in law has plenty of energy though, spending a few hours sleeping infront of my main tv each day.

For extra fun the woman has turned into a full blown Daily Mail acolyte, not just a normal tory (I have friends of all and no political persuasion) but someone who speaks with vitriol, ignorance and authority in equal and increasing measure. She does not accept requests to leave politics at the door.

I have tried being rude, it did not work.
She ignores the wife.
The wife won't let me banish her and has failed to reduce length or frequency of visits. Even when she says not to come over, she turns up.
I even tried increasing the sugar in her tea but those arteries are taking too long to clogg up.

Any ideas on how to deal or anyone had similar shit?

 

[kanjobazooie]

Sounds like BPD or some shit.

 

[TheDreadBaron]

Damn man, sounds like the stuff of nightmares. She has no shame or common decency, the only way you could hope to make a stand against her is both you and your wife putting up a unified front.

Why isn’t your wife willing to set any hard boundaries with her mother’s bad behavior? Does MIL try to farm sympathy for being an old widow? Does your wife just tolerate it because she feels naturally indebted to her mother for giving her life? Only way to end the madness if for you both to agree on some hard boundaries and enforce them. Does MIL have her own key? Change the locks and lay down the law, she’s abusing your kindness.

Good luck to you, you poor soul.

 

[Nitty_Grimes]

Kick her in the cunt.

 

[DeepEnigma]

Q: Mother in laws and how to stop them?

A: Don't get married.

 

[BlackTron]

Hurling Day

 

[6502]

Damn man, sounds like the stuff of nightmares. She has no shame or common decency, the only way you could hope to make a stand against her is both you and your wife putting up a unified front.

Why isn’t your wife willing to set any hard boundaries with her mother’s bad behavior? Does MIL try to farm sympathy for being an old widow? Does your wife just tolerate it because she feels naturally indebted to her mother for giving her life? Only way to end the madness if for you both to agree on some hard boundaries and enforce them. Does MIL have her own key? Change the locks and lay down the law, she’s abusing your kindness.

Good luck to you, you poor soul.

Cheers,

My wife is too nice and her brother basically ignores their mother 99% of the time (though is gods gift if he gives 10mins of attention). The MIL has previously threatened to kill herself once, but the Mrs didn't pander to it and was unimpressed, she saw it as blackmail.

The MIL does have her own key but she does ring the bell and wait for the wife / kids to open the door.

 

[EviLore]

Get an airhorn and use it when she's annoying.

 

[Esca]

Slip her some Benadryl asap when she comes over and she'll be out cold all day then she'll have a bday night sleep and won't come over the next day or two at least.


Obviously check with the wife and upsell that shit like they did to your wife at the wedding lmao

 

[cormack12]

Set up a dating profile for her. Organise suitors to meet her at random locations you know you will be when you are out. Tell the suitors you like to be wooed so they must hit on you publicly at one of the various places you will be so it feels spontaneous.

When it happens she will be so thrilled and flattered, she will either sit there content and feeling appreciated or be upstairs in your toilet cleaning the slug trails out her knickers.

 

[DeepEnigma]

Set up a dating profile for her. Organise suitors to meet her at random locations you know you will be when you are out. Tell the suitors you like to be wooed so they must hit on you publicly at one of the various places you will be so it feels spontaneous.

When it happens she will be so thrilled and flattered, she will either sit there content and feeling appreciated or be upstairs in your toilet cleaning the slug trails out her knickers.

 

[Putonahappyface]

Physically escort her out of the front door, or better yet don't let her through the front door in the first place!

 

[6502]

Thanks Evilore, I will use it when she is snoozing. It is worse for the wife than me, hours every day for her are like being in a convalescent home....

Open to more suggestions.

 

[TheDreadBaron]

Cheers,

My wife is too nice and her brother basically ignores their mother 99% of the time (though is gods gift if he gives 10mins of attention). The MIL has previously threatened to kill herself once, but the Mrs didn't pander to it and was unimpressed, she saw it as blackmail.

The MIL does have her own key but she does ring the bell and wait for the wife / kids to open the door.

I guess the reality is she doesn’t have shit else to do rather than interject into your lives, which is kinda sad. Doesn’t excuse the behavior, but that’s partly the cause of it, she’s lonely and bored. I know it shouldn’t be your job to fix it, but is there any kind of senior center or community activities for seniors that you know about?

The fawning over a golden child thing is classic narcissist behavior. She sounds like a real piece of work, your wife is your only ally in this, I think you gotta sit her down and lay out the case for setting hard boundaries.

“Your mom can come over on Sundays to see the kids, and Holidays, but the current state of affairs is affecting our lives and our marriage negatively. When she shows up uninvited we will not welcome her in, we will insist she return on the agreed day. If she worms her way in we will escort her to her car. I need you to support me in this plan because she’s going to scream and thrash like a toddler, but the disrespectful behavior can no longer be tolerated, for the sake of our family and our kids, and god damnit wife you’re so fucking beautiful, how did I get so lucky?”

 

[bender]

Have an honest conversation with her and your wife. Set boundaries and the next time she oversteps the established boundaries, tell her to fuck off.

 

[FunkMiller]

Thanks Evilore, I will use it when she is snoozing. It is worse for the wife than me, hours every day for her are like being in a convalescent home....

Open to more suggestions.

You can turn this to your advantage. Use the airhorn whenever she kicks off, and make sure you video it every time. Then start a TikTok channel called 'Horny Mother In Law' and post them on a regular basis. You'll have 100,000 followers in no time, and a lucrative career as an affiliate.

 

[NecrosaroIII]

I get along fine with with my mother-in-law. She much prefers me to her other son-in-law.

 

[j0hnnix]

See if he is still available.

 

[Embearded]

Thanks Evilore, I will use it when she is snoozing. It is worse for the wife than me, hours every day for her are like being in a convalescent home....

Open to more suggestions.

You are a mad man if you really do it.
You have to record it.

 

[Days like these...]

Try and talk to your wife and tell her she's destroying your family If your still wife won't let you ban her from the house give her an ultimatum. Her or you.

I'm sure your MIL has some cluster B personality disorder.

 

[EviLore]

Try and talk to your wife and tell her she's destroying your family If your still wife won't let you ban her from the house give her an ultimatum. Her or you.

Issuing ultimatums to your wife is guaranteed to go well, as we all know!

 

[Days like these...]

Issuing ultimatums to your wife is guaranteed to go well, as we all know!

I know but it sounds like his family is being destroyed might as well expedite the process.

 

[Beer Baelly]

Get her stuck underneath a bed

 

[jufonuk]

If she is hot try it on with her. Or set her up with someone

 

[Facism]

Make dem pussi turn red

 

[pauljeremiah]

Did we just find Les Dawson's GAF account?

 

[6502]

Yikes at some comments. The woman is 80 yrs old. Also from a family that often live much longer than that.

Though I am around half that, going by the men in my family I have 20 years left if I am lucky. Knowing my luck she will outlive me and I will never get into tuna town again.

Set date nights an idea? tried it two weeks ago and wife told her.. she stayed until wife was ready for bed.. tell mrs to nab time around xmas... the woman has given wife the flu (obv didnt mind bringing germs into my family home) so even if I got the time, the planets aligned and the kids were not in the way, it aint happening this year.

It's infuriating. Ranting at / issuing ultimatums to wife just doubles her stress and ultimately she still complies with her mother despite it getting on her tits.

 

[Days like these...]

Divorce

Man said tuna town

 

[6502]

Divorce

Honestly I asked the wife if that is the MIL's aim. Then she would have full control over the wife and kids plus company for the remaining hours of the day... a bit over the top on my part but aside from mental issues I can't fathum this continued behaviour.

 

[bitbydeath]

Have you tried doing the opposite of what you’re currently doing?

If it’s all mind games you may throw her off if you acted completely different around her, and it may even drive her away or change her own behaviour, if getting under your skin is the goal?

 

[Kittehkraken]

If it had to guess the wife doesn't want to abandon the mother because of the guilt associated with it. My grandfather treated my mother like dog shit her entire life but she still couldn't bring herself to kick him out of her life. His health was poor during his final years and she waited on him hand and foot until one day he finally crossed the line (accused her of theft) and she never seen him again. Despite the man being a piece of shit who brought untold amounts of pain and suffering to her, my mother still feels guilt that he died all alone. Mental abuse is a terrible thing.

My advice?

Is the wife worth fighting for? If so, shower her with love and attention. Don't let the old bitch ruin a good thing.
Also shower the kids with attention and explain the situation to them the best you can (if you haven't already). The kids seeing mom and dad getting along will go a LONG WAY when the chaos starts.
Not much else you can do if the wife refuses to kick her out.

 

[6502]

Have you tried doing the opposite of what you’re currently doing?

If it’s all mind games you may throw her off if you acted completely different around her, and it may even drive her away or change her own behaviour, if getting under your skin is the goal?

How do you mean? Initially being nice encouraged her and avoiding her when at home all the time has given her the space to take more. How can I turn any of it back on her?

 

[6502]

Is the wife worth fighting for?

The wife is a star, great mother, patient wife, good looking and good body. Unlikely she can be replaced with another of equal physical attractiveness (even if I downgraded on personality).

 

[Kittehkraken]

The wife is a star, best person in the world and is unlikely to be replaced with one of equal or better physical attractiveness (even if I downgrade the personality).

About the only thing you can do then is protect the family from the toxic older woman that has invaded your home.

 

[Tams]

You've got to convince your wife that the witch needs banishing. She'll ruin your family otherwise. You can use your experience with your own mother as a good argument.

Once the wife is on side, you might even go so far as to get a restraining order on the witch.

In the long-term, moving is frankly the best option. Distance soon puts an end to most of these issues.

 

[*Nightwing]

 

[bitbydeath]

How do you mean? Initially being nice encouraged her and avoiding her when at home all the time has given her the space to take more. How can I turn any of it back on her?

Have you tried not avoiding her? Always being around, trying to understand her, so you know how she ticks?

Edit: It sounds like you need to gain her respect before you can have any influence on how she acts.

 

[adamsapple]

Damn. I'm glad my mother in law is mostly checked out of my family life/affairs.

 

[Quasicat]

Q: Mother in laws and how to stop them?

A: Don't get married.

I guess I lucked out. Right after getting married we moved just far enough away to make it an inconvenience. Then, when she was wanting to have more of an impact on my wife, she died.

 

[Kittehkraken]

You've got to convince your wife that the witch needs banishing. She'll ruin your family otherwise. You can use your experience with your own mother as a good argument.

Once the wife is on side, you might even go so far as to get a restraining order on the witch.

In the long-term, moving is frankly the best option. Distance soon puts an end to most of these issues.

I spent years trying to convince my mother that she needed to remove her father from her life.

The only thing that finally worked was when he accused her of stealing money from him and called the cops. That entire situation sobered her up REAL QUICK.

 

[JayK47]

If she is there every day, put her to work or charge rent. If she doesn't do it, change the locks and do not answer the door.

 

[demigod]

I spent years trying to convince my mother that she needed to remove her father from her life.

The only thing that finally worked was when he accused her of stealing money from him and called the cops. That entire situation sobered her up REAL QUICK.

Soooooo, did you steal the money?

 

[demigod]

This may sound like something for mums net, but gaf I need a scheme to defeat a constantly respawning menance who is immune to both hints and direct conversation.

In short, the Mrs mother (widowed years ago) has been pretty tidy over the years though has been a bit cunty slagging me off to the wife in private. But in the scheme of things was better than my own mother who I banished from my family after her psycho attention seeking ruined my young kids birthday and christmas in close succession.

A visit twice a week has turned into a 9am call, followed by a visit until 9 / 10pm every day the past two months. Somewhat annoying. She is driving my wife crazy undermining her with the kids, moaning she isnt helping enough with her mothers house (she tries to but it is often blocked in favor of the mother visiting us), making statements that she is wants to see "her" (our) kids to now accusing the wife of having an affair because in the course of these 12 hour visits my wife texts ex work colleagues (her good character aside, between the time I am with her and her mother is, she has zero opportunity to do anything). This culminated with her mother slagging her off to family yet encouraging her to "visit the guy on the side" when she was ferrying her around grave sites the other day. Mrs very upset with her own mother head fucking her this way. The mother refuses to say sorry and even demanded an apology!

The only motivator for the wife (or me) to do anything on the side is the fact that with this woman haunting my house I can't remember how long ago I had the opportunity and wife had the energy for any sex. The mother in law has plenty of energy though, spending a few hours sleeping infront of my main tv each day.

For extra fun the woman has turned into a full blown Daily Mail acolyte, not just a normal tory (I have friends of all and no political persuasion) but someone who speaks with vitriol, ignorance and authority in equal and increasing measure. She does not accept requests to leave politics at the door.

I have tried being rude, it did not work.
She ignores the wife.
The wife won't let me banish her and has failed to reduce length or frequency of visits. Even when she says not to come over, she turns up.
I even tried increasing the sugar in her tea but those arteries are taking too long to clogg up.

Any ideas on how to deal or anyone had similar shit?

Honestly, if she’s 80 you just have to deal with her. Have a talk with both of them and tell your MIL you don’t mind her being around but there are boundaries.

 

[6502]

Have you tried not avoiding her? Always being around, trying to understand her, so you know how she ticks?

Edit: It sounds like you need to gain her respect before you can have any influence on how she acts.

Yes i've known her 20 odd years, she used to be really decent. But that may have been her husband tempering her - he was an awesome bloke.

I am relatively wealthy (thanks to having multiple jobs) and have good standing, treat everyone well and I provide for family; the wife only works when she wants (often years between jobs - does when it suits her / kids) and has freedom to drop those jobs when she pleases. I doubt there is any more respect to be gained aside from by agreeing with whatever batshit crazy views she has absorbed from her papers. Infact I think she resents my success as she often tells the wife she wished other people were doing the work I do (which she knows fuck all about, is not affected by and I do very well).

She hen pecked her husband (and amusingly is annoyed her son's wife has done the same to him). Infact the first disagreement we had was my insisting on marriage in church (she was dead against it - we didn't care initially), but she was causing the wife grief to the point she considered cancelling so I sprung that one to take control. I had to be clear who was going to be the man in my marriage and create some space for me and the wife. We had no real issues, no big bust ups etc after that. Her nonsense comes out in statements to the room / grief to the wife rather than actual arguments direct with me.

Avoidance has only been in response to the continual presence and spouting bs. I was welcoming and very accomodating before the recent escalation. She is usually good with the kids and I don't mind her being close with them, but she has started being a dick, for example being rude and hanging up the phone when my eldest kid answered the landline because my wife had the audacity to use the toilet and not answer her mobile calls whilst she was busy...

 

[YCoCg]

Hurling Day

Don't think I didn't notice that Dinosaurs reference.

 

[Kittehkraken]

Soooooo, did you steal the money?

When his apartment was being cleaned after he died the money was found in a pair of old socks in a closet.

I didn't think my mother was capable of stringing together that many cusswords. But she did and it was impressive.

 

[STARSBarry]

Get a physical The Guardian subscription, leave it on the table she falls asleep at. Maintain throughout any conversation that everything printed is factual and never deviate. Point out that the guardian never supported Hitler, the daily mail never stopped.

Start speaking with a slight Zerman accent when she refuses to leave it at the door. Start goose stepping when in her presence, try to insert puns into the conversation eg "your the Hugo boss" when she asks for a cup of tea.

Are there any animals she hates is afraid of? Try and get the kids super into one/think it's cool and buy one. Bonus points if it's a German Shepard you name Goebbels.

 

[Ozzy Onya A2Z]

Just become a stereotypical dominant male, pee on everything, including your MIL.

On a serious note, if your wife won't take action with you together then you're already at a roadblock mate.

 

[Krappadizzle]

My MIL is a legit paranoid schizophrenic and more often than not she's..ok.

But when she starts going into that mode, I give her the very stern, "If this is gonna be a problem, you can leave, I won't have my daughter exposed to your insanity." She'll either calm down and start acting like a normal human, or get upset and leave. I don't mind either, but I won't have my family in a stressful environment if I can help it. It's my job to protect them. Whatever that may be.

Mil doesn't like it, my wife get's upset(she hates confrontation) but it's what is best for everyone and if the people's who's feeling get hurt don't live in my house and don't contribute to making my family's life better, I have no problems shooing them away. Being direct can make you feel like an asshole, but really, it's the best thing sometimes.

It's easier to be honest and open about what's bothering you in a direct manner than to dance around the subject and have everyone else but her be miserable.

 

[demigod]

Yes i've known her 20 odd years, she used to be really decent. But that may have been her husband tempering her - he was an awesome bloke.

I am relatively wealthy (thanks to having multiple jobs) and have good standing, treat everyone well and I provide for family; the wife only works when she wants (often years between jobs - does when it suits her / kids) and has freedom to drop those jobs when she pleases. I doubt there is any more respect to be gained aside from by agreeing with whatever batshit crazy views she has absorbed from her papers. Infact I think she resents my success as she often tells the wife she wished other people were doing the work I do (which she knows fuck all about, is not affected by and I do very well).

She hen pecked her husband (and amusingly is annoyed her son's wife has done the same to him). Infact the first disagreement we had was my insisting on marriage in church (she was dead against it - we didn't care initially), but she was causing the wife grief to the point she considered cancelling so I sprung that one to take control. I had to be clear who was going to be the man in my marriage and create some space for me and the wife. We had no real issues, no big bust ups etc after that. Her nonsense comes out in statements to the room / grief to the wife rather than actual arguments direct with me.

Avoidance has only been in response to the continual presence and spouting bs. I was welcoming and very accomodating before the recent escalation. She is usually good with the kids and I don't mind her being close with them, but she has started being a dick, for example being rude and hanging up the phone when my eldest kid answered the landline because my wife had the audacity to use the toilet and not answer her mobile calls whilst she was busy...

Ouch. Wife not working. You’re effed if you divorce.