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The Feeling of Being Hated?
- Thread starter OfficerRaichu15
- Start date
uncelestial
Member
Someone on GAF told me I was "worse than cancer" because I said Gal Gadot being a former IDF soldier makes her a problematic hero in real life.
People are idiots, is what I'm saying.
You do you. Accept you, you're a person. All negativity from others is a moment in time that will fade away. You're the only constant in your life, so learn to love yourself and move on, so that the you that you keep with you in your travels is a good friend.
The key to self-esteem is doing things you admire in others. For example, my self-esteem was incredible after I started volunteering at a shelter, and after I escorted some female friends past protesters into Planned Parenthood, and after I threw surprise parties for people, things like that. All easy things to do. Show yourself what a great person you are and there will be no doubt.
In this way, loving others is a key to loving yourself. And loving yourself is a key to loving a romantic partner, too. And having them love you completes the virtuous cycle.
Best of luck, OP.
People are idiots, is what I'm saying.
You do you. Accept you, you're a person. All negativity from others is a moment in time that will fade away. You're the only constant in your life, so learn to love yourself and move on, so that the you that you keep with you in your travels is a good friend.
The key to self-esteem is doing things you admire in others. For example, my self-esteem was incredible after I started volunteering at a shelter, and after I escorted some female friends past protesters into Planned Parenthood, and after I threw surprise parties for people, things like that. All easy things to do. Show yourself what a great person you are and there will be no doubt.
In this way, loving others is a key to loving yourself. And loving yourself is a key to loving a romantic partner, too. And having them love you completes the virtuous cycle.
Best of luck, OP.
Only interesting people end up with other people who hate them. Boring nobody mold on the wall ass motherfuckers who will never mean shit to anyone are the people who go through life without ever being hated.
Celebrate the fact people hate you, it means you matter.
Celebrate the fact people hate you, it means you matter.
PassiveObserver
Member
Being a POC, always gotta assume some level of hate bubbling under the surface.
BlueBadger
Banned
As someone who's lived with anxiety since I was a child, it's really, really hard to get rid of that paranoia and feeling that people hate me. Aka I still haven't gotten rid of it. It's a struggle, so I encourage you to try your best to find techniques to help with it while you're younger. I wish I did. But if your anxiety is mild, you may not experience it as badly as I do.
I'm 25 and I'm still criticized for being over-apologetic by all my sports teammates, friends, coworkers etc. But I can't help it. I'm so terrified everyday that I've done something to seriously hurt or offend someone unintentionally.
I'm 25 and I'm still criticized for being over-apologetic by all my sports teammates, friends, coworkers etc. But I can't help it. I'm so terrified everyday that I've done something to seriously hurt or offend someone unintentionally.
Hello, OP.
I have anxiety and was diagnosed with OCD as a kid way back. And I hear you, it can get rough. You are essentially overanalyzing every single social situation you are in and then obsessing about it later, right? I would say "stop", but I know it's not that easy.
What I will say is you will have spikes of highs and lows, just know that people are not judging you nearly as much as you are judging yourself. High school is particularly rough because you are forced into uncomfortable social situations every single day and have more chances to make "mistakes", as you say.
Speaking from experience, and this may not apply to you, but High School was significantly harder for me than any other part of my life. College was much easier to feel accepted (and not have that feeling of "does this person hate me?").
It's important to also realize, if someone doesn't like you, they don't like you, it's not the end of the world, and your existence does not hinge on their approval. Now, even so, I severely doubt anyone hates you, because hatred takes active effort. At worst, someone probably doesn't care about you. Which is not someone you want to spend your time and effort on in the first place, so move on. Later in your life this will seem so insignificant, because by then you will have separated the wheat from the chaff, so they say, and you will know which relationships that actually matter. Until then, it is certainly tough, but you have to realize not everyone is going to love you as a person. And that's ok.
FinaruDensetsu
Member
In high school most everyone is thinking so much about themselves that they aren't going to be hating you. Most likely they aren't even spending that much time thinking about anyone else but themselves.
If anything it's more likely that there are more people that like you than you know, but they're just too self-conscious to tell you that.
If anything it's more likely that there are more people that like you than you know, but they're just too self-conscious to tell you that.
BlackBanditSho
Member
Lol...ain't that the truth.
HoodWinked
Member
thinking someone hates you is actually somewhat of a narcissistic trait. it makes no sense for someone else to devote so much of their mindshare to hating you. from a nuts and bolts point of view what makes you so important to them to have that kind of animosity. maybe that person doesnt like you but who cares you'll always have people that dislike you. outside of that event they probably don't even think about you at all.
BlueBadger
Banned
You seem to have absolutely no idea how anxiety works.
Morrigan Stark
Arrogant Smirk
While that's an idiotic and uncalled for thing to say, you do realize that serving in the IDF is mandatory for all Israelis, right? If you'd said "for still supporting the IDF today" you might have a better point...
I used to feel that way a lot, until I eventually realized that I was probably being harder on myself than whoever I was worrying about. A small mistake that you catch might not even be noticed by anyone else, because no one watches you more closely than you.
I do still wonder if I'm unintentionally doing things that bother other people, but it's not as common anymore.
It also helps to ask to make sure you're not bothering people if you're worried. As long as you don't ask too often, people usually appreciate that you're thinking of them and that you're at least trying to be considerate.
I do still wonder if I'm unintentionally doing things that bother other people, but it's not as common anymore.
It also helps to ask to make sure you're not bothering people if you're worried. As long as you don't ask too often, people usually appreciate that you're thinking of them and that you're at least trying to be considerate.
MastAndo
Member
In all likelihood, they don't actually hate you. If a person doesn't know you that well, they're likely completely indifferent to you, and whatever reaction they have to your "breakdown" will be fleeting. Everyone is stuck in their own head thinking similar things as you, to an extent.
Even with that said, one piece of advice though going forward - don't try to develop a certain personality to get people to like you. That becomes very obvious especially later in life and will have the opposite effect. You're better off being yourself and seeing what sticks.
Also, the bit someone else mentioned about doing things to make yourself feel better about you, is sound advice. You'll carry that with you, and you won't be so wrapped up in what people think, and people might just gravitate to you.
Even with that said, one piece of advice though going forward - don't try to develop a certain personality to get people to like you. That becomes very obvious especially later in life and will have the opposite effect. You're better off being yourself and seeing what sticks.
Also, the bit someone else mentioned about doing things to make yourself feel better about you, is sound advice. You'll carry that with you, and you won't be so wrapped up in what people think, and people might just gravitate to you.
Correct. Indifference at most, annoyance in some cases.
uncelestial
Member
Oh that was part of it, too. Fulfilling your duties as a conscript is one thing, but posting #loveidf after you leave is another. I realize she's pretty mum about it these days, and that to Western girls she helped create a great character to look up to, but yeah I don't think I'm "worse than cancer" for pointing out that Muslim children probably don't find her... *as* inspirational.
I get this as well OP due to anxiety. Believe it or not this onion article http://www.theonion.com/article/anxiety-ridden-man-rightly-ashamed-of-every-single-28055 actually helped me as it shows you how absurd the feelings are.
Good luck!
Good luck!
mugoldeneagle03
Member
You stated the two reasons why you shouldn't worry about it in your OP. Once you're out of school and living on your own you will realize how stupid almost any feeling you had in HS doesn't mean shit, and you'll learn how to manage your own self better as well. I am a completely different person since HS and I feel great, I feel like I have a purpose, and I'm willing to work to make any situation I'm included in better.
You'll see. Keep your chin up
InfiniteBento
Member
I thrive off of the blood of my enemies
Master Of Illusion
Member
Same.
Dark Take: If everybody hates you, you don't have to worry about people crying at your funeral (other than perhaps tears of joy).
Random Painted HIghway
Member
High school sucks for most of the people there, you just have to keep your head down and shrug off the pain until you can go to college or join the workforce and leave the assholes behind.
Ive been actively hated before as an adult, it wasnt really a big deal. Lawyer, so it comes with the territory.my address is unlisted for a reason.
Ive been actively hated before as an adult, it wasnt really a big deal. Lawyer, so it comes with the territory.my address is unlisted for a reason.
Clearly, you're not a boring person. Because nobodies are prone to being hated for no reason. You think bullies avoid the loners/nobodies, or are more compelled to go after those kinds of people?
Had terrible social anxiety for a decade and feeling like everyone disliked or even hated me was the worst part of it. I can still think my way into that space in bad periods and it's awful.
The best way to deal with it is find something non-social related that you're good at. Become an expert in a certain field. It distracts your mind and also gives you an expertise to feel confident about--something that makes you stand out from others. When your mind adjusts to seeing yourself as "the guy who knows about X" you'll begin to see and understand the subtler ways that people like you, rather than hate you.
At the moment I'm doing a PhD. When I'm faced with going into unfamiliar social situations I can still feel apprehension and fear that people in that situation are going to dislike me. But if I imagine myself walking into the room and giving a lecture about my research I begin to loosen up a bit and the situation becomes a lot less daunting. You just have to find that thing you know in yourself you're good at and channel that when interacting with others. You don't necessarily need to discuss that thing with them, just keep in the forefront of your mind.
The best way to deal with it is find something non-social related that you're good at. Become an expert in a certain field. It distracts your mind and also gives you an expertise to feel confident about--something that makes you stand out from others. When your mind adjusts to seeing yourself as "the guy who knows about X" you'll begin to see and understand the subtler ways that people like you, rather than hate you.
At the moment I'm doing a PhD. When I'm faced with going into unfamiliar social situations I can still feel apprehension and fear that people in that situation are going to dislike me. But if I imagine myself walking into the room and giving a lecture about my research I begin to loosen up a bit and the situation becomes a lot less daunting. You just have to find that thing you know in yourself you're good at and channel that when interacting with others. You don't necessarily need to discuss that thing with them, just keep in the forefront of your mind.
HoodWinked
Member
you're projecting. i never said i did.
You're doing a thing called "catastrophizing" which is thinking the worst outcome. Don't dwell on mistakes. People hate when it's something or someone that involves them. Most of the time they're too wrapped up in themselves.
You should look into cognative behavioral therapy. It sounds heavy but it's just simple practices to help you think more clearly.
You should look into cognative behavioral therapy. It sounds heavy but it's just simple practices to help you think more clearly.
Then perhaps don't comment when someone explicitly describes they are affected by anxiety and OCD.
BlueBadger
Banned
Then don't post in a thread that the OP has clearly mentioned is regarding mental health. You're not helping by shitposting, because to me that post was a strong indicator that you didn't even read the OP.
Edit:
Beaten
LordKasual
Banned
ive always believed that "you're projecting" is such a funny defense to use on a forum board
BlueBadger
Banned
Lol. Yup. It's what people say when they're backed into a corner and have nothing else to latch on to.
Casablanca summed it up pretty well:
https://youtu.be/jtbp5cTLLjo
Feeling hated is usually something insecure folks like myself do as a defense mechanism against the harsher, colder reality that most people never think about us at all.
https://youtu.be/jtbp5cTLLjo
Feeling hated is usually something insecure folks like myself do as a defense mechanism against the harsher, colder reality that most people never think about us at all.
HoodWinked
Member
look i just want to take this back to a zero cause i honestly didn't mean for any of this to become so mean spirited. i did read the op and when he said mild anxiety and ocd and he mentioned high school that seemed like the accounts of many people at that age, it seemed ambiguous to me if he was actually clinically diagnosed or evaluated by a professional.
BlueBadger
Banned
For the future, it's probably best if you don't make the assumption that they weren't clinically diagnosed before you post. Not to mention, a lot of people go undiagnosed for a long time.
OfficerRaichu15
Member
It is clinically diagnosed. I have to take Prozac everyday for it.
2 things you should remember.
1. Don't confirm "neutral" or "apathetic" for "hate". Few people hate anyone without good reason.
2. Your close friends will stick with you even after high school. Everyone else? You'll literally never see them again. Out of my entire class of 200 I've probably seen 5 in person after high school (Note: I'm 31, so this is over a LONG period). So even if they DO hate you, it really means nothing as soon as you graduate. Just enjoy your hobbies, spend time with your friends, and be yourself. If anyone "hates" you, fuck em'.
1. Don't confirm "neutral" or "apathetic" for "hate". Few people hate anyone without good reason.
2. Your close friends will stick with you even after high school. Everyone else? You'll literally never see them again. Out of my entire class of 200 I've probably seen 5 in person after high school (Note: I'm 31, so this is over a LONG period). So even if they DO hate you, it really means nothing as soon as you graduate. Just enjoy your hobbies, spend time with your friends, and be yourself. If anyone "hates" you, fuck em'.
Airola
Member
This used to be a huge problem for me. I suddenly got the most real feeling that I can almost hear the thoughts of people around me and all was about them hating me and me being worthless. It was like I was bombarded with these thoughts from other people and they felt absolutely real. And I thought it was all deserved. I didn't blame the people I thought hated me. I thought they were right.
Whenever that happened I had to make excuses to leave the place. The rest of the day was me feeling emotional pain which always turned into physical feelings too.
It became gradually worse year by year.
There were three things that helped me:
1) I realized that I'm actually pretty shitty to automatically think some people would have negative feelings about me. At first that made me feel even worse because now I was blaming myself of thinking bad about others. But there still was something in the core of that thought that I felt helped me a bit. It was basically me giving a bit of perspective to things.
2) I realized that "so what?"
So what if they hate me? They probably all don't really hate me but some might hate me. But so what? I can't force anyone to like me. I can't stop anyone from hating me. It's within their rights to think of me the way they want to think. I'm not entitled to have everyone love or like me. Life goes on.
3) I read Anthony De Mello's Awareness. Tons of great philosophy in that book. Some of it feels pretty harsh but it was a huge eye opener for me.
4) I eventually met my first and so far only girlfriend. Tons of awkward moments, like when she told me she thinks she likes me more than as just a friend it took me half an hour to reply anything to her. She just sat beside me and looked at me being awkward as hell. I was 21 years old then.
I still have some problems perhaps maybe once a year and I don't think I ever get fully rid of that problem but it's a far cry from the days I couldn't get up from the bed and cried every single night. I still can't be around a big group of people though. Not because I feel they all hate me but I feel this huge pressure in my head if there are lots of people around me and I feel like I'm going to faint.
I'm now 35 and I think I'm pretty ok with myself now.
Airola
Member
It doesn't help that everytime you write it reminds us that even as a spatula you are subpar.
WaffleTaco
Wants to outlaw technological innovation.
Personally in real life I dont care because I pretty much am polite to everyone and am chill. However, its only on the Internet where I think no one likes me, especially Gaf and Discord, where I cant see their reactions and they cant properly see mine
Moose Biscuits
It would be extreamly painful...
I don't worry about people hating me. It takes a lot of effort and dedication to hate someone; there's a phrase like "hate is love with its back turned" and it's pretty accurate, hate is something that takes up a lot of mental space.
Now, disliking, that's a lot more common. It's easy to dislike someone, it only comes up when they interact with you. They might think you're slow, you're overly pedantic, you smell bad or you shirk off work. That kind of thing. There's probably a number of people that dislike me, and you as well. Luckily dislike doesn't often rear its head directly; it appears in the talk behind your back, when you're out of the room. In that person's rant to their loved ones. I wouldn't worry about it too much though.
Now, disliking, that's a lot more common. It's easy to dislike someone, it only comes up when they interact with you. They might think you're slow, you're overly pedantic, you smell bad or you shirk off work. That kind of thing. There's probably a number of people that dislike me, and you as well. Luckily dislike doesn't often rear its head directly; it appears in the talk behind your back, when you're out of the room. In that person's rant to their loved ones. I wouldn't worry about it too much though.
The Greek Freak
Member
Honestly I love the feeling of knowing someone personally hates me because anyone who has ever hated me enough to let me know:
A. It was sports related and it made me feel good.
B. They were a worthless shit and I found it hilarious.
C. Bigots so who cares fuck em since I find it mostly just sad and don't take it personal unless they are some centrist worthless shit who is no better than the blatant racist in my eyes.
A. It was sports related and it made me feel good.
B. They were a worthless shit and I found it hilarious.
C. Bigots so who cares fuck em since I find it mostly just sad and don't take it personal unless they are some centrist worthless shit who is no better than the blatant racist in my eyes.
ghostwritingduck
Member
I have sometimes suffered from irrationally believing someone didnt like me. Its usually the result of being able to see that someone is unhappy and then trying to figure out how I am to blame. Ironically, experiencing times where people were actually angry at me, or even hated me, has helped me see the difference.
davidbloop
Member
Yep I feel that way constantly and there's no sign of it going away anytime soon. That said though I do have severe anxiety, depression from PTSD (no im not a war vet).
It sucks but what can ya do.... ive pretty much resigned to the fact that I'm always going to feel like shit, but at least I can now look at myself and go "Yep you feel shit 24/7! But at least you are aware that it's your brain pulling tricks on you"
So ye....... basically.... mental health problems suck and there's no easy solution. Noone telling you that people don't hate you will convince you otherwise and it won't make you feel any better.
Just try to recognise that it's an irrational thought and get through it. You'll feel bad but at least you can say to yourself "I know this is an irrational thought caused by my depression, right now my brain is flooding me with chemicals to make me feel sad, disproportionate to reality"
You'd be surprised how just facing up to the fact that your emotions aren't working properly at the time can give you an outsiders perspective..... it doesn't fix the problem but it helps you to get through it without the pattern of self destruction that's too easy to take and gives you some clarity into seeing how your behaviour when you let it take hold, plays into the depression/anxieties hands and makes it far worse.
It sucks but what can ya do.... ive pretty much resigned to the fact that I'm always going to feel like shit, but at least I can now look at myself and go "Yep you feel shit 24/7! But at least you are aware that it's your brain pulling tricks on you"
So ye....... basically.... mental health problems suck and there's no easy solution. Noone telling you that people don't hate you will convince you otherwise and it won't make you feel any better.
Just try to recognise that it's an irrational thought and get through it. You'll feel bad but at least you can say to yourself "I know this is an irrational thought caused by my depression, right now my brain is flooding me with chemicals to make me feel sad, disproportionate to reality"
You'd be surprised how just facing up to the fact that your emotions aren't working properly at the time can give you an outsiders perspective..... it doesn't fix the problem but it helps you to get through it without the pattern of self destruction that's too easy to take and gives you some clarity into seeing how your behaviour when you let it take hold, plays into the depression/anxieties hands and makes it far worse.
Soldiussnaku
Member
My thoughts is who gives a fuck, people who hate me can stress about it whilst I get the success they won't get. I won't please everyone in life, so better to please those I can and care about, let the haters be the losers.
If you aren't making enemies in life then frankly you are not achieving great success, people will hate you over anything. Fuck em
If you aren't making enemies in life then frankly you are not achieving great success, people will hate you over anything. Fuck em
Look into trying out some CBT techniques, and grab a book or print some worksheets that walk you through the unhelpful or unhealthy thinking styles used when deciding that your mistakes cause other people to hate you. In this particular case I'd be filling out an examining the evidence form after filling out a thought record form and identifying the unhelpful thinking styles of the anxious thoughts from that situation.
I still struggle with similar things, but CBT has helped a lot, even though it's a lot of filling out paper work. You do it enough times and your thinking styles will change to a more positive helpful thinking style. The goal of the worksheets is to provide a method to break out of that negative thought anxiety circle. By doing them enough times it becomes easier to break out of a negative thought cycle in the moment without filling out the worksheets.
Ie: (this is actually based off one of my similar forms for making a mistake in a group work setting in university in the past)
Examining the Evidence:
Situation: I made a mistake in class.
Anxious Beliefs, predictions, and interpretation: Everyone hates me because of the mistake I made. I'm such an idiot for making a mistake. Teacher thinks I'm stupid. They will always remember that mistake I made.(etc.)
Non-anxious beliefs, predictions, and interpretations: Its okay to make mistakes. No one is going to judge me for it. I'm not stupid just because of one mistake.
Evidence supporting anxious beliefs: -a friend joked with me after that I said something stupid
Evidence condtradicting my anxious beliefs: -Other people make mistakes as well, and I don't immediately think they are stupid or hate them for it. -The teacher is there to help people when they make mistakes. Mistakes can show where others aren't understanding a concept, leading to more learning. -I don't remember any mistakes that other people have made in class.
Choosing a more realistic way of thinking: I made a mistake, and that's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. I have friends who have made mistakes and I don't think any less of them for it. People will most likely not even remember that I made a mistake.
I still struggle with similar things, but CBT has helped a lot, even though it's a lot of filling out paper work. You do it enough times and your thinking styles will change to a more positive helpful thinking style. The goal of the worksheets is to provide a method to break out of that negative thought anxiety circle. By doing them enough times it becomes easier to break out of a negative thought cycle in the moment without filling out the worksheets.
Ie: (this is actually based off one of my similar forms for making a mistake in a group work setting in university in the past)
Examining the Evidence:
Situation: I made a mistake in class.
Anxious Beliefs, predictions, and interpretation: Everyone hates me because of the mistake I made. I'm such an idiot for making a mistake. Teacher thinks I'm stupid. They will always remember that mistake I made.(etc.)
Non-anxious beliefs, predictions, and interpretations: Its okay to make mistakes. No one is going to judge me for it. I'm not stupid just because of one mistake.
Evidence supporting anxious beliefs: -a friend joked with me after that I said something stupid
Evidence condtradicting my anxious beliefs: -Other people make mistakes as well, and I don't immediately think they are stupid or hate them for it. -The teacher is there to help people when they make mistakes. Mistakes can show where others aren't understanding a concept, leading to more learning. -I don't remember any mistakes that other people have made in class.
Choosing a more realistic way of thinking: I made a mistake, and that's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. I have friends who have made mistakes and I don't think any less of them for it. People will most likely not even remember that I made a mistake.
Moose Biscuits
It would be extreamly painful...
OP, if you have good reason to think someone might hate/dislike you the most important thing to do is minimise the potential they have to damage you. What someone thinks of you only really matters if they have influence over you.