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Pringles - Anal Leakage? (SFW)

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B

btkadams

Member
Don't even fucking say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.

I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the fuck.

The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont fucking tell you...

Except in tiny print you cant read without a fucking electron microscope

...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."

Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.

So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow.

Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes shitting yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the fuck?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then?

So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You fucking Pringle bastards.

I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff.

The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole fucking roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So.

I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean.

That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so fucking foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage.

So I grabbed the bar of saop and went to work.

You fucking Pringle bastards.

The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the fucking grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that shit again.

Fucking Pringle bastards.

This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. Fuck Pringles.
Click to expand...
has this been posted? its from 2006 apparently, but it was just posted on another forum i read and i thought it was rather interesting. i hate pringles. can anyone confirm this is true about fat-free pringles?

HERES THE DIRECT LINK
 
F

fatigues_gasolini

Member
They use Olestra, and in a small amount of the population, can cause anal leakage. Its better than its initial offerings, but remember, it blocks the absorption of fat, causing it to come out your ass in grease form.
 
G

GhaleonEB

Member
I remember when some chip company - Frito Lay? - launched their WOW chips back around 2000 or so. Two years later they were a case study in my college marketing class for using a kind of oil that caused "minor anal leakage".

Edit: yup.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olestra

Olestra was approved by the Food and Drug Administration for use as a food additive in 1996 and was initially used in potato chips under the WOW brand by Frito Lay. In 1998, which was the first year Olestra products were marketed nationally after the FDA’s Food Advisory Committee confirmed a judgment it made 2 years earlier, sales were over $400 million.[5] However, by 2000 sales slowed to $200 million, largely caused by the unappealing side effects described on the FDA-mandated health warning label:

This Product Contains Olestra. Olestra may cause abdominal cramping and loose stools. Olestra inhibits the absorption of some vitamins and other nutrients. Vitamins A, D, E, and K have been added.
Click to expand...

This condition (normally occurring only by excessive consumption in a short period of time) became popularly known as "anal leakage."
Click to expand...
 
G

GhaleonEB

Member
Hitokage said:
Yeah, it was 1998.
Click to expand...
Yup, how time flies. I googled it and got the wikipedia entry. I was TERRIFIED googling "anal leakage" but this was in the top few hits when paired with "wow chips".

Thank god. :lol
 
S

speculawyer

Member
Do they even use Olestra anymore?

I think the anal leakage kinda killed it.

Edit: Yes, I tried the product (I figured that the listing was just a precaution for rare side effect) and yes, I experienced the anal leakage.
 
W

westical

Banned
...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."
Click to expand...

Wouldn't the primary ingredient be potato?
 
Pimpbaa

Pimpbaa

Member
Homer says, "Hey, Apu, you got any of those potato chips that give you diarrhea? I need to do a little spring cleaning". Apu responds, "They are in the safety cabinet. I'll get the key," and comes back carrying several bags of Ruffles potato chips.

In the Futurama episode, “Bendin' in the Wind” , Bender consumes a single chip cooked with Olestra and has a stomach ache, then proceeds to drop a load of bricks from his buttocks.
 
S

StoOgE

First tragedy, then farce.
This is why I don't eat fat free shit. It's all chemicals and whatnot.

I just eat healthy food and when I'm going to splurge I just fucking splurge.

Fat Free potato chips are a joke. They still aren't good for you. Just eat potato chips if you are going to eat like shit fatty. Quit fooling yourself.
 
T

The Frankman

Banned
mrpringles.jpg
238459-1.jpg
 
R

RevenantKioku

PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS oh god i am drowning in them
StoOgE said:
This is why I don't eat fat free shit. It's all chemicals and whatnot.

I just eat healthy food and when I'm going to splurge I just fucking splurge.

Fat Free potato chips are a joke. They still aren't good for you. Just eat potato chips if you are going to eat like shit fatty. Quit fooling yourself.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I loved this part of the article:
The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days.
Click to expand...
I mean, jesus christ.
I have been slowly losing fat but haven't had to drop all the things I love. Just less ridiculousness.
And I'm not even one of those folk who dies when someone makes a thread about food. I mean, I love those giant fucking hamburgers, ridiculous food is a treat for the mind and body. But you can't do some of that shit weekly, never mind daily.
 
S

speculawyer

Member
StoOgE said:
This is why I don't eat fat free shit. It's all chemicals and whatnot.

I just eat healthy food and when I'm going to splurge I just fucking splurge.

Fat Free potato chips are a joke. They still aren't good for you. Just eat potato chips if you are going to eat like shit fatty. Quit fooling yourself.
Click to expand...
Yeah, but it would be nice if they found a non-fat fat that doesn't leak out your ass.

Aspartame rocks.
 
A

apocalidiot

Banned
When we had to do a worksheet on food stuff including Olestra, I remember writing "ANAL LEAKAGE" and giggling for the rest of the period during a test. Almost good stuff
 
T

Terrell

Member
Uncle said:
There's potato in Pringles? Holy fuck, I never would have guessed.
Click to expand...
It's mashed, pureed, dehydrated and pressed into the shape of chips so there's little to no trace of what food it originates from, but yes... it's made of potato.
 
Freshmaker

Freshmaker

I am Korean.
btkadams said:
has this been posted? its from 2006 apparently, but it was just posted on another forum i read and i thought it was rather interesting. i hate pringles. can anyone confirm this is true about fat-free pringles?
Click to expand...
Olean doesn't get digested. It just passes through. Anything with Olean as a fat substitute will do this to you. Dunno how it surpised the guy though. That info was everywhere (especially in stand up acts etc) when the first rolled Olean out to the market.
 
B

big_z

Member
so is Olean used widely in the states now? i remember reading about complaints almost 10 years ago when it was being used in test markets.

im happy we dont have it in canada.
 
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