Some people need their phone for work calls or emergencies.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
Some people need their phone for work calls or emergencies.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
That is true.
But you can program it so that only certain calls/callers get through. Or so that you get phone calls, but not texts/other notifications. At least, you can on Android.
Did, it's going better than expected.Go ahead and read the message.
*glances at everyone's profiles on the last page because why do homework when I can stare at hot GAFfers*
Disclaimer: My opinions are weird sometimes.
K2Valor - Looks good! Also, cool that you're only looking for friends when you're going to be moving quite far away in a year or so. Unless you're actually looking to date in the meantime... if that's the case, you should probably add short-term dating to the list.
Advocatus Diaboli - Goodness, you think about some... smart... stuff... Reading your profile makes me feel just a bit less intelligent, lol. Looks great, except there's something about the 'Message Me' part that puts me off... it sounds like you're super picky. Whether or not you are is besides the point, but it does feel a bit intimidating. Like... if you messaged me and I looked at your profile, even though we have a high match % and I (probably?) meet some of those bits, I'd probably not reply back because I wouldn't think I was good enough.
I don't really know what to tell you to do to fix it though, other than to maybe get rid of some of the "bullet points". Like for example...
"She's assertive and loves a challenge. She also loves to try new things, and is passionate about everything she does."
Obviously, you'll want to make this more... eloquent (my brain's fried, flowery language is eluding me right now), but something like that will help to lower the barrier of entry for women, methinks.
OCDChewie - Why you look so sad in your picture? Smile bro! Yeah, like the others said you'll probably want to get a another new picture or two if possible, especially since you said one or more of the pictures was from 2006.
...And... your message me is almost the same as Diaboli's! Deja vu! Not a big deal since you guys live in other countries, of course. You might wanna look at the advice I gave him for his message me, though.
Other than maybe updating the pictures, I think it's good!
Lulubop - Huh, when I scrolled over your 'Send a Message' button, it says that you reply very selectively. I've never seen that before--is that a setting you set yourself, or does OKC set that for you?
Other than that, looks good. I'd say it's a little weird that you're looking for 18yos as a 27yo, but quite honestly if you're cool with that and the life differences you two may have, then who am I to say you're wrong? :3
vcassano1 - That third picture you have makes you look off. Like you don't have a chin (no offense to you; you look good in the other pictures). I'd personally scrap it.
Maybe other than that, the profile seems a bit short, but there's nothing too wrong about that; you have quite a bit of personality in the little bit you have
Valus - I laughed so hard at the "Mrs. Green Circle" comment xD Your profile is great.
Husker - We've already talked :3
Whew! Think that's everyone.
Disclaimer: My opinions are weird sometimes.
K2Valor - Looks good! Also, cool that you're only looking for friends when you're going to be moving quite far away in a year or so. Unless you're actually looking to date in the meantime... if that's the case, you should probably add short-term dating to the list.
Advocatus Diaboli - Goodness, you think about some... smart... stuff... Reading your profile makes me feel just a bit less intelligent, lol.
Looks great, except there's something about the 'Message Me' part that puts me off... it sounds like you're super picky. Whether or not you are is besides the point, but it does feel a bit intimidating. Like... if you messaged me and I looked at your profile, even though we have a high match % and I (probably?) meet some of those bits, I'd probably not reply back because I wouldn't think I was good enough. I don't really know what to tell you to do to fix it though, other than to maybe get rid of some of the "bullet points". Like for example...
"She's assertive and loves a challenge. She also loves to try new things, and is passionate about everything she does."
Obviously, you'll want to make this more... eloquent (my brain's fried, flowery language is eluding me right now), but something like that will help to lower the barrier of entry for women, methinks.
OCDChewie - Why you look so sad in your picture?
Smile bro! Yeah, like the others said you'll probably want to get a another new picture or two if possible, especially since you said one or more of the pictures was from 2006....And... your message me is almost the same as Diaboli's! Deja vu! Not a big deal since you guys live in other countries, of course. You might wanna look at the advice I gave him for his message me, though.
Other than maybe updating the pictures, I think it's good!
Lulubop - Huh, when I scrolled over your 'Send a Message' button, it says that you reply very selectively. I've never seen that before--is that a setting you set yourself, or does OKC set that for you?
Other than that, looks good. I'd say it's a little weird that you're looking for 18yos as a 27yo, but quite honestly if you're cool with that and the life differences you two may have, then who am I to say you're wrong? :3
vcassano1 - That third picture you have makes you look off. Like you don't have a chin (no offense to you; you look good in the other pictures). I'd personally scrap it.
Maybe other than that, the profile seems a bit short, but there's nothing too wrong about that; you have quite a bit of personality in the little bit you have
Valus - I laughed so hard at the "Mrs. Green Circle" comment xD Your profile is great.
Husker - We've already talked :3
Whew! Think that's everyone.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
*glances at everyone's profiles on the last page because why do homework when I can stare at hot GAFfers*
Disclaimer: My opinions are weird sometimes.
Advocatus Diaboli - Goodness, you think about some... smart... stuff... Reading your profile makes me feel just a bit less intelligent, lol.
Thank you! Oh, and don't hold it against Chewie -- I suggested using mine because I thought it was clever. Oops. But you're right, there are some profiles out there where I think, "This might just be too much damned effort." I certainly don't want to be one of those. So I toned down that section quite a bit. We'll see how it goes.
Right now, I think I'm in a self-imposed slump. (Granted, I didn't even log on when I was dating the last girl.) But I don't even know whom I should attempt to message.
I can understand that. I bumped my minimum age to 21 (I'm the same age as you) mainly because I wanted to be able to go to a bar with my boo if I wanted to. It's not like the older/younger folks can't message you anyway (believe me, a lot of older folks message me
)Unfortunately I can't help with the messenging part too much.
I only messaged a few people myself and they all went surprisingly poorly -
Oh, and everyone? I must offer a word of advice. If you do find that "elusive gamer girl", please Please PLEASE don't immediately message them with "what kind of games you like?". Please. Seriously. I literally got that question more than I did the stock standard "How are you?". I actually had a template response (with Bloodborne as part of the standard response, and Devil Survivor 2 if I wanted to try and scare you away with animu) before I realized that it wasn't worth the effort. And I didn't (at least, I don't believe I did) really mention gaming *too* much on my profile.
Just, like, ask about something else first, ask about the video games later.
False Witness
Member
I think it's about time for a massive rewrite, so I wouldn't mind a little extra advice in addition to what I've already seen from others here.
Here
Make the second picture your main one :3
Hopefully you won't mind me quoting some stuff. If you don't want me to in the thread I'll remove it. It's essentially "parts of your written profile I think you should cut out". I'm not commenting on the length per se, just bits where you over-explain/ramble too long.
What I'm doing with my life:
"Summer vacation from work just started for me, so I've been somewhat busy planning just how I'm going to spend all of this free time that I've found myself with. I think I'm going to try and do a lot of exploring the state. I may even try to take that swing dancing class they offer in Fountain Square. There is a ton of stuff to see out there, might as well take a glance now and again." - Seems better to talk about in messages.
"If they don't get calloused, I'm probably going to start wearing a couple pairs of socks. I've heard that it can really reduce the friction on your actual feet." - ...I don't think that's... needed...
"I actually had the opportunity to teach a class of my own last semester. I'm pretty sure the experience killed off most of my interest in pursuing an actual career in teaching. Of course, I was dealing with freshman kids during their first few months at high school and was teaching a class that would probably be a heck of lot more useful for seniors (preparing for college and careers), so it probably wasn't representative of most teaching positions.
I really do enjoy my job though. My favorite thing, of course, is the built in vacation time. I have plenty of free time to do whatever I want at the end of every 9 weeks. 2 weeks each in fall, winter, and spring, with 2 months off in the summer. I love it. Of course, it would be ten times better if it were paid." - I'd say condense these into one paragraph. Also, no need to explain what your vacation days are--most people would have a general idea since you said you were a teacher.
"I don't make a whole lot, but I really can't complain too much. I could totally do with some benefits though. They'll come if I stay at the school for a while longer because it's likely I'll become an instructional assistant.
I will say, that it does tend to get a bit monotonous at times. It would be nice to have some responsibility and actual work to do every once in a while, which an IA position would provide." - Not really important information for a profile, since it doesn't say anything at all about you personally.
I'm really good at:
"I think that skill kind of comes from the fact that I am quite the quick study and pick up a variety of things very easily. Of course, I constantly need to refresh my skillset or I'll end up forgetting how to do things and have to relearn it all from scratch. I probably became such an easy learner to make up for my impossibly bad memory. " - This doesn't really explain what you're good at
First things people notice:
"My handwriting is atrocious. Like, completely terrible. Worse than a doctor's, in fact. However, my cursive is still a million times better than my print. When writing in print, I can sometimes leave up to an inch of empty space between letters in a single word and I have absolutely no clue as to why. It's better if I just write in cursive (easier on the hand too). Why would people even notice my handwriting in the first place? Well, I guess I'm just used to the whole school environment where I usually have something I'm working on out in front of me." - People really notice your handwriting before anything else? This doesn't really fit well with your other two examples. Only your students would notice that first.
Favorite stuff:
Ditch the first paragraph. It's not really needed.
The lists in general in this area seem a bit long... but honestly, I suppose that isn't a big deal.
Six things:
Typically it's best to just keep this as a list... without explanations. Gives people a reason to try to puzzle your thinking out, and ask questions.
I spend a lot of time thinking about:
I... just... try to make each "bullet point" less than 2-3 sentences. All your explanations here seem really rambly, and don't really have a lot of information about you and your personality. Not that there isn't something there, but it's getting lost in the wall of text in this area.
Friday night:
The first paragraph is fine. Keep that, scrap the rest of it, unnecessary.
Private thing:
I'm just skipping this, since I have no real advice on that one.
Message me:
Again, first paragraph is fine, the rest is needless fluff.
Hmm... TL;DR version: Your profile has waaaaaaaay too much fluff in it. You write a lot (A LOT), but it really doesn't have as much substance about you as you think. It's full of random comments that don't need to be there (see the quotes I pulled above for some examples) that not only provide no meaningful information, but also make you seem a bit of a rambler/scatterbrained on top of it. A lot of these little tidbits would be fun to do in the messaging stage, but it's wasted in the profile.
Lemme put it this way. After combing through your profile, here's what I remember about you without me glancing at your profile while making this list:
- You're a teacher.
- You're currently walking a lot, and need to wear socks.
- Family is important.
- You don't get paid a lot, and have two jobs.
- Quiet
- Bad handwriting
- You like a lot of media (but forget most of it when you're done?)
That's... about it. Obviously there's a bit more there, but it's not going to all stand out because readers need to sift through a lot of stuff to get any pertinent info. Despite all those words, you're not really standing out amongst most of the other guys out there, but the big difference is that they are much, much more succinct about it. People will not want to wade through such a long profile to find out if you're worth it... and those that do, well, might come away disappointed because you haven't put too much about yourself that's unique to you (and if you did, it's too hidden to stand out).
It might take a lot of revisions, but it's worth working through and cutting out as much as you can.
...Ah, shit. TL;DR version for the TL;DR version: Cut out out the rambles and the fluff, and your profile would be half the length.
False Witness
Member
Thank you for that. I appreciate it. Heh, it seems like my rambles are good about making other people ramble.
I think I tend to write around the subjects so much because I don't find them particularly thrilling and, like you pointed out, there isn't much substance to what I'm saying (which is because I often feel that there isn't much substance to what I do).
My profile has actually gotten some interesting messages based on it, but it's definitely time for a revision on a large scale.
Thanks.
I think I tend to write around the subjects so much because I don't find them particularly thrilling and, like you pointed out, there isn't much substance to what I'm saying (which is because I often feel that there isn't much substance to what I do).
My profile has actually gotten some interesting messages based on it, but it's definitely time for a revision on a large scale.
Thanks.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
This woman is a crazy on the phone as the texts. Holy shit.
She want's me to send picture nows. BLOCKED
She want's me to send picture nows. BLOCKED
Fantastical
Death Prophet
God damn... first date (ever!) didn't go great. Well... it wasn't bad, but I don't think we were really into each other. He did invite me to his friends show tomorrow... but it didn't feel right. Like he was ready to go when the check came.
ReturnOfTheRAT
Member
Bullet dodged.
User 479360
Banned
I'm getting responses from four women, so I guess I'm doing something right. I can't win with pictures, though. I'm just not photogenic or attractive. I see your profiles when you look at mine, and I'm jealous.
Haha
Haha
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Frog loser deleted, you mean.
Anyway -- I just struggled trying to think of something to write a girl that I know I'd get along with. Had a few sentences, but it wasn't coming easily enough, so I passed. Feels weird. Also, had a random girl message me and ask if I really meant that I didn't want kids. This is comical.
I made a profile for the 1000th time. I tend to make them when I'm bored, then end up deleting them because I'm never interested in the women that talk to me. The ones I am interested in tend not to write back or they turn out insanely uninteresting. Anyway, advice on my profile would be solid. Quote to reveal.
megamerican
Member
I actually liked your profile. It was different, and it felt honest. I also think you underestimate your looks.
Pics look good. I think your account is going to be a love it or hate it type deal depending on their sense of humor.
The girl I met once before she had to go back home out of state had been texting me / snapping me almost incessantly til all of a sudden it just stopped a couple of days ago. Part of me was relieved as it was getting a little much, but the other part is still attracted to her. Debating if I should ask what's up or just write it off.
Tonight I got like 5-6 message in a row from a girl that seems pretty unbalanced, and some from a gay guy (I'm seeking women) that's been stalking me for over a year through multiple accounts. I'm about ready to shitcan the whole thing.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
There's a surprising amount of dudes when you filter "Women seeking Men".
I think they forgot to tweak the settings.
I think they forgot to tweak the settings.
I guess I accidentally found love online, although I wasn't looking for it.
Joined Fetlife (a kink site) mostly to take part in some of the discussions. Ended up noticing a woman who was majoring in Japanese and living in Japan in a few threads, so I wrote to her in Japanese--not even in a flirtatious way (at the time she didn't even have pictures up on her profile), I just wanted somebody to practice with--and she wrote back.
We clicked, met in Japan (at Hachiko!), lived together, travelled together, then she came to Canada and we did the same thing.
Our one year anniversary is this July, and then we'll have our new place together a few months after that. I'm happy it worked out the way it did. I can't make profiles for shit.
We moved way too fast, but I guess it worked in our favour.
Moral of the story: Don't overthink things and hope for a bit of luck. Sorry, I know that's terrible advice Best of luck, everyone!
Joined Fetlife (a kink site) mostly to take part in some of the discussions. Ended up noticing a woman who was majoring in Japanese and living in Japan in a few threads, so I wrote to her in Japanese--not even in a flirtatious way (at the time she didn't even have pictures up on her profile), I just wanted somebody to practice with--and she wrote back.
We clicked, met in Japan (at Hachiko!), lived together, travelled together, then she came to Canada and we did the same thing.
Our one year anniversary is this July, and then we'll have our new place together a few months after that. I'm happy it worked out the way it did. I can't make profiles for shit.
We moved way too fast, but I guess it worked in our favour.
Moral of the story: Don't overthink things and hope for a bit of luck. Sorry, I know that's terrible advice
Best of luck, everyone!NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I guess I accidentally found love online, although I wasn't looking for it.
Joined Fetlife (a kink site) mostly to take part in some of the discussions. Ended up noticing a woman who was majoring in Japanese and living in Japan in a few threads, so I wrote to her in Japanese--not even in a flirtatious way (at the time she didn't even have pictures up on her profile), I just wanted somebody to practice with--and she wrote back.
We clicked, met in Japan (at Hachiko!), lived together, travelled together, then she came to Canada and we did the same thing.
Our one year anniversary is this July, and then we'll have our new place together a few months after that. I'm happy it worked out the way it did. I can't make profiles for shit.
We moved way too fast, but I guess it worked in our favour.
Moral of the story: Don't overthink things and hope for a bit of luck. Sorry, I know that's terrible advice
Congrats!
So first date was a success. Made out a lot, even though she said she doesn't do PDA. She went as far as grabbing my junk in public lol. They say a lot but get them in the mood and they will break their word I guess. I don't even know how I succeeded. Just kept the conversation going and went from there.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
"Please message me if you understand decolonization and know the power that you as a heterosexual male hold in society."
Wow, some of these girls are hardcore.
Wow, some of these girls are hardcore.
Hoooolyyy shiiit hahahahaha
Yo dang, congrats on this!
That's how bud. Glad to hear it went well.
As for me chatted with the girl I'm seeing tomorrow night the last couple days. She sounds even more excited about it after tonight, so good sign! We'll see how it goes.
Reminds me of the time I recieved a message from a girl. She was 24, seemed pretty sound, and was cute. But as the conversation went on, it transpired she was a religious nut. Wanted me to convert before we dated. Blocked her ass immediately.
User 479360
Banned
Things were going really well with one cute girl I messaged two nights ago, but then I was honest about my depression and it scared her because she also has it. She's probably right, as she thinks that two people dating when both have it would be a bad idea, but she wants to meet and try to be friends then see what happens.
I don't know if that's a good idea for me, because while she seems awesome, I have a lot of friends and it'll be tough to just be friends with someone I've met on a dating site.
I don't know if that's a good idea for me, because while she seems awesome, I have a lot of friends and it'll be tough to just be friends with someone I've met on a dating site.
It's not. Meet her. It'll be good to have someone who understands it you can talk to.
edit: y2dvd brings up a good point, it's very early days to bring up the subject. It probably came up since you guys got on to talking and conversation led there, but he's right. Early days you want to be having fun with each other and feel each other out. Once you're comfortable being around with one another is when you can start opening up about more serious topics.
Thanks man. Good luck with that! My date said me being affectionate was a plus if that helps haha.
Depression is such a big thing to bring up before the date even occurred, let only probably being early a few dates in. Same thing for past relationships. My date brought up the topic and I quickly steered away from it.
False Witness
Member
I wish I could stop myself from picking up the phone when my ex calls at 3 in the morning.
We ended up talking for three hours last night about how badly we wanted the same exact thing out of each other, but couldn't have it because... reasons... Oh my goodness.
We ended up talking for three hours last night about how badly we wanted the same exact thing out of each other, but couldn't have it because... reasons... Oh my goodness.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
It is absolutely stunning when a dude's wife gets into his OKC account and discovers he's been cheating.
Oh man. No sympathy.
Oh man. No sympathy.
We're going to need details, bro.
User 479360
Banned
I found a girl who's a few years older and lives about ten minutes away, who's into metal and classic horror movies. She seems interested, too!
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I should make a fake account to read all these profiles.
Why haven't you blocked her number? :/
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
You're on there two days and already found more exciting profiles than I can ever hope to find.
False Witness
Member
Funnily enough, she always asks why I picked up the phone.
She always seems to call on the days I can't stop thinking about her. Our wedding ceremony was going to be a month from today...
I still care about her. Maybe that's why I'm having so much trouble connecting to these new people. I guess it also doesn't help that I always end up with the people just looking for a hookup.
DoktorEvil
Banned
I've gone back to Online Dating and haven't had any of this shit happen to me yet.
I'm not Ok Cupid-ing right.
stn
Member
I've had a dominatrix message me numerous times--yes, she actually wanted to date--and one girl randomly ask me about religion. Probably the only two I'd classify as "weird". Other than that there were just a few insecure girls but that's not weird in any sense.
I must be doing it all wrong.
I must be doing it all wrong.
User 479360
Banned
I'm almost always the one doing the messaging. I don't think I'm all that attractive to women, but some seem to fancy me.
The conversation is going great with this metal chick.
The conversation is going great with this metal chick.
That's typical as a guy when online dating. I think maybe 4% of the time I've had a message from a girl first.
Great! Remember to lead into continuing the conversation over coffee or drinks or dinner or a walk in the park or whatever.
User 479360
Banned
I shall
We've been talking about doing a horror movie night for the second date. She wants to teach me to cook, too.
I'm fighting myself because I know I shouldn't mention mental illness but I feel like I need to. I haven't.
Don't get ahead of yourself in terms of second dates, you guys haven't met in person yet. Remember this is all talk until you meet in person (and even then, it can just be talk).
And again, you guys haven't even met yet, just be yourself, you're doing fine so far. You can get into that if you're a few dates in if you really feel the need to.
DoktorEvil
Banned
Don't know if these exist in Canada, but in the States there are places where you can take a date and learn how to cook together.
I don't want to wrongfully say it's a cooking class, because the environment isn't necessarily just for learning, but you should look into something like that if she's big on cooking.
Do not mention your depression.
stn
Member
@Chewie
Same advice I gave before, man. You get ahead of yourself wayyyyyyyy too much. Try to do more of the following:
-Keep conversation light before a first date
-Do not mention depression or anything until you at least meet up once
-Do not talk about date #2 before date #1
Basically, you need to be 100x more casual and relaxed. To me it looks like your mind is moving much faster than the actual relationship in question. Slow down, dude. I noticed you place a lot of emphasis on variables like age, depression, specific activities, and shit like that. This is too much mental exertion.
Chat lightly, make some jokes, and meet up for coffee for date #1. If there is mutual interest, go for date #2. THEN you can start slowly mentioning your illness and other things that are of importance.
Same advice I gave before, man. You get ahead of yourself wayyyyyyyy too much. Try to do more of the following:
-Keep conversation light before a first date
-Do not mention depression or anything until you at least meet up once
-Do not talk about date #2 before date #1
Basically, you need to be 100x more casual and relaxed. To me it looks like your mind is moving much faster than the actual relationship in question. Slow down, dude. I noticed you place a lot of emphasis on variables like age, depression, specific activities, and shit like that. This is too much mental exertion.
Chat lightly, make some jokes, and meet up for coffee for date #1. If there is mutual interest, go for date #2. THEN you can start slowly mentioning your illness and other things that are of importance.
User 479360
Banned
Thanks as always.
I'm taking your advice to heart and have followed it to a T so far.
I'm taking your advice to heart and have followed it to a T so far.
electricshake
Member
I was on antidepressants when I met my current bf, though only for mild depression. I didn't mention it until our third date but it wasn't a big deal. No need to bring it up yet.
I'm not one to go looking for relationship advice on NeoGaf.
However, in perusing this thread one one occasion, I happened to catch word of Tinder.
In my location of south suburbs of Chicago, I often had little fortune with women.
However, Tinder transformed that, now I have a wider pool of options, and a greater success rate. What a confidence booster!
The only downfall is when women (oddly enough, mostly black women in my experience) put "I only want white guys" or some variant of the phrase. It's off-putting and confuses me given statistics regarding black women's results on online dating. Why limit oneself?
But no matter, for this I say, thanks!
However, in perusing this thread one one occasion, I happened to catch word of Tinder.
In my location of south suburbs of Chicago, I often had little fortune with women.
However, Tinder transformed that, now I have a wider pool of options, and a greater success rate. What a confidence booster!
The only downfall is when women (oddly enough, mostly black women in my experience) put "I only want white guys
" or some variant of the phrase. It's off-putting and confuses me given statistics regarding black women's results on online dating. Why limit oneself?But no matter, for this I say, thanks!