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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond

We're going to need details, bro.

Here:

My self-summary
I'm a dirty piece of shit. I enjoy lying and backstabbing, and just overall betraying my family. I don't shower often, maybe once a week. I also have messaged over 50 people on here saying the same thing to all of them, so I'm not sincere at all.
What I’m doing with my life
Absolutely nothing. I spend my days cheating on my partner of 5 years, she's also the mother of my son. I have zero respect for her despite everything she has done for me. I usually have a wank on public transport while I watch porn, I know it's disgusting and Pervy but I don't care.
I’m really good at
Lying
Backstabbing
Playing with my dick
Playing video games
Cheating
Ignoring my child
Disrespecting my partner
Lying
More backstabbing
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Who cares. I'm just a spineless man and I'll say anything to get you to like me, even if I lie.
The six things I could never do without
Telling lies and cheating. I want to stick my dick in anything with a hole.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Nothing. I have no brain.
On a typical Friday night I am
sneaking onto my phone to cheat on my partner
You should message me if
If you're also a low life, spineless, lying, cheating piece of trash we could hit it off.
 
I'm not one to go looking for relationship advice on NeoGaf.

However, in perusing this thread one one occasion, I happened to catch word of Tinder.

In my location of south suburbs of Chicago, I often had little fortune with women.

However, Tinder transformed that, now I have a wider pool of options, and a greater success rate. What a confidence booster!

The only downfall is when women (oddly enough, mostly black women in my experience) put "I only want white guys :)" or some variant of the phrase. It's off-putting and confuses me given statistics regarding black women's results on online dating. Why limit oneself?

But no matter, for this I say, thanks!

With online dating I prefer the woman to be upfront about such preferences. It's enough work to be a mind reader with some of them in the initial stage of sending a message. If you state what you want or don't want, that's one less headache or hurdle to bother with.
 

Kule

Member
Feeling a bit confused with this girl I matched on tinder earlier this week. I made a terrible joke about something in her profile that she didn't get but then it clicked for her and she found it funny. We continued to chat and she also found me on pof where we continued the conversation then she asked for my phone number and started messaging me on WhatsApp.
A day later the convo just kind of died randomly and I felt like I had to do all the work to keep it flowing. I had a lot on irl so I just stopped messaging her and her last reply felt dismissive 'fair enough'.
It's been two days since then and today she sent me a message asking how my week had been. I was in a good mood so was jokey with her and having fun but then eventually the convo dried up again.. Felt like if I didn't say anything she wouldn't either.
She also deleted her tinder so I made a joke about not being able to see her best photo. She asked which one it was and sent it to me over whatsapp.

I feel like I'm over thinking this. I've only been on one date from tinder and that girl was really chatty and flirty so I knew exactly how things were going.
 
Feeling a bit confused with this girl I matched on tinder earlier this week. I made a terrible joke about something in her profile that she didn't get but then it clicked for her and she found it funny. We continued to chat and she also found me on pof where we continued the conversation then she asked for my phone number and started messaging me on WhatsApp.
A day later the convo just kind of died randomly and I felt like I had to do all the work to keep it flowing. I had a lot on irl so I just stopped messaging her and her last reply felt dismissive 'fair enough'.
It's been two days since then and today she sent me a message asking how my week had been. I was in a good mood so was jokey with her and having fun but then eventually the convo dried up again.. Felt like if I didn't say anything she wouldn't either.
She also deleted her tinder so I made a joke about not being able to see her best photo. She asked which one it was and sent it to me over whatsapp.

I feel like I'm over thinking this. I've only been on one date from tinder and that girl was really chatty and flirty so I knew exactly how things were going.

Just take it easy. I'm realizing the the rapid texting experience with my first short/long term relationship from POF has severely spoiled me in terms of how much someone likes to communicate via text. I'm not exaggerating when I say for that 3.5 months period we were averaging at least high multiples of 10's texts per day, except when there was a holiday and she was away with family or when we were together. Such high volume is considered High School level, but she was 26/27 and I was 29/30 at the time..

Every woman since then has been in 10 to 15 if that, or "fewer." ;)

Maybe what you should do is call her. Apparently it's considered more effort (I guess it is) to show interest. You can hear her voice, she hears yours etc. Also consider that maybe she's busy or all the discussions you want to have via text can be saved for when you see each other.

I'll admit that without a week or two to figure out how frequent texting is, it's hard to gauge how things will go in that form of communication. You can always force the issue and make a plan to see how she responds if you want to really find out. And a good night (gn) or good morning (gm) text with something else attached doesn't hurt either.
 
Feeling a bit confused with this girl I matched on tinder earlier this week. I made a terrible joke about something in her profile that she didn't get but then it clicked for her and she found it funny. We continued to chat and she also found me on pof where we continued the conversation then she asked for my phone number and started messaging me on WhatsApp.
A day later the convo just kind of died randomly and I felt like I had to do all the work to keep it flowing. I had a lot on irl so I just stopped messaging her and her last reply felt dismissive 'fair enough'.
It's been two days since then and today she sent me a message asking how my week had been. I was in a good mood so was jokey with her and having fun but then eventually the convo dried up again.. Felt like if I didn't say anything she wouldn't either.
She also deleted her tinder so I made a joke about not being able to see her best photo. She asked which one it was and sent it to me over whatsapp.

I feel like I'm over thinking this. I've only been on one date from tinder and that girl was really chatty and flirty so I knew exactly how things were going.

Ask her out already.
 

Africanus

Member
With online dating I prefer the woman to be upfront about such preferences. It's enough work to be a mind reader with some of them in the initial stage of sending a message. If you state what you want or don't want, that's one less headache or hurdle to bother with.

This is indeed true.
 

Palpable

Member
Made pof/okc profiles (again) and wow... I am not interested in ANY of these women. Gonna delete when it lets me after 24 hours. Good lord dating is depressing.
 

ant_

not characteristic of ants at all
My success on Tinder compared to OK Cupid is insane.
On OK Cupid I've messaged a good number of girls and maybe got 1 or 2 responses.

I spend a week on Tinder and I am talking to 4 or 5 girls and have 2 dates scheduled. I've learned the hard way about putting all my eggs in one basket on Tinder, so I'm seeing how this strategy goes. I think Tinder just suits my quick witted humor, and I don't really like talking about myself. I'll give OKCupid another try if these dates don't work out.
 

SheSaidNo

Member
I'm not one to go looking for relationship advice on NeoGaf.

However, in perusing this thread one one occasion, I happened to catch word of Tinder.

In my location of south suburbs of Chicago, I often had little fortune with women.

However, Tinder transformed that, now I have a wider pool of options, and a greater success rate. What a confidence booster!

The only downfall is when women (oddly enough, mostly black women in my experience) put "I only want white guys :)" or some variant of the phrase. It's off-putting and confuses me given statistics regarding black women's results on online dating. Why limit oneself?

But no matter, for this I say, thanks!

Hmm, I'm a white dude from the south side of Chicago and I don't think I've seen this that often, although probably 75% of my matches are with black women. I've always wondered if there's a higher rate of black women interested in white guys in online dating because I haven't really noticed it outside of tinder or okcupid. I mean with such a strong sense of community that black neighborhoods have it would make sense for people who might have a different preference to go online, though "I only want white guys :)" has to be the most annoying thing ever.
 

ant_

not characteristic of ants at all
Are girls on tinder just looking to smang or are there others on there looking for meaningful conversation and Gilmore Girl marathons?

There's girls that are looking for something 'casual' and those that are looking for something serious. Most girls say "Aren't looking for hookups" but it's mostly just a front.

At least in my area there's a solid helping of both. I'm usually just upfront and ask what they are looking for.
 

gaiages

Banned

LOOOOOOOL

Is that an actual bio?

Apparently a guy's wife found out he had an OKC profile and decided to... change his profile a bit.

At least in my area there's a solid helping of both. I'm usually just upfront and ask what they are looking for.

That's usually the best idea. For a woman, putting 'casual sex' on any profile is a very bad idea... you get shitty meesages from shitty people, and also there's the whole social stigma of women having just casual sex, so most women aren't going to put that up there, even if they are just looking for hookups.
 
OK, so now I'm playing the waiting game. Struck up a conversation with someone on Match. We've gone back and forth with messages. 4th message I asked her how she would enjoy this Bay Area whether. She responded she's going on a hike and the babysitting. I followed up by telling her what I'm doing and closed with, "I'm enjoying talking to you, what does next week look like for you?" That was about 90 minutes ago. The message shows as being read and she's offline.

Guess we'll see what happens.
 
There's girls that are looking for something 'casual' and those that are looking for something serious. Most girls say "Aren't looking for hookups" but it's mostly just a front.

At least in my area there's a solid helping of both. I'm usually just upfront and ask what they are looking for.
How connected is your Facebook profile to it? I don't use Facebook but I have one and it may be off putting to some if they see nothing there. Which to me I see a blank canvas.
 

ant_

not characteristic of ants at all
How connected is your Facebook profile to it? I don't use Facebook but I have one and it may be off putting to some if they see nothing there. Which to me I see a blank canvas.

Just pictures, really. It shows if someone likes something you like or has mutual friends.connections but I don't think that stuff really matters at all.

All that matters is your pictures and short little bio.
 
It is never not funny to read through someone's profile that lives on the other side of the world and then ask them genuine questions that makes it sound like I'm from another planet.

Them being thousands of kilometers away makes it funnier for some reason, cause it's like I'm learning about new cultures by asking stupid questions.
 

AcridMeat

Banned
Meeting date in a few minutes one love friends.
Just got home, had solid conversation, hand holding, some kissing. This was the girl in an open relationship currently. She talked about it a bit, stating that they're kind of in a spot where they're the kind of the emotional rock for them to have their back, but said they haven't been physical for a while.

I'm basically in a sitcom where I'm the fun and have another guy doing all the emotional grunt work potentially. This is too good to be true and will end horribly.
 
D

Deleted member 529084

Unconfirmed Member
Joining the thread on recommendation from the "Do I hug" thread.

I was in a realtionship for 14 years and I'm now a 36 year old widower, have a 13 year old son.
Been back in the "game" for about 3 months.

10-15 phone/text buddies (I'm not a guys guy I guess and love just hanging/talking with women)

First date was a Persian woman, 33, a banker for JP Morgan and really beautiful. Had some drinks at Red Robin then she wanted to talk she said and drove us to a park (she wanted to drive, had a new beamer to show off to me I guess)
We made out, some heavy petting, put she freaked out and said we had to stop. Shes non-praticing Muslim and still has a bit of reservation in her....not enough tho to call me from time to time for phone sex and send me nudes...
Says it wont work due to culture clash..

Second date was an Asian/White chick, 34, yard designer or something
Goofy...very much a mom. Wouldnt give me her number till after the date, would only converse via Match email.
Date was sitting across from each other at a Starbucks at like 5pm
Like an interview...
And, I'm not trying to be a dick...but...her pumps had a scuff, turn off.
I hit her off with a hug good-bye, got the number, call from time to time but mostly avoid. Gonna let it taper off.

Third date, Brooklyn'nite, from Bensonhurts. Has the Marisa Tomei accent, cute ass...poor tho and her outfit was appalling.
Sucked it up, went on a pub crawl through Brooklyn then back to her place.Smashed like 3 times, passed out, twice in the morning then got out of their.
Went back up to her place the following weekend, drank a bottle of Chardonnay and got 2 BJ's.
Went home knowing I would never go back.
Used the "My life is complicated right now excuse" she offered up a "Friends with Bennies"...I said maybe. Tried the "I had a miscarriage line on me last week, I can smell bullshit from a mile away.

4th date,..and wear I'm at now, and may just be out the game cause this ones an angel pure 10...fake boobies and all!
I wont give to many details on her cause shes easy to detect online cause shes considered rare for her field and has been asked to pose for trade magazines in that field (A woman, a knock-out, BIG boobs, toned etc,,) Shes been interviews online for articles, knows TV personalities as well as reknowned artist
Its a wierd combo us...I'm I guess whats considered a bit of a nerdy hipster, shes in death metal, only wears black..Its like going out with Elviras blonde cousin.
We've been on about 5 dates, sex a few times (which Im having difficulties with do to performance anxiety due to her beauty and brains)
Shes telling me she loves me...and I think I may be falling for her...but when we go out men stare at her, guys online message her, an artist she commisoned a piece from let her cut ahead his other customers waiting and is doing her work (Dude is without a doubt gonna try to hook up with her) a dealer/collector for a Museum is having a panting done with the woman in it using her face, and now on Instagram some bearded up, muscle packed, tattooed, biker guy is hitting on her...
Not to mention a guy she works with basically confessed his love for her yesterday..

She shows me all this stuff, as a sign of trust, and says "They all want me, but I want you, I want to fuck only you...and I love you. Let them want me, men always have."
But, Im used to dating down..usually Im the "pretty" one..Which is why I think my head is fucked up and my dick is failing me. I'm used to being secure, confidant, and thinking "shes lucky to have me"...but with her I'm locked in a "Why the fuck are you with me?" Not to mention all these more talented, richer, better looking, etc..guys are throwing them selves at her.

Plus...I'm basically a secret also.
Shes going through her divorce to a very very violent guy. Last straw was he beat her up and put a gun to her head...she ran to a neighbors and he was arrested. She used to be not allowed out after dark, wasnt allowed to use a babysitter, he inspected what she wore etc..
She tells her girlfriends about me tho...basically anyone who has no mutual connection to her husband in anyway is allowed to know about our relationship. She worries lose lips will end up getting me beat up, him actually killing her, or problems in court.
In August her, her kids, and mom and dad, all go down to the beach for a week...her plan is for me and my son to "randomly" encounter her on the boardwalk and we hit it off and thats how we start dating.
First 2 dates she made me pick her up from work, 3 and 4th date at her house, and now shes just leaving her front door unlocked and I park a street over and walk to her house.

She leave for a week in Turks tomorrow morning so she left the door unlocked for me tonight. I came in slid into bed with her while she was sleeping and we had (terrible) sex...seriously, my dick is totally trying to sink this for me..
I think its a mix of anxiety, fear, and....I think I caught feelings..
Shes been understanding about my "issues" and been coaching me through it...we snuggled, I rubbed her feet while she made me listen to cookie monster metal, but she talked about her work and it alone was as sexy as her cause she was is so brilliant.
Kept saying how she loved me and could have other men but she chose me and wont let me go cause "they want her, but I need her" (wtf?)

Comes back next Saturday and wants to go on a date Sunday....to meet my friends..
All 2 of them...both my nerdy friends..

So thats where my dating is at now via online/match. Not sure how this one will end up...its some STRANGE shit (seriously, if I gave you guys more details on her your jaws would drop lol)
I'll keep updates on how the dates go, eventual break up, and then my journey back into Online dating.

I do have a 28 year old Irish girl in North Jersey I'm secretly still texting with daily..guess my fear of this thing has me keeping one in a glass case..
 

Lulubop

Member
My success on Tinder compared to OK Cupid is insane.
On OK Cupid I've messaged a good number of girls and maybe got 1 or 2 responses.

I spend a week on Tinder and I am talking to 4 or 5 girls and have 2 dates scheduled. I've learned the hard way about putting all my eggs in one basket on Tinder, so I'm seeing how this strategy goes. I think Tinder just suits my quick witted humor, and I don't really like talking about myself. I'll give OKCupid another try if these dates don't work out.


I had the same experience with Tinder being much better than okc for me, even posted about it here. It was actually kinda crazy how many matches I'd get a day. Then it began to die down, fast. I deleted it (twice) to reset my matches and I haven't had the same success. Maybe it was the time of year, though I'm subscribing to the conspiracy theory that Tinder is working against me.

I work overnights and have a brunch date at 2. Probably won't get much sleep. It's a second date, first was a little awkward but she was def down for another date. She's really pretty but awful at texting. Excites none the less
 

gaiages

Banned
Man, so many girls love cats.

What is about things of the feline persuasion and describing yourself as a cat lady.


Yes, yes we do.


Oh, and welcome, SPMH. Uh, so some things about your post...

And, I'm not trying to be a dick...but...her pumps had a scuff, turn off.

What does that even mean? Do you mean her shoes had a mark on them? And that was a turn off? That... seems sorta picky....

Third date, Brooklyn'nite, from Bensonhurts. Has the Marisa Tomei accent, cute ass...poor tho and her outfit was appalling.
Sucked it up, went on a pub crawl through Brooklyn then back to her place.Smashed like 3 times, passed out, twice in the morning then got out of their.
Went back up to her place the following weekend, drank a bottle of Chardonnay and got 2 BJ's.
Went home knowing I would never go back.

:/

Im used to dating down..usually Im the "pretty" one..Which is why I think my head is fucked up and my dick is failing me. I'm used to being secure, confidant, and thinking "shes lucky to have me"...but with her I'm locked in a "Why the fuck are you with me?"

Is... is that seriously a mindset you have with women? "You're lucky to have me"? Ew.

I do have a 28 year old Irish girl in North Jersey I'm secretly still texting with daily..guess my fear of this thing has me keeping one in a glass case..

....

Generally when people start saying that they love each other, they're sorta exclusive, unless stated otherwise. Come on, shouldn't you at least give this woman that's saying she loves you a chance? Shit dude, you say she's beautiful and all that... and you don't really say much else (that's whatever), but even though she's a complete bombshell you're still looking at other chicks?

Legit question (and it's gonna come off as rude), do you care about this girl's feelings, or are you just thinking with your dick? You don't give much of your feelings in all this, other than a quick "I think I'm falling for her", but you're still hitting up other women. If she isn't really privy to that information and believes your relationship is exclusive, then you're essentially cheating on her (emotionally). That's not cool.
 

Jokab

Member
Is... is that seriously a mindset you have with women? "You're lucky to have me"? Ew.

As long as you're not overdoing or actually saying it to the other person, I think this is not necessarily a bad mindset to have. I think being able to recognize what you're worth and being proud of it is a good thing. A lot of guys will have the reverse mindset - "I'm so lucky to be with her, she's so beautiful, I don't deserve her" - which often isn't good.
 
As long as you're not overdoing or actually saying it to the other person, I think this is not necessarily a bad mindset to have. I think being able to recognize what you're worth and being proud of it is a good thing. A lot of guys will have the reverse mindset - "I'm so lucky to be with her, she's so beautiful, I don't deserve her" - which often isn't good.

Comparative introspection is never a good thing.
 

stn

Member
Regarding your current girl, I don't think its going to go far. Twice I've seen you mention how she likes to make it known that other men want her. That part screams to me that she's insecure and possibly bitter about some former guy who either dumped her or cheated on her. I wouldn't be surprised if she's with you to spite someone. I sense some bitterness at play. Just my hunch, take it for what it is.

Also, I have to mention what I think gaigaes was on about. The way you describe some of these women just seems off to me. I don't know, like there's some sort of complete mental detachment from them. Two of them you judge because they're either poor or dress poorly, and you also seem to get a thrill from secretly texting with some other girl.

I'm not qualified to speak on this but I think you should assess what you're truly looking for in a woman. I mean, you're focused on shit like bad clothes, poverty, and fake tits. Like I said, its all very "off" to me. Please keep in mind that I'm not trying to judge you or bash you with this post, I'm merely trying to open your eyes. Hope everything works out for you!
 
D

Deleted member 529084

Unconfirmed Member

Oh, and welcome, SPMH. Uh, so some things about your post...


What does that even mean? Do you mean her shoes had a mark on them? And that was a turn off? That... seems sorta picky....

It does, I know. But even at date 4 or 5 with a girl I'm still dressed at my best. Plus like I said the date was a disaster anyway. Like an interview, no fun. I work outside, and get covered with dirt and grime all day, and I'm a single father...but when I go out I make sure my boots have a nice shine, carry a lint roller in the car etc..


I know...it was a terrible endeavor. We hit it off via the phone but her apartment was borderline squalor, dogs running a much, and..she wore old leggings when we went out. Ya know how cotton leggings lose that sheen and get "fuzzy"...not attractive.


Is... is that seriously a mindset you have with women? "You're lucky to have me"? Ew.

Sadly yes. I have low self-esteem issues so I guess part of me dates down to feel more secure.
Dating an attractive woman is difficult for me.



....

Generally when people start saying that they love each other, they're sorta exclusive, unless stated otherwise. Come on, shouldn't you at least give this woman that's saying she loves you a chance? Shit dude, you say she's beautiful and all that... and you don't really say much else (that's whatever), but even though she's a complete bombshell you're still looking at other chicks?

Legit question (and it's gonna come off as rude), do you care about this girl's feelings, or are you just thinking with your dick? You don't give much of your feelings in all this, other than a quick "I think I'm falling for her", but you're still hitting up other women. If she isn't really privy to that information and believes your relationship is exclusive, then you're essentially cheating on her (emotionally). That's not cool.

I know...I feel like I'm keeping this other girl on the side cause I'm worried about when the other shoe drops and the pretty girl leaves me..my insecurity and low self-esteem.
I worry about her love tho...
Its only been 4 weeks, shes just out of an abusive relationship, and men are throwing themselves at her. I continually ask her when she says she love me "Why me?" like I cant see why she would love me or pick me out of tons of guys she could have.

I do care about her feelings,

I'll be honest...
Last night I came she left her door unlocked and I came in, crawled into bed with her and snuggled.
She knew I'm having "problems" sexually and she was very calm and caring about it. Lots of touching and gentle talk.
Had "ok" sex once, had better sex twice, had great sex...till I lost it.. Through all of it she was understanding and we just laid in bed from 11pm till 3am and talked, snuggled. I rubbed her feet while she talked about work, something she says shes never had..
I left gifts for her and her kids by her front door before I left, she said they woke up like it was Xmas lol
...I really think I'm done with everyone but her...it was a sea change type night..


But...I really need to sort out my problems with sex..I dont know what happened.

My whole life it was something I accelerated at, something women would tell their friends about which would lead their friends to proposition me.

Last time I had the type of sex I know I can do is Feb-March...From March to May I slept with no one.
Problem started actually with Brooklyn girl if I think back, not the knock out.
Now I'm having genuine issues with my libido I think, and I'm only 36.
In Feb/March I was getting text/pics from women and being aroused and ready to meet and have sex with them, now I'm kinda indifferent about seeing a naked woman.
Touching outside the clothes gets me going, not as hard as I used to be honestly, no aching erection like it used to...but the minute I bring it out and just kinda withers away.
Best I can do is work myself up to about 80% and go maybe 5 minutes before my body says "nope"
Oral sex is fine tho. Zero problems with oral.
Been having to receive it to get myself "up" for sex, then I lose intrest during sex.

Honestly, if I dont sort out my dick problems really soon I think I probably will lose her over it.
Its so embarrassing and is killing my already weak self esteem that theirs a voice inside my head telling me I'm better off alone then repeatedly embarrassing myself or giving this girl pitiful sex.
 
D

Deleted member 529084

Unconfirmed Member
Regarding your current girl, I don't think its going to go far. Twice I've seen you mention how she likes to make it known that other men want her. That part screams to me that she's insecure and possibly bitter about some former guy who either dumped her or cheated on her. I wouldn't be surprised if she's with you to spite someone. I sense some bitterness at play. Just my hunch, take it for what it is.

Also, I have to mention what I think gaigaes was on about. The way you describe some of these women just seems off to me. I don't know, like there's some sort of complete mental detachment from them. Two of them you judge because they're either poor or dress poorly, and you also seem to get a thrill from secretly texting with some other girl.

I'm not qualified to speak on this but I think you should assess what you're truly looking for in a woman. I mean, you're focused on shit like bad clothes, poverty, and fake tits. Like I said, its all very "off" to me. Please keep in mind that I'm not trying to judge you or bash you with this post, I'm merely trying to open your eyes. Hope everything works out for you!

Your right, I do have a detachment.

I'm honestly trying to change it...

I dont wanna be that way anymore. Ive honestly never been in love and I want to.
 

stn

Member
Its not about being in love, its about changing your mindset so that you target women for the right reasons. Once you do that you tend to (surprise) meet the best women. Your current relationship consists of two insecure people who are being guided by that insecurity. Its not a healthy foundation for a relationship. How many more times will you believe she's too good for you and how many more times will she tell you that other men want her? Its just not healthy.
 

gaiages

Banned
As long as you're not overdoing or actually saying it to the other person, I think this is not necessarily a bad mindset to have. I think being able to recognize what you're worth and being proud of it is a good thing. A lot of guys will have the reverse mindset - "I'm so lucky to be with her, she's so beautiful, I don't deserve her" - which often isn't good.

Hmmm.... you do have a good point. Being able to to recognize your self-worth is very important. It was more the wording ("I date down so I can be the more attractive one and the girls are just so luck to have me") that put me off more.

It does, I know. But even at date 4 or 5 with a girl I'm still dressed at my best. Plus like I said the date was a disaster anyway. Like an interview, no fun. I work outside, and get covered with dirt and grime all day, and I'm a single father...but when I go out I make sure my boots have a nice shine, carry a lint roller in the car etc..

Oh no, I for sure understand the want of your SO or person you're dating to at least dress nicely. Like, I wouldn't go to a date dressed like a mess and all that. Just, a scuff on the shoe seems like an overexaggeration of that. Like, what if some guy bumped into her on the way to the date and hit her shoe or something? But you said the date was bad anyway, so it's whatever. I just felt like you focused on the wrong point there, lol (if you had just said the date went badly I wouldn't have looked twice lol)

I won't really go into the other stuff anymore, that's all done and whatnot.

Current lady stuff

Talk to her about the sex stuff, seriously. Relationships aren't only about sex, after all. She may not want sex that much, anyway. If she's calm about it and not pushing it, as long as she's being truthful, then she probably doesn't think it's the biggest deal. Hell, maybe the decrease of overall sex will help with building a relationship between you two.

I can't help with the actual loss of libido part though, sorry. :( If it keeps up though, and it's more than just her (like you can't get it up for porn you used to find exciting before or whatever), you might want to talk to a doctor.

(Sorry if my earlier replies came off as rude)

Its not about being in love, its about changing your mindset so that you target women for the right reasons. Once you do that you tend to (surprise) meet the best women. Your current relationship consists of two insecure people who are being guided by that insecurity. Its not a healthy foundation for a relationship. How many more times will you believe she's too good for you and how many more times will she tell you that other men want her? Its just not healthy.

Oh, and amen to that. If she drops off the whole "omg sooo many men want me thing", then great, but that's seriously not something to be telling her (potential?) boyfriend all the time. It plays on your insecurities big time.
 
If you're that worried about your libido, why not see a doctor?

Also don't be a dick and string along the girl you're texting. No one likes to be someone else's backup.

And just because you take huge pride in your appearance, doesn't mean everyone does. Getting turned off by a scuffed shoe seems...like something of an overreaction but who am I to judge.
 
I love cats.

Girls love me.

I wish it was that simple, guys. =(

Man, if it was that easy, I'd have no issues with women. I'm a cat whisperer, and love animals.

Alas, I think I said something stupid and screwed up my chances with the metal chick. It's too bad, because she was really cool.

What'd I say?

Me - "What's on your mind?"
Her - "Nothing lol. You?"
Me - "Interesting things to say to you so I won't bore you or annoy you." (Fishing for anxiety relief)
Her - "Like what?"

Then I didn't know what to say, said I was still thinking, didn't expect that response, suck at this...blech
 
Man, if it was that easy, I'd have no issues with women. I'm a cat whisperer, and love animals.

Alas, I think I said something stupid and screwed up my chances with the metal chick. It's too bad, because she was really cool.

What'd I say?

Me - "What's on your mind?"
Her - "Nothing lol. You?"
Me - "Interesting things to say to you so I won't bore you or annoy you." (Fishing for anxiety relief)
Her - "Like what?"

Then I didn't know what to say, said I was still thinking, didn't expect that response, suck at this...blech

You - "That it's time we went out. How's $time at $place?"

You've already talked to this girl a few times. Maybe I just don't understand how this works anymore (considering the only people that message me are girls I'm unfortunately not interested in), but two things: (1) you can't fish for anything, including anxiety relief; and (2) you take way, way too long to shift things into the real world. Last I heard, you were planning date #1 with her. Why are you worrying about boring her and annoying her? At this point, it's all inchoate.

I'm not saying to treat her poorly, of course. But you don't even know if you'll even click yet. You can salvage this one, but stop talking so much via messages/text before the first date.
 
You - "That it's time we went out. How's $time at $place?"

You've already talked to this girl a few times. Maybe I just don't understand how this works anymore (considering the only people that message me are girls I'm unfortunately not interested in), but two things: (1) you can't fish for anything, including anxiety relief; and (2) you take way, way too long to shift things into the real world. Last I heard, you were planning date #1 with her. Why are you worrying about boring her and annoying her? At this point, it's all inchoate.

I'm not saying to treat her poorly, of course. But you don't even know if you'll even click yet. You can salvage this one, but stop talking so much via messages/text before the first date.

I'll use your advice and try to salvage it.

I did try to set a date for this weekend, but she's at her parents' and she doesn't drive. She's visiting her dog, and figured next week or weekend would be best. Sunday is a possibility. I fly out to LA on Monday morning for E3, though, and won't be back until Friday, so maybe next weekend.
 
D

Deleted member 529084

Unconfirmed Member
So...my knockout find left for vacation this morning..
We texted all morning while she was in the airport waiting to leave about last night, lost of gushy love stuff.

Texted me when she landed and we talked for a bit, sent me a text a few hours ago with an "I love you!"

Day was going fine...


Then I checked her Instagram...
A pic of her and her friend on the Island, no problem.
Next pic is a new shirt she got. One of the words on it said "Elixir"
The collector/antiques dealer who she says has a crush on her commented "Elickser"...

My night is ruined...It disgust me, makes me angry, makes me think thoughts of "Does that mean they did something?" "Is she playing me for a fool" etc...

Gah...considering getting drunk now.
 
Well, I scared her off. She told me she doesn't see us clicking, honestly. Oh well, I guess. She wasn't someone I was as attracted to as I'd have liked to have been.

I just need to come to terms with likely being undateable and a lifelong bachelor. I'm so different from most people, I don't know how to be in a relationship and I'm not good with women.
 
After a crazy week and a half since returning to Match, I've got the number of the lady I hit it off with yesterday.

Positive vibes to all of you in this thread. We're in search of that person we click with.

Good luck to all.
 

ant_

not characteristic of ants at all
Started talking to a girl last night on Tinder, we really hit it off. She asked me to go on a date with her tonight, and it seemed to go pretty well. We got coffee, walked around & I held her hand. She got a phonecall from family (she said) and then had to leave. She seemed into me and was pretty touchy, we'll see if she accepts my follow-up.
 

~Kinggi~

Banned
Started talking to a girl last night on Tinder, we really hit it off. She asked me to go on a date with her tonight, and it seemed to go pretty well. We got coffee, walked around & I held her hand. She got a phonecall from family (she said) and then had to leave. She seemed into me and was pretty touchy, we'll see if she accepts my follow-up.

Good ol phone-call tactic. Many women will schedule a phone call from a friend and then decide on the date whether its nothing or a reason to leave. They be smart in how they deceive.
 

gaiages

Banned
So...my knockout find left for vacation this morning..
We texted all morning while she was in the airport waiting to leave about last night, lost of gushy love stuff.

Texted me when she landed and we talked for a bit, sent me a text a few hours ago with an "I love you!"

Day was going fine...


Then I checked her Instagram...
A pic of her and her friend on the Island, no problem..
Next pic is a new shirt she got. One of the words on it said "Elixir"
The collector/antiques dealer who she says has a crush on her commented "Elickser"...

My night is ruined...It disgust me, makes me angry, makes me think thoughts of "Does that mean they did something?" "Is she playing me for a fool" etc...

Gah...considering getting drunk now.


I'm confused... So some other guy made an innuendo at her, she didn't seem to even instigate it, and your whole night is ruined? That sounds like some serious jealously issue right there. That's a very poor response, honestly; unless she specifically said something made to elicit that sort of response... Which it didn't seem like she did. It's just a comment on Instagram.
 

Lulubop

Member
Date was like super short, wasn't feeling that. She went for a kiss on the mouth when I walked her to the car, and wanted to hang again. She texted me when she got home, and I texted her back. I said I would have liked to spent more time with her. I didn't get a text back, and I don't really care. Just felt very weird. Spent my Saturday night beating the Witcher 3, which isn't the worst way to spend a night but I'd rather have been out with a lovely young lady.

Which kinda leads to another problem. I don't really have a ton of friends to go out, bar hope and try and meet girls in real life. My best friend usually is working weekends and I'm always working Friday nights. That said, even if I did I still have confidence issues approaching but I feel like this should be my next step.
 

Symphonia

Banned
So...my knockout find left for vacation this morning..
We texted all morning while she was in the airport waiting to leave about last night, lost of gushy love stuff.

Texted me when she landed and we talked for a bit, sent me a text a few hours ago with an "I love you!"

Day was going fine...


Then I checked her Instagram...
A pic of her and her friend on the Island, no problem.
Next pic is a new shirt she got. One of the words on it said "Elixir"
The collector/antiques dealer who she says has a crush on her commented "Elickser"...

My night is ruined...It disgust me, makes me angry, makes me think thoughts of "Does that mean they did something?" "Is she playing me for a fool" etc...

Gah...considering getting drunk now.
So it's OK for you to flirt with fuck knows how many women, but one guy makes one comment at one of your girls and you throw a hissy fit? LOL.
 
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