Thanks, I'm really trying to work on that since silence sucks and it never solves anything. Been like that since I was a child, will try to seek some professional help.
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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
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Thanks, I'm really trying to work on that since silence sucks and it never solves anything. Been like that since I was a child, will try to seek some professional help.
I wouldn't worry about the fight too much. Going by the fights I've had with girlfriends and my wife that is about a 1 or 2 on a scale of 10. She was maybe having a bad day, maybe some guy did something dickish earlier, maybe she is not feeling well/on her period, etc etc. Who knows and who cares. Just also say sorry about the joke and then enjoy the makeup sex 
I will say that I also have tended to either shut down or blow up over conflict. It's something that I have really consciously tried to work on in my relationship with my wife and I would suggest you do the same, not just for your GF's benefit, but yours as well. It's really not a healthy behavior at all and will lead to stress/depression in the long run.
I will say that I also have tended to either shut down or blow up over conflict. It's something that I have really consciously tried to work on in my relationship with my wife and I would suggest you do the same, not just for your GF's benefit, but yours as well. It's really not a healthy behavior at all and will lead to stress/depression in the long run.
Dude don't trip on this. Tell her how you feel and she's being super communicative with you. Open up to her and let her know how it troubled/concerned you.
Blitzrules240
Banned
I've learned a lot from this thread today.
Thanks everyone.
Thanks everyone.
Incendiary
Banned
Man, visiting another city has really rejuvenated my interest in dating. I'd gotten sick of the whole scene and decided to take a break at the end of January - deleted all my dating apps and just spent time on me for a while. No regrets there.
But for the Fourth of July weekend I went out of town by myself for vacation and just winged it - reinstalled Tinder, went out to bars/clubs every night. Didn't get lucky, but matched with a few girls on Tinder and chatted with them. Funny, I exchanged info with a girl who was also visiting the city I was in, and is going to be visiting my home city in a few months so while we weren't able to get together this past weekend, she's open to maybe hanging out then.
The fun of flirting with random girls has affected me and now the dating bug has bit me again so I think I might reinstall OKC as well as keep going on Tinder.
Are there any other good apps for dating right now? Especially ones that are for more casual. I tried an app called Pure but it seems to be a bust. Also tried Bumble but I wasn't getting any hits on it.
But for the Fourth of July weekend I went out of town by myself for vacation and just winged it - reinstalled Tinder, went out to bars/clubs every night. Didn't get lucky, but matched with a few girls on Tinder and chatted with them. Funny, I exchanged info with a girl who was also visiting the city I was in, and is going to be visiting my home city in a few months so while we weren't able to get together this past weekend, she's open to maybe hanging out then.
The fun of flirting with random girls has affected me and now the dating bug has bit me again so I think I might reinstall OKC as well as keep going on Tinder.
Are there any other good apps for dating right now? Especially ones that are for more casual. I tried an app called Pure but it seems to be a bust. Also tried Bumble but I wasn't getting any hits on it.
If that's seriously your worst fight in a full year then you are pretty crazy. I've got in way worse fights with close friends, frequently, when politics (or Pixar films...) are involved.
A little too quick to consider ending a one-year relationship over a rant like that, especially since she apologized after. I would just forget about it, but be cautious if your senses of humor are conflicting, i.e. your jokes are offensive to her. In the early stages of a relationship people tend to overlook "flaws" they find in their partner but these things show up later.
Messofanego
Banned
This bit from Lady Dynamite seems applicable here. A fight doesn't automatically mean the road to break up time.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Sounds like she just had a bad reaction to an innocuous comment and quickly apologised. Relax and don't make a big deal out of it.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
So with Tinder I assume it takes a while for your profile to get into circulation right? Like, girls can't be on swiping as often as guys are.
Just an excuse for how I've got like 2 matches in 1 day :/
Just an excuse for how I've got like 2 matches in 1 day :/
eh, guess so. He could've done a bit more, or find someone who moves as slow as him.
But if not getting a little more action by 3 dates was enough for her to shut it down and send that type of message ("the next time we'll see each other, it'll be coincidentally" sounds strangely cold. Is it her...sense of humor...or is she foreign...cause the eff kind of message is that lol?), then move on I say.
And if something more than a kiss happening was that important to have by 3 dates, what did she do to escalate the situation? I'm guessing not much since OP didn't mention anything. Obviously the guy is usually the inititator, but it doesn't mean the girl has to sit back and do nothing. (This is all under the assumption that physicality was the reason for it not working out, and not a cover).
Another poster already touched on this:
It's a touchy thing for women to initiate sex.
Solideliquid
Member
Is it reasonable for your partner to ask you to go to couples counseling?
Background - we are both mid 30s, do not live together (though I've asked), have known each other almost a year, dating 6 months.
Background #2 - I have asked for a trial of living together after she became almost obsessed with buying a house and getting engaged. I was told no.
Background - we are both mid 30s, do not live together (though I've asked), have known each other almost a year, dating 6 months.
Background #2 - I have asked for a trial of living together after she became almost obsessed with buying a house and getting engaged. I was told no.
Messofanego
Banned
I don't know how much couple's counseling is gonna help that. You two need to have a serious conversation about all this, and if she refuses to have it/take you seriously, I don't know of counseling will help.
Cross posting this from the Online Dating thread:
Jhoan said:Tonight's date [with the 36 year old] went really, really well.
I popped open 2 bottles of cider I brought with me to share with her since I gave her a bottle. Best night/date I've had this year bar none. It's a slow burn/build up but I like it since I thought this was going to be a simple hook up but it's not so it's been great. She's busy in the weekend but said she's free early next week so there will be a date 3. I'll text her when I get home.
ZackieChan
Member
Simmer down, man. You're massively overreacting to that joke.
So don't text with her too much? If you actually like here, I don't see the problem.
You're fine. There's always the 2nd date.
umm...no.
That doesn't apply to this situation.
Maybe if you're in a nightclub, and a random woman comes up and starts being extra touchy and physicall flirty, (and verbally agressively flirty), she might get those types of labels more easily than a man would.
But we're talking about two people already on a date, a 3rd date no less, and a woman escalating the situation physically because she wants the situation escalalated.
It could just be playful touching, closing distance, deep eyecontact, etc, to make intentions known. (I'm not sure where you had "sex" come from". They'd barely even kissed lol)
Way too early for either couples counseling or talking about getting engaged. Her clock is ticking and she's pushing fast.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Counselling is usually for longer and more serious relationships (in my opinion). It seems like she's unwilling to compromise on one huge issue (living together before getting married), and I doubt counselling will fix that.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
My counterpoint is this: why is she unwilling to compromise on that point? You don't throw away six months (plus a year of knowing someone) without asking basic questions. Maybe -- and I have no idea, mind you -- she's afraid of packing up her life, moving in with someone, and having things fall apart, all while she's trying to secure a lasting relationship that leads to family.
Counseling may not "fix" things, but it usually can help uncover why people act the way they do.
So, Solideliquid, assuming that she's not willing to move house for anything less than an engagement ring, how do you feel? Can you accept why she might feel that way? If so, how do you react? Do you think there's any way you can compromise -- even if it's something like "I'm going to move stuff into your closet and we're going to spend 3 nights a week together"? Or are you adamant that you want to do a dry run before marriage? If so, that's fine.
MrPink93485
Member
Went on my first Tinder date and it went pretty well, lasted a couple hours and I paid for dinner, she mentioned she'd have to take care of the next one, so it seems she's up to meet again. She knows I'm moving to another city in August, so I can't get a great read on whether she's just hanging out or if she was just seeing where it went. Really liked her, found her really attractive, and it was a good time talking but yeah, we seem to be pretty modest people so I couldn't figure any window to determine romantic interest. She lived in another country up until her late teens (both Asian) so I'm not sure if there's a difference here in expectations of how a first date should go and giving off certain signs, or if it's just a friendly thing.
I don't have grand expectations on this going anywhere but trying to see how it goes. I realize the difficulty given I'll be in another city (but I'll be back in the city 4-5 times a year since my parents live here), but if it works it works. If it doesn't, bummer, but expected. If it's just a friendly thing, not end of the world, I'm just glad there might be some more people to hang out with until I move out.
I don't have grand expectations on this going anywhere but trying to see how it goes. I realize the difficulty given I'll be in another city (but I'll be back in the city 4-5 times a year since my parents live here), but if it works it works. If it doesn't, bummer, but expected. If it's just a friendly thing, not end of the world, I'm just glad there might be some more people to hang out with until I move out.
Some quick advice please.
Met a girl last Thursday. A pacy 1 hour dinner date, she was going out after.
Friday, we meet again and go for drinks with her friends. I walk her home, make a move, she rejects my initial advance, but eventually invites me back to her place. Have some fun on the bed, looks like sex is gonna happen. I strap up and immediately suffer from limp dick. Sex doesn't happen.
Sunday, I see her briefly at a summer fair (we have mutual friends), chat to her a bit. She messages me tells me "i think you're cold." I take this as her testing me out. Whatever.
Monday, I meet her for lunch. Really fun and nice.
Tuesday, go for a run together. She comes back to mine. We sleep together.
Wednesday, randomly get invited by mutual friends for dinner. Beforehand she opens up about her last BF, basically broke up but continued banging him for several months. He is no longer in the country, away for a month. During dinner she tells her friends we're seeing each other. Back to mine after, on the bed, condom on, limp dick again. Tears and "you dont think im hot etc." I try and explain its me, not her, and it will be fine over time.
Yesterday, chat to her but don't meet. She wants to go on a weekend trip with me in the future.
Tonight I'm taking her to a party.
So, its been a bit of a mad week, I've never had something quite as intense as this. She seems like a great girl, maybe some pent up emotions, but seems to be into me. I'm trying to remain level headed and not get too carried away.
However, I am concerned about the sex. I do have a complexity about sex which I believe is mental (I even saw doctors about potential ED issues and they ruled that out). I don't want to have condomless sex with this girl, but I also don't want sex to be a deal breaker. In addition I really can't work out what she's in it for. She tells me she doesn't do casual sex or hookups and that she is into me.
So, I'm being a bit cautious (only been a week), but she's hot, fun, kinky and ticks all the boxes for a potential GF. I'm just thinking to go with the flow and try and chill on the sex complex, but what do you guys think?
Met a girl last Thursday. A pacy 1 hour dinner date, she was going out after.
Friday, we meet again and go for drinks with her friends. I walk her home, make a move, she rejects my initial advance, but eventually invites me back to her place. Have some fun on the bed, looks like sex is gonna happen. I strap up and immediately suffer from limp dick. Sex doesn't happen.
Sunday, I see her briefly at a summer fair (we have mutual friends), chat to her a bit. She messages me tells me "i think you're cold." I take this as her testing me out. Whatever.
Monday, I meet her for lunch. Really fun and nice.
Tuesday, go for a run together. She comes back to mine. We sleep together.
Wednesday, randomly get invited by mutual friends for dinner. Beforehand she opens up about her last BF, basically broke up but continued banging him for several months. He is no longer in the country, away for a month. During dinner she tells her friends we're seeing each other. Back to mine after, on the bed, condom on, limp dick again. Tears and "you dont think im hot etc." I try and explain its me, not her, and it will be fine over time.
Yesterday, chat to her but don't meet. She wants to go on a weekend trip with me in the future.
Tonight I'm taking her to a party.
So, its been a bit of a mad week, I've never had something quite as intense as this. She seems like a great girl, maybe some pent up emotions, but seems to be into me. I'm trying to remain level headed and not get too carried away.
However, I am concerned about the sex. I do have a complexity about sex which I believe is mental (I even saw doctors about potential ED issues and they ruled that out). I don't want to have condomless sex with this girl, but I also don't want sex to be a deal breaker. In addition I really can't work out what she's in it for. She tells me she doesn't do casual sex or hookups and that she is into me.
So, I'm being a bit cautious (only been a week), but she's hot, fun, kinky and ticks all the boxes for a potential GF. I'm just thinking to go with the flow and try and chill on the sex complex, but what do you guys think?
Can she blow you or something to get you hard and keep you there then you quickly strap up and penetrate? I um... Also sometimes have this problem, but the bj condom switcheroo fixes it up more often then not.
And if you don't know what she wants I guess just ask yeah? Seems she made it clear, she doesn't just want to hook up... But you get the feeling she's lying?
All foreplay etc is off the chain, no problem getting hard then, I think I just over worry once the jimmy hat is on and then go flaccid
It happens to me often which is why I over worry.Regarding her intentions, she has told me she plans to start a new life overseas (my feeling is her last relationship was a wreck/plus she's still been banging her ex), but my feeling is that may not be set in stone and may be workable if something better comes along.
All foreplay etc is off the chain, no problem getting hard then, I think I just over worry once the jimmy hat is on and then go flaccid
Regarding her intentions, she has told me she plans to start a new life overseas (my feeling is her last relationship was a wreck/plus she's still been banging her ex), but my feeling is that may not be set in stone and may be workable if something better comes along.
Can't she put the rubber on? Helped me in the past. They can even shove it down using their mouth after you put the cap over your tip.
Here in Belgium we can buy special rubbers that make it extra easy to put on. They're called "Wingman". Don't know if there's something similar where you live.
True, I just wonder if I should've initiated more. The end also unfortunately ended somewhat abruptly, so I didn't really get a chance to ask her out again at the time (she got off at her station).
I sent her a message earlier saying I had a good time and asked if she wanted a drink in the week, but she's not looked at it/not responded yet.
We shall see I guess, but I somewhat doubt anything will come from it.
I have 3 potential other dates next week anyway...
Hey guys, 2 milestones today:
1) First Tinder date
2) First makeout session ever haha. Managed to do it in her car, unfortunately we had really little time. Looking forward to seeing her next time. Funny note, as we were making out she told me I was shivering/shaking haha. Couldn't really control my nerves I guess. Had to wash her lipstick off my face later lol.
All in all, pretty fun date
P.S. Also was honest with her that I wasn't really looking for a long term thing and she was good iwth it .
1) First Tinder date
2) First makeout session ever haha. Managed to do it in her car, unfortunately we had really little time. Looking forward to seeing her next time. Funny note, as we were making out she told me I was shivering/shaking haha. Couldn't really control my nerves I guess. Had to wash her lipstick off my face later lol.
All in all, pretty fun date
P.S. Also was honest with her that I wasn't really looking for a long term thing and she was good iwth it .
Wait. Shit, you're right, my bad lol. I got your post confused with Jason's situation instead of Denzar's, because they were both talking about not making a move. Jason got some signs, at least
Yeah, I mean, she could have at least went in for a kiss, or touched his leg or something.
Count Dookkake
Member
Dat feel when your fwb is drifting off to sleep and mumbles, "I'm having so much fun falling in love with you."
Almost makes up for being a failure in all other areas of life.
Almost makes up for being a failure in all other areas of life.
Wait. Shit, you're right, my bad lol. I got your post confused with Jason's situation instead of Denzar's, because they were both talking about not making a move. Jason got some signs, at least
Yeah, I mean, she could have at least went in for a kiss, or touched his leg or something.
She did fuck all. I can tell you that.
Get out while the gettin's good?
ANYWAY
My date yesterday was pretty a'ight. Gorgeous girl, introverted, loads of emotional bagage, it made for very interesting conversations. Loads of staring into eachother's eyes and the night ended with 2 really long hugs and 2 kisses on the cheek.
We'll see where this goes.
Pasta_Soup
Member
Forget the cheek kissing, man. Just go for a regular kiss on your next first date. And definitely kiss her for real if you get a second date with this girl.
"Loads of emotional baggage" is something I'd avoid without a second thought. Will surely lead to issues.
"Loads of emotional baggage" is something I'd avoid without a second thought. Will surely lead to issues.
Went for the mouth the second time but she turned away just before our lips could touch.
Concerning the emo bagage, I'm well aware.
Pasta_Soup
Member
Ah, okay - glad you went for it! Don't let it phase you and if you see her again, try again if you guys are vibing.
Solideliquid
Member
Hey thanks for everyone's thoughts. To answer your questions:
- I feel that someone should not have to be pressured to get engaged.
- I am of the school of thought that people in a relationship should live together when they are ready to do so. If marriage is in the cards, that's when you'll know if you can live with the person or not.
- I don't feel that she is being reasonable, last month she wanted to buy a home with me. I offered to go ahead with the deal, should we move in together now (this is a build to order home) and we would have time to iron out any issues while the new house is being built but she refused.
- I feel that we have reached the point that we have dated "enough" and it's time to upgrade the relationship if we both want a future. She is of the opinion that people should not live together if not married. I just think we are too different. Maybe we are wasting our time. We aren't 25 anymore.
Sorry, I forgot the particulars of your situation, but co-signing a mortgage with someone you've only known for six months is fucking insane.
6 months is a reasonable time to judge if the relationship is going to be something long-term. You both seem to be on different pages. If things are bad enough that counseling is already coming into the picture, I don't foresee a long future.
6 months is a reasonable time to judge if the relationship is going to be something long-term. You both seem to be on different pages. If things are bad enough that counseling is already coming into the picture, I don't foresee a long future.
The meter's gone back to zero after the holiday, when i was doing better with convos and even had a date before the 4th.
Alternatively, my profile in job-hunting (have a good job, want a better one) has been soaring in terms of response rate.
I gotta get better photos. Same problem before i started jazzing up my resume, i'm not giving the ladies a reason to look past the surface (not that i'm ugly or anything, i'm just not a photo guy, there aren't a lot of them out there of me, and i don't do selfies).
Alternatively, my profile in job-hunting (have a good job, want a better one) has been soaring in terms of response rate.
I gotta get better photos. Same problem before i started jazzing up my resume, i'm not giving the ladies a reason to look past the surface (not that i'm ugly or anything, i'm just not a photo guy, there aren't a lot of them out there of me, and i don't do selfies).
So, this kinda describes my life. The relationship with my ex wasn't a wreck, but we had issues and instead of working on them we broke up. The thing is, we still hang out and have sex about once a month (sometimes more). Is this normal after the end of a six year long relationship? We really have a good time every time we hangout. Breaking up with your best friend sucks.
Sometimes I think my ex broke up with me to see if I would fight and beg her not to leave. Then I just think about how childish that is.
A co-worker invited me to this hookah place he works at tonight and I told him I'd go. He asked that I bring people. I don't smoke, like, anything and most of my friends are busy so it's possible that I'll have to go alone. I don't really wanna do that but at the same time I feel like I should be going out so I can get over some shit rather than stay home and be so down. I'm not sure what to do.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
^^Just go. Say it was too last-minute to ask if anyone was free.
So you both agree that your relationship is ready for the next step. You want to move in together, but she wants to get engaged. I think that gulf is too substantial to bridge.
I think you should end it, but I see a scenario where she has an about-face and agrees to living together, while continuing to push for marriage. I feel like any compromise would be dishonest.
So you both agree that your relationship is ready for the next step. You want to move in together, but she wants to get engaged. I think that gulf is too substantial to bridge.
I think you should end it, but I see a scenario where she has an about-face and agrees to living together, while continuing to push for marriage. I feel like any compromise would be dishonest.
nintendork666
Member
So, I did it guys.
I'm in heavy flirtations with my older cousin's gorgeous friend who I've had the hots for since I was like 7 via FB messaging.
She made a post about Meyers Briggs, saying she was an INFJ. I commented with the fact I was an INTP, she took a screenshot saying we were a perfect romantic pairing based on the test and I messaged her, and BOOM! We hit it off.
What a glorious time to be alive, and I really, really hope something serious comes of this. I know I'm getting ahead of myself here, but...
I'm in heavy flirtations with my older cousin's gorgeous friend who I've had the hots for since I was like 7 via FB messaging.
She made a post about Meyers Briggs, saying she was an INFJ. I commented with the fact I was an INTP, she took a screenshot saying we were a perfect romantic pairing based on the test and I messaged her, and BOOM! We hit it off.
What a glorious time to be alive, and I really, really hope something serious comes of this. I know I'm getting ahead of myself here, but...
nintendork666
Member
Soon enough, my friend. It's in the stars.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Matched with a girl on Tinder who's a cute Quidditch-playing redhead. Got another girl's number through making puns about chicken nuggets.
I missed Tinder.
I missed Tinder.
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