Then why haven't you asked her out? Dating fortunes do not favor the meek.
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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
- Thread starter Septimius
- Start date
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Then why haven't you asked her out? Dating fortunes do not favor the meek.
nintendork666
Member
I plan on asking her out later today.
I'll be honest, I'm usually too shy to get even this far. I almost didn't even message her right away, given the Swingers rule and all. I'm so money and I don't even know it.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
And just got my first Tinder date. 2 dates in one month after none for 5 months! (My last date totally ghosted me after what I thought was a good first date...)
Realise the worst thing that can happen is she'll say no. She probably won't even say no!
Until recently I'd just see girls as messaging partners, too scared to actually make something happen, but you've got to actually take a bit of action.
Realise the worst thing that can happen is she'll say no. She probably won't even say no!
Until recently I'd just see girls as messaging partners, too scared to actually make something happen, but you've got to actually take a bit of action.
Blitzrules240
Banned
"Give her space"
I'm trying to take this to heart but it's frustrating when you send a text and get no response but like ZackieChan has told me, I'm not entitled to a response, it's her choice. So whatever, I'll let her do her thing. I wonder if she's just trying to phase me out nicely but all the texts seem sincere but could it all be mind games?
Hate this shit.
I'm trying to take this to heart but it's frustrating when you send a text and get no response but like ZackieChan has told me, I'm not entitled to a response, it's her choice. So whatever, I'll let her do her thing. I wonder if she's just trying to phase me out nicely but all the texts seem sincere but could it all be mind games?
Hate this shit.
If she's phasing you out, her loss. If it is mind games, why would you want to play them?
Blitzrules240
Banned
I don't want to play mind games. That's why I'm going silent. Giving her space, etc. She'll text me when she wants. If not, her loss like you said.
The worst thing about thinking someone is playing mind games...is that you inevitably start playing them on yourself, regardless if the girl actually is or not lol.
cool
ZackieChan
Member
It's happened to too many people in this thread.
ZackieChan
Member
So she wanted sex? Or just tongue kissing?
Why couldn't you tongue kiss? Why can't you have sex? You're abstinent by choice?
Your post is super vague. But it doesn't matter - three dates isn't a lot, and it certainly isn't enough for you to never date again for a while. In online dating, you can't be falling in love this fast. It isn't healthy, as the winds change quickly.
Also, lots of people who are dating want sex. If that's not your thing, you may want to be more up front about it in your profile or something.
Krauser Kat
Member
I met a girl in the beginning of april. Cute and crazy talented and had an amazing vibe an personality. We went on a couple date but either i was thinking too much into it or the fact she smoked threw me off and the sex wasnt great.
We really like each other as people and became amazing friends. All of the things we did as friends were all kind of dates and was the most fun i had dating. Eventually in may we started dating again and the sex got better and better we had some great great nights and some fantastic dates.
4th of july weekend we were with each other everyday pretty much but it was much fun, but too much. She got scared of it becoming a relationship. She has been going full steam ahead and life was too busy and she wants time to heal from her last relationship. She came over and we talked and it was as great talking always was and she stayed over again and i left for work in the morning.
This is the first time i have fallen crazy hard for someone and been rejected. We are in this weird friend limbo, like we were before and she worked all weekend (yesterday and today) so we couldnt talk it out more. I havent been this sad from a break up before. just feels weird, like i didnt do anything wrong and i still failed.
Now i dont really want to date anyone and wait for her to be ready again but that sound creepy and sad. We will still be hanging out every other week (i think, we are both going to pitchfork).
Sorry for the live journal post.
I guess i will try and do this single thing for awhile. Going back on dating apps right now seems exhausting.
We really like each other as people and became amazing friends. All of the things we did as friends were all kind of dates and was the most fun i had dating. Eventually in may we started dating again and the sex got better and better we had some great great nights and some fantastic dates.
4th of july weekend we were with each other everyday pretty much but it was much fun, but too much. She got scared of it becoming a relationship. She has been going full steam ahead and life was too busy and she wants time to heal from her last relationship. She came over and we talked and it was as great talking always was and she stayed over again and i left for work in the morning.
This is the first time i have fallen crazy hard for someone and been rejected. We are in this weird friend limbo, like we were before and she worked all weekend (yesterday and today) so we couldnt talk it out more. I havent been this sad from a break up before. just feels weird, like i didnt do anything wrong and i still failed.
Now i dont really want to date anyone and wait for her to be ready again but that sound creepy and sad. We will still be hanging out every other week (i think, we are both going to pitchfork).
Sorry for the live journal post.
I guess i will try and do this single thing for awhile. Going back on dating apps right now seems exhausting.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Then don't maybe? I think the worst thing I did after my breakup was try and force myself into being ready to date. Put yourself out there again, by all means, but don't force it. Be happy in yourself.
Clay Davis
Member
Hi dating gaf, I need some advice.
I've been seeing someone for couple of months, her name is Farah and we're getting on really well. I've told her about some of my past and she's happy to take things slowly and move at my pace which I'm really thankful for. We spend almost every weekend together and message and talk a lot throughout the week. Today we went shopping for a birthday present for a friends daughter and then Farah decided to do some shopping of her own.
After that we got some lunch, went for a walk around Leicester Square and then I dropped her off at home. As I was leaving she kissed me and then apologised immediately for it. I told her it's fine and we kissed again and hugged for a really long time we only stopped when her sister knocked on the window.
She messaged me just now and said she's really enjoying spending time with me and she feels like she's falling for me and wants to move things to the next level. I don't know how to respond, I really like her but I'm not sure if I'm really ready for a serious relationship. I care about her deeply, she's really amazing, funny, caring, understanding, she always listens to what I have to say and is always encouraging me to speak my mind and do things I might not do otherwise.
I think I'm ready but I'm worried that if we take this step I might lose her because I might let her down or I might not be able to give her what she wants. Should I talk to her about how I feel and my worries? I'm worried that if I bring this up to her she might decide I'm not worth it and move on.
I've been seeing someone for couple of months, her name is Farah and we're getting on really well. I've told her about some of my past and she's happy to take things slowly and move at my pace which I'm really thankful for. We spend almost every weekend together and message and talk a lot throughout the week. Today we went shopping for a birthday present for a friends daughter and then Farah decided to do some shopping of her own.
After that we got some lunch, went for a walk around Leicester Square and then I dropped her off at home. As I was leaving she kissed me and then apologised immediately for it. I told her it's fine and we kissed again and hugged for a really long time we only stopped when her sister knocked on the window.
She messaged me just now and said she's really enjoying spending time with me and she feels like she's falling for me and wants to move things to the next level. I don't know how to respond, I really like her but I'm not sure if I'm really ready for a serious relationship. I care about her deeply, she's really amazing, funny, caring, understanding, she always listens to what I have to say and is always encouraging me to speak my mind and do things I might not do otherwise.
I think I'm ready but I'm worried that if we take this step I might lose her because I might let her down or I might not be able to give her what she wants. Should I talk to her about how I feel and my worries? I'm worried that if I bring this up to her she might decide I'm not worth it and move on.
You think you're ready. Go for it. You're worried you might let her down or might not give her what she wants but so far you have evidence to the contrary. She kissed you. She initiated it. And based on her reaction it seems she did it almost on reaction. She also says she might be falling for you. She likes you and you like her. Just go for it. You have absolutely no way of knowing what would happen unless you try but so far things seem good.
Messofanego
Banned
There is never any absolute certainty, so I don't see any massive signs from your side that you should avoid a relationship. It's not like you're moving in already or getting married, just that you'll be exclusive and it doesn't sound like you want to date around. Of course talk to her about your worries and see her reaction, if she can't take it then she's not worth it.
So I have a good platonic female friend who I've known for a year. We've been hangingout together regular and go out for dinners and dancing.
On Friday night, we finished dinner and I asked her to come over to my place and smoke some with me (she had never smoked before). We were smoking in my room and at one point were sitting in the bed facing next to each other (not too close) and I saw she seemed a bit nervous and breathing a bit heavy aand wondered if it's because she was expecting me to make a move on her. I could also be the weed. Right after that moment she said lets go dancing and we go up and nothing happened.
I'm wondering if I missed a chance with her. I did make a move on her six months ago but was shot down because she was kind of seeing someone but now she is single.
I would like to know GAF'd advice on how I can be with her. Maybe take her for dinner and dancing and make a move while we are dancing? Also does GAF thinks I missed a chance there or she wouldn't have gone for it?
On Friday night, we finished dinner and I asked her to come over to my place and smoke some with me (she had never smoked before). We were smoking in my room and at one point were sitting in the bed facing next to each other (not too close) and I saw she seemed a bit nervous and breathing a bit heavy aand wondered if it's because she was expecting me to make a move on her. I could also be the weed. Right after that moment she said lets go dancing and we go up and nothing happened.
I'm wondering if I missed a chance with her. I did make a move on her six months ago but was shot down because she was kind of seeing someone but now she is single.
I would like to know GAF'd advice on how I can be with her. Maybe take her for dinner and dancing and make a move while we are dancing? Also does GAF thinks I missed a chance there or she wouldn't have gone for it?
I think no one on GAF can tell you if you missed a chance or if she was expecting you to make a move there. But I'd say yeah you should have gone for it. You will have more chances since she is a friend. Ask her out, dancing is fine if it's something you guys enjoy doing. It's also easy to make a move while dancing. Be clear you want to take her on a date though. Don't be coy and then dry hump her on the dance floor.
Why are you worried about letting her down or not being able to give her what she wants? This kind of overthinking might sabotage whatever you have going. Let HER decide if you're a disappointment!
That being said, she likes you. I presume you are just being yourself. So, she likes you for being you. So, just be you.
stn
Member
No, I got that. What I was saying was don't get high with a girl you have any interest in. You didn't initially plan to make a move but its obvious you would have under the right circumstances. Get drunk and high with male friends and platonic female friends only. Trust me on this one.
ZackieChan
Member
None of us are mind readers. Sounds like you don't want to be platonic friends with her. So make your move and deal with the consequences, or live in friendzoned anguish for life. There aren't many choices.
I'm at an awkward place where I'm trying to find spots to have sex, but it's proving difficult because we both live at home with conservative parents. My mum's always home, her parent's aren't but she's too afraid to bring me home. Only option for now seems to be parking in semi discreet areas 😒
How old are you both? I'm not gonna say don't bang in public cuz that'd make me a hypocrite maybe (i'm sure someone else will anyway), but maybe get a cheap motel? Or tell your momma that you have a gf and you are an adult and put on some music and do it slow and quietlike instead of pounding away with mom in the next room? It's gotta be better than getting arrested or a ticket. I'm sure you can find a way to explain that to your conservative mom right?
n64coder
Member
Another option might be to go "camping" and use a tent?
Library unisex toilets, top floor... good old days.
ZackieChan
Member
What do these words mean?
"Oh Jesus..." covers her face in shame.
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe he's a male stripper? And she was into it?
Hah. Yes.
I'm 22 and she's 20 but we're in a country where it's common to stay with your parents till your late 20s. She's also a FWB, not my girlfriend so I don't really want to introduce her to my mum. Not that'll it make a difference anyway, I've brought the topic up to my mum several times and she just flats out doesn't want to hear it. Hotel's are probably the cosiest option, but it's not really a cost effective one. Hope that I'll eventually convince her to just use her place when nobody's home.
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume that this thread can also be used for current relationship advice? If so, I'd appreciate some advice.
I've been in a relationship with this girl for a bit over a year now, since last May. We had met a few times before and ended up hanging out every weekend at my place to watch GoT. From the get-go she was all snuggly to me and such, but I was oblivious as to her motives. With a few weeks left on my lease, we ended up dating. I ended up moving back home with my parents to look for an internship. Visited her a few times during over summer as she still lived in my college town and worked there. Near the end of summer, she and her sister got a new place and she asked me to move in with her. Seeing that I had some job prospects down there, I did. It was a great at first, everything went well as we got to learn more and more about one another.
Fast forward to a year's worth of knowledge and I'm starting to think that maybe we don't work out together so well. The reason I say maybe is because this girl is almost every first in the book for me. She's my first long-term girlfriend, she was my first sexual encounter, she's the first non-family member girl I've lived with, etc. With all of these being firsts, I'm not sure if what I consider problems in the relationship are more common than I'm lead to believe or not.
To start off: fighting. I'm not naive, I know couples are going to fight. We're people, we're different and we express those differences via anger sometime. What I don't like is that sometimes it's over the smallest things. Me trying to lend a hand in the kitchen and "taking over" or maybe a slip of the tongue that I immediately apologize for. The fights themselves never get nasty per-se, they're usually us getting a bit peeved and typically one of us walks away. Thing is, she shuts down. Like literally shuts down after most of them. This means that I'm always the one who has to initiate a make-up. Then it's the same thing: we explain why we think we fought and how we're gonna change to fix it. But, it's normally not long before it's something new. Rinse and repeat.
Then there's the attraction. As rude and insincere to her as it is to say, I'm not sure if the physical attraction is there anymore. At the beginning I guess it was just the excitement that led me to her, but now it's waning. Neither of us is physically fit, but I'm slim and what I call a normal build. She's a bit bigger. Not out of the ordinary but bigger. We've tried exercising together and such, but it never sticks, which leads me to my next point.
We both suffer from depression and anxiety. However, my thoughts are easily managed compared to hers. I feel like hers overtake her much easier and quickly. A lot of times this turns a "fun" day into a "stay at home" day. I'll be all ready to go hiking or something and she'll be in, then she gets overwhelmed and no longer wants to go.
So recently I've been having thoughts about calling it quits. I've obviously left out a lot from this post in regards to how we've tried to fix the problems, but believe me when I say I'm a patient man and have given it time. My hesitation lies in a few things. First off, we live together and I'm not sure how she would take it if we split up. She's jokingly said in the past that she wouldn't be mad if we broke up but who knows. I would obviously want to get outta living there and ideally have a place lined up beforehand. Second, I'm worried about leaving her with the rent. Neither of us is in a position to afford the house we're in by ourselves and they require two months notice before leaving but I'm not on the lease so it'd be up to her.
What do you say GAF, are my concerns normal? I guess moving too quickly is a real thing and in my case it may have been the detriment.
I've been in a relationship with this girl for a bit over a year now, since last May. We had met a few times before and ended up hanging out every weekend at my place to watch GoT. From the get-go she was all snuggly to me and such, but I was oblivious as to her motives. With a few weeks left on my lease, we ended up dating. I ended up moving back home with my parents to look for an internship. Visited her a few times during over summer as she still lived in my college town and worked there. Near the end of summer, she and her sister got a new place and she asked me to move in with her. Seeing that I had some job prospects down there, I did. It was a great at first, everything went well as we got to learn more and more about one another.
Fast forward to a year's worth of knowledge and I'm starting to think that maybe we don't work out together so well. The reason I say maybe is because this girl is almost every first in the book for me. She's my first long-term girlfriend, she was my first sexual encounter, she's the first non-family member girl I've lived with, etc. With all of these being firsts, I'm not sure if what I consider problems in the relationship are more common than I'm lead to believe or not.
To start off: fighting. I'm not naive, I know couples are going to fight. We're people, we're different and we express those differences via anger sometime. What I don't like is that sometimes it's over the smallest things. Me trying to lend a hand in the kitchen and "taking over" or maybe a slip of the tongue that I immediately apologize for. The fights themselves never get nasty per-se, they're usually us getting a bit peeved and typically one of us walks away. Thing is, she shuts down. Like literally shuts down after most of them. This means that I'm always the one who has to initiate a make-up. Then it's the same thing: we explain why we think we fought and how we're gonna change to fix it. But, it's normally not long before it's something new. Rinse and repeat.
Then there's the attraction. As rude and insincere to her as it is to say, I'm not sure if the physical attraction is there anymore. At the beginning I guess it was just the excitement that led me to her, but now it's waning. Neither of us is physically fit, but I'm slim and what I call a normal build. She's a bit bigger. Not out of the ordinary but bigger. We've tried exercising together and such, but it never sticks, which leads me to my next point.
We both suffer from depression and anxiety. However, my thoughts are easily managed compared to hers. I feel like hers overtake her much easier and quickly. A lot of times this turns a "fun" day into a "stay at home" day. I'll be all ready to go hiking or something and she'll be in, then she gets overwhelmed and no longer wants to go.
So recently I've been having thoughts about calling it quits. I've obviously left out a lot from this post in regards to how we've tried to fix the problems, but believe me when I say I'm a patient man and have given it time. My hesitation lies in a few things. First off, we live together and I'm not sure how she would take it if we split up. She's jokingly said in the past that she wouldn't be mad if we broke up but who knows. I would obviously want to get outta living there and ideally have a place lined up beforehand. Second, I'm worried about leaving her with the rent. Neither of us is in a position to afford the house we're in by ourselves and they require two months notice before leaving but I'm not on the lease so it'd be up to her.
What do you say GAF, are my concerns normal? I guess moving too quickly is a real thing and in my case it may have been the detriment.
Do you love her?
Can you see yourself being happy with her in 1, 5, 10 yrs?
Do you think all these issues can be worked out, or you'll be able to accept them, or they'll be building up resentment in you towards the relationship?
Have you talked to her about your apprehensions? How did she respond? If not, why not? How do you think she would respond?
It's okay for someone to not be the most physically fit or to have some mental health issues. The real issue is what that person is doing to try to improve/tackle that. If the answer is nothing, despite encouragement, then that is a problem.
If you can answer these honestly, you should have a better idea of how you should proceed?
Can you see yourself being happy with her in 1, 5, 10 yrs?
Do you think all these issues can be worked out, or you'll be able to accept them, or they'll be building up resentment in you towards the relationship?
Have you talked to her about your apprehensions? How did she respond? If not, why not? How do you think she would respond?
It's okay for someone to not be the most physically fit or to have some mental health issues. The real issue is what that person is doing to try to improve/tackle that. If the answer is nothing, despite encouragement, then that is a problem.
If you can answer these honestly, you should have a better idea of how you should proceed?
Yeah, you moved in with her way too fast and the way you are feeling is normal. It sounds like both of you have problems you need to work on and living with someone only exacerbated them. Basically at this point you and her are roommates that barely get along.
How much is left on her lease?
How much is left on her lease?
Yeah, I love her. Despite all my issues and concerns I listed, we still get along well so it may just be me thinking about what is to be expected in a relationship. I haven't sat her down and discussed all of these issues in a "let's have a talk" setting but over the course of the year we've both brought them up in more casual settings. My main reason for not having a serious talk is my fear that she'll see it as the start of something that probably can't be fixed and we'll just end it right there.
You actually address one of my concerns, and that is that nothing is really being done about some of these things and that's why they're recurring problems. In regards to mental health, care is expensive and neither of us can afford it. The fights come and go but it seems I'm always apologizing for the same stuff which means that I'm not learning very well I guess.
As I said in this post, we get along. Sorry if I meant it seem like we were always fighting. Actually one of her concerns not too long ago was that she felt like we were roommates due to my lack of physicality on a lot of things. I mean, I like hugging and smooching but I've never been a "constant touch" kind of person. However, I worked on that and got better.
The lease is up at the end of this month but it goes to month-to-month.
Well, things ARE going to need to be addressed. But keep in mind that it's not going to be "fixed" in the short term and you are not her therapist/doctor. You can't keep being non-confrontational and pussyfooting around the situation worried about hurting each others feelings. If her or you can't honestly express how you are feeling and neither of you is willing to work on the issues, the relationship is not going to last, at least not in any sort of healthy way. The fact that small things turn into big arguments shows that there are underlying problems. You really do need to have a more formal talk with her and lay out exactly how you feel. Nothing's going to change otherwise.
So I spent Saturday morning with my girl until like around 6 am, dropped her off, went to sleep around 9, then woke up and went to work around 6. She calls me at 8 asking why I haven't texted her yet.
Now she's acting all disinterested when I try to start conversation the next day and she seems mad...is this common behavior?
Now she's acting all disinterested when I try to start conversation the next day and she seems mad...is this common behavior?
ZackieChan
Member
"Your girl" - she's your girlfriend? Or just someone you dated a few times?
Clay Davis
Member
Thank you to everyone for your advice.
I bit the bullet and told her about my concerns and talked over the phone this afternoon. She decided that it would be better to talk about it face to face, so she's coming over after work, which should be in an hour.
She was understanding about my fears but she said she didn't want to have the full conversation over the phone because it's something we should do face to face. I'm so nervous, I don't know if that's a good sign or bad.
This will be my first proper relationship since what happened with my ex. I know I'm overthinking but I honestly can't help it right now. She didn't sound upset or angry when I told her.
I bit the bullet and told her about my concerns and talked over the phone this afternoon. She decided that it would be better to talk about it face to face, so she's coming over after work, which should be in an hour.
She was understanding about my fears but she said she didn't want to have the full conversation over the phone because it's something we should do face to face. I'm so nervous, I don't know if that's a good sign or bad.
This will be my first proper relationship since what happened with my ex. I know I'm overthinking but I honestly can't help it right now. She didn't sound upset or angry when I told her.
We're official after seeing each other for a month and a half. Not super experienced when it comes to relationships.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I read something in the newspaper the other day. It said something like "it's better to be single and happy than together and miserable. Don't be afraid to bring up uncomfortable topics for fear of ending your relationship."
Have a talk. Don't let things coast.
She seems needy/clingy. If you've been dating for a bit she should know that you're at work.
Does she also work nights also? When I worked 3rd shift it was pretty much impossible to have any sort of relationship with anyone else that didn't.
So I was searching on Reddit for a place to post these screencaps of this creepy guy I was talking to, and came across this thread. I think it's nice to show to the people that don't quite understand why women ghost/give numbers when not interested/whatever instead of saying no. Some highlights:
This is only a very small sampling of what's in that thread. So yeah, not getting the no sucks, trust me, but when this is what women have to deal with, saying no is a very difficult thing to do.
This is only a very small sampling of what's in that thread. So yeah, not getting the no sucks, trust me, but when this is what women have to deal with, saying no is a very difficult thing to do.
-Plasma Reus-
Service guarantees member status
Alright guys, I'm taking a girl to a musical.
How do they work?
What's the etiquette for when you're at a theater?
How do they work?
What's the etiquette for when you're at a theater?
How do you mean? It's pretty similar to seeing a movie, maybe a little more formal depending on the show and theatre. They do tend to be a bit longer, but there is usually an intermission in the middle so you can stretch your legs.
Is this a first date? Like a movie date, it's a pretty bad idea because you won't be able to talk and actually get to know the other person.
Is this a first date? Like a movie date, it's a pretty bad idea because you won't be able to talk and actually get to know the other person.
-Plasma Reus-
Service guarantees member status
Known her for quite a while. But first date I would say.
We're hanging out a few hours before the thing, then a few hours after.
We're hanging out a few hours before the thing, then a few hours after.
- Status