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[Miles Quaritch]

Why is men crying still seen as a sign of weakness and why do some people (myself included) not think to offer assistance when we do see them crying? (As rare it might be)

I've been thinking about this for a few hours and I get the argument about masculinity, not showing emotions, etc but is that still an acceptable argument?

I ask because I saw a guy crying earlier and then noticed a few others walking past and laughing at him and mouthing what clearly looked like 'pussy' to each other.

I also noticed that no-one (myself included) wanted to offer assistance. It only occured to me after the fact (even then I rationaled it by saying he probably wouldn't have wanted my help), whereas if it was a crying woman I probably would have offered a tissue and asked if everything was okay.

Isn't it weird that we still have a social hangup on offering help to a crying man?

 

[____]

I guess it would depend on the reason?

But I also wouldn't mock a crying person. Nor would I offer help, other than maybe a child.

 

[maxcriden]

Yes, it is weird. I agree with you. There is a serious social stigma surrounding it that seems to go back to the dawn of civilization or earlier. I have always been someone prone to becoming emotional (see, it's even hard to say "prone to tearfulness") like when watching a movie or getting into a miscommunication with someone or something, and always feel embarrassed of it.

 

[jwk94]

The macho man thing hasn't really gone away and society doesn't want to have a conversation about it.

 

[Slaythe]

Because we look like this.

We must hide this face forever.

 

[Kurdel]

Fuck the patriarchy, and fuck anyone who tells you what a real man should be.

 

[Kthulhu]

I blame gender norms. We have the idea burned into our culture that men are tough and don't cry.

 

[Glix]

I cried like a baby watching Rogue One the other night. My girl didn't

 

[Puck Beaverton]

My medication made me an emotional mess in 9th grade. Legit wanted to die when I started crying in class. Most people were cool about it though.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

my bullies in elemental school (figuratively) stamped all the crying out of me when i was a kid

my teachers (and therefore parents) told me to try to stop crying because it was making me a target

 

[SpaceWolf]

Fuck the patriarchy, and fuck anyone who tells you what a real man should be.

Perfect avatar.

 

[Goofalo]

I couldn't hold back tears during The Fault In Our Stars. I was rightly shunned.

 

[jwk94]

Yes, it is weird. I agree with you. There is a serious social stigma surrounding it that seems to go back to the dawn of civilization or earlier. I have always been someone prone to becoming emotional (see, it's even hard to say "prone to tearfulness") like when watching a movie or getting into a miscommunication with someone or something, and always feel embarrassed of it.

Agreed. This kinda stuff is super prevalent on dating sites too.

 

[Username1198]

It is weird.

Huh I never thought of that.

I've seen women and children cry and I've always offered help, I would definetly help if I saw a crying man.

I don't even remember the last time I cried, and I've only ever seen my dad cry once in my life, when his mom died.

But regardless, is still help and if I'm ever crying in public I'd hope someone would ask if I was ok.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

I still tear up for movies.

Fight me.

 

[O Canada Our Home and Native Land]

Yes, it is weird. I agree with you. There is a serious social stigma surrounding it that seems to go back to the dawn of civilization or earlier. I have always been someone prone to becoming emotional (see, it's even hard to say "prone to tearfulness") like when watching a movie or getting into a miscommunication with someone or something, and always feel embarrassed of it.

It's cultural. If you watch foreign media they show guys crying a more than US media.

 

[Gin-Shiio]

Gender norms, which sadly prevail still. Poster above me makes a good point though; men from some regions show more emotion than others.

 

[Hispanic! At the Disco]

Whenever I'm full of emotion, I cry.

I don't see a problem with crying as long as it doesn't cause a scene and its within reason.

 

[Odoul]

I saw my father cry once in my life.

It's something that's seared into my memory.

One of the most uncomfortable/stressful things I've ever witnessed.

 

[LogicStep]

Yes, it is weird. I agree with you. There is a serious social stigma surrounding it that seems to go back to the dawn of civilization or earlier. I have always been someone prone to becoming emotional (see, it's even hard to say "prone to tearfulness") like when watching a movie or getting into a miscommunication with someone or something, and always feel embarrassed of it.

I'm like that. I just keep telling myself that's how I am and if someone says something negative about it they can fuck off. Emotions are what makes us living beings and we should not be ashamed of what we feel.

 

[Rhaknar]

 

[M52B28]

I can't answer this. It's just a social construct that spans across many cultures.

Think of it like this; men have always been heralded as physically superior to women (shouldn't get dog-piled for saying that), so what other response should people have to a man crying? It's wrong that people can't get past the fact that emotions can cross sexual/physical barriers and effect anyone, anywhere.

Now, that's said as a person who doesn't give a shit about a man crying. I'm a pretty masculine guy, black, etc etc. For some reason, I feel like a black man crying is something people would definitely question, and that's because black men have always been seen as hyper-masculine and having indestructible emotions.

If I have emotions, I don't really try to hold back tears, unless it's necessary to do so.

 

[Earthbound64]

Fuck the patriarchy, and fuck anyone who tells you what a "real man" should be.

Agreed.
(I added quotation marks, though)

 

[whytemyke]

The help I offer to a crying man is to tell him to grow a pair and stop crying.

Then he does and all is right with the world. BOOM. You're welcome, Earth.

 

[jwk94]

It is weird.

Huh I never thought of that.

I've seen women and children cry and I've always offered help, I would definetly help if I saw a crying man.

I don't even remember the last time I cried, and I've only ever seen my dad cry once in my life, when his mom died.

But regardless, is still help and if I'm ever crying in public I'd hope someone would ask if I was ok.

Yeah, one thing I noticed is that I've never really felt like I needed to cry when I'm stressed or overwhelmed with anything that isn't sadness.

 

[Snarky(HEART)]

The same reason bisexual guys are just seen as gay by many.

The same reason guys cant where girls clothes.

The same reason transgender women get beaten and violently killed just for being themselves.

The patriarchy. "Masculine" = good. "Feminine"= bad.

 

[Syrus]

Tv and movies make me tear up.
My family can make me cry


I try to hardly ever cry but fuxk you if you call me a pussy. Lol

 

[Widdle Puppy]

It sucks.

Crying is a healthy way to release emotions.

I've held back crying for so long that it is hard for me to cry even when I probably should. It's been like two years since I've cried.

 

[B.K.]

I hurt my back pretty badly a couple days ago. I've really wanted to cry a couple times.

 

[Mesoian]

Why is men crying still seen as a sign of weakness and why do some people (myself included) not think to offer assistance when we do see them crying? (As rare it might be)

I've been thinking about this for a few hours and I get the argument about masculinity, not showing emotions, etc but is that still an acceptable argument?

I ask because I saw a guy crying earlier and then noticed a few others walking past and laughing at him and mouthing what clearly looked like 'pussy' to each other.

I also noticed that no-one (myself included) wanted to offer assistance. It only occured to me after the fact (even then I rationaled it by saying he probably wouldn't have wanted my help), whereas if it was a crying woman I probably would have offered a tissue and asked if everything was okay.

Isn't it weird that we still have a social hangup on offering help to a crying man?

I mean, crying IS an expression of weakness. The fucked up thing is how we deal with those who cry as the past 70 years of american culture has been built up to say "crying isn't for men, men are strong, crying shows your weak." We still have this very real conception in our culture that weakness is something to be discarded. It is a bad thing that everyone needs to struggle in order to rid ourselves of, or else we are inferior to our peers. It's something that's taught to us when we are children. We are taught that having a lack of empathy is a good thing, and that sympathy is a firm pat on the back and a stern, "don't be a pussy". That's masculinity.

It's fucked up and it's why so many young men get in very real trouble at points when it comes time to interact with other young men from different viewpoints and walks of life. And unfortunately, there's very little to be done about it other than instilling our youth that weakness is just a part of life, everyone feels it, it's not shameful and needing help isn't a sign that you are inferior.

 

[Pau]

Yeah, it sucks that men are looked down upon for crying or showing certain emotions.

That said I don't usually talk to people who I see crying in public. I assume they want to be left alone.

 

[FonkyByNature]

Fuck the patriarchy, and fuck anyone who tells you what a real man should be.

Amen.

I never cared about what people think anyway, crying is normal for men and women. That machoman, crying if for pussies, attitude is beyond stupid. I thought society mostly out grew that crappy thinking.

 

[Sibersk Esto]

It's cultural. If you watch foreign media they show guys crying a more than US media.

Yeah, you watch stuff like Korean, Japanese movies etc and it's pretty common for men to just start bawling.

 

[PeakPointMatrix]

Because we look like this.

We must hide this face forever.

I know it's meant as a joke, but it's one of the many reasons the Raimi trilogy stands heads and shoulders above any superhero movie to date. One of them being that the protagonist isn't always a handsome, put-together zinger machine, and can show deep, vulnerable moments of weakness to the audience, including this (one of a few!) scenes where he legitimately breaks down on screen.

Amen.

I never cared about what people think anyway, crying is normal for men and women. That machoman, crying if for pussies, attitude is beyond stupid. I thought society mostly out grew that crappy thinking.

The machomen are probably in the most pain, and cry in secret.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

A good sob feels good man.

 

[lightskintwin]

I was taught at an early age that crying is a sign of weakness from my father, and rarely have ever cried in front of somebody. I didn't even cry at my Father's funeral.

Weirdly, I can cry a lot when watching a film for whatever reason.

Admittedly I grew up in a hyper masculine environment.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

I cry so damn much haha

 

[benicillin]

In the course of human history it's a relatively recent development. No one really knows exactly when, but in the Middle Ages for example it was common for the heroic men of those stories to cry openly.

Basically patriarchal ideas of "what it means to be a man" are slowly killing men because crying is healthy and necessary.

 

[hodgy100]

The help I offer to a crying man is to tell him to grow a pair and stop crying.

Then he does and all is right with the world. BOOM. You're welcome, Earth.

Then he bottles up his emotions and kills his family in a murder suicide brought on by high levels of stress with no way to releave that stress.

Yaaaay

 

[Snarky(HEART)]

I know it's meant as a joke, but it's one of the many reasons the Raimi trilogy stands heads and shoulders above any superhero movie to date. One of them being that the protagonist isn't always a handsome, put-together zinger machine, and can show deep, vulnerable moments of weakness to the audience, including this (one of a few!) scenes where he legitimately breaks down on screen.

Except I didn't believe it and couldn't get over his dopey face in this scene. For many other reasons also, Tobey Maguire was an awful Spider-Man, as good as those first two movies are.

 

[13ruce]

I do not easily cry but some games/movies/series/tv were so joyfull or emotional or sad that they do make me cry or tear up out of joy or sadness dependig on the experience/situation.

And honestly when i see a someone cry irl i wanna tear up a too depends on the situation and why that person cries ofcourse. But in public i just resist it.

The stigma about it is strange but men are supposed to look or be emotionally strong so crying is a sign of weakness.

 

[jwk94]

The same reason bisexual guys are just seen as gay by many.

The same reason guys cant where girls clothes.

The same reason transgender women get beaten and violently killed just for being themselves.

The patriarchy. "Masculine" = good. "Feminine"= bad.

Man, I saw some really nice women's high tops the other day. Things felt really good to wear, but I needed a size up because they were too tight. They stopped making the size I needed -_-

Someone needs to destroy the stigma against men shopping for clothes. I'm so, so tired of looking at the same styles in 90% of stores. Meanwhile, women have so much stuff to choose from. I'm jealous as hell.

 

[Prophaniti]

Makes me super uncomfortable when anyone cries. Honestly I don't think you should ever be crying in public if youre an adult. Maybe if someone died or something equally bad.
Someone died? Go for it. Kids got cancer? Sure I'd cry also.
Your girl cheated? Grow up. Bad day at work? Grow up.
Get your shit together. Have a break down at home. Don't put me in a position to have to witness your crap and be uncomfortable. It really gets under my skin.

Edit cause why not I guess: the disgusted statement came off more edgy then I was intending. I don't think people should cry in public for minor things.

 

[ChrisD]

When people cry it makes me cry if I speak with them. I'm not a very big help to men or women, with that said. Seems to just make situations worse.

 

[Puck Beaverton]

Fun fact: Tarantino cried at the end of Chungking Express

 

[maxcriden]

Agreed. This kinda stuff is super prevalent on dating sites too.

What kinda stuff?

 

[FrontalMonk]

It sucks.

Crying is a healthy way to release emotions.

I've held back crying for so long that it is hard for me to cry even when I probably should. It's been like two years since I've cried.

Yeah, I can feel tears well up, but I have a real hard time crying. Pretty sure the last time I cried was at my mother-in-law's funeral, and even then I kept it together until I held her hand.

 

[Sunster]

toxic masculinity

 

[jwk94]

What kinda stuff?

Just pushing for that "manly" image. Like on OKCupid I've noticed a lot women will put in their questionnaire that they've had sex with other women but that didn't change their sexuality. Yet, they won't date a man who's had sex with another man.

 

[The Futurist]

Depends on the reason and the frequency of the crying.

Loss of a loved one, some other emotional trauma, a few tears after watching a said movie.

Sure.

Constantly crying because of something like a movie.

Man the fuck up. Applies to women as well.