Support NeoGAF

[Zok310]

Was in a similar situation a few years ago. I just confronted and got nothing but lies during whole confrontation. Got out of the situation the same night and blocked her from every social media imanigable and blocked her number on my cell. Then I just moved on with my life, the confrontation made me feel loads better.

I recommend you do the exact same thing.

 

[Ouroboros]

Drop her and forget about her. Good riddance, cheating is one of the most selfish things a human being can do.

 

[always crazy bacon]

OP, how long did you maintain communication with your gf on the dating app before switching to phone numbers?

 

[Ralemont]

Lol she did tell him! She literally told him it's "to keep in touch with friends I made on here". Yeah I think it's dumb and I wouldn't personally do that, but not everyone is me and I know plenty of people who aren't cheaters that would do that.

After he saw the app on her phone and asked about it, yes. Trickle-truthing has become a commonplace phrase in the dating world for a reason.

 

[hydragonwarrior]

The best conclusion? If that guy tries messaging your gf again, this time you be the one who answers. Co-ordinate with your gf and have some fun with this lying asshole.

 

[Dirca]

This thread is the Gaf feel good story of the month !

No. The math doesn't add up. I've been in and I've witnessed several similar situations. If you think something is up, it most likely is. My trust in her would be shaken. I would hold off on a wedding until you can be sure. You don't want that nagging memory in the back of your mind forever.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Let's all be honest here and stop pissing on each other's leg and say it's raining...

I am in no position to tell OP to dump his girl. "Love" as people call it is a pretty fucked up thing, and there are tons of people that risk losing their own physical, mental health and dignity for it.. So I let OP make his own decisions about his girl.


But lets not pretend for one second everything she said was true and how it played out, clearly she has doubts about OP, if she truly loves him, clearly she was testing the waters., looking if there was something else out there she may be more attracted to... she kept her toes in the pond and was ready to jump in if she found a better opportunity

But at the end of the day she was cornered and had to get rational and serious.

She had to either get on land with the OP or go dip her whole body in the water, and of course it was a lot easier to just pull her foot off the water and get back on solid ground with the OP... And that she did, including throwing the other guy under the bus since, it wasn't hard at all... Everything else is just secondary at this point.

 

[Cudder]

Absolutely fucking baffled by the "glad it worked out!" people in this thread. lol.

 

[Realeza]

Tell her to fuck off, share a message on FB saying how much of a bitch she is, and then bail.

 

[Kevtones]

Also, she kept his number. Why?

 

[The Futurist]

Tell her to fuck off, share a message on FB saying how much of a bitch she is, and then bail.

People who put their personal shit on social media are universally terrible.

 

[____]

This doesn't explain the other guy trying to change his story? And it sounded like the "attention" was minimal. I mean, I agree leaving the app on the phone and continuing to talk with "friends" through the app is weird, but that's about it.

It’s easy. They’re both lying.

 

[Nictel]

OP: I think my gf is cheating on me.
GAF: Everything is terrible! Break up now!
OP: Had sex.
GAF: Everything is fine!

I have far too little info to tell the OP anything definitive. To me it sounds like she wasn't 100% sure at the start of your relationship. Make sure she is before you two get married.

 

[Future PhaZe]

happy for OP

 

[Ric Flair]

No. The math doesn't add up. I've been in and I've witnessed several similar situations. If you think something is up, it most likely is. My trust in her would be shaken. I would hold off on a wedding until you can be sure. You don't want that nagging memory in the back of your mind forever.

The fact that she didn't know when she used the app to talk to a different guy would be semi suspicious to me, as well. But then again I've been burned before, and I guess I'm a bit extra cautious now because of it. If the OP trusts his lady, I say carry on and leave this in the past.

 

[Seik]

This is Lionel Mandrake summary worthy, imo.

 

[Dirca]

But lets not pretend for one second everything she said was true and how it played out, clearly she has doubts about OP, if she truly loves him, clearly she was testing the waters., looking if there was something else out there she may be more attracted to... she kept her toes in the pond and was ready to jump in if she found a better opportunity

But at the end of the day she was cornered and had to get rational and serious.

She had to either get on land with the OP or go dip her whole body in the water, and of course it was a lot easier to just pull her foot off the water and get back on solid ground with the OP... And that she did, including throwing the other guy under the bus since, it wasn't hard at all... Everything else is just secondary at this point.

And this is exactly my point. Don't give her your full trust. In my experiences, she isn't 100% committed to your relationship. Don't dump her, but don't rush into a wedding.

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

OP: I think my gf is cheating on me.
GAF: Everything is terrible! Break up now!
OP: Had sex.
GAF: Everything is fine!

Hehehe... This is funny, because it's true!

 

[Futureman]

People who put their personal shit on social media are universally terrible.

I knew this guy from high school... his wife and him had a straight up super personal argument on their FB wall... Like the wife saying stuff like "You have a kid and you decide to spend your time at the bar and not with your family?!" and then multiple, personal back and forths. Super bizarre.

I didn't comprehensively read the entire topic, but it feels like to me OP's GF was having side flings because she didn't think the relationship was super serious. Once she got the feeling OP was going to propose she started to shut these side flings down and one of them spilled over a bit. I guess it's up to OP if he trusts his GF is committed to him.

 

[mordecaii83]

After he saw the app on her phone and asked about it, yes. Trickle-truthing has become a commonplace phrase in the dating world for a reason.

Yeah, I'm familiar with the concept (and even used it myself in the distant past unfortunately). But like I said after editing my last post, I don't have much more to say on this topic unless more info comes to light. I'm the kind of person who would rather try to make things work if possible unless there's undeniable proof of wrong-doing, and obviously other people are different. Everyone has to decide what works for them.

 

[Elandyll]

All the gf said could very well be true, and if so I am glad it is a happy ending for the OP and hope he and his gf have many many long happy years together.

Otoh she herself gave a red flag which the OP himself admitted: she loves the attention. It seems she needs to be wanted (not that it's uncommon).

With this being known, it doesn't mean at all that she did cheat, even in her mind. Or that she will.
What it does mean is that if either or both of you are or will be extremely busy with a career, she might end up needing more attention than you could provide.

With this being known, it's up to the both of you to make sure you have 'together time' as often as possible, and to keep dialogue open at all times to avoid... Unwanted outside relationships.

 

[ZOONAMI]

The biggest red flag here are “friends” from a dating app. Those are some fuck buddies.

The actual sequence with the dude op found out about checks out that he was just fronting. The other shit is what I’d be more worried about.

And OP, what the fuck are you doing marrying someone that quickly? Are you insane? Do you even live together?

Move in together and feel that out for a bit before you just marry someone because you’ve been chilling with a chick for a couple years who has “friends” from a dating app.

 

[TheThreadsThatBindUs]

Happy for you, OP. Sounds like it all got cleared up in the end.

I've been on the receiving end of infidelity and it fucking sucks hard.

 

[SpecX]

OP: I think my gf is cheating on me.
GAF: Everything is terrible! Break up now!
OP: Had sex.
GAF: Everything is fine!

I have far too little info to tell the OP anything definitive. To me it sounds like she wasn't 100% sure at the start of your relationship. Make sure she is before you two get married.

GAF mostly swings to the extreme on things like this without having people be rational in their decisions. I'm with you as well that they need to be 100% sure this is what they want before diving into the relationship further with marriage and clear out that closet to be sure nothing else might come out like this. Glad to hear it worked out OP.

 

[Usobuko]

I didn't comprehensively read the entire topic, but it feels like to me OP's GF was having side flings because she didn't think the relationship was super serious. Once she got the feeling OP was going to propose she started to shut these side flings down and one of them spilled over a bit. I guess it's up to OP if he trusts his GF is committed to him.

When people have side flings in an exclusive relationship, it's because they place little importance on their existing spouses/partners.

Habits, temptations and whatsnot are only possible if they don't respect and value you.

Based on your example, I would have walk out asap. Besides, they won't respect you if you don't respect yourself by walking away anyway.

 

[Raven117]

What an interesting development....

 

[Sygma]

Oh my goodness, really? You don't believe girls and guys can be friends?

That's pretty cute actually

If the girl is lesbian, sure thing, because the more tomboyish ones are actually awesome to hang out with. Otherwise no

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLqK0DTevxA

 

[Kevtones]

Yeah, I'm familiar with the concept (and even used it myself in the distant past unfortunately). But like I said after editing my last post, I don't have much more to say on this topic unless more info comes to light. I'm the kind of person who would rather try to make things work if possible unless there's undeniable proof of wrong-doing, and obviously other people are different. Everyone has to decide what works for them.

Most of us try to make things work when we care about someone. That's a very common trait. What defines us is how we strengthen our relationships.

This is an opportunity to deepen the trust between partners but it's also a huge wake up call for the OP because the math doesn't add up. He shouldn't become paranoid but he needs to do his due diligence for his own heart.


Again: no matter if she made friends, she can stay in contact with her friends in so many ways but she chose to interact, with interested men, on a dating app.

 

[Ryo Hazuki]

That's pretty cute actually

If the girl is lesbian, sure thing, because the more tomboyish ones are actually awesome to hang out with. Otherwise no

Really makes you wonder what kind of lives people have had where they actually can believe this.

 

[superdeluxe]

OP: I think my gf is cheating on me.
GAF: Everything is terrible! Break up now!
OP: Had sex.
GAF: Everything is fine!

I have far too little info to tell the OP anything definitive. To me it sounds like she wasn't 100% sure at the start of your relationship. Make sure she is before you two get married.

Neogaf.gif

 

[Ralemont]

That's pretty cute actually

If the girl is lesbian, sure thing, because the more tomboyish ones are actually awesome to hang out with. Otherwise no

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLqK0DTevxA

Ehh, saying this on an internet message board and therefore not having much reason to lie, I have friends who are women that I'd refuse a proposition or a date. And they are attractive, too.

However, what Steve says is also fairly prevalent.

 

[Acyl]

Really makes you wonder what kind of lives people have had where they actually can believe this.

As the destroyer of The Office once said, "there is only sex." - Robert California

 

[TeegsD]

I definitely wasn't expecting this conclusion, that's for sure. I'm on #TeamSkeptical still. I get the whole "ego-boosting" thing, but I still think it's bullshit. If the other dude is pestering her, she should've just blocked him and I think she could've mentioned it to you to. It definitely seems like she was dipping her toes in the water and it just didn't work out.

 

[Sygma]

Really makes you wonder what kind of lives people have had where they actually can believe this.

I just don't like to lie to myself. Say if a girl makes it absolutely clear that we re just going to be friends while I really want to bang her ... there's just no point.

So in order to avoid that I found some lesbian friends to hang out with, because they have that different sensibility, being females, and I know that nothing will ever ever ever happen at all. I don't have to build false hopes or whatever. + the ones I have are actually firemen, they're pretty jacked and like to do a lot of extreme sport such as mountain sport etc, it's always really nice to spend time with them

 

[SomTervo]

Awesome that your GF did a speakerphone call like that. Totally legit.

She's a goodun.

 

[EloquentM]

Ill take my crow steamed

 

[Radec]

Nice it turned out ok.

 

[Hylian7]

That's pretty cute actually

If the girl is lesbian, sure thing, because the more tomboyish ones are actually awesome to hang out with. Otherwise no

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLqK0DTevxA

That's pretty cute actually that you actually listen to anything coming from Steve "Trump supporting, cheating on wife, 'If you don't believe in God, well then, to me you're an idiot', 'moral barometer'" Harvey.

My best friend is a woman, and is going to be the equivalent of a "best man" (we haven't decided what to call her yet) at my wedding.

I just don't like to lie to myself. Say if a girl makes it absolutely clear that we re just going to be friends while I really want to bang her ... there's just no point.

So in order to avoid that I found some lesbian friends to hang out with, because they have that different sensibility, being females, and I know that nothing will ever ever ever happen at all. I don't have to build false hopes or whatever. + the ones I have are actually firemen, they're pretty jacked and like to do a lot of extreme sport such as mountain sport etc, it's always really nice to spend time with them

Are you literally incapable of not wanting to bang every straight woman that exists or something? That's a pretty mysoginist view IMO.

 

[Blueblur1]

Also, she kept his number. Why?

This.

The biggest red flag here are “friends” from a dating app. Those are some fuck buddies.

The actual sequence with the dude op found out about checks out that he was just fronting. The other shit is what I’d be more worried about.

And OP, what the fuck are you doing marrying someone that quickly? Are you insane? Do you even live together?

Move in together and feel that out for a bit before you just marry someone because you’ve been chilling with a chick for a couple years who has “friends” from a dating app.

And this. OP can keep her around but he shouldn't rest on his laurels. Where there's smoke there may be more fire.

 

[lenovox1]

This is one thread that I hope the OP bailed out from. Y'all are paranoid as fuck.

Especially considering that we now know that we don't know the complete information about any relationship that she had with this guy. And that she went out of her way to confirm that she had neither any sexual feelings for him nor had any relationship with him past a platonic one.

Are you literally incapable of not wanting to bang every straight woman that exists or something? That's a pretty mysoginist view IMO.

It's not "pretty misogynistic" it's extremely misogynistic.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Not to be ”that" guy OP but I can't tell you how many times I've heard the ”Im talking to him but I don't like him at all! I don't reach out but he keeps hitting me up! So I give him attention because reasons. But I don't like him!"

You're being played man.

You're right but OP won't listen. OP wants to believe.

PROTIP: No one in a relationship that's NOT fucking someone else uses a dating app. To make "friends", are you kidding me??!?! You buying that shit?

 

[Messofanego]

This is Lionel Mandrake summary worthy, imo.

Yeah I'm a bit lost lol

 

[DirtyCase]

Ya well im not going to be holier than thou but the vast majority of cheaters when confronted will lie and try anything to mend the situation to keep the partner (very selfish, just lile the act of cheating). Sex is usually what helps work out any problems.

OP, I wouldnt be surprised if you catch her sometime in the future messing around.

Who knows, I could be entirely off mark.

 

[Sephzilla]

This is one thread that I hope the OP bailed out from. Y'all are paranoid as fuck.

Yeah, a lot of people in this thread seem really cynical. Hopefully OP isn't checking in

 

[Shadybiz]

Absolutely fucking baffled by the "glad it worked out!" people in this thread. lol.

Yeah. I am quite skeptical.

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Yeah, a lot of people in this thread seem really cynical. Hopefully OP isn't checking in

What person wouldn't be cynical if their partner was on dating apps? Actively?

Like, go ask regular people in the real world and not GAF if "I'm just making friends!" excuse would fly for any of them.

 

[Kevtones]

You're right but OP won't listen. OP wants to believe.

PROTIP: No one in a relationship that's NOT fucking someone else uses a dating app. To make "friends", are you kidding me??!?! You buying that shit?

All my male friends using dating apps stay in contact with women strangers for years and never ask for their numbers in hopes of great and meaningful friendships!

 

[benicillin]

Life is stranger than fiction, y'all.

 

[kittoo]

A little update.

She called me in the evening again and was sounding really upset. So I asked and she said she was upset because I didnt trust her, looked at her phone (I did see her phone to see if the app was still there, in front of her only. It was unlocked and I was just so angry and frustrated I couldnt help myself) and that she had never explained herself to anyone before, so calling another guy just to clear things with me was a big deal and she was feeling bad that I turned out to be a guy who doubted her.
She says that I shouldve asked her and nothing else. So basically I have two choices forever, whenever I have even a little bit of doubt- 1. Dont do anything. 2. Ask her and believe her story.
Kinda made me feel very bad for a while. I indeed felt like a doubting bf.

As others are pointing out, on further thinking I do think some things dont add up.
If she didnt like the guy in the first meet (and turns out that the guy shifted to GF's town after around 8 months of us being together, and not very early in our relationship), why did she meet him a second time? That too after such a long time? Did they meet more times in between? Also, if the guy is as big a creep as she claims, why the hell is he not blocked and out of her life forever? Why is he still sending whatsapp and FB msgs to her, which she replies sometimes to?
Finally, if she is telling the truth in saying that they met only twice and with a gap of a year or so, why the hell was this guy messaging her a whole year without meeting and why was he allowed to do so by her?
Also, I should point out, since some people are saying that I couldve known if there was anything fishy in the chats, the chats I saw only went as back as 20 days or so. Before that nothing was there. Her explanation is that he was blocked before that and hence no chats. In those 20 days of chats I couldnt gauge much, except one red flag chat where he asked her to meet some three times and she replied-
"I am going home. Lets meet after 23rd October."
She couldve stopped at "No", or "I am going home." or simply blocked him. She had no need of letting him know she will be back on 23rd. She says she simply replied as she would to any friend that she is not available and can meet after being back on 23rd.

So....story not over yet?

 

[Nif]

Did you show her this thread?