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Just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me

Musha_Soturi

Musha_Soturi

Member
KernelPanic said:
Has nothing to do with that.

You don't go on a dating app to "make friends". Plenty of other social media platforms for that.

You go there to see what other fish are in the sea. Classic case of "im doing good in my relationship but I want to see if I can do better". It's a red flag. Nothing happened and maybe she was just curious and not thinking about what this looks like, but still that's not a normal behavior.

It's like going to a strip club under the pretense you're a fan of dancing and the fine arts.
Click to expand...

Not necessarily. Maybe she met these guys on there before she met OP when she was still in the dating game, it didn't work out romantically with them but they had stuff in common or just got on so decided to stay friends? Maybe she didn't want to give them her number or add them on Facebook so chatting through the app was the best method? She never said she met them after she met OP or that she was actively using the app to meet new people after they started dating so why jump to that conclusion?
 
S

Shadowhelper

Banned
platocplx said:
yeah it seems like the guy was a total creep and trying to break things up. This is why you dont just automatically take the other persons side without getting the full story and going from there.
Click to expand...

From OPs story this dude had no idea that he was talking to the sister of a guy who is dating OPs gf.

Seems more like he was just doing pathetic typical guy stuff and lying and exaggerating about a female relationship, to puff up his own ego.

Still doesn't change that OPs gf was meeting men behind his back on dating apps. Because that's what dating apps are for, making friends. Not for dating.

People go on dating apps to see what is out there. To date or fuck. Just because she didn't like what she saw with this other guy hardly makes it okay, or even different in anyway.

" I was going out with men to cheat on you with and couldn't find any! Aren't you proud of me?"
 
sephiroth7x

sephiroth7x

Member
Chuffed for you pal.

This is why you have to talk to them... always... and the fact she made a real point of phoning him and making sure you were there etc. is a real plus.

It will probably be a knock to your relationship but build off it. Well done man. Glad its worked out.
 
P

PG2G

Member
I think you'll find that the time people take to get married shrinks drastically. There are concerns over the baby timeliness as well people (likely) being more mature, experienced, and just generally having a better idea of what they want.
 
W

WordsintheWater

Member
My whole thing of her meeting up with the guy is that he was apparently pestering her. If someone you've seen once in your life previously is pestering you and you're not answering a lot of their messages why would you even meet up with them? Especially if you're in a committed relationship. From the information it really doesn't seem like the OP's gf and this guy were friends, but rather that he was a creep harassing her. If he was a friend I'd understand meeting up with him, but not from the information we have.

From the OP own admittance he thinks it's because she wanted an ego boost. Which is way more believable then any other reason anyone else has given.
 
H

Harmen

Member
always crazy bacon said:
The latter no doubt, people like that look solely at failed relationships as a confirmation bias that they didn't want a relationship they couldn't get anyway.
Click to expand...

Well, most relationships fail in the end, so I kind of get the fear some folks have to have their hearts broken. Hell, statistically nearly half or more (about 40% in the 10 first years alone) of the marriages file for divorce in my country (as per our central bureau of statistics).

However, that is still a crappy reason to not do it. Even when you separate after several years, the years of happy memories of love and bonding are worth it.
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
Musha_Soturi said:
Not necessarily. Maybe she met these guys on there before she met OP when she was still in the dating game, it didn't work out romantically with them but they had stuff in common or just got on so decided to stay friends? Maybe she didn't want to give them her number or add them on Facebook so chatting through the app was the best method? She never said she met them after she met OP or that she was actively using the app to meet new people after they started dating so why jump to that conclusion?
Click to expand...

He's Trippling down having clearly NOT read post #450.
 
P

platocplx

Member
KernelPanic said:
Has nothing to do with that.

You don't go on a dating app to "make friends". Plenty of other social media platforms for that.

You go there to see what other fish are in the sea. Classic case of "im doing good in my relationship but I want to see if I can do better". It's a red flag. Nothing happened and maybe she was just curious and not thinking about what this looks like, but still that's not a normal behavior.

It's like going to a strip club under the pretense you're a fan of dancing and the fine arts.
Click to expand...

You do know apps like Bumble actually has a feature thats a friend mode for look for friends? and ive seen some profiled where women are looking strictly for friends.
 
N

NandoGip

Member
platocplx said:
You do know apps like Bumble actually has a feature thats a friend mode for look for friends? and ive seen some profiled where women are looking strictly for friends.
Click to expand...

This is possible but insanely unlikely

also doesn't change the fact that the GF kept it secret

imo its not normal for someones SO to use apps to "make friends" with the opposite sex, even more so without telling their partner.

"ego boost" :eye_roll:
 
A

afroguy10

Member
always crazy bacon said:
If only this post wasn't lost on the bottom of the last page.
Click to expand...

Yup, something's off.

The idea of any of my girlfriends still having Tinder/PoF/Bumble/OKC etc. on their phones while being with me would make me incredibly uncomfortable to say the least.

I deleted PoF and Tinder when I started dating my last girlfriend and only reinstalled them after we broke up.

I'm happy to think the best the now but I can't help thinking this isn't over yet.
 
R

Ryo Hazuki

Member
NandoGip said:
This is possible but insanely unlikely

also doesn't change the fact that the GF kept it secret
Click to expand...

It wasn't a secret though. Right there in the OP it says he knew about her having friends on the app:

kittoo said:
But why the hell is she on the dating app still and meeting guys when we were clearly in an exclusive committed relationship? I even saw the app once on her phone a few months back and when asked she said she made some friends on it before meeting me and she still talks to them on it. I thought that was OK.
Click to expand...
 
S

Sephzilla

Member
kittoo said:
Update GAF.

Went over to her place. Asked her calmly as to who is DK (the other guy). She says she knows him. I asked her how they met she said the dating app. On asking when she said either a little before she met me or after, she wasnt sure. She said they met twice. Once in the beginning once a couple months back when they were in the same mall and he kept asking her to meet.

She showed me the chats on Whatsapp and Fb (the first thing I checked was the app, she doesnt have it anymore). It was mostly him msging her frequently and she ignoring him, though it didnt seem antagonistic from her side either.

Her side of the story was that they met long back and she didnt like him but the guy kept pestering her about meeting and dating and taking things to the next level etc. Post that they only met once a couple of months back.

She then called the guy and kept me on speaker. It went something like this-

Her: "Hi. Did you have chat with a friend of mine?"
Him: "Yeah. Wait I will call you back."

Disconnects the phone. Doesnt call back. So she kept calling him. After 3-4 times he picks up again.

Him:"You've never called me before and now suddenly so many calls. What happened?"
Her:"Why did you tell my friend that we were dating?"
Him"We met one or two times. What else should I call it? Ok wait."

Puts us on call waiting for a long time. Then we disconnected.

After a while my sister messages me that now he is asking her why she told my gf about him claiming to date her etc. My sister tells me to call him once again and clarify everything he said, like my gf saying she is single and flirting with him etc. So we called again. Again he doesnt pick for a while but then does.

Her:"Hi. So why did you tell my friend that I was flirting with you?"
Him"I didnt say that."
Her:"Then what did you say?"
Him:"I just said that I saw her and your pics together and that I like you. Thats it."
Her:"And you said nothing like I was flirting with you or that I was single?"
Him:"No."
Her:"When I told you that I am thinking of marrying a guy and my parents are meeting him, then why are you still telling my friend all this?"
Him:"I only said I like you. Nothing else."

At this point we disconnected the call. There was no point. The guy wasnt going to accept he lied about anything.

So looks like the guy was lying. We still did have a chat about her keeping the dating app in her phone after we met, and she gave the same explanation that she used to talk to a couple of guys who had become her friends over there. Nevertheless she agreed it looks wrong and that she had deleted the app long back and had no plans of doing any such thing.

At that particular time I didnt have any reason to think she was lying, until unless she is such a master liar that somehow managed the whole situation to her benefit, despite me showing up suddenly and giving her no chance of even touching her phone before this went down. The app wasnt there. The chats were clean. The guy was called and situation clarified.

Looked like things were OK.
Then, we banged.
Click to expand...

I didn't consider the scenario that the guy was a lying shitbag. Glad everything worked out and I'm glad my advice was the wrong decision.

tenor.gif
 
S

Shadowhelper

Banned
NandoGip said:
So your GF met up with a dude behind your back
Click to expand...

Yes, she is meeting men behind his back and when he caught her with one man, since she didn't pursue it, OP and other gaffers are acting like its some huge victory and mark of honestly. LMAO. " Yay my GF didn't go through with fucking a man behind my back! And I got laid!"

Obviously its bullshit, no one goes on dating apps to make friends. We're not talking about Bumble as that is specifically also a friending app, that is still mostly used to lead the way to dating.

We're talking about a dating app. You know. The place you go to fuck. It's not complicated.

And if for some bizarre reason she actually is going on dating apps just to tell men to fuck off. She seems like a horrible person. Everyone but OPs GF is the victim here. Even this poor third party chump.

Poor guy met some girl on a dating app. The gal of this asshole to hope a girl he met on a dating app, might actually want to date.
 
?

____

Member
Not to be “that” guy OP but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the “Im talking to him but I don’t like him at all! I don’t reach out but he keeps hitting me up! So I give him attention because reasons. But I don’t like him!”

You’re being played man.
 
O

OmegaTreeFish

Banned
Shadowhelper said:
Yes, she is meeting men behind his back and when he caught her with one man, since she didn't pursue it, OP and other gaffers are acting like its some huge victory and mark of honestly. LMAO. " Yay my GF didn't go through with fucking a man behind my back! And I got laid!"

Obviously its bullshit, no one goes on dating apps to make friends. We're not talking about Bumble as that is specifically also a friending app, that is still mostly used to lead the way to dating.

We're talking about a dating app. You know. The place you go to fuck. It's not complicated.

And if for some bizarre reason she actually is going on dating apps just to tell men to fuck off. She seems like a horrible person. Everyone but OPs GF is the victim here. Even this poor third party chump.

Poor guy met some girl on a dating app. The gal of this asshole to hope a girl he met on a dating app, might actually want to date.
Click to expand...

You do realise in the conversation with the guy with the BF listerning she asked him why he was telling her friend they were dating when she had told him she was with a guy she plans to marry.

Some of you on here seem like you have never had a female friend and seen how a lot of them can think about this stuff differently to your typical man. I have had plenty of female friends I have seen do similar stuff to this and you guys would be calling them out for try to cheat etc etc. It sounds completely plausable to me that she met some people on that app that she liked to chat with but didnt fancy before meeting the OP. Then wanting to have a chat with them now and then but not add them to her whatsapp or give her phone number use that app to chat with them now and then. Hell, last week my friend from work came back from buying her lunch and the following happened

her - "just got a free lunch"
me - "how?"
her - "the guy that often serves me just said no charge"
me - "someone wants to get laid"
her - "what? noo, he prob is just aloud to give a certain amount of free lunchs a month or something"
me - "Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha etc"

I see this shit all the time. Its way more common for women to see the opposite sex as friend material than the other way round. I personally have no issue having female friends and I still cant quite get my head round why so many men I know have trouble doing this. Go out on work outings and its mostly the blokes hanging with the blokes and ladies with the ladies. Normally with me in the middle chatting to both. Its strange but increadibly normal.

Edit
I am also not saying there is no way she is doing something shadey. Just that what she said seems totally plausable. Especialliy considering what she was willing to do infront of him and then understand and delete the app.
 
K

kmax

Member
I'll say this.

Relationships are about boundaries. If you are comfortable with your partner being active on dating apps and meeting other guys for whatever reason while in a relationship with you, that is your decision to make.

I personally am not, and would not do so in active relationship with someone.

Good luck.
 
W

WordsintheWater

Member
Sure she may have had friends on the dating app, but the dude in question with all the information we have does not seem like a friend in the slightest. If she's ignoring most of his messages and she felt he was pestering her, then how is he a friend?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with people of the opposite sex being friends, but this particular person does not fit into that criteria.
 
Vire

Vire

Member
I mean why would she even meet with the guy though? Two times while you are seeing each other?

If my girlfriend did this shit... I’d be seeing red.
 
H

Hylian7

Member
Wow....glad that worked out and was total bollocks after all OP. That dude is fucked up.

Also, OP, you said you had screenshots of the supposed chat logs with them...what were those?
 
N

NandoGip

Member
Ryo Hazuki said:
It wasn't a secret though. Right there in the OP it says he knew about her having friends on the app:
Click to expand...

What you quoted doesn't change the fact that it was still secret. Let's play pretend and assume that she was innocently looking for male friends on a dating app... shouldn't this be something you tell your partner? He didn't know until he saw her phone months later.

Shadowhelper said:
Yes, she is meeting men behind his back and when he caught her with one man, since she didn't pursue it, OP and other gaffers are acting like its some huge victory and mark of honestly. LMAO. " Yay my GF didn't go through with fucking a man behind my back! And I got laid!"

Obviously its bullshit, no one goes on dating apps to make friends. We're not talking about Bumble as that is specifically also a friending app, that is still mostly used to lead the way to dating.

We're talking about a dating app. You know. The place you go to fuck. It's not complicated.

And if for some bizarre reason she actually is going on dating apps just to tell men to fuck off. She seems like a horrible person. Everyone but OPs GF is the victim here. Even this poor third party chump.

Poor guy met some girl on a dating app. The gal of this asshole to hope a girl he met on a dating app, might actually want to date.
Click to expand...

Yeah you broke it down better than I could. OP's GF dodged a bullet by OP being gullible as all hell due to his delusion of marriage being a possibility. Also, she's lucky that out of all the other dudes she "made friends" with, the one that OP found out was a dumbass.

Many people (both guys and girls) have a thing about keeping their options open for the first 6 months in a relationship, which is a much more likely scenario.

This one specific situation might not be a deal breaker for me exactly, but I would definitely be suspicious... Once you break trust it's really hard to get it back.

To be blunt: You gotta be dumb to believe your SO was trying to meet men for friendships on a dating app.... Like you gotta be really naive and gullible to believe that.
 
S

Shredderi

Member
I honestly hope it works out for you OP and that this was all a big big misunderstanding, but every braincell I have in me yells that something's up. Here's hoping that I'm just cynical and paranoid and there won't be a new thread from you a few months down the line.

And this is why I wouldn't work in a relationship. One thing like this comes along and I would be unable to trust completely again, even if it was all in my head. I don't even know where these trust issues come from.
 
B

Bunta

Fujiwara Tofu Shop
OmegaTreeFish said:
As for the people who seem stunned about the whole 1.5 years and talking about marrage

I met my wife and after 3 months we bought a house. then 2 years later got married. 7 years later we are still happily married and have a wonderful son.

People do these things differently. Sometimes you just know.
Click to expand...

I'm not particularly understanding the shock over someone thinking about marriage after 1.5 years, either.
 
N

NandoGip

Member
Moosichu said:
What, you have to announce every encounter you have to your other half?
Click to expand...

No but that's not what the situation is

OP and his GF met through a dating app

They began to date

While dating, the GF continued to use the dating app

A long ways into the relationship, OP sees the apps and the GF says its just for making ... "Friends"

Op finds out even farther down the line that theres a man claiming to date his gf

The gf confronts the man but also admits that she **did** meet with him

.... Okay sure the guy who claimed to date her was a bullshitter, but is it not weird that she was secretly meeting up with men from a dating app?
 
O

OmegaTreeFish

Banned
NandoGip said:
No but that's not what the situation is

OP and his GF met through a dating app

They began to date

While dating, the GF continued to use the dating app

A long ways into the relationship, OP sees the apps and the GF says its just for making ... "Friends"

Op finds out even farther down the line that theres a man claiming to date his gf

The gf confronts the man but also admits that she **did** meet with him

.... Okay sure the guy who claimed to date her was a bullshitter, but is it not weird that she was secretly meeting up with men from a dating app?
Click to expand...

No. She said she made friends when she was using it to date and uses it to stay in contact with them. Thats different.

I am not sure when she first talked to this guy though. We def dont have all the information but thats up the OP to decide whether he has issues with that part and tell us or not.
 
C

CoolestSpot

Banned
Moosichu said:
What, you have to announce every encounter you have to your other half?
Click to expand...

I know if I had somehow made friends through a dating app, I'd explain it to my SO beforehand in someway just so they know nothing is up. It seems like they talked about her talking to them before, but I doubt she ever mentioned going to meet up with them and the like.

I'm glad things seem to be turning out for the best in this situation, but as others have said, I'd be suspicious too. I don't know what the next best action is, my response would be to talk it out with her some more, but my solution to everything is almost always "talking it out and make sure you two and understanding and she's happy" so...
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
____ said:
Not to be “that” guy OP but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the “Im talking to him but I don’t like him at all! I don’t reach out but he keeps hitting me up! So I give him attention because reasons. But I don’t like him!”

You’re being played man.
Click to expand...

Quoted for truth.
 
C

Camwi

Member
Congrats OP for doing the right thing and talking to her about it, and not just immediately leaving her like some of the people here were suggesting.
 
R

Ryo Hazuki

Member
I'd also be personally weary of my partner still using a dating app and meeting people without telling me, but at the end of the day this guy was a complete bullshitter and OP knows his partner more than anyone so only he can judge how it all went down.
 
M

Monkeyball

Banned
Yeah I'm not sure about this one friend.

She showed proof by showing the text messages? You can just delete old messages right?
 
M

Moosichu

Member
Monkeyball said:
Yeah I'm not sure about this one friend.

She showed proof by showing the text messages? You can just delete old messages right?
Click to expand...

Yeah, but she wasn't forewarned. So unless she was constantly managing her message history to remove all possible evidence of things like while she was secretely doing those things, she's most likely telling the truth.
 
J

jayu26

Member
Oh good god Gaf! Not everything is an episode from Black Mirror.
Black_Mirror_-_The_Entire_History_of_You.jpg


At this point OP's girlfriend has proved her loyalty. Yes the continued use of the app was/is questionable but it was gone before he even confronted her. I am not saying to not be on the lookout for red flags, but for now things seem alright.
 
D

d9b

Banned
____ said:
Not to be “that” guy OP but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the “Im talking to him but I don’t like him at all! I don’t reach out but he keeps hitting me up! So I give him attention because reasons. But I don’t like him!”

You’re being played man.
Click to expand...
100% true. Run for your life OP!
 
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