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[C.Mongler]

I'm feeling posting here to vent, since I feel like there are much bigger, heinous acts that others are sharing and I don't want to be the "Hey everyone look at meee!" in the room on Facebook. But my own little anecdote:

When I was 23-years-old I started working (again, I worked there prior but took a 3-year hiatus for undergrad) at a pizza-chain part-time to make money while working at an internship too, and I was regularly sexually harassed by a 17-year-old I worked with. By regularly I mean literally every shift we worked together. It started off innocuous enough, "Oh, hey do you want to maybe get some dinner after work...", which I politely declined because, you know, she was underage. But after a few more shifts it quickly became much more lewd and obnoxious. "Want to come out to my car for a quickie?". "Mmm, you're always looking so good, how big is your dick?". "Why won't you let me blow you, are you gay?". It was relentless, and very public. Everyone knew she was doing it. The larger reaction was "Bro, ain't you gonna smash?". She wasn't bad looking or anything, but she was fucking 17. I was a college graduate. There were many reasons I wouldn't consider it. Not to mention she wasn't really my type and I was trying to get a real job and leave that city as soon as possible anyway. The only other reaction was people insinuated it was my fault because I was older and male. I could make it stop if I really wanted to. I must be the one asking her for it. But I wasn't; I told her at every turn I wasn't interested and it wasn't okay. Eventually she started making grabs at my johnson, at which point I finally had enough; I told her as straight as I could, to fucking stop or I was going to get the manager involved. Not that that would have mattered; he thought I should "hit it" too. It died down a bit after that, but it never fully stopped.

It was shitty. I eventually came to dread seeing her on the schedule when I was scheduled to work. I came to love it being busy in the store because it meant she didn't have the down time to harass me. Thankfully only about three weeks after the dick-grabbing incident I found a new, full-time job, and quit. Almost everyone I've ever told about it has thought it was a joke, but it really sullied my memories of the place.

 

[perfectchaos007]

I'm actually surprised when someone HASN'T ever experienced it.

Maybe I shouldn't be, but some of the industries I worked in in high school/college, I don't think there was any avoiding it (restaurants, bars, etc.). It sucks and it shouldn't be that way, but I'm just shocked statistically at how few people seem to be admitting to it.

Given the broad scope "sexual harassment" covers I believe it. I once fell asleep in the student lounge and I woke up to a woman sitting on my butt. I made her get off and asked her why she did that and she said "Your butt looked comfortable". I kinda felt violated. I'm sure I've experienced many more micro sexual harassments that I've forgotten about.

 

[shandy706]

No one's harassed or assaulted me.

Same here, at least...in no way that I remember being hurt/scarred by it.

I did have a bit of a messed up relationship with a girl when we were 13 to 14 (less than a year between us). We messed around in ways we shouldn't have, and I felt awful later in life. Directly apologized to her in my early 20's and we are both fine around each other now. Hug, talk, laugh...etc. I felt awful for years, sort of still bugs me...I was a stupid kid though with that "relationship", and as an adult I know it's not exactly the same. Just wouldn't want someone to hurt over it.

My ex-wife was sexually abused and raped by her own grandfather for 8, YES EIGHT, years straight. Her family brushed it off and told her they didn't want him dying in a prison. Sick...SICK...people, all of them. They never stopped him or protected her from him.

 

[Earthbound64]

I was regularly sexually harassed by a 17-year-old I worked with. By regularly I mean literally every shift we worked together. It started off innocuous enough, "Oh, hey do you want to maybe get some dinner after work...", which I politely declined because, you know, she was underage.

Not excusing the harassment part, but, in the majority of the states in the US (and in many other countries), 17 isn't underage with regards to sexual consent.
Perhaps it is in your state/location, I don't know. Just wanted to provide some clarity on that point, though.

 

[OG Shaka Zulu]

It's really annoying seeing all these "Dudes are gross" comments. I've been sexually harassed four times in seperate workplaces by women. One even as far as shoving her hand down my pants and grabbing my dick.

It's not a gendered thing. Anyone can be a creep.

Anyone can be a predator but society is patriarchial and oppressive towards women and girls. From birth, society attempts to mentally abuse them and relegate them to being nothing but objects for male consumption. I've been sexually harassed by female superiors myself and 100% agree with the "dudes are gross" statement. If you arent part of the problem and understand the big picture, such a statement shouldn't offend you. Women have a much tougher life than men.

 

[Red]

I'm feeling posting here to vent, since I feel like there are much bigger, heinous acts that others are sharing and I don't want to be the "Hey everyone look at meee!" in the room on Facebook. But my own little anecdote:

When I was 23-years-old I started working (again, I worked there prior but took a 3-year hiatus for undergrad) at a pizza-chain part-time to make money while working at an internship too, and I was regularly sexually harassed by a 17-year-old I worked with. By regularly I mean literally every shift we worked together. It started off innocuous enough, "Oh, hey do you want to maybe get some dinner after work...", which I politely declined because, you know, she was underage. But after a few more shifts it quickly became much more lewd and obnoxious. "Want to come out to my car for a quickie?". "Mmm, you're always looking so good, how big is your dick?". "Why won't you let me blow you, are you gay?". It was relentless, and very public. Everyone knew she was doing it. The larger reaction was "Bro, ain't you gonna smash?". She wasn't bad looking or anything, but she was fucking 17. I was a college graduate. There were many reasons I wouldn't consider it. Not to mention she wasn't really my type and I was trying to get a real job and leave that city as soon as possible anyway. The only other reaction was people insinuated it was my fault because I was older and male. I could make it stop if I really wanted to. I must be the one asking her for it. But I wasn't; I told her at every turn I wasn't interested and it wasn't okay. Eventually she started making grabs at my johnson, at which point I finally had enough; I told her as straight as I could, to fucking stop or I was going to get the manager involved. Not that that would have mattered; he thought I should "hit it" too. It died down a bit after that, but it never fully stopped.

It was shitty. I eventually came to dread seeing her on the schedule when I was scheduled to work. I came to love it being busy in the store because it meant she didn't have the down time to harass me. Thankfully only about three weeks after the dick-grabbing incident I found a new, full-time job, and quit. Almost everyone I've ever told about it has thought it was a joke, but it really sullied my memories of the place.

Nobody has ever been that direct with me, but I’ve been in similar situations. I once had a supervisor call me into her office, shut the door, and grab my nuts. I stared at her sort of blankly and she pulled away and apologized.

Usually it’s been the people who can afford to take advantage that are the ones who do—those in positions of power or influence, who can plausibly deny accusations. To be honest I never thought of my experiences as harassment until recently. But now I think, what if I was a woman? It would be obvious.

Even on GAF, when I participated in the real pic January thing, I got a couple of uncomfortable comments. One time someone said he wanted to rim me. Like, I hope that it’s a joke. But he wasn’t banned for that. If I was a woman I’m sure he would have been. I feel like I’ve internalized that kind of double standard over the years and let a lot of things pass that I shouldn’t have.

 

[Zoe]

Of course.

It seems obvious, but I've also seen some people saying "men, this isn't for you"

 

[InfiniteBento]

I have posted it and so have a lot of my friends.

Its tragic but also beautiful to see so many people speaking out about it even if we aren't sharing specific stories. There is also nothing wrong with not posting it, not all experiences need to be shared. Either way, you are not alone and thats what matters most.

 

[Fuchsdh]

I'm actually surprised when someone HASN'T ever experienced it.

Maybe I shouldn't be, but some of the industries I worked in in high school/college, I don't think there was any avoiding it (restaurants, bars, etc.). It sucks and it shouldn't be that way, but I'm just shocked statistically at how few people seem to be admitting to it.

Yeah, with the category of sexual harassment included I have to imagine everyone's experienced it one time or another. I think part of the problem here is some people don't realize they've been harassed, for women and possibly even moreso for guys.

The other side of it might just be that while everyone's been harassed, it's repeated acts or a more pervasive atmosphere that actually makes it harmful. I'm not haunted by sexual harassment or feel in any way harmed by it. That's not a luxury a lot of people may have.

 

[Winterblink]

It seems obvious, but I've also seen some people saying "men, this isn't for you"

In my opinion, those people are huge pieces of shit for saying that. This isn't an issue that's specific to a particular gender/race/demographic/whatever.

 

[RMI]

It seems obvious, but I've also seen some people saying "men, this isn't for you"

yeah that's not cool. This shit can happen to anyone and although it probably affects women more than men (especially because the threat of physical violence is worse for women) the prevalence of sexual harassment/assault in our society is damaging to everyone.

 

[Media]

#MeToo for a long long time

 

[A Grizzly Bear]

Thought I would check my Facebook after reading this and found this reply to someone who posted #metoo:

Some people...

 

[Gentleman Jack]

Two long time friends so far on my FB wall posting it. Only one shared details. Getting visibility on the scope of the problem is an important first step.

 

[aGuyInaBearSuit]

I have my own stories but I don't bring them up because my family would want to know and it's stuff I don't want to relive.

We have a serious cultural problem.

 

[Krauser Kat]

Its sad how many people are not aware of this problem.

Everyday Sexism is a fantastic hashtag and book of the same name that has a lot to say about this topic.

 

[hey_monkey]

It's my entire facebook feed. I've seen two unrelated posts today out of hundreds.

Me too. Obviously. Because that's what it means to exist in a world run by entitlement, particularly as a woman.

I think also it's important to remember a few things: Sometimes, when people say "I didn't know" or "I didn't realize" about an abuser, it's not that they didn't have any idea. It's that the behavior is so normalized, it doesn't even look like abuse any longer. Or it's that we think no one will care. Or it's that we don't have any power to do anything. It's that we know it won't change even if we speak up. Or if we speak up, we'll be punished again and again. And sometimes when we tell, we're told it's just one thing. It's not enough. Or only a few things. Or it's anecdotal. It's not real evidence. Maybe we misunderstood. Maybe they didn't mean it. Maybe it was an accident. Maybe they had good intentions. Maybe it's us. Maybe we did wrong. Maybe it's always us, always, always, always.

Like this, below.

It seems incredibly common for a random guy to reply and chime in "but they are just assholes." I am glad some are calling that bullshit out too.

Yes, we need to call that out every time. Every. Time.

My wife has been debating with herself on whether or not to join in. She's spent years working through it all with personal and professional help. She's at the point where she's not letting it own her, then this Me Too thing shows up and it's all over her social media. Kept her up at night trying to figure out if she's an asshole for not wanting to partake. Haven't really had a good response to it if I'm honest. It's definitely made me wonder how many people are in similar shoes as her and hanging back.

I feel for her. It's hard. I don't like to say "triggering" because it's been co-opted, but here, it is triggering. The visibility is important but it's also making so many agonize over what to do. She doesn't have to speak up. No one ever has to rip themselves open to make others understand and I hope she knows that. But there can be comfort in solidarity, too. I don't know her, but I'm sending her strength and love.

 

[KillLaCam]

I don't think it's fair to lump all sexual misconduct in 1 overly broad category. I'm a guy and I got my ass slapped and grabbed a few times by guys and girls in highschool.
I always took that as a joke and would my first reaction would be to do it right back to the person who did it to me. But its impossible for most of the other stuff in that category to be a small thing.

I know it's still bad most of the time but I feel like it'd be a huge disservice to people who were molested or raped if I said I tried to put my experience anywhere near the level of theirs.

 

[Jaraghan]

Was just on Facebook and saw an old childhood friend throughout Grades 1-12 post "me too" as her status. Fucking depressing that so many go through this.

 

[hey_monkey]

I don't think it's fair to lump all sexual misconduct in 1 overly broad category. I'm a guy and I got my ass slapped and grabbed a few times by guys and girls in highschool.
I always took that as a joke and would my first reaction would be to do it right back to the person who did it to me. But its impossible for most of the other stuff in that category to be a small thing.

I know it's still bad most of the time but I feel like it'd be a huge disservice to people who were molested or raped if I said I tried to put my experience anywhere near the level of theirs.

Then don't. You have that choice. You can "me too" with nuance or not at all. You can do whatever seems best. The point is conversation and talking about it.

But the other problem with "weighing" experiences is that we start measuring and that usually leads to telling others their experience isn't enough. It's not real. They shouldn't worry. If it affected someone, it affected them. That's the weight and measurement we need. If it didn't affect you, it might still be troubling, but it's different. Nuance.

 

[Reeks]

My wife has been debating with herself on whether or not to join in. She's spent years working through it all with personal and professional help. She's at the point where she's not letting it own her, then this Me Too thing shows up and it's all over her social media. Kept her up at night trying to figure out if she's an asshole for not wanting to partake. Haven't really had a good response to it if I'm honest. It's definitely made me wonder how many people are in similar shoes as her and hanging back.

Someone else said in here that this is also for women and men who aren't ready to say anything and maybe never will be. This is an important point. Hopefully this helps remind her and others that she's not alone. I'm only posting in here about my experiences because I have my own reasons for not wanting it on social media. I started feeling weird about it and then I felt guilty for being critical... But then it dawned on me that once again I'm feeling guilty for feeling like I'm not reacting the way I should- and that's exactly the way victims are made to feel. So upon further reflection, I'm proud of everyone speaking out but I'm not going to feel bad for digesting it differently and not personally participating (other than in here).

 

[ElectricBlanketFire]

I don't think it's fair to lump all sexual misconduct in 1 overly broad category. I'm a guy and I got my ass slapped and grabbed a few times by guys and girls in highschool.
I always took that as a joke and would my first reaction would be to do it right back to the person who did it to me. But its impossible for most of the other stuff in that category to be a small thing.

I know it's still bad most of the time but I feel like it'd be a huge disservice to people who were molested or raped if I said I tried to put my experience anywhere near the level of theirs.

Nobody is "lumping" everything together. It's just a way to show how prevalent and widespread unwanted sexual contact is.

 

[billy beane]

Thought I would check my Facebook after reading this and found this reply to someone who posted #metoo:

Some people...

Who’s raping those men in prison though? Because it definitely ain’t women.

 

[smisk]

Can't say I've ever been harassed, but I have definitely done things that have made women uncomfortable a few times when I was younger. Hopefully all the publicity this is getting will encourage more men to think about how even actions they feel are innocuous can be harmful.

 

[sphagnum]

Yeah, with the category of sexual harassment included I have to imagine everyone's experienced it one time or another. I think part of the problem here is some people don't realize they've been harassed, for women and possibly even moreso for guys.

The other side of it might just be that while everyone's been harassed, it's repeated acts or a more pervasive atmosphere that actually makes it harmful. I'm not haunted by sexual harassment or feel in any way harmed by it. That's not a luxury a lot of people may have.

I've never been sexually harassed, but I'm an average looking mild mannered straight male. There's nothing about me that's particularly attractive or unattractive so I don't draw attention at all.

It's always pretty eye opening for me to read how much it happens because it's something I'm totally unfamiliar with.

 

[excelsiorlef]

Thought I would check my Facebook after reading this and found this reply to someone who posted #metoo:

Some people...

Who the fuck responds to someone expressing their experiences of sexual harassment and assault with "yeah but men in prison" fucking hell.

Assholes responding with what about male rape in prison as a response to women expressing their experiences of violence from men is right up there with yeah but men are more likely to be murdered... because the report to that is yeah.... by other men.

 

[Nekofrog]

My wife just started seeing counseling for what her step father did to her for years as a child

 

[Earthbound64]

I've never been sexually harassed, but I'm an average looking mild mannered straight male. There's nothing about me that's particularly attractive or unattractive so I don't draw attention at all.

That really isn't a significant factor.

 

[sphagnum]

That really isn't a significant factor.

I don't mean to imply that people who are all those things can't be harassed (especially when so much harassment and abuse comes from family members, so I guess I lucked out there).

 

[KillLaCam]

Nobody is "lumping" everything together. It's just a way to show how prevalent and widespread unwanted sexual contact is.

But the other problem with "weighing" experiences is that we start measuring and that usually leads to telling others their experience isn't enough. It's not real. They shouldn't worry. If it affected someone, it affected them. That's the weight and measurement we need. If it didn't affect you, it might still be troubling, but it's different. Nuance.

I know the ppl here wouldn't lump everything together like that. But I feel like the random Joe on social media will see it and just be like "oh you just got raped, I see people get hit on the butt all of the time and they're fine"

Maybe I'm just overestimating how dumb people can be. My friend saw a hooters waitress get licked on the face and my friend was the only one there who reacted like something was wrong. Im certian that the old man saw no difference between licking that waitress on the face and just doing creepy old man flirting.


But you guys are right. I didn't mean to make it seem like I was downplaying other ppls experiences Or anything. The positives of outing how common sexual harassment is outweighs anything else. I was just thinking of that creepy old guy needing to know that he was being worse than his friends.

 

[Akuun]

I'm feeling posting here to vent, since I feel like there are much bigger, heinous acts that others are sharing and I don't want to be the "Hey everyone look at meee!" in the room on Facebook. But my own little anecdote:

It was shitty. I eventually came to dread seeing her on the schedule when I was scheduled to work. I came to love it being busy in the store because it meant she didn't have the down time to harass me. Thankfully only about three weeks after the dick-grabbing incident I found a new, full-time job, and quit. Almost everyone I've ever told about it has thought it was a joke, but it really sullied my memories of the place.

That really sucks, and it's stupid how guys tend to get laughed off when it happens to them. It doesn't matter what she looks like. If the guy is not interested, he is not interested. Any continued advances once that knowledge is clear becomes sexual harassment.

Your experience reminds me of the movie Horrible Bosses, which I think did a pretty good portrayal of the guy's perspective. One of the guys' bosses was a woman who was constantly making unwanted passes at him. It doesn't matter that the woman was attractive. The movie made it very clear that the guy hated her advances, wanted no part of it, and was absolutely horrified every time it happened. I appreciated that the movie managed to make those situations look like the super creepy shit that it is.

 

[Red]

My wife just started seeing counseling for what her step father did to her for years as a child

You have to wonder how people are capable of such evil. What compels someone to abuse a child? What is broken within them that prevents their compulsion from meeting some sort of restraint?

 

[Ultima_5]

I was at a bar in college with some friends and this girl came up to me and asked if I needed a drink. I said sure then she handed me half a beer, grabbed my dick, kissed me, and then left the bar. Didn’t really consider it sexual harassment until today despite the fact it made me feel pretty shitty.

 

[Scofield94941]

Bars/ and clubs breed this type of shit. Ive seen sexual assault and be sexually assaulted by some huge dude at a club. He was going around aggressively grabbing asses and my friend and I just looked at eachother and laughed. Didnt know what else to do, it was shocking. At this really crowded bar I was waiting on the side for someone and I saw a guy grab a girls ass as he walked by. The girl looked at me and I looked at her. To this day I wont forget her face, and I wont forgive myself for not going after that guy. He was literally walking in the direction of the police officer at the back door. It was years ago and I still see her face, it was a face of violation and wanting my help. I just fucking stood there and didnt even talk to her.

 

[DopeToast]

I've seen a few of my female friends posting this on Facebook today and it makes me really sad.

 

[Ignatz Mouse]

I just saw a fb "me too" from a guy who I believe to have just recently assaulted (raped, really) somebody. Unfortunately all I know is second-hand and not that clear, just that police were involved and the victim apparently decided not to press charges.

Pretty gross.

 

[Earthbound64]

All the people saying they're "surprised" (or other such terms) by people they know saying "me too" - did you really think that they were immune from it or something? I don't mean to be callous, and obviously this kind of "bringing things to light" is in part to make people more aware, but, with how prevalent sexual harassment is, I'm not sure there's anyone I would say I would be "surprised" to know had it happen to them. Which is, of course, a very sad thing, and not to take aware from the enormity of things at all. Just, given how things are, someone saying that they've been sexually harassed isn't something I would find surprising.

 

[Izuna]

I was going to share my story but I edited it. I think, ultimately, this happens far more often than people realise to both men and women.

 

[Valhelm]

this is so depressing

I know that sexual assault and harassment are ubiquitous in our society, but I saw even more "me toos" than I expected to

 

[Lonewulfeus]

All the people saying they're "surprised" (or other such terms) by people they know saying "me too" - did you really think that they were immune from it or something? I don't mean to be callous, and obviously this kind of "bringing things to light" is in part to make people more aware, but, with how prevalent sexual harassment is, I'm not sure there's anyone I would say I would be "surprised" to know had it happen to them. Which is, of course, a very sad thing, and not to take aware from the enormity of things at all. Just, given how things are, someone saying that they've been sexually harassed isn't something I would find surprising.

I'd imagine most of the people surprised by it are people who have been fortunate enough to have not been victims of harassment or assault. When it's happened to you it's a lot easier to recognize the signs of other people dealing with it as well.

 

[Foxy the Fox]

I've seen plenty of my friends posting it

This is sad and it probably happens all around the world.

Harassement need to be stoped.

 

[Earthbound64]

I'd imagine most of the people surprised by it are people who have been fortunate enough to have not been victims of harassment or assault. When it's happened to you it's a lot easier to recognize the signs of other people dealing with it as well.

It's not even recognizing signs, though. Just simply the reality of the numbers. With how many people are sexually harassed, thinking that a certain group of people that one knows would be immune from it doesn't seem to make much sense.
I don't know, I guess maybe people just haven't thought about it. Which, as I said, is part of what this thing is making them realize.

 

[Deleted member 1235]

Is.... Anyone worried that harassment is being equated with assault? The 'me too' ism is also gonna get a lot of bullshit out there.

I mean, I think I have been uncomfortable in 2-3 situations in my life... There is still levels to this right?

I mean without intimidation I don't equate the seriousness as remotely the same.

Edit: I dunno... I guess this will be like trying to stamp out bullying. I guess it's a cynical view, but this is how people are to an extent, instinctual and imperfect and the more closed and repressed a society the worse it is

 

[Earthbound64]

Is.... Anyone worried that harassment is being equated with assault?

No one is.... "equating" them.

I mean without intimidation I don't equate the seriousness as remotely the same.

Also sounds like you need to work on how you view and define things.

 

[Deleted member 1235]

No one is.... "equating"

Didn't The celebrity suggest everyone post 'me too' if you've been either one of the two so now you don't know which of the two it is when you read it, which makes the issue sound either way worse or way less bad depending how you view it?

I sort of regret responding to this thread. Sexual harassment is of course bad.

Oh yes and

'me too'

 

[Guzim]

Me too.

 

[Nekofrog]

My wife gave me permission to share hers.

Me too.

When I was 6, my stepdad took us to a coworker's house. He was a chef. He took a liking to me, and told me he'd take me to the movies and to the Disney Store, just us, all while I sat on his lap. My parents noticed. We never visited again.

When I was 13, my mom worked third shift, and my stepdad would complain that my mom wasn't "doing enough" in the bedroom. He bought me any CD I wanted for my silence while he molested me, in secret, until age 18. He told me I would "ruin" my family if I told, so I didn't until much later.

When I was 18, I got a boyfriend. Stepdad left me alone after this, but they were buddies (even though stepdad was in his 40s and boyfriend was 21. They drank together and partied), and boyfriend did everything he could to get into my pants. I eventually relented after he took me on a date. He was 6'7" tall. I had never had sex before. He was not gentle, and I yelled for him to stop. He kept going while I sobbed. He asked me if I was okay afterward. I told him to fuck off. I never let myself be alone with him again. I bled for a week afterward. I should have turned him in.

If everyone who had ever been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote "Me too." as a status, it might give people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

 

[Earthbound64]

Didn't The celebrity suggest everyone post 'me too' if you've been either one of the two so now you don't know which of the two it is when you read it, which makes the issue sound either way worse or way less bad depending how you view it?

The fact that a person posts "Me too" either way does not equate the two.

Look at it this way - If all people who were millionaires posted "Me too," would the fact that people who "only" had $1 million and people who had $35 billion both posted "Me too," would that be equating millionaires and billionaires?

 

[AlexMeloche]

Almost every girls I know have been raped in the past.

So yeah.

 

[Jmille99]

I guess Ill admit that I have sexually harassed one female back in high school (roughly 14-15 years ago). I was interested in her and for whatever dumb reasoning I was using at the time, put my hand in her seat as she sat down so I could touch her butt.

I was embarrassed immediately and have regretted doing it in the first place. Even after talking about it with her a year later (I think it was), the shame never went away and Im still disappointed in myself for having done it in the first place.



I have also been harrassed myself along with assault, and I know my wife has been harassed as well (the one Im aware of was from a few gay men at a bar) along with my sister-in-law who has had dick pics sent to her through Facebook.