evil solrac v3.0
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........no it's not over, the war has just begun.
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Advice? Wild possum holed up in bathroom
- Thread starter GillianSeed79
- Start date
- Status
spindashing
Banned
Shows over. Done eating my popcorn, and I am eagerly awaiting a sequel to this movie. :lolGillianSeed79 said:
Lionel Mandrake
Member
Vaya con dios...
It was a pretty sweet run.
It was a pretty sweet run.
Repost for new page:
The Exhaustive and Complete Guide to the Possum Nightmare:
TIMELINE OF EVENTS
- July 16th 3:37am: Possum is discovered in bathroom [It is later revealed that OP lives in the woods of West Virginia. OP reveals he left a door cracked for his cats to go into his backyard, possum took advantage of opportunity. Was originally discovered eating cat food in the kitchen. One of the cats scared the possum which then, naturally and like a woman, retreated to the bathroom. OP reveals he opened the cellar door and the outside door, inviting more possums in, in hopes the current resident possum would vacate. We assume the bathroom door was open at this point. When OP opened the cellar door and door to outside, possum flees to bedroom closet. OP sleeps in den, not in bedroom. Possum acquires own bedroom sometime between 3:57am-4:45am]
- July 16th 3:52am: OP is drunk, cannot call animal control, plans to attempt to scare/shoo possum.
- July 16th 3:53am: OP admits he has pissed outside twice, as to not present possum with a chance to bite his penis.
- July 16th 3:57am: OP admits to not owning a digital camera and that he is posting to NeoGAF from his Wii.
- July 16th 4:27am: OP says he will take pictures the following day to prove a possum has really taken up residence in his bedroom.
- July 16th 4:45am: OP confirms possum is still in bedroom, apparently behind his bed. OP blocks all exits.
- July 16th 4:54am: OP explains why he is posting via a Wii - something about porn and a trojan horse. Also, keyboard does not work.
- July 16th 5:04am: OP admits his computer runs Windows ME, no one believes him. He agrees to take a photo to prove it the following morning.
- July 16th 5:18am: OP says he will check back in with GAF at 9:30am and presumably retires to the den.
- July 16th 6:48am: Keyser Soze posts PossumGAF photo. Hilarity ensues.
- July 16th 9:30am-5:18pm: Rampant speculation begins as to whether or not OP was consumed by possum, or has turned into a possum. An email is dispatched to the Opossum Society of the US for help. No reply as of yet.
- July 16th 5:19pm: OP posts, shocking everyone, saying he is alive and was called into work. States he is headed to office to pick up a camera and then will take photos and upload them. Tells GAF it will take 20 minutes.
[OP later reveals that his car ran out of gas en route to office, had to call AAA, thus the hour and a half long gap in the timeline.]
- July 16th 6:46pm: OP makes post stating he cannot locate the resident possum, lets GAF know his cat is OK! OP creates a photobucket.com account.
- July 16th 7:12pm: OP posts picture of a 10+ year old monitor running Windows ME and a July 16th 2010 newspaper to prove it is a current photo. Many photoshops ensue. OP says he will attempt to locate and photograph the rogue possum.
- July 16th 7:48pm: OP says he is leaving his office and will conduct an extensive search of his property for the rogue, resident possum. OP states if he finds the offensive brute, rogue, resident possum he will return to his office to get a camera and photograph it.
- July 16th 8:08pm: OP states he has FOUND the dirty, offensive brute, rogue, resident possum. OP states he will need to take a 20 minute round trip drive to fetch a camera from his office.
- July 16th 8:55pm: OP posts two photos of the cute, dirty, offensive brute, rogue, resident possum in his bedroom, including one with a July 16th 2010 newspaper for validity. It is later clarified that the photos of the possum were taken in the bedroom closet. OP clarifies that he has a large walk-in closet that is not clean while "the rest of the house is".
- July 16th 8:56pm: GAF discovers the OP's bedroom to be filthy and a perfect home for any possum/critter.
- July 16th 9:05pm: OP states he will begin to attempt a new tactic of "shooing" the animal out of his house. OP also states his closet has not been cleaned "in a very long time" and that is why his room is in the state it is in.
- July 16th 10:21pm: OP states he has called animal control and that apparently, contrary to popular belief, they do not handle animals. Animal Control instructs OP to contact Department of Natural Resources. OP states DNR requires a payment of $100USD to remove the critter. OP says "fuck you" to the DNR and gets off the phone. Before DNR is disconnected from the call, however, they warn the OP to "not let it [the possum] bite you". OP is thankful for this helpful advice. OP lays out plan of action, which includes wearing multiple layers of clothing and dishwashing gloves for the removal of the beast.
- July 16th 10:31pm: OP fills in gaps in his story with detailed information as to the arrival of the devil creature.
- July 16th 10:46pm: OP gives us his work schedule and fills in more gaps in the story, giving everyone a more enlightened view of the terror going on in the OP's home.
- July 16th 11:02pm: OP states that the hell spawn has moved underneath his bed and he cannot evict it. The OP departs for the liquor store to acquire some beer.
- July 16th 11:11pm: OP states that he is also going to purchase grapes while he is out. OP also reveals a new, and more detailed, plan of action - he will be attempting to capture the devil inside of a trash can.
- July 16th 11:44pm: OP states he has returned home with a six pack of Yeungling beer, a pack of cigarettes, a meatball sub, and grapes (did not specify red or white), causing GAF to wonder if he is even worried about kicking out the Cthulu-inspired horror awaiting him at home if he has time to purchase a meatball sub and cigarettes; things he did not specify he was going to purchase. Impulse buys will eventually be the OPs downfall at the hands of the great terror in his bedroom. OP also informs GAF that the beast is still under his bed and that he has set a trap. OP has apparently set a plastic trashcan at a 30-degree angle with a trail of grapes and cat food leading to it. Much like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel, he has also given the terror an alternate path, he has laid another path of food leading to the cellar. OP also reveals if this bulletproof plan fails, he will shell out $100 to the DNR to have them remove the holy terror residing in his house, haunting his dreams. OP intends to sit and drink until he catches himself a possum or he passes out.
- July 16th 11:55pm: OP informs GAF that his food has been eaten and he is posting about the fact that he ate aforementioned meatball sub. No information as to how messy it was and/or how many napkins were used.
- July 17th 1:33am: OP informs GAF that his dresser drawers (seen in this photo) were not found in a dumpster but were, in fact, given to him by a co-worker whom had moved. OP also informs GAF that brown stain seen in that same photo is probably the result of the possum taking a shit in the closet/possum bedroom.
- July 17th 1:56am: OP reports on the situation of his trap. OP states food remains uneaten however the beast creature is no longer residing in the bedroom. OP believes it has departed through the cellar. OP is not 100% sure about this. OP is drunk, is not totally sure. OP will check his place again in the morning to be certain.
- July 17th 1:59am: OP has confirmed to GAF that the beast has officially entered the cellar. OP states he saw the beast walking down the stairs into the cellar. However, OP states he doesn't believe the beast can get out of the cellar (raising questions as to why he opened the door to the cellar in the first place?). OP informs GAF that the only way out of his cellar is a hole in the foundation, GAF begins to believe this is turning into a twisted version of "A Caske of Amontillado". OP asks GAF whether he should leave the creature in the cellar or see if it can find its way out the front door. OP also acknowledges it is highly probable that he has Stockholm Syndrome at this point of the crisis, validating a post made by Horsebite earlier this evening. GAF awaits the outcome of the situation.
July 17th 2:57am: OP admits he is completely wasted. OP informs GAF that his job took precedence over the possum situation because it involved "severed limbs, handguns, a bank robbery, and someone who got stabbed for running their mouth". OP admits guilt due to the fact the possum turned its head while walking down the cellar stairs as if to say "Hey I'm a possum, but this is a shithole dude".
July 17th 3:06am OP admits to GAF he is a reporter(!).
July 17th 3:10am OP declares he is retiring for the night, leaving many questions unanswered.
July 17th 3:37pm: OP notifies GAF that he will be descending into the cellar to attempt to confirm whether the possum has exited the premises.
July 17th 4:00pm: OP returns from cellar and posts the following: "No obvious visible signs of possum. It appears it has escaped no doubt to warn/reunite with clan or to begin planning insurgency in wake hostage situation. Official confirmation difficult, as there are no lights in cellar. Tell-tale glowing eyes not visible on inspection of lower confines of property. Hoping possum reached freedom." OP apparently does not own a flashlight, either.
July 17th 4:13pm: Upon advice of GAF, OP checks the possum's bedroom and reports no sign of the creature. OP offers to purchase flashlight to conduct a more detailed search tonight. OP goes to laundromat to wash clothes soiled by an unruly possum.
July 17th 9:52pm: OP searches basement with flashlight. No sign of possum. Is it over?
And that, ladies and gentleman, brings us up to date as of July 17th 10:00pm EST.
Supplemental Links:
Hilarious Photos & Posts from this thread:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22413015&postcount=79
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22413452&postcount=94
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22414899&postcount=120
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22421947&postcount=195
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22423535&postcount=259
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22423681&postcount=267
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424040&postcount=287
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424097&postcount=289
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424770&postcount=335
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22426311&postcount=427
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22426433&postcount=434
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22430461&postcount=565
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22436760&postcount=655
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437062&postcount=665
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437324&postcount=672
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437396&postcount=675
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437581&postcount=678
The Actual Bathroom Invader Possum Photos:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424486&postcount=297
Informative Websites:
www.opossumsocietyus.org's Opossum FAQ which offers answers to such burning questions as "An opossum is pooping in my yard. What do I do?", "Opossums make my dog bark. What do I do?", "How do I prevent an opossum from drowning in my pool?", "My neighbor kills or tortures animals. What can I do?", "I see an opossum sharing a food dish with my cat. What do I do?", and many, many more.
The Exhaustive and Complete Guide to the Possum Nightmare:
TIMELINE OF EVENTS
- July 16th 3:37am: Possum is discovered in bathroom [It is later revealed that OP lives in the woods of West Virginia. OP reveals he left a door cracked for his cats to go into his backyard, possum took advantage of opportunity. Was originally discovered eating cat food in the kitchen. One of the cats scared the possum which then, naturally and like a woman, retreated to the bathroom. OP reveals he opened the cellar door and the outside door, inviting more possums in, in hopes the current resident possum would vacate. We assume the bathroom door was open at this point. When OP opened the cellar door and door to outside, possum flees to bedroom closet. OP sleeps in den, not in bedroom. Possum acquires own bedroom sometime between 3:57am-4:45am]
- July 16th 3:52am: OP is drunk, cannot call animal control, plans to attempt to scare/shoo possum.
- July 16th 3:53am: OP admits he has pissed outside twice, as to not present possum with a chance to bite his penis.
- July 16th 3:57am: OP admits to not owning a digital camera and that he is posting to NeoGAF from his Wii.
- July 16th 4:27am: OP says he will take pictures the following day to prove a possum has really taken up residence in his bedroom.
- July 16th 4:45am: OP confirms possum is still in bedroom, apparently behind his bed. OP blocks all exits.
- July 16th 4:54am: OP explains why he is posting via a Wii - something about porn and a trojan horse. Also, keyboard does not work.
- July 16th 5:04am: OP admits his computer runs Windows ME, no one believes him. He agrees to take a photo to prove it the following morning.
- July 16th 5:18am: OP says he will check back in with GAF at 9:30am and presumably retires to the den.
- July 16th 6:48am: Keyser Soze posts PossumGAF photo. Hilarity ensues.
- July 16th 9:30am-5:18pm: Rampant speculation begins as to whether or not OP was consumed by possum, or has turned into a possum. An email is dispatched to the Opossum Society of the US for help. No reply as of yet.
- July 16th 5:19pm: OP posts, shocking everyone, saying he is alive and was called into work. States he is headed to office to pick up a camera and then will take photos and upload them. Tells GAF it will take 20 minutes.
[OP later reveals that his car ran out of gas en route to office, had to call AAA, thus the hour and a half long gap in the timeline.]
- July 16th 6:46pm: OP makes post stating he cannot locate the resident possum, lets GAF know his cat is OK! OP creates a photobucket.com account.
- July 16th 7:12pm: OP posts picture of a 10+ year old monitor running Windows ME and a July 16th 2010 newspaper to prove it is a current photo. Many photoshops ensue. OP says he will attempt to locate and photograph the rogue possum.
- July 16th 7:48pm: OP says he is leaving his office and will conduct an extensive search of his property for the rogue, resident possum. OP states if he finds the offensive brute, rogue, resident possum he will return to his office to get a camera and photograph it.
- July 16th 8:08pm: OP states he has FOUND the dirty, offensive brute, rogue, resident possum. OP states he will need to take a 20 minute round trip drive to fetch a camera from his office.
- July 16th 8:55pm: OP posts two photos of the cute, dirty, offensive brute, rogue, resident possum in his bedroom, including one with a July 16th 2010 newspaper for validity. It is later clarified that the photos of the possum were taken in the bedroom closet. OP clarifies that he has a large walk-in closet that is not clean while "the rest of the house is".
- July 16th 8:56pm: GAF discovers the OP's bedroom to be filthy and a perfect home for any possum/critter.
- July 16th 9:05pm: OP states he will begin to attempt a new tactic of "shooing" the animal out of his house. OP also states his closet has not been cleaned "in a very long time" and that is why his room is in the state it is in.
- July 16th 10:21pm: OP states he has called animal control and that apparently, contrary to popular belief, they do not handle animals. Animal Control instructs OP to contact Department of Natural Resources. OP states DNR requires a payment of $100USD to remove the critter. OP says "fuck you" to the DNR and gets off the phone. Before DNR is disconnected from the call, however, they warn the OP to "not let it [the possum] bite you". OP is thankful for this helpful advice. OP lays out plan of action, which includes wearing multiple layers of clothing and dishwashing gloves for the removal of the beast.
- July 16th 10:31pm: OP fills in gaps in his story with detailed information as to the arrival of the devil creature.
- July 16th 10:46pm: OP gives us his work schedule and fills in more gaps in the story, giving everyone a more enlightened view of the terror going on in the OP's home.
- July 16th 11:02pm: OP states that the hell spawn has moved underneath his bed and he cannot evict it. The OP departs for the liquor store to acquire some beer.
- July 16th 11:11pm: OP states that he is also going to purchase grapes while he is out. OP also reveals a new, and more detailed, plan of action - he will be attempting to capture the devil inside of a trash can.
- July 16th 11:44pm: OP states he has returned home with a six pack of Yeungling beer, a pack of cigarettes, a meatball sub, and grapes (did not specify red or white), causing GAF to wonder if he is even worried about kicking out the Cthulu-inspired horror awaiting him at home if he has time to purchase a meatball sub and cigarettes; things he did not specify he was going to purchase. Impulse buys will eventually be the OPs downfall at the hands of the great terror in his bedroom. OP also informs GAF that the beast is still under his bed and that he has set a trap. OP has apparently set a plastic trashcan at a 30-degree angle with a trail of grapes and cat food leading to it. Much like a Choose Your Own Adventure novel, he has also given the terror an alternate path, he has laid another path of food leading to the cellar. OP also reveals if this bulletproof plan fails, he will shell out $100 to the DNR to have them remove the holy terror residing in his house, haunting his dreams. OP intends to sit and drink until he catches himself a possum or he passes out.
- July 16th 11:55pm: OP informs GAF that his food has been eaten and he is posting about the fact that he ate aforementioned meatball sub. No information as to how messy it was and/or how many napkins were used.
- July 17th 1:33am: OP informs GAF that his dresser drawers (seen in this photo) were not found in a dumpster but were, in fact, given to him by a co-worker whom had moved. OP also informs GAF that brown stain seen in that same photo is probably the result of the possum taking a shit in the closet/possum bedroom.
- July 17th 1:56am: OP reports on the situation of his trap. OP states food remains uneaten however the beast creature is no longer residing in the bedroom. OP believes it has departed through the cellar. OP is not 100% sure about this. OP is drunk, is not totally sure. OP will check his place again in the morning to be certain.
- July 17th 1:59am: OP has confirmed to GAF that the beast has officially entered the cellar. OP states he saw the beast walking down the stairs into the cellar. However, OP states he doesn't believe the beast can get out of the cellar (raising questions as to why he opened the door to the cellar in the first place?). OP informs GAF that the only way out of his cellar is a hole in the foundation, GAF begins to believe this is turning into a twisted version of "A Caske of Amontillado". OP asks GAF whether he should leave the creature in the cellar or see if it can find its way out the front door. OP also acknowledges it is highly probable that he has Stockholm Syndrome at this point of the crisis, validating a post made by Horsebite earlier this evening. GAF awaits the outcome of the situation.
July 17th 2:57am: OP admits he is completely wasted. OP informs GAF that his job took precedence over the possum situation because it involved "severed limbs, handguns, a bank robbery, and someone who got stabbed for running their mouth". OP admits guilt due to the fact the possum turned its head while walking down the cellar stairs as if to say "Hey I'm a possum, but this is a shithole dude".
July 17th 3:06am OP admits to GAF he is a reporter(!).
July 17th 3:10am OP declares he is retiring for the night, leaving many questions unanswered.
July 17th 3:37pm: OP notifies GAF that he will be descending into the cellar to attempt to confirm whether the possum has exited the premises.
July 17th 4:00pm: OP returns from cellar and posts the following: "No obvious visible signs of possum. It appears it has escaped no doubt to warn/reunite with clan or to begin planning insurgency in wake hostage situation. Official confirmation difficult, as there are no lights in cellar. Tell-tale glowing eyes not visible on inspection of lower confines of property. Hoping possum reached freedom." OP apparently does not own a flashlight, either.
July 17th 4:13pm: Upon advice of GAF, OP checks the possum's bedroom and reports no sign of the creature. OP offers to purchase flashlight to conduct a more detailed search tonight. OP goes to laundromat to wash clothes soiled by an unruly possum.
July 17th 9:52pm: OP searches basement with flashlight. No sign of possum. Is it over?
And that, ladies and gentleman, brings us up to date as of July 17th 10:00pm EST.
Supplemental Links:
Hilarious Photos & Posts from this thread:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22413015&postcount=79
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22413452&postcount=94
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22414899&postcount=120
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22421947&postcount=195
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22423535&postcount=259
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22423681&postcount=267
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424040&postcount=287
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424097&postcount=289
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424770&postcount=335
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22426311&postcount=427
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22426433&postcount=434
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22430461&postcount=565
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22436760&postcount=655
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437062&postcount=665
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437324&postcount=672
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437396&postcount=675
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22437581&postcount=678
The Actual Bathroom Invader Possum Photos:
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=22424486&postcount=297
Informative Websites:
www.opossumsocietyus.org's Opossum FAQ which offers answers to such burning questions as "An opossum is pooping in my yard. What do I do?", "Opossums make my dog bark. What do I do?", "How do I prevent an opossum from drowning in my pool?", "My neighbor kills or tortures animals. What can I do?", "I see an opossum sharing a food dish with my cat. What do I do?", and many, many more.
crazy monkey
Banned
mysticwhip
Banned
It's over.
Technosteve
Banned
Good Bye Opossum Age
Zod the Bear
Member
Goodbye possum friend. It has been an honor.
Baraka in the White House
2-Terms of Kombat
I SMELL A SITCOM.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
This should be made into Heavy Rain DLC if that ever comes out.
Lionel Mandrake
Member
Dynamite Ringo Matsuri
Member
Man, I came in late this morning and caught up with the thread to its current standing, wow, these outlandish sorts of threads are why I love GAF.
Trent Strong
Banned
I'm worried about Horsebite.
Keyser Soze
Member
Miss you already PossumGAF 
Keyser Soze
Member
eosos said:
Not a opossum!!!
chinchilla
Blame youtube... and is is cutely eating food, so your argument is invalid
Quick, someone find a Chinchilla in their bathroom!!!
spindashing
Banned
After this thread, whenever I am faced with a hard decision or in trouble, I will ask myself: "What would a possum do?"
OrangeYouGlad
Banned
eosos said:
Not a opossum!!!
chinchilla
Pretty sure that's not a Chinchilla, but the Australian possum.
Mr_Appleby
Member
oh man how did i miss this :lol
i too have had a possum in the bathroom. i chased him out of the house. i just mentioned all this to my housemate and it turns out she has also had a possum in the bathroom. wth possum bathroom fixation?
i too have had a possum in the bathroom. i chased him out of the house. i just mentioned all this to my housemate and it turns out she has also had a possum in the bathroom. wth possum bathroom fixation?
GillianSeed79
Member
I honestly have to really, really thank Horsebite for making this thread amazing. The summary, shops, gifs and constant encouragement, especially when I failed to deliver at first, went above and beyond the call of GAF. Also Keyser and NastyNate deserve credit for their amazing work. I salute you guys.
Crumpet Trumpet
Banned
This is soooooooooooooooooooooo cute omg
roosters93
Member
The end of an era
GillianSeed79
Member
Reseil said:
If anyone deserves the honor of a tag it's Horsebite. Just amazing the amount of work he put into his posts.
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