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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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Kyne

Member
Okay guys, backstory time.

I've known her since end of 2015. We've been acquainted and friends. She split up with her ex in December... because he didn't want to have kids. We started to see each other more often since then, mainly because we have this uni project together. She started to use tinder back then and she super-liked me. We matched, had a laugh about it. At the same time she asked me out to see a play at the theater with me. I started to develop feelings but I had the impression she used me as a distraction. She whined constantly, how she missed her ex.

We started to see each other more regularly. I started to ask her out on dates (ice skating, made dinner several times, walks, clubbing). Most amazing dates I've ever had. She enjoyed them too, i guess. We did a lot of crazy things together. We cuddle a lot, massage each other, holding hands even. But she never engages in that longer eye contact thing before a kiss. Ever.

She actively contacts me and wants to do stuff. We've seen each other every day the last two weeks now... I'm not a kissing virgin and kissed before, but I just can't engage with her and I don't know why. I'm paralyzed when I'm with her. She just doesn't give me those "I want you" vibes. She's talking about how she kissed random strangers at clubs or how she had kissing orgies with her friends a lot, which makes me fucking rage and also very confused. I feel like the only idiot who just can't manage to kiss her.

TLDR: I've been on 20+ incredible big and small dates with her. We're also friends and work colleagues. She's amazing. I'm more physical with her than with any other romance. Factually, we're a match made in heaven. I just can't seem to find a way to engage her in a kiss.

it's been a while since I've seen someone so far in the friend-zone that they weren't even aware of it.

c'mon dude..
 
Okay guys, backstory time.

I've known her since end of 2015. We've been acquainted and friends. She split up with her ex in December... because he didn't want to have kids. We started to see each other more often since then, mainly because we have this uni project together. She started to use tinder back then and she super-liked me. We matched, had a laugh about it. At the same time she asked me out to see a play at the theater with me. I started to develop feelings but I had the impression she used me as a distraction. She whined constantly, how she missed her ex.

We started to see each other more regularly. I started to ask her out on dates (ice skating, made dinner several times, walks, clubbing). Most amazing dates I've ever had. She enjoyed them too, i guess. We did a lot of crazy things together. We cuddle a lot, massage each other, holding hands even. But she never engages in that longer eye contact thing before a kiss. Ever.

She actively contacts me and wants to do stuff. We've seen each other every day the last two weeks now... I'm not a kissing virgin and kissed before, but I just can't engage with her and I don't know why. I'm paralyzed when I'm with her. She just doesn't give me those "I want you" vibes. She's talking about how she kissed random strangers at clubs or how she had kissing orgies with her friends a lot, which makes me fucking rage and also very confused. I feel like the only idiot who just can't manage to kiss her.

TLDR: I've been on 20+ incredible big and small dates with her. We're also friends and work colleagues. She's amazing. I'm more physical with her than with any other romance. Factually, we're a match made in heaven. I just can't seem to find a way to engage her in a kiss.

20 dates and you havent even kissed? Either this is the most timid slow to start elementary school ass relationship ever or you are misi terpretong dates for "she likes attention".

Anyaay, this back story doesn'tmake your fortune cookie idea any less fucking stupid. But if you are confident you are "dating", plan to make food and watch netflix and just escalate physicality from there. It will be very obvious if things are how you view them.
 

Leeness

Member
Okay guys, backstory time.

I've known her since end of 2015. We've been acquainted and friends. She split up with her ex in December... because he didn't want to have kids. We started to see each other more often since then, mainly because we have this uni project together. She started to use tinder back then and she super-liked me. We matched, had a laugh about it. At the same time she asked me out to see a play at the theater with me. I started to develop feelings but I had the impression she used me as a distraction. She whined constantly, how she missed her ex.

We started to see each other more regularly. I started to ask her out on dates (ice skating, made dinner several times, walks, clubbing). Most amazing dates I've ever had. She enjoyed them too, i guess. We did a lot of crazy things together. We cuddle a lot, massage each other, holding hands even. But she never engages in that longer eye contact thing before a kiss. Ever.

She actively contacts me and wants to do stuff. We've seen each other every day the last two weeks now... I'm not a kissing virgin and kissed before, but I just can't engage with her and I don't know why. I'm paralyzed when I'm with her. She just doesn't give me those "I want you" vibes. She's talking about how she kissed random strangers at clubs or how she had kissing orgies with her friends a lot, which makes me fucking rage and also very confused. I feel like the only idiot who just can't manage to kiss her.

TLDR: I've been on 20+ incredible big and small dates with her. We're also friends and work colleagues. She's amazing. I'm more physical with her than with any other romance. Factually, we're a match made in heaven. I just can't seem to find a way to engage her in a kiss.

tumblr_ngegq0DlNV1u4mldxo9_400.gif
 

Ray Wonder

Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
We're a match made in heaven. #Facts

And I see you trying to trigger me Ray. Keep it up and I'll come down there and play you like a marionette using your loose skin.
😱😱😱🖕


This is literally the wurst idea I've seen in any dating thread and we had Ray writing songs for someone.

🔥🔥😎😎
 

Big Blue

Member
Okay guys, backstory time.

I've known her since end of 2015. We've been acquainted and friends. She split up with her ex in December... because he didn't want to have kids. We started to see each other more often since then, mainly because we have this uni project together. She started to use tinder back then and she super-liked me. We matched, had a laugh about it. At the same time she asked me out to see a play at the theater with me. I started to develop feelings but I had the impression she used me as a distraction. She whined constantly, how she missed her ex.

We started to see each other more regularly. I started to ask her out on dates (ice skating, made dinner several times, walks, clubbing). Most amazing dates I've ever had. She enjoyed them too, i guess. We did a lot of crazy things together. We cuddle a lot, massage each other, holding hands even. But she never engages in that longer eye contact thing before a kiss. Ever.

She actively contacts me and wants to do stuff. We've seen each other every day the last two weeks now... I'm not a kissing virgin and kissed before, but I just can't engage with her and I don't know why. I'm paralyzed when I'm with her. She just doesn't give me those "I want you" vibes. She's talking about how she kissed random strangers at clubs or how she had kissing orgies with her friends a lot, which makes me fucking rage and also very confused. I feel like the only idiot who just can't manage to kiss her.

TLDR: I've been on 20+ incredible big and small dates with her. We're also friends and work colleagues. She's amazing. I'm more physical with her than with any other romance. Factually, we're a match made in heaven. I just can't seem to find a way to engage her in a kiss.
You guys are friends, period.
 
I dunno if they're definitely locked-in as friends.

Cuddling and holding hands provide enough of a gray area for him to take a shot.

If he gets rebuffed, he should learn from the experience and move on.
 
How can you go on 20 dates and not fucking kiss? How in the fuck? I kissed more women "this weekend" than you have kissed the girl you are supposedly dating :/

How is that not a nascar sized red flag?

Now I know what a backlash feels like, nice! :D
Yep, I'm an idiot. So no chance in salvaging this mess?

Ask her on a motherfucking date. And kiss her. Holy shit brother. It's not about salvaging. You don't even know if there was anything there yet. Ask her on a date. Use the word date. Be explicit.
 

Ray Wonder

Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Now I know what a backlash feels like, nice! :D
Yep, I'm an idiot. So no chance in salvaging this mess?

Don't take it too hard, every time I've posted about my dating experiences I've gotten piled on.

Idk what to tell ya about timing for a kiss, it's kinda up to you to just muster the balls to try.
 
2. Asking out by text is generally a mistake. Everything important, ever, in a relationship, has to happen face to face. It's about the real genuine connection.

Completely disagree. There's nothing wrong with asking someone out over text.

And asking for a date isn't a big deal. When people treat it like it is, that's when they start freaking out (and post long winded stories in this thread).

Just don't sit idly by your phone waiting for the response, and make sure you're clear when asking them out (location, time, date).
 

Peltz

Member
Okay guys, backstory time.

I've known her since end of 2015. We've been acquainted and friends. She split up with her ex in December... because he didn't want to have kids. We started to see each other more often since then, mainly because we have this uni project together. She started to use tinder back then and she super-liked me. We matched, had a laugh about it. At the same time she asked me out to see a play at the theater with me. I started to develop feelings but I had the impression she used me as a distraction. She whined constantly, how she missed her ex.

We started to see each other more regularly. I started to ask her out on dates (ice skating, made dinner several times, walks, clubbing). Most amazing dates I've ever had. She enjoyed them too, i guess. We did a lot of crazy things together. We cuddle a lot, massage each other, holding hands even. But she never engages in that longer eye contact thing before a kiss. Ever.

She actively contacts me and wants to do stuff. We've seen each other every day the last two weeks now... I'm not a kissing virgin and kissed before, but I just can't engage with her and I don't know why. I'm paralyzed when I'm with her. She just doesn't give me those "I want you" vibes. She's talking about how she kissed random strangers at clubs or how she had kissing orgies with her friends a lot, which makes me fucking rage and also very confused. I feel like the only idiot who just can't manage to kiss her.

TLDR: I've been on 20+ incredible big and small dates with her. We're also friends and work colleagues. She's amazing. I'm more physical with her than with any other romance. Factually, we're a match made in heaven. I just can't seem to find a way to engage her in a kiss.

Bruh...

Now I know what a backlash feels like, nice! :D
Yep, I'm an idiot. So no chance in salvaging this mess?

Yea... just pull her towards you and kiss her. If she wants you, she'll kiss you back, if not, she wont. It's really that simple.

Don't hesitate and don't be timid about it. Just pull her towards you like a man and plant one. And if she pulls away, well... whatever the truth is will come out. At least you won't be deluding yourself anymore either way no matter the outcome.

No matter what you do, and I cannot stress this enough, do not hesitate. It will be very unattractive.
 

Wurst

Member
How can you go on 20 dates and not fucking kiss? How in the fuck? I kissed more women "this weekend" than you have kissed the girl you are supposedly dating :/

How is that not a nascar sized red flag?

Okay to clarify: It's not been 20 "official" dates. We just had two activities we both officially labeled as dates. The other "dates" were just us being alone together. I do not see them as dates myself, I'm not that blind.
 

Salamando

Member
Who said anything about a kissing orgy?

She actively contacts me and wants to do stuff. We've seen each other every day the last two weeks now... I'm not a kissing virgin and kissed before, but I just can't engage with her and I don't know why. I'm paralyzed when I'm with her. She just doesn't give me those "I want you" vibes. She's talking about how she kissed random strangers at clubs or how she had kissing orgies with her friends a lot, which makes me fucking rage and also very confused. I feel like the only idiot who just can't manage to kiss her.

I just don't even know
 

DeathoftheEndless

Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
TLDR: I've been on 20+ incredible big and small dates with her. We're only friends and work colleagues.

FTFY

But seriously, I've been in your shoes before. You aren't dating this girl. If someone hangs out with you a lot and hasn't even tried kissing you or doing anything sexual, then they probably aren't that into you. Either show your interest to be more than friends or start looking elsewhere.
 
Okay to clarify: It's not been 20 "official" dates. We just had two activities we both officially labeled as dates. The other "dates" were just us being alone together. I do not see them as dates myself, I'm not that blind.

You should have just said this from the start man. It does in fact add clarity. Honestly. Set up a real date, call it a date explicitly. Kiss her at the end (or in the middle, hell do it in the beginning if its necessary).

This will make all this shit clear.
 

Denzar

Member
1. Some people are incredibly good at actually living life and not responding to every text they get, sometimes for hours or days. Just leave it.

2. Asking out by text is generally a mistake. Everything important, ever, in a relationship, has to happen face to face. It's about the real genuine connection.

Just drop the conversation entirely and if you see her again, chat, ask how she's doing, etc.

If you made an impression on her, hopefully she's not averse to it, but your text ask-out probably put her on the back foot.

Even if I made an impression, and I like to believe I did, based on her words and deeds, I'm fucked? I asked her out the night we made out, she then asked for my number. In the flirty texts I asked if she would leave the house Saturday night, so I could see her gorgeous face again. She replied by saying she'll stick to couch hangin' and that she'd like to see my handsome face again too. My text was following up on the fact that we talked about seeing eachother again in between the kisses and making out. How else am I supposed to reach out to her? She called me once she left. Probably so I could have her number.

Wasn't planning on texting again either way. It's been over a day and a half. I can take a hint. She doesn't owe me a thing, ofc. It's just really weird to me... And a pity! Rarely meet girls that have an impact on me these days.

If she's impressed, averse and on the defense...You mean that she's not ready to be impressed/intrigued? Could you elaborate? She's scared? She's got other shit to deal with? She's still stuck on somebody?

Completely disagree. There's nothing wrong with asking someone out over text.

And asking for a date isn't a big deal. When people treat it like it is, that's when they start freaking out (and post long winded stories in this thread).

Just don't sit idly by your phone waiting for the response, and make sure you're clear when asking them out (location, time, date).

Slow day at work...and I'm kinda losing my mind because I'm really not used to this anymore. I'm almost 30 and I just can't handle the things I'm experiencing right now. :D
 
ZackieChan once said something along the lines of "if you are writing an essay and you haven't kissed yet, you are doing it wrong". And by once I mean more than once, and the last time he said it was on the last page.

Ask her out on a date and try to kiss her. The more you tell us about your situation, the more I have to agree that she is just hanging out with you as a friend that gives her the attention she doesn't get anymore now that she's single.
 

Salamando

Member
Even if I made an impression, and I like to believe I did, based on her words and deeds, I'm fucked? I asked her out the night we made out, she then asked for my number. In the flirty texts I asked if she would leave the house Saturday night, so I could see her gorgeous face again. She replied by saying she'll stick to couch hangin' and that she'd like to see my handsome face again too. My text was following up on the fact that we talked about seeing eachother again in between the kisses and making out. How else am I supposed to reach out to her? She called me once she left. Probably so I could have her number.

Wasn't planning on texting again either way. It's been over a day and a half. I can take a hint. She doesn't owe me a thing, ofc. It's just really weird to me... And a pity! Rarely meet girls that have an impact on me these days.

If she's impressed, averse and on the defense...You mean that she's not ready to be impressed/intrigued? Could you elaborate? She's scared? She's got other shit to deal with? She's still stuck on somebody?



Slow day at work...and I'm kind alosing my mind because I'm really not used to this anymore. I'm almost 30 and I just can't handle the things I'm experiencing right now. :D

There's a lot of questions here that don't matter. You asked her out, she hasn't reponded. You can ask her out once more (and once more only!), naming specific days. If she doesn't respond, don't spend another second thinking "why", just move on.

Asking out via text is fine. If you're so in the grayzone that the text tipped you into "do not respond" territory, it wasn't going to work out.
 

stn

Member
@Wurst

General rule: don't cuddle and hold hands with a girl you haven't slept with yet or aren't actually in a relationship with. I would personally lose my mind if I had to cuddle with a girl I'm not actually involved with, talk about being blue-balled. Also, 20+ dates and nothing physical? This is beyond saving, she's going to ditch you for the first guy that makes a bold move on her. You can either stop the madness and move on, or you can make a bold move and actually get really physical with her. What you're doing now is just getting her comfortable with passive-aggressive stuff.
 

M52B28

Banned
How have you alienated every single woman around you or are you using that as a made up excuse?
I'm just finding it hard to take interest in many of the women that I encounter. I'll have that sexual attraction, but I lose that very fast.

I don't know. Things just aren't clicking.
 
Seriously, the thread title answers 90% of all queries. It's fine to get into details and vent, but the advice in return is almost always some equivalent of 'just do it'.

It took me a few dates with the girl I'm seeing now before making out. Even so, I clearly used the words 'date' and 'rendez-vous' from the start. It was slow to get physical, but the intentions were obvious immediately.

If you're too nervous about kissing (strange since you've been massaging each other and holding hands) at least tell her next time you go out that you're taking her out on a DATE and see how she answers. Though I don't think it's looking too good for you, bud.
 
I'd say she's just being friendly and nothing there suggests she wants more, but what do I know... I'm sure there's more to it that you haven't shared.

And being friends first, you should probably stop doing that. It gives off the wrong vibe to others who think they've found a friend but end up having to distance themselves because you were just biding your time.
So what yall suggest just asking a chick out as soon as possible? Ya gon get to know them first I feel. Speaking in general
 
So what yall suggest just asking a chick out as soon as possible? Ya gon get to know them first I feel. Speaking in general

Not 0-100 quick but once the general flow is that the person seems interested in talking you ask for the date.

You can never really get to know someone through text frankly. Not if you are whipping out tinder and such for prospects
 

Denzar

Member
There's a lot of questions here that don't matter. You asked her out, she hasn't reponded. You can ask her out once more (and once more only!), naming specific days. If she doesn't respond, don't spend another second thinking "why", just move on.

Asking out via text is fine. If you're so in the grayzone that the text tipped you into "do not respond" territory, it wasn't going to work out.

Can't argue with this.

ZackieChan once said something along the lines of "if you are writing an essay and you haven't kissed yet, you are doing it wrong". And by once I mean more than once, and the last time he said it was on the last page.

It's even in the OP.
 
Over ten years on Neogaf and only today I took the time to actually read some posts in this thread. This is a goldmine! :D

@ 20 dates guy: don't feel bad. You could still try to make the move. To me the point of no return would probably be close contact of any kind. I couldn't last a second before giving away my intentions.
 
Okay, if you want to do that, do that. You do you.

Modern dating standards favor the fast and bold, but it's whatever. Not like we're gonna change your mind.
I guess I come here more to debate then lol. My bad
Spoken like a man taking his first steps into the friend zone.
Friend Zones dont exsist
Get to know them on a date.
youre right, I can take no crazy person on no date though lol


Yall are helpful, I guess I just want to see different viewpoints other than my closer friends and family opinions on this
 

gaiages

Banned
Yall are helpful, I guess I just want to see different viewpoints other than my closer friends and family opinions on this

Honestly, most of the regulars here are going to have the same opinion. If you make a relationship-ish thread for all of off-topic to see, you'll see a whole variety of responses. It always makes reading those threads... interesting, lol.
 
That sounds adorable

You should talk to her :p



Oh... oh my god

Someone read the OP ;w;

I should really add the exact quote to the OP, though...Hopefully I'll remember when I get home >.>

Definitely planning. She has to like me back. I have some questions about that fucking TIGER
 

saizo

Member
I once saw a snap video of a guy painting this girls toenails, taken by the girl, with the caption:

"I love my bestfriend"

Friendzones exist

Does it though?

Unrequited attraction/feelings happen, sure. That's called getting turned down.
Staying in a safe place waiting for some sort of ideal opportunity to "make your move" is closer to being a slimy creep.

I don't get the friendzone thing, honestly. Either you're into them and you try or you're not and you don't. Half-trying is the same as being afraid to do anything at all. Once it's been established that she's not into you like that, then you can be friends. But this notion that there is some in between area where a girl keeps a guy as a friend despite knowing that he is interested is plausible but hardly ideal.

For the record I was totally denied this week. :D
Life goes on.
 

Ray Wonder

Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Does it though?

Unrequited attraction/feelings happen, sure. That's called getting turned down.
Staying in a safe place waiting for some sort of ideal opportunity to "make your move" is closer to being a slimy creep.

I don't get the friendzone thing, honestly. Either you're into them and you try or you're not and you don't. Half-trying is the same as being afraid to do anything at all. Once it's been established that she's not into you like that, then you can be friends. But this notion that there is some in between area where a girl keeps a guy as a friend despite knowing that he is interested is plausible but hardly ideal.

For the record I was totally denied this week. :D
Life goes on.

I know this girl, she denied me in the past. She has openly admitted to me that she misleads guys to believe that she's into them, so she can use them for things. Actively friendzoning dudes so she can feel good about herself. They exist.
 
Aghh Man, I am too busy at work to write up a few paragraphs, but some of you guys here are infuriating me with your terrible stories here...Just stop, stop!

Mihael Mello Keehl being a good example here....

I guess I come here more to debate then lol. My
bad
Unlike most threads in OT: This is a thread for people giving advice to less experienced peeps with dating rather than debating dating... So yes, your bad!

Friend Zones dont exist

I'd love to hear you explain this statement, if it didn't exist this thread would be no longer than 10 pages and be buried in oblivion in the back pages... 80% of GAF seeking advice here are FZoned dudes, who have no idea they've been FZoned, or on their way to be forever FZ.


You're right, I can take no crazy person on no date though lol
WTF is this shit!? really!? How often you read a news headline, "Man killed on first date by woman he met on Tinder"? How much of a precious snowflake are you that you can't chat with someone online, get to know them a little and follow up for a coffee/ tea at a public setting?

Yall are helpful, I guess I just want to see different viewpoints other than my closer friends and family opinions on this

There are no "different" viewpoint in advice on dating/courting.. there are only Successful viewpoints and ones that will bare no results.
 

Ray Wonder

Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Ray, do you still see THE woman?

THE woman? Which one? The one I just almost had a kid with? If so, yes.

If you're talking about the girl that I first posted about in this thread, no. I don't plan on it, ever again, either.
 
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