Puck Beaverton
Banned
I was watching Before Sunrise last week and there was a great line about how the two characters no longer treat sex as this magical, special thing anymore. I wish I could remember the full line, I always dig it.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
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Mediking
Member
Whoa.
Hahah yeah true. It's just that I'm becoming torn with losing it with someone special and just losing it so I can experience it.
Hahahahah I'm prolly gonna be thinking the exact same thing...
PancakeBurglar
Member
I still struggle to cum during sex condom or not, but I still enjoy it, helps get good at foreplay and eating pussy. Yeah sex is great but people often place too much on it and it leads to virgins psyching themselves out over it.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
whynotboth.gif
I absolutely don't advocate engaging (and learning) about sex with someone you don't feel comfortable with and care about. Ideally, you'd have great communication with your partner, which would enable you to talk about what you like. You'd both be encouraging, forgiving, and patient. And, all the after-care stuff we've mentioned -- cuddling, etc. -- that's fantastic too.
Basically, I agree with you more than you think. I had a terrible first time (basically: I didn't really want to and she pressured me) and it wrecked me for a while. I didn't even truly enjoy it with my ex-wife, though it was probably more me than her. It wasn't until this year that I finally felt comfortable and confident: the sex I'm having with my current girl is fantastic, and even the girl I hooked up with the weekend before last, it was pretty damn awesome too.
Lower your expectations, not your standards.
Find someone you're comfortable with and someone who'll be comfortable with you making rookie mistakes.
You don't learn how to be a better lover/partner by imitating movies. It really does take reps: setbacks, failures, mistakes. But it's imperative you find someone it's okay to "fail" with.
LordKasual
Banned
this legitimately got a laugh out of me
Vermillion
Banned
So... I'm learning that everyone in the world thinks differently than me about female friends while you're in relationships.
I planned on going out clubbing with a friend, then crashing on her couch afterwards. But my friends are skeptical because I'm in a relationship... and my gf isn't too hot on it either.
Idk. Thoughts?
I kinda miss some of the interactions I had with female friends prior. I love my gf, of course. She's awesome, so no need to question that road.
I planned on going out clubbing with a friend, then crashing on her couch afterwards. But my friends are skeptical because I'm in a relationship... and my gf isn't too hot on it either.
Idk. Thoughts?
I kinda miss some of the interactions I had with female friends prior. I love my gf, of course. She's awesome, so no need to question that road.
LordKasual
Banned
rofl
boy u smashin
and even if you arent, that thought will be in your girl's mind 300% of the time
Attack You
Member
Ya done, son.
Gotdatmoney
Member
You not gon have any female friends then? I understand a certain level of skepticism that you're other friends and your gf have but I mean god damn, you not going to go have fun because of trust issues?
Megalosaro
Banned
There is a difference between having female friends, and then going out party and sleeping at her place.
Vermillion
Banned
I'm not. And she's not as concerned about my friend - moreso the clubbing part.
Yeah, maybe I shouldn't. It just sucks, 'cuz... I miss hanging out with female friends like I used to. But that's what relationships are like, I guess?
I feel like I might as well not have female friends tbh. I can at least do more with male friends w/out anyone thinking anything.
She's not that upset about my friend, tbh. I have known her for a couple years, and she is like a little sister.
Honestly, I think everyone else in the world understands this but me. I don't want to do anything that makes people think a certain way. But I should either not have female friends, not have single female friends, or not hang out with female friends 1:1, w/out my girl.
It's a mildly upsetting thought, but at this point idk if I'm just immature, and that's life.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Some will argue your position I'm sure. So what is your solution to the problem? You abandon that aspect of your social life? Because I don't personally see this as a massive issue even though I know a lot of people will make it one.
I dunno how old you are but if you are like me and are in your like early to mid 20s, yeah, people our age are dumb about this. I won't advise you to go against the flow of people telling you not to do it because you are going to get yourself in trouble regardless. But in regards to having female friends and being able to do friend shit, yes, you do need to put your foot down at some point and not ignore the other 50% of the planet because you have a gf.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Solution is to date someone who doesn't care.
Friends - real friends - are hard to come by. I'm not giving up my female friends for the sake of a relationship. (And yes, that includes going out clubbing, because I love EDM shows.)
Gotdatmoney
Member
Personally this is where I stand, fuck this guys and girls cannot have genuine friendships crap. I need someone who can trust that I'm not gonna be a fucking clown ass idiot because I went to the bar with women and we slept in the same house.
Legitimate friends do not come by often as you say. You shouldn't have to abandon huge portions of your life to accommodate insecurity that is fueled by nothing more than "guys and girls just can't be true friends"
It's always the people with Persona avatars with the worst luck/most random hangups in this thread.
It's almost ironic. Almost.
There's a few things in the OP, I just got really lazy about updating it. I should get on that sometime soon.
If your GF doesn't like it, then it's probably best not to do it, or at least have a conversation with her about it bothering her. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks tbh.
It's almost ironic. Almost.
There's a few things in the OP, I just got really lazy about updating it. I should get on that sometime soon.
If your GF doesn't like it, then it's probably best not to do it, or at least have a conversation with her about it bothering her. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks tbh.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
You can have female friends when in a relationship but you need to see how that interaction is viewed by people when in a relationship. Going clubbing with a female friend? sure, that's fine. Did you invite your girlfriend also? Staying over another girls house afterwards? People will question why you can't get yourself home that night?
I know from the past a few men that used the "just slept on the couch" and were found out to have slept with the girl.
Fast Forward
Member
I believe that.
I mean, not from experience (still a virgin at 32), but I believe it.
The only thing that cured my depression was making some changes in my life, like conquering my fear of driving, and now I have a license/car for the first time in my life.
LookAtMeGo
Member
I get laid pretty regularly and have a good group of friends and a good job and nice place and a nice car and I'm still depressed. No amount of vagina or success will fix it.
A 12 pack usually does the trick for at least a few hours.
A 12 pack usually does the trick for at least a few hours.
and rocket league
ZackieChan
Member
How many girls have you asked out since day one?
Well, it was in literally every one of his posts back in the dayI'm guessing 80% likelihood is that you PMed them saying you're a virgin because everyone thinks that's way more embarrassing than it is
I'll bet a whole jar of cookies on it and everything
That two hours of trembling outside of the car
Did Vern drop by to relay the bad
good
???? 😦🤔
Fast Forward
Member
Only changes fix that. Like, still not happy with where I'm at in my life, but after making some positive changes in my life (more than just a license/car, BTW), at least I'm not DEPRESSED anymore. At least I'm back to my old personality before depression kicked my ass a year, or two ago. Plus, anytime I start to get down even today, I remember all the positive changes I have made in my life since, and get out of the house. Always helps.
Well, that, and as you said, little alcohol always helps.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Thats good man. I hear ya and yeah.. you can make changes to yourself to help with depression for sure. Just like Acrid said tho, sex isnt goin to fix that. But taking steps to better yourself is the only way to battle that shit. Just in my experience, no matter how much you better yourself, depression will always rear its head. For me personally, the only times I have not been depressed is when I am with someone I love. But thats me and thats what gives me purpose.
So bettering myself with the ultimate goal of finding someone to spend my life with is what I'm trying to do. To each their own tho.
P.s I'm a little drunk and rambling.
Fast Forward
Member
TBH, I can relate.
Buzzed myself ATM.
And believe me, not saying I have found the "secret sauce," or whatever. I still have problems. Many problems, including still being a virgin, even though it's not for religious reasons (atheist here), and I'm not exactly Rocky Dennis. Not saying I'm Brad Pitt, either. But the mere fact I'm no longer depressed, in retrospect, is a huge step forward in my life. And when I say I was depressed, I mean it. Had no idea how much until I was out of it.
Back on the market.
The distance and her age weren't looking good. She says she still wants to bang when we are able to meet, but doesn't want the added pressure of needing to chat all the time and check in with each other... not that I ever am the kind of guy that wants those things anyway. As of right now we are still talking just as much as ever and feels the same, but apparently it's much more relaxed feeling for her. Still sends me hearts and kisses and hot pics...nothing really changed except we are both technically single and I can go get me some other girls again. Actually seems pretty good... though I really did like her so it's a little sad I guess. Not sure when we will meet up again, she claims she'll come to shanghai again soon to see me.
It's been like a week or so. I've had 3 dates already. With great success.
Valkerionseven
Member
My ex and the girl I'm going hiking with in the blazing 35 degree, feels like effing 42 humid ass Japan heat, followed me on Instagram this weekend on the same day within 32 minutes of each other.
I'm shook gaf.
I'm shook gaf.
LookAtMeGo
Member
Well thats good to hear man. Im happy for you. Keep up what you are doing. You're on the right path.
Messofanego
Banned
Yes, there are at least 5 GAF couples.
True Savior
Member
If it's a guy there's no issue and if it's a girl there is one? Doesn't make sense. Go for it and maybe talk with your gf to understand her concerns.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Male logic and reasoning are sure to change her mind.
True Savior
Member
This is a primary example of that thread about us vp and him not being alone with women. We always assume an interaction between a male and female might end in sex.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Yeah I personally do not subscribe to this. People think everything between a man and a woman is sexual in nature. That's why we have this none sense that men and women can't be friends. It doesn't matter what outsider who has no grasp that friends can just offer a couch to crash and nothing more thinks. And who says dude didn't invite his girlfriend? But further more, why is it necessary that he does invite her? For optics? That he no longer is entitled to having experiences with his friends because everyone else has a very naive idea of appropriate and inappropriate?
For example, I live in a small ass town close to a city. If I go clubbing or to the bars I am crashing with someone because $70 uber rides are not realistic. If someone asks me why I can't make it home it's because common sense dictates otherwise. It's not a hard thing to understand.
People have this naive idea that cheating only occurs in these situations. No. If I want to cheat on my girl I can do it on a tuesday during my lunch break just as easily as I can do it after the club with a friend at the location I made it explicitly obvious you could find me 🙄
What I believe is that I have to be able to trust my partner to make the right decision. I need to be able to trust her judgement and believe that she isn't going to flip all aspects of her moral compass because she has male friends and she wants to enjoy aspects of life with them. I can't (and don't want to) put a leash around their social interactions trying to gaurantee a set of optics to people who don't matter. I don't want to breed resentment or deny her the ability to enjoy life because of insecurities. I don't want to pretend she wont cheat on me if I say no to thiss stuff.
If I get cheated on then I get cheated on. Yeah it sucks but I'm not so afraid of this that I am willing to let it color interactions. I am not going to project my insecurities on other people. It hasn't fauled me so far.
I mean money I agree with you, but I just don't see the harm in talking to her about it. I mean maybe he lives closer than a $70 Uber trip away. Maybe she'll pick him up. Maybe she's just worried he'll get hurt or throw up on this girl's floor or something small and petty.
The poster said that his GF wasn't worried about the girl, she was worried about the clubbing. So we're all kind of focusing on the wrong thing here. Again, he shouldn't give a fuck what his friends think of the situation and "omg you're gonna cheat on her", he's not dating them.
The poster said that his GF wasn't worried about the girl, she was worried about the clubbing. So we're all kind of focusing on the wrong thing here. Again, he shouldn't give a fuck what his friends think of the situation and "omg you're gonna cheat on her", he's not dating them.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Oh he totally has to talk to her
I am 100% in favour of communication here. They have to talk about it because it's going to be a point of contention if dude already feels like he can't have female friends. If I was giving the impression he shouldn't talk about it that wasn't my intention. I'm not even saying dude should go, I'm saying he is gonna be miserable if he wants to wants to enjoy these things and there is no compromise to be made.
This is true. I still think if the idea is clubbing is worrying it's still something that has to be addressed.
PhantomZone
Member
In relation to this thread: Ghosting
Fairly sure the person I was kind of seeing over the past month has ghosted me, for what reason I am not sure. My uneducated guess would be that she may have met someone else.
Granted something else could be at play here, but going on five days without contact........ AND after I sent a message checking if everything was ok on day 3 I guess I should assume she's moved on.
I do find the situation a bit 'blah' on the last date she highlighted my good qualities..... to go from being impressed with the person I am to disappearing. I'm like what the ? lol
It's both annoying and frustrating, at the end of the day I know it's not the end of the world. I do think being ghosted is just as bad as being rejected directly.
Fairly sure the person I was kind of seeing over the past month has ghosted me, for what reason I am not sure. My uneducated guess would be that she may have met someone else.
Granted something else could be at play here, but going on five days without contact........ AND after I sent a message checking if everything was ok on day 3 I guess I should assume she's moved on.
I do find the situation a bit 'blah' on the last date she highlighted my good qualities..... to go from being impressed with the person I am to disappearing. I'm like what the ? lol
It's both annoying and frustrating, at the end of the day I know it's not the end of the world. I do think being ghosted is just as bad as being rejected directly.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
You haven't been ghosted, just put in the phantom zone!
True Savior
Member
Who likes rejection though? It's always shitty no matter how it is delivered. Best we can do is accept it and move on. This is, always, a two way street.
badboy78660
Member
Sorry to hear that, but yeah, it's definitely becoming the "norm" these days (blame the creeps, stalkers who can't take rejection well enough), or at least in my circles it is. As fucked up as it sounds, it generally goes like this: "If she (or he) ain't textin' you, she textin' somebody else." Best to just move on and do your own thing. You deserve better anyway.
PancakeBurglar
Member
I'm not opposed to ghosting, I get it, I've done it too. But if you have been seeing someone for around a month I think an explaination would be appropriate.
Just dealing with this right now... A month is too long, in my opinion, to just ghost someone with no explanation. So I'm sorry that they did that to you.
However... I have a guy who I have blocked three times over two different sites who won't stop messaging me and I haven't talked to him since we met (once) for 45 minutes a year and a half to two years ago. I block him, he makes a new account, messages me, I block him again, etc. He just messaged me again last night, which is why it's on my mind.
Sooooooo. I don't want to engage with him. Especially since the last time I talked to him (a year and a half to two years ago), he wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm sure he will continue to take no for an answer, going by the behaviour he exhibits.
However... I have a guy who I have blocked three times over two different sites who won't stop messaging me and I haven't talked to him since we met (once) for 45 minutes a year and a half to two years ago. I block him, he makes a new account, messages me, I block him again, etc. He just messaged me again last night, which is why it's on my mind.
Sooooooo. I don't want to engage with him. Especially since the last time I talked to him (a year and a half to two years ago), he wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm sure he will continue to take no for an answer, going by the behaviour he exhibits.
TheLostBigBoss
Banned
what the fuck
Pattycakes
Banned
File a restraining order? That is like creeper/stalker level of dedication.
badboy78660
Member
If it's bad enough and it's causing you distress, you may very well have to pursue legal discourse Leeness.
Nah, he doesn't know where I live or have my phone number. It's just over things like POF and OKC. He just pops up every couple of months on new accounts to "WHY" at me. I just brought it up because he messaged me again last night (and I blocked).
Oh he totally has to talk to her
I am 100% in favour of communication here. They have to talk about it because it's going to be a point of contention if dude already feels like he can't have female friends. If I was giving the impression he shouldn't talk about it that wasn't my intention. I'm not even saying dude should go, I'm saying he is gonna be miserable if he wants to wants to enjoy these things and there is no compromise to be made.
This is true. I still think if the idea is clubbing is worrying it's still something that has to be addressed.
Yeah I don't think you gave the opinion that he shouldn't talk to her, just that a lot of posters were jumping on the train of yelling about platonic relationships with the opposite sex(es) and it was kind of missing the point. You were just the last post in the line, I know you're pretty good about that sort of thing :3
But ghosting hurts peoples' feelings amirite!? You need to engage these people and tell them why you don't wanna talk to them anymore, it's just fair!
That ghosting thread really really pissed me off
Pissed me off too. It's ridiculous. I don't even think I joined the discussion because I was afraid I'd get banned if I called people out too hard on their shit.
But basically: no one is entitled to feel good all the time. You get ghosted, you feel like shit for a moment and move on. That's life. Tough shit. Anyone who feels they're owed something more from a stranger has warped values. Plus, why the hell would you want to get with someone who did that anyway? It's a clear sign they're not into you. So take the hint and accept it like an adult. No one is responsible for ensuring you have a good self esteem. That shit is on you. It comes from within. It's called SELF-esteem.
I could go on and on... really. Entire books can be written on the subject, I'm sure.
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