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[Captain_Spanky]

If you die remember it's no big deal. It happens to everyone who gets on stage at some point. Just try not to panic, see your act through and try and remember enough about what happened to use the experience if it does. Good luck

 

[apocalidiot]

open with this line


"i was on my way to work this morning, when suddenly i realised i was unemployed and a virgin"

That's actually pretty funny.

Summary: Masturbate before hand

 

[lightless_shado]

Yeah... I'm not feeling summary man either.

Summary: Masturbate before hand

Was that supposed to be a pun?

Summary:

 

[Sinatar]

Oh and make sure you record yourself somehow, video, tape recorder, whatever. It's invaluable to listen to your sets to figure out what worked and what didn't.

 

[apocalidiot]

Was that supposed to be a pun?

Summary:

That's the joke.

Summary:

 

[PhoncipleBone]

Make fun of Blacks, Gays, and Jews. Worked great for.... Oh wait, don't do that.

Seriously though, practice in front of people. Consider what to do in case of hecklers, but don't worry about it or let it dominate your preparation. Have fun.

Try to use the following words in your act, especially if you're going to be filmed.

* Shit
* Piss
* Fuck
* Cunt
* Cocksucker
* Motherfucker
* Tits

Don't forget to add fart, turd, and twat.

 

[BobDylan]

Good luck, OP! Stand-up comedy is one of the toughest things you can do, in my opinion. I personally wouldn't be able to do it, I'd be too afraid of ruining my jokes, choking, or dealing with hecklers!

Summary: I hope you do well!

no fucking way are you really doing that after all your posts.

 

[mf.luder]

I totally forgot that I changed my avatar. Wouldve been some sweet ass McBain if I had.

 

[morningbus]

This is kind of odd. I just did my first stand-up routine on Monday night, actually.

I'm not sure what kind of advice I can give you, honestly, without knowing what your style is like. I'd say some universal stuff probably applies: take your time, make sure you have a good sense of how you want the joke to flow, and only use the stuff that is really good. Don't bother with filler, perform for less time if you need to.

If there is anything specific you'd like me to answer, I'd be more than happy to help.

Good luck! Make sure you enjoy yourself up there.

 

[MrToughPants]

no fucking way are you really doing that after all your posts.

fucking way he is.

Summary:

Timedog
PEACE.

 

[AVclub]

Use long anecdotes. Then try to follow up every punchline with: "Summary:" then a quick synopsis of the joke. Also, pull a rubber glove over the top of your head and try to inflate it with your nose if you're bombing. It made Howey Mandel a star!

 

[Scrow]

-DCX

 

[Medalion]

Picture everybody in their underwear

 

[a posh hammer]

That's the joke.

Summary:

haha nice.

 

[white dynamite]

Picture everybody in their underwear

Just make sure you're not performing at an elementary school though.

 

[ProtoCents]

Do internet meme jokes. Everyone here seems to love 'em.

 

[perfectchaos007]

open with this line


"i was on my way to work this morning, when suddenly i realised i was unemployed and a virgin"

also add you are a stand up comedy virgin so be gentle its your first time. Maybe that will keep the hecklers at bay unless they are real jerks with no sympathy for a first timer.

 

[Wads]

Record your bit and put it on GAF!!!

 

[OrangeGrayBlue]

I've only done stand-up once but it actually went pretty well. Similar situation to the OP with it being a five minute set and all. It's important to firmly know the punchline, not be afraid to deviate from written material if a good improv opportunity arises, and be sure to speak at a steady, conversational pace. Some of the best comedians can get laughs without even saying something funny just through proper pace and delivery.

Good luck!

 

[Wads]

no fucking way are you really doing that after all your posts.

Okay, this got me good. Laughing for a good minute!

 

[Fugu]

Timing is everything; you don't even have to say something funny as long as you say whatever it is you say at the right time.

The best advice you've been given in this thread is to tell your best joke first and your second best joke last. Confidence will make this so easy.

 

[thesuperku]

OP, I actually have been doing stand-up in the California Bay Area since September, I just got back from an open mic tonight. The only advice I can give that I wish someone told me is, even if you're just doing 5 minutes, take your time. A lot of people their first time at an open mic think they're pressed for time and speak too quickly. If you speak too fast (whether you're nervous or whatever), it hurts the delivery a lot.

Also, I wish it was easy to say "be confident" but try to stay away from self-deprecation if you can. I've seen a comics tell unoriginal stuff, but their confidence and delivery won over the audience, so don't try to win their approval, have confidence that your stuff's funny and just do it.

Here's a clip of my first stand-up in the US last september (spoke too fast, was nervous), and here's some of the stuff I've done now if you're interested.

Good luck!

 

[RoboPlato]

also add you are a stand up comedy virgin so be gentle its your first time. Maybe that will keep the hecklers at bay unless they are real jerks with no sympathy for a first timer.

I was actually planning on saying something like that to start. We're really not worried about hecklers since it's a benefit for charity that's being done in the college center and people at my school are more passive aggressive than anything. I'm not really sure that people at my college are going to appreciate my sense of humor but a lot of my friends are coming so I'm just going to try to remember to get all my jokes out there and have fun. If my friends laugh and I hit all the points I want to, I'll be satisfied.

Also, I wish it was easy to say "be confident" but try to stay away from self-deprecation if you can. I've seen a comics tell unoriginal stuff, but their confidence and delivery won over the audience, so don't try to win their approval, have confidence that your stuff's funny and just do it.

Well my whole set is pretty self-depreciating but that's just my brand of humor and how I deal with life. I assume you mean confidence in my jokes, which I have. I'll check out your vids later, have to get back to writing a paper.

 

[mcrae]

OP, I actually have been doing stand-up in the California Bay Area since September, I just got back from an open mic tonight. The only advice I can give that I wish someone told me is, even if you're just doing 5 minutes, take your time. A lot of people their first time at an open mic think they're pressed for time and speak too quickly. If you speak too fast (whether you're nervous or whatever), it hurts the delivery a lot.

Also, I wish it was easy to say "be confident" but try to stay away from self-deprecation if you can. I've seen a comics tell unoriginal stuff, but their confidence and delivery won over the audience, so don't try to win their approval, have confidence that your stuff's funny and just do it.

Here's a clip of my first stand-up in the US last september (spoke too fast, was nervous), and here's some of the stuff I've done now if you're interested.

Good luck!

wtf is with people being so loud in the background? i would hate that

 

[GhaleonQ]

Huh. If you don't listen to albums/specials/podcasts and you're planning to continue trying this, change. Here are podcasts, from best to worst:

Jordan, Jesse, Go
Walking The Room
Sklarboro Country
Never Not Funny
Mike And Tom Eat Snacks
My Brother, My Brother, And Me
Fitzdog Radio
The Long Shot
Totally Laime
The Hat Decides
The Biggest Mistake
The Little Dum Dum Club
Comedy Death-Ray Radio
The Pod F. Tompkast
You Look Nice Today
The Lavender Hour
Judge John Hodgman
How Did This Get Made
Dave Hill's Podcasting Incident
W.T.F.
Pop My Culture
The Nerdist
Stop Podcasting Yourself
Who Charted
Glitter In The Garbage

Don't acknowledge crowd reaction (good or bad) unless you're great at expressing sincerity, you have a joke, or you go all in. Digressing without a plan can make the crowd too aware of themselves, slow you down, make you forget jokes, break the rhythm, and cool the audience. Oh, or it can convince them that you're not naturally funny.

Since your jokes probably aren't objectively great, arrange them as intelligently as you can. Randomly ordering jokes means you live or die on the reaction of each.

Be natural with the microphone, whatever you do with it.

Don't go too slowly or too quickly.

Good luck!

 

[G0523]

Simple Rule: Do everything OPPOSITE what these people did:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuGDJcq1VYE

Or if you don't have a couple of minutes to watch that, don't do this:

 

[Messypandas]

Be like this guy

 

[thesuperku]

Well my whole set is pretty self-depreciating but that's just my brand of humor and how I deal with life. I assume you mean confidence in my jokes, which I have. I'll check out your vids later, have to get back to writing a paper.

Whoops, I meant self-deprecating as in I've seen a lot of comics say things like "I forgot my set tonight *checks list*" or they'll say how they're not doing well tonight, etc. If you forgot your set, just check your list or hand, or wherever you wrote it and keep going. Don't announce to it the audience if you don't have a joke for it, that tends to put the audience off. If you're doing self-deprecating humor as a bit, that's great though.

 

[TheGreatMightyPoo]

If no one laughs, say "this is going better than I expected".

If no one laughs after that, get off the stage.

 

[FunkyPajamas]

OP should do the Aristocrats as the opening joke and then just be silent for the rest of the time.

 

[scorcho]

yes - use skill.

 

[mcrae]

Be like this guy

ROFL

"faster than a black man with a stolen vcr" -beginning of the end
"you can meet a girl?"
"LOOK AT MY BICEPS"

that crowd murdered that guy.

 

[out0v0rder]

i like summary man, you guys are dickfarts leave him alone.

 

[Jack Scofield]

I had a friend who aspired to be a stand-up comedian. Everytime we would hang out he would test his shitty jokes on me. Over and over again. I swear, he would tell me the same jokes dozens of times in order to get feedback or something. I heard his jokes so many times I could do his routine by memory. I hated being his guinea pig, but he never stopped.

Anyway, this loser signed up for his first amateur comedian night and invited a few people, including me. During his set, I decided to mess with him and yell out his punchlines mid-joke. He got so completely flustered he literally RAN offstage with tears in his eyes. I haven't seen or talked to him since (this was like a year ago), but that shit was hilarious. That's what he gets for constantly using me as a test subject for his bad jokes. Hahahaha.

 

[mcrae]

I had a friend who aspired to be a stand-up comedian. Everytime we would hang out he would test his shitty jokes on me. Over and over again. I swear, he would tell me the same jokes dozens of times in order to get feedback or something. I heard his jokes so many times I could do his routine by memory. I hated being his guinea pig, but he never stopped.

Anyway, this loser signed up for his first amateur comedian night and invited a few people, including me. During his set, I decided to mess with him and yell out his punchlines mid-joke. He got so completely flustered he literally RAN offstage with tears in his eyes. I haven't seen or talked to him since (this was like a year ago), but that shit was hilarious. That's what he gets for constantly using me as a test subject for his bad jokes. Hahahaha.

you're a pretty big fucking asshole

 

[Ezalc]

i like summary man, you guys are dickfarts leave him alone.

Summary: No.

 

[apocalidiot]

you're a pretty big fucking asshole

Yeah dude. I read this post first before your story and thought "ok, he probably told the guy to fuck off and he's not funny".

But then you publicly humiliated the guy and made him cry because you thought it's some sort of twisted payback. I hope your dick gets ripped off somehow in the future. Fuck you. You're a piece of shit.

 

[samus i am]

The first time I did standup went really well but here is my piece of advice:

Make sure to pause after your jokes. I was so caught up on doing a good job that as soon as I made a joke and heard laughter I launched into the next joke. Waiting a little bit longer will allow for your jokes to resonate a little more.

 

[TheSeks]

This is getting very very annoying.

Summary: I hope you get banned

Didn't Stump say not to do it two days ago, and here he is doing it.

Better hope Stump doesn't see his gimmick ass continuing to post like it.

 

[Jangaroo]

A guy in my campus' student led stand up show last year had his jokes revolving around how slutty the sororities were on campus and he even called out a few of them sitting in the audience as a joke. Nevertheless, I don't think any of them were pleased and his timing and delivery was awful no doubt made worse due to the fact that nobody in the audience was laughing. If you're going to be edgy make sure you have the voice and the timing to pull it off or else you'll end up like this guy where everyone just wanted to boo him off stage.

 

[RoboPlato]

A guy in my campus' student led stand up show last year had his jokes revolving around how slutty the sororities were on campus and he even called out a few of them sitting in the audience as a joke. Nevertheless, I don't think any of them were pleased and his timing and delivery was awful no doubt made worse due to the fact that nobody in the audience was laughing. If you're going to be edgy make sure you have the voice and the timing to pull it off or else you'll end up like this guy where everyone just wanted to boo him off stage.

None of my stuff is like that. Mostly revolves around fast food, masturbation, and dating. All pretty much self-depreciating, nothing that would actively piss anyone off. I've watched all the videos people have posted in this thread and enjoyed them, even the ones of what not to do. Downloaded a few podcasts to listen to and am basically going to spend tonight doing my set over and over until I have it down. I'm running on essentially no sleep for the past three days so I'm looking forward to being able to crash tonight and be rested up for tomorrow.

 

[Coeliacus]

Get drunk.

The chance that you'll succeed may be remote, but you won't care if you bomb, and maybe even the audience will laugh at you if not with you.
If you succeed, you can work it into your comic personality like Johnny Vegas.

Spoiler

This is actually terrible advice, I just made this post to name drop Johnny Vegas. He's so awesome.

 

[RoboPlato]

Get drunk.

The chance that you'll succeed may be remote, but you won't care if you bomb, and maybe even the audience will laugh at you if not with you.
If you succeed, you can work it into your comic personality like Johnny Vegas.

Spoiler

This is actually terrible advice, I just made this post to name drop Johnny Vegas. He's so awesome.

I actually don't drink so I wouldn't be taking that advice anyway.

 

[benita]

Good luck, OP! Stand-up comedy is one of the toughest things you can do, in my opinion. I personally wouldn't be able to do it, I'd be too afraid of ruining my jokes gimmick, choking, or dealing with hecklers!

Summary: I hope you do well!

Too late for that dude.

 

[junesongprovider]

OP, do you listen to any comedy podcasts.
WTF With Marc Maron
Nerdist Podcast.
Comedy and Everything else.
The Wolf Den.
Comedy Death Ray Radio.
To name a few. They give lots of honest advice about starting out and the industry.

Wolf Den is good, but really more about the podcasting business at this point

Huh. If you don't listen to albums/specials/podcasts and you're planning to continue trying this, change. Here are podcasts, from best to worst:

W.T.F.
Never Not Funny
Jordan, Jesse, Go
The Nerdist


...


Walking The Room
Sklarboro Country
Mike And Tom Eat Snacks
My Brother, My Brother, And Me
Fitzdog Radio
The Long Shot
Totally Laime
The Hat Decides
The Biggest Mistake
The Little Dum Dum Club
Comedy Death-Ray Radio
The Pod F. Tompkast
You Look Nice Today
The Lavender Hour
Judge John Hodgman
How Did This Get Made
Dave Hill's Podcasting Incident
Pop My Culture
Stop Podcasting Yourself
Who Charted
Glitter In The Garbage

fixed.



Of all the podcasts I've heard, Nerdist is probably the one that most explicitly deals with the comedy process. Whenever Chris has a comic he respects on the show, eventually he'll ask them how they do their writing / what their process is like. All of these are great, but they don't very often come down to explicit talk of the process. WTF is my pick for best show overall, and it's the one that best delves into what makes a comic a comic psychologically. Marc really gets into people's heads. Never Not Funny has been described by Jimmy himself as a "Banter Boot Camp", and you get a taste of a more conversational / crowdwork style approach to comedy from the master himself. Jordan Jesse Go isn't helmed by standups the way most are (you've got a sketch / improv guy and a public radio host), and it gives you a good dose of silliness.

 

[Dark Octave]

Simple Rule: Do everything OPPOSITE what these people did:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cuGDJcq1VYE

The ending got me! LOLOLOL!!!

 

[RoboPlato]

So 2.5 hours to show. Just ran through my set for a few people and they really liked it. LET'S DO THIS!

 

[HiResDes]

As a fellow comic head this words as if they were written in blood: Even if you are incredible at memorization don't ever assume that you'll be able to remember everything word for word when you get up on stage....Always have a plan b, be prepared to do a little improv, it helps to buy time while you try and remember the hook of that last bit. Don't look at your audience as if they are real people, they are all potential hecklers, so just fuck em'...If you know a bit is funny fuck em', be confident enough to not give a shit about what they're thinking. They're all trolls, so treat them like trolls, rape those bastards with your jokes.

 

[Clydefrog]

Wear makeup and dress up in women's clothing

 

[Barrett2]

Good luck. Standup is always something i think about trying.

I guess my advice would be have a lot of material prepared, and if one joke isn't working, just keep it moving onto the next.