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[whitehawk]

I sort of want to say that I too have no friends either. But then again, part of me still is confused about what a "friend" really is. There are probably some people I know online who'd insist that they count as such. And in terms of real life I certainly have met many "Acquaintances". But, well, now I suppose I'm trying to figure that out. What is a friend? And do I actually have one?

Well... A friend of mines birthday was Saturday. He turned 18, so we got him some alcohol, a red bull, a lottery ticket and some porn. We chilled, drank beer and laughed.

That's the best way I can describe a friend I guess. I guess just someone who is there for you and has fun with you. It's harder to describe what a friend is than I thought. I have a few buds that I've known since I was a toddler. We still hang out often, and well... That's about all I can say. I don't know what else to say.

 

[Snowman Prophet of Doom]

grap3fruitman, it's good to see you giving this thread another try after the harsh words that were exchanged earlier in the thread. While I cannot say that I have gotten very far from where I started (because of my shitty attitude toward myself, which I don't want to get into), I definitely think that this thread is filled with solid to excellent advice from a variety of people. I did try it a little bit, and it becomes kind of fun after you've gotten into the whole thing.

 

[grap3fruitman]

1. Stop the negative attitude. Not a negative attitude, just being completely honest.

2. Think and write a list of all the positive attributes you have. Next.

3. You do have friends. I. Do. Not. Have. Any. Friends. I don't know how I can be any clearer.

I'll assume you went to college, right? On and off for a total of two years before dropping out completely. Or some sort of education. I bet you had friends through school. Guess again.

4. Go out and meet people as someone suggested from hobbies. My hobbies are watching a handful of tv shows and video games. Not really social activities.

5. Develop a secure-self. I don't see how a list is going to help me. And for the record, I'm aware that a lot of other people have it worse off than me, but that doesn't mean I can't be unhappy with myself.

6. Life is about fixing problems. I don't even know how to respond to this one. I'm not moping, crying, asking for pity. I came in here to give this thread a shot after getting this same shitty advice from other sources and instead I get bombarded with questions that make me look like I'm moping, crying, asking for pity, etc.

tl;dr: Find your self-worth. Huh?

Answers in bold.

what about your brothers? you close with them?

Outside video games, no. Age gap doesn't help either.

 

[AFreak]

A friend is someone who will put up with your shit when you yourself won't.

I have many friends, but most are douchebags (won't answer calls, etc.) but when they hang out we have a great time, which is why I don't understand why they won't take my calls. I'm an asshole sure, but so are they and I like talking to them.

Either way, that is a friend. Someone that likes you even when you don't like yourself. It's rather simple.

 

[Combine]

Combine, are you going to GDC this year?

I sadly didn't plan ahead and couldn't get in as a volunteer (they were all filled by the time I tried to apply for a spot). And I can't afford it at the current prices right now (again, didn't plan ahead, as I didn't know if I'd even be in the area when the time came). Which sucks because it really would have been something I'd have been interested in. That just multiplies how disappointed I am because I mean, you can't get an event closer to my interests than this one. Ugh, now I'm mad.

From the answers so far, I guess except for maybe a few people online who I know, I don't believe I really have any friends in real life.

that is a friend. Someone that likes you even when you don't like yourself. It's rather simple.

Yeah, I definitely don't think I've ever had any of those in real life. Online it was easier because then they don't have to see me I suppose.

 

[clav]

Answers in bold.


Outside video games, no. Age gap doesn't help either.

Bitter bitter bitter.

I still find it hard to believe you have zero friends.

That's why I thought you had a negative attitude. You mentioned that your life is fucked and you regret xyz. You wish you could do this over again.

Yes, the list helps you because you told us that you were shy and scared of women.

Everyone's trying to help you here. Are we not your friends? No one could give a fuck and ignore your post. Is that what you wanted?

Come on now. This is a two way street. Sure, I can say some people on GAF are pretty thickheaded, but we're trying here.

 

[Trident]

I still find it hard to believe you have zero friends.

The man doesn't have any friends. I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with these comments, but they don't help. All they do is reinforce the idea that not having friends makes him a freak. It almost comes across as taunting.

"You're 500 lbs? No way you're 500 lbs. NO ONE is 500 lbs! Even the fattest dudes I knew in highschool weren't 500 lbs!"

 

[clav]

The man doesn't have any friends. I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with these comments, but they don't help. All they do is reinforce the idea that not having friends makes him a freak. It almost comes across as taunting.

"You're 500 lbs? No way you're 500 lbs. NO ONE is 500 lbs! Even the fattest dudes I knew in highschool weren't 500 lbs!"

All right all right. The reason I'm doubting is I thought that way, too, in the past, and I realize people do care about you. No one wants to see someone get hurt. Your parents don't care about you? Your brothers don't care about you?

So then like someone said: Make new friends.

Where do you live by any chance?

Because if you say if you have no friends now, then you have two decisions:

1. Make friends.
2. Sit there and cry I have no friends. I just want a girlfriend. blah blah blah. No girl is going to like that.

And again, we're trying to help. So what exactly do you want? Some of us have told you the first step. I don't see what else we could say.

Don't crawl back into your shell. Spit out what you want to say.

 

[grap3fruitman]

The man doesn't have any friends. I don't know what you're trying to accomplish with these comments, but they don't help. All they do is reinforce the idea that not having friends makes him a freak. It almost comes across as taunting.

Thank you.

1. Make friends.
2. Sit there and cry I have no friends. I just want a girlfriend. blah blah blah. No girl is going to like that.

1. That thing you haven't been able to do for 20+ years? Yeah, I'm gonna need you to do it immediately. Seriously? Hahaha.
2. Again, I'm not crying. I came in here with a very simple request "I'm not experienced, shy but I'd like to give your advice another shot and meet some girls. Halp." but instead I got a lot of people asking me all sorts of questions about unrelated items that I answered without much thought and others going "You have no friends? That's not possible, you can't not have friends. Stop it."

Chicago 'burbs for the record.

And again, we're trying to help. So what exactly do you want? Some of us have told you the first step. I don't see what else we could say.
Don't crawl back into your shell. Spit out what you want to say.

Your advice to the guy that's never been able to make friends was "Make friends." You just told the guy that lost both of his arms to wipe his own ass. And excuse me for getting defensive when you attacked me after I made a fairly simple, innocent request for advice. I didn't ask for anyone to change my life around, I said this:

Okay, I'm gonna give this thread an honest shot. Where do I start looking to meet women? I work a 9-5, don't go out, don't have friends, am very shy and don't meet women in my day-to-day. Go.

Edit: I don't know how to talk to women either, so where do I start should I actually manage to meet a girl?

 

[SnakeXs]

2. Sit there and cry I have no friends. I just want a girlfriend. blah blah blah. No girl is going to like that.

But if that was the case the movie I Love You, Man falls apart at the seams!

 

[clav]

But if that was the case the movie I Love You, Man falls apart at the seams!

:lol :lol :lol

As good as I Love You, Man is, romantic comedies are poison for your brain.

Thank you.


1. That thing you haven't been able to do for 20+ years? Yeah, I'm gonna need you to do it immediately. Seriously? Hahaha.
2. Again, I'm not crying. I came in here with a very simple request "I'm not experienced, shy but I'd like to give your advice another shot and meet some girls. Halp." but instead I got a lot of people asking me all sorts of questions about unrelated items that I answered without much thought and others going "You have no friends? That's not possible, you can't not have friends. Stop it."

Chicago 'burbs for the record.


Your advice to the guy that's never been able to make friends was "Make friends." You just told the guy that lost both of his arms to wipe his own ass. And excuse me for getting defensive when you attacked me after I made a fairly simple, innocent request for advice. I didn't ask for anyone to change my life around, I said this:

I just read your Xanga, and I'm pretty sure that is you as it doesn't seem that people have a clone of your name. You dropped out of college and seem very bitter/depressed about not getting laid. You seem to also developed a drinking problem.

For the record, here it is: http://grap3fruitman.xanga.com/

Of course we all know xanga is outdated.

You had people who posted then. Were those not your friends ever? Some of them were saddened by your decision to drop school.

Someone even made a youtube video with you in it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQP_uU4a6hQ

Are these not your friends? Playing Call of Duty 5 with you?

http://forums.sonicretro.org/index.php?showuser=2217

Is this you? March 28, 1987. You did say you're turning 23 soon.

Hey, if that's really you, I used to hang around Sonic stuff all the time.

Anyway, dude. Be social. If you are social then you will make friends in no time. Do some other activities outside of those two. Again, someone suggested meetup.com. Find people to meet based on hobbies. I know the Chicago weather can be tough and probably reflects your mood right now since the color of the sky is dull grey, and if there's sunlight, there's not enough to cheer you up.

Have you considered going back to school?

 

[PBY]

^uhhh kinda stalkerish...

whatever though, My advice is that you should go do something you like, ie a hobby- i know its cliche but you have to do it

if you don't have a hobby- come up with one; be dj, jog, join a local bball team, learn an instrument


^The above is step one, thats all you should focus on- Eventually said hobbies will hopefully put you in a situation where you can make friends

 

[clav]

^uhhh kinda stalkerish...

whatever though, My advice is that you should go do something you like, ie a hobby- i know its cliche but you have to do it

if you don't have a hobby- come up with one; be dj, jog, join a local bball team, learn an instrument


^The above is step one, thats all you should focus on- Eventually said hobbies will hopefully put you in a situation where you can make friends

GAF needs to understand his situation more.

Good advice by the way although in this wintry weather, it'll be hard for him to do outside activities. He could start learning an instrument, but I think this dude just needs more social contact.

Maybe he could learn ice skating! Have you been to the skating rink downtown? Maybe you should pick it up.

Or what about bowling? Do you know any people at work that you can take them out for a bowling night or something?

 

[Eggo]

Okay, I'm gonna give this thread an honest shot. Where do I start looking to meet women? I work a 9-5, don't go out, don't have friends, am very shy and don't meet women in my day-to-day. Go.

Edit: I don't know how to talk to women either, so where do I start should I actually manage to meet a girl?

What about making small talk with strangers in line at a coffee shop, the grocery store, a crowded restaurant? If you can start a conversation with a stranger, it makes it easier to talk to girls. Even if you don't have hobbies/friends to introduce you to people, you run into strangers all the time in line, at lunch, in the elevator, etc. You should also consider taking a different route home to break the cycle.

 

[Dina]

Maybe he has no friends because he is negative? Also, having no friends spells a certain kind of doom when developing your social skills to talk up girls. I can't rhyme having no friends with having awesome social skills. They usually go hand in hand, ergo it's easier to make friends when you have a grasp of social dynamics.

 

[Snowman Prophet of Doom]

grap3fruitman, I think the purpose behind the 'make friends' angle is to get you to shake up your routine; you yourself said that you only leave your house for work, and unless you think there is somebody that you can meet at work (a possibility fraught with its own danger), then you will need to do something to get you where you can meet people. If you simply don't think that that is possible, that's fine, but you are making your life and our lives a lot harder (but not impossible, mind).

I would say that you should maybe try online dating. It would be a good way for you to meet people without having to leave your house, and it is a very no pressure situation for somebody with little to no dating experience. Beyond that, though: try being social. I'm not saying make friends because you don't think that's possible (or desirable), but try at least talking to people and seeing if you can open doors for yourself; even if you're not friends with people, it's not that hard to get yourself out there into social situations with other people. And, as I said, shake up your routine; get yourself out of your house by trying something you've always wanted to try or taking something back up that you have not done for a while. What that is is up to you; all I know is that your current system is not working for you, and you can either be fatalistic about your situation or try to do something to change it, a step that will probably require you to do things that you don't really want to do and go out of your comfort zone.

 

[y2dvd]

Okay, I'm gonna give this thread an honest shot. Where do I start looking to meet women? I work a 9-5, don't go out, don't have friends, am very shy and don't meet women in my day-to-day. Go.

Edit: I don't know how to talk to women either, so where do I start should I actually manage to meet a girl?

So the only time you go out is to work? What's your relationship like with your coworkers? You could buddy up with them since you're interacting with them all the time anyways. I hang out with my coworker (who I find really damn cute btw) outside of work and had my social circles expanded when she introduced me to her friends. In your situation, it sounds like it's the easiest way to socially expand imo.

 

[Tenks]

This thread frustrates me so much. The likes of Combine and Grapefruit seem to just not get it. Having a girlfriend will not magically get rid of your social anxiety and depression. Having a girlfriend isn't just gumdrops and rainbow shits. Back when I was 18-20 and probably hella depressed playing WoW at least 40-60 hours a week I thought the same thing. "Man, if only I had a girlfriend I wouldn't be so depressed!" It is not true. Work on yourself then work on girls. If you're not a happy and confident person no girl will want that -- trust me. From 18-23 I had exactly two girlfriends. Both were only because I'm above-average in terms of looks. They both lasted about three months -- the given time a shallow, meaningless relationship will last from my experience. Also, make sure not to be picky. If you're inexperienced with girls you'll need a handful of relationships to crash and burn because you fucked up. Basically find any girl willing to tolerate you and fuck that relationship up until you start being picky and strive for your 'dream' girl.

tldnr; Happiness and confidence is much more important than a girlfriend.

 

[Bearthgar]

Sucky me. At the gym today, there was a very cute and fit girl working out almost right next to me while I was on the bench. I didn't know what the hell to do. She was so focused and stuff and was pretty constant in her workout, I couldn't figure out if it would even be appropriate to do anything.

I was trying to make eye contact, but I don't think that even worked. If it did I didn't notice, which just shows how crappy I am. I think she was an employee of the gym though cause I'd seen her helping someone out and also at the desk.

I spent several minutes trying to think of something to say, or if I should even say something. And well, you can guess what happened........nothing.

Yep, I still suck.

I really hate talking to anyone at the gym. I know that some people like it as a way to meet people, but I just don't like it. I work out around 7 am, so I usually roll out of bed and have crazy sleep hair, not to mention getting sweaty and exerted doesn't really make me want to talk to people.

I use getting dressed and ready as my confidence booster. Get to looking good, then go out there at night and get some.

 

[Bearthgar]

Nah, I don't really wanna meet guys. I don't get along with them. I've got issues with male relationships due to stuff I'd rather not talk about.


Correct.

You should work your way up the hotness scale. Don't try talking to a straight 10- model quality girl and expect to look suave right away. Don't expect to fall in love with the first couple of girls that you date, just start talking to some so-so looking girls and take them out to eat. It'll give you experience and they'll love the attention. If you're not satisfied with how they look, then you can slowly start making your way up the scale.

You know that hot chick with the doogan looking boyfriend? He sure doesn't offer anything you don't and I'm sure that he didn't start by dating the best looking girls in school.

I've got a girlfriend that I'm committed to, but here's my suggestion:

Go to a Barnes and Noble, go to a section that you like. While you're looking around if any girls start looking, spark up a conversation. I've found books a lot easier to talk about than games and can provide a good connection. You'll typically find a higher quality of girls at a Barnes and Noble than at a club/bar just looking to fuck.

Since you're 22, you're legal to drink so if you need to take a shot before you walk in for confidence. Don't get near hammered, but a shot or two always helps my nerves.

 

[Mr.City]

I don't see the difference between talking to men and women when people say "I don't know how to talk to women." It all starts off the same: friendly, confident, humorous. The real difference is managing, if any, the sexual tension that may arise.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

Thank you.


1. That thing you haven't been able to do for 20+ years? Yeah, I'm gonna need you to do it immediately. Seriously? Hahaha.
2. Again, I'm not crying. I came in here with a very simple request "I'm not experienced, shy but I'd like to give your advice another shot and meet some girls. Halp." but instead I got a lot of people asking me all sorts of questions about unrelated items that I answered without much thought and others going "You have no friends? That's not possible, you can't not have friends. Stop it."

Chicago 'burbs for the record.


Your advice to the guy that's never been able to make friends was "Make friends." You just told the guy that lost both of his arms to wipe his own ass. And excuse me for getting defensive when you attacked me after I made a fairly simple, innocent request for advice. I didn't ask for anyone to change my life around, I said this:

Playing the victim never gets old. You should have women swarming all over you in no time.

 

[Entropia]

Jesus fucking Christ. I went out with the girl that I mentioned last week. We went out 3 nights in a row. First night was dinner at a pub, chatting and I helped her fix her resume a bit. Second night was another dinner at a pub watching a hockey game. Third night we played Volleyball together for a team she's on. It was a good time and she seemed to be into me and I was into her. We hadn't kissed or anything like that, but I was planning to on Sunday...

I invited her to play Floor Hockey with me, so she did that. Afterward my team went out for Dim Sum. During the meal one of my teammates asked her, "Are you two dating or friends?" after a brief awkward pause she answered, "Friends". I immediately knew I made a mistake getting this involved with her. So after we finished at Dim Sum we were going somewhere to find the Canada vs. USA game at which point she decided to tell me, "I hope you don't get mad at me, but I'm actually dating someone". The someone is a guy that plays WoW and lives in Texas. Her and I live in Western Canada. She didn't think to tell me this before? Fuck.

We couldn't find a pub that had enough space to watch the game in so we ended up back at my place. We picked up some drinks on the way so we were drinking a little bit and we cuddled up together on the couch. We talked, a lot, and we agreed on a lot of the same subjects like politics, religion, etc. Made me even more upset because of the whole fact that she's taken. So when she left for the evening, I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie on Friday, and she said yes! Hell when she left I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she kissed me back.

What the bloody Hell?

I assume at this point I should probably bail... but I have a hard time to meeting girls...

 

[uraldix]

..."I hope you don't get mad at me, but I'm actually dating someone". The someone is a guy that plays WoW and lives in Texas. Her and I live in Western Canada. She didn't think to tell me this before? Fuck.

We couldn't find a pub that had enough space to watch the game in so we ended up back at my place. We picked up some drinks on the way so we were drinking a little bit and we cuddled up together on the couch. We talked, a lot, and we agreed on a lot of the same subjects like politics, religion, etc. Made me even more upset because of the whole fact that she's taken. So when she left for the evening, I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie on Friday, and she said yes! Hell when she left I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she kissed me back.

What the bloody Hell?

I assume at this point I should probably bail... but I have a hard time to meeting girls...

She isn't taken or she wouldn't be there. Something tells me that the Canada-Texas relationship won't last very long if she falls for you.

 

[ahoyhoy]

I don't see the difference between talking to men and women when people say "I don't know how to talk to women." It all starts off the same: friendly, confident, humorous. The real difference is managing, if any, the sexual tension that may arise.

This is the hardest part from my brief foray into womanizing. I have no problem with flirting, joking, touching etc. (especially if we're both drinking), but when things get quiet or I feel this mutual attraction thing going on, I kind of panic and lose my cool. I don't know if it's that I have no confidence in my romantic prowess or I'm just not sensing the right time to "make a move" so to speak.

 

[otake]

Jesus fucking Christ. I went out with the girl that I mentioned last week. We went out 3 nights in a row. First night was dinner at a pub, chatting and I helped her fix her resume a bit. Second night was another dinner at a pub watching a hockey game. Third night we played Volleyball together for a team she's on. It was a good time and she seemed to be into me and I was into her. We hadn't kissed or anything like that, but I was planning to on Sunday...

I invited her to play Floor Hockey with me, so she did that. Afterward my team went out for Dim Sum. During the meal one of my teammates asked her, "Are you two dating or friends?" after a brief awkward pause she answered, "Friends". I immediately knew I made a mistake getting this involved with her. So after we finished at Dim Sum we were going somewhere to find the Canada vs. USA game at which point she decided to tell me, "I hope you don't get mad at me, but I'm actually dating someone". The someone is a guy that plays WoW and lives in Texas. Her and I live in Western Canada. She didn't think to tell me this before? Fuck.

We couldn't find a pub that had enough space to watch the game in so we ended up back at my place. We picked up some drinks on the way so we were drinking a little bit and we cuddled up together on the couch. We talked, a lot, and we agreed on a lot of the same subjects like politics, religion, etc. Made me even more upset because of the whole fact that she's taken. So when she left for the evening, I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie on Friday, and she said yes! Hell when she left I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she kissed me back.

What the bloody Hell?

I assume at this point I should probably bail... but I have a hard time to meeting girls...

Stop giving her attention. If she calls, please her but like you dont give a fuck. see what happens.

I hate bitches like this, I would do what I suggested except even if I slept with her I still wouldn't let her know I give a shit.

 

[Mr.City]

This is the hardest part from my brief foray into womanizing. I have no problem with flirting, joking, touching etc. (especially if we're both drinking), but when things get quiet or I feel this mutual attraction thing going on, I kind of panic and lose my cool. I don't know if it's that I have no confidence in my romantic prowess or I'm just not sensing the right time to "make a move" so to speak.

Ever since I got a girlfriend, I've found that I've noticed much more girls are interested in me. Romantically or non-romantically, it's sometimes hard to tell, however I don't have much trouble making them laugh or flirting with them. Maybe it's because, being in a relationship, the bricks are out of the briefcase, so to speak. My attitude is more of "who cares?" Make a joke, don't worry if no one laughs because fuck it because at least I liked it.

 

[Scarecrow]

Alright. I'm slowly crafting an OK Cupid account. My main problem right now is trying to figure out what I'm good at. I'm not really sure how to answer that sort of question.

For the far flung future, I'm not sure how to go about this whole 'kino' thing. I tend to come off creepy if I try touching anyone.

 

[Mr.City]

It's most the context. Don't ram your face into her tits for example. Little things like holding hands, hugs, etc. You got to consider this: if the girl agrees to the date, she is also kinda of agreeing to the prospect of having sex with you. (Bladeworker and co., I'm not saying she's indebted to give him sex, she's just entertaining the idea of it happening) In that case, touching should be natural.

 

[TurboLibre]

I don't see the difference between talking to men and women when people say "I don't know how to talk to women." It all starts off the same: friendly, confident, humorous. The real difference is managing, if any, the sexual tension that may arise.

The problem is when it comes to topics and humor. Tastes are so different between the sexes you can't just talk to them like they were men. If I went up to a woman and asked if they liked any of the television shows, movies, or even music I like I'll be greeted with a blank stare. They also have a different type of humor, the stuff I would joke about with a dude would not fly.

I'm generalizing here, but it's been the case with most of my experiences.

 

[Tenks]

Jesus fucking Christ. I went out with the girl that I mentioned last week. We went out 3 nights in a row. First night was dinner at a pub, chatting and I helped her fix her resume a bit. Second night was another dinner at a pub watching a hockey game. Third night we played Volleyball together for a team she's on. It was a good time and she seemed to be into me and I was into her. We hadn't kissed or anything like that, but I was planning to on Sunday...

I invited her to play Floor Hockey with me, so she did that. Afterward my team went out for Dim Sum. During the meal one of my teammates asked her, "Are you two dating or friends?" after a brief awkward pause she answered, "Friends". I immediately knew I made a mistake getting this involved with her. So after we finished at Dim Sum we were going somewhere to find the Canada vs. USA game at which point she decided to tell me, "I hope you don't get mad at me, but I'm actually dating someone". The someone is a guy that plays WoW and lives in Texas. Her and I live in Western Canada. She didn't think to tell me this before? Fuck.

We couldn't find a pub that had enough space to watch the game in so we ended up back at my place. We picked up some drinks on the way so we were drinking a little bit and we cuddled up together on the couch. We talked, a lot, and we agreed on a lot of the same subjects like politics, religion, etc. Made me even more upset because of the whole fact that she's taken. So when she left for the evening, I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie on Friday, and she said yes! Hell when she left I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she kissed me back.

What the bloody Hell?

I assume at this point I should probably bail... but I have a hard time to meeting girls...

I knew this was on track for the failpole after you said you hung out 3 times in a row without making a move. In fact if you're just starting to get into a girl never see her three days in a row. I wouldn't even suggest 3 days a week.

 

[Beer Monkey]

You were playing floor hockey when you should have been playing tonsil hockey.

Kiss her on the mouth firmly next time and you might still have a shot. Be assertive.

 

[practice02]

Jesus fucking Christ. I went out with the girl that I mentioned last week. We went out 3 nights in a row. First night was dinner at a pub, chatting and I helped her fix her resume a bit. Second night was another dinner at a pub watching a hockey game. Third night we played Volleyball together for a team she's on. It was a good time and she seemed to be into me and I was into her. We hadn't kissed or anything like that, but I was planning to on Sunday...

I invited her to play Floor Hockey with me, so she did that. Afterward my team went out for Dim Sum. During the meal one of my teammates asked her, "Are you two dating or friends?" after a brief awkward pause she answered, "Friends". I immediately knew I made a mistake getting this involved with her. So after we finished at Dim Sum we were going somewhere to find the Canada vs. USA game at which point she decided to tell me, "I hope you don't get mad at me, but I'm actually dating someone". The someone is a guy that plays WoW and lives in Texas. Her and I live in Western Canada. She didn't think to tell me this before? Fuck.

We couldn't find a pub that had enough space to watch the game in so we ended up back at my place. We picked up some drinks on the way so we were drinking a little bit and we cuddled up together on the couch. We talked, a lot, and we agreed on a lot of the same subjects like politics, religion, etc. Made me even more upset because of the whole fact that she's taken. So when she left for the evening, I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie on Friday, and she said yes! Hell when she left I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she kissed me back.

What the bloody Hell?

I assume at this point I should probably bail... but I have a hard time to meeting girls...

Get her to play with your dink and bail that girl is crazy. Does she wear a lot of colorful bracelets or have streaks in her hair that are not real hair colors like blue or green or pink ETC...

 

[Escape Goat]

I knew this was on track for the failpole after you said you hung out 3 times in a row without making a move. In fact if you're just starting to get into a girl never see her three days in a row. I wouldn't even suggest 3 days a week.

Key is to show interest but not be clingy or desperate.

 

[Mr.City]

I know I've done it before but...why do you guys want so long kiss the girl you're dating. Physical intimacy and sexual tension make a date a date. Otherwise, you're just hanging out. Embrace the tension, flirt a little.

 

[Xun]

I'm going insane.

I seem to be getting more looks around college since I am somewhat confident now, but I still can't speak to any. Hence me going insane.

I guess I'll just start saying "hey" or something and take it from there the next time I see them.

 

[Mr.City]

The problem is when it comes to topics and humor. Tastes are so different between the sexes you can't just talk to them like they were men. If I went up to a woman and asked if they liked any of the television shows, movies, or even music I like I'll be greeted with a blank stare. They also have a different type of humor, the stuff I would joke about with a dude would not fly.

I'm generalizing here, but it's been the case with most of my experiences.

Have you tried asking what they like? I look at it this way, someone who has different interests isn't necessarily someone you can't relate to, but rather, is someone who can introduce you to new things.

 

[teddyboi]

Ever since I got a girlfriend, I've found that I've noticed much more girls are interested in me. Romantically or non-romantically, it's sometimes hard to tell, however I don't have much trouble making them laugh or flirting with them. Maybe it's because, being in a relationship, the bricks are out of the briefcase, so to speak. My attitude is more of "who cares?" Make a joke, don't fuck it anyone laugh because at least I liked it.

Flirting is 10 times easier when you're in a relationship.

 

[Mr.City]

Tell me about it. I used to be shy, but now it's enjoyable talking and flirting with women.

 

[Combine]

This thread frustrates me so much. The likes of Combine and Grapefruit seem to just not get it. Having a girlfriend will not magically get rid of your social anxiety and depression.

Actually I do acknowledge that. I know perfectly well I have severe anxiety/shyness and especially when dealing with strangers. Also major trust/paranoia issues as well (ie. if a stranger came up to me and started a conversation, I'd be wary about his/her ulterior motives and if he's some kind of scam/con). Sadly that's whats been ingrained in my psyche after my experiences in youth, since I didn't grow up the right way (not having friends, social life, etc.) for the past 25+ years.

It seems like such a hurdle after typing it out like that, I have no clue how I can even begin to overcome that, because yeah, a "girlfriend" sure as hell ain't gonna make that all go away with a magic wand (unless she's a witch). And no, I ain't going back to therapy or shrinks, I don't trust them anymore.

 

[EzLink]

Alright. I'm slowly crafting an OK Cupid account. My main problem right now is trying to figure out what I'm good at. I'm not really sure how to answer that sort of question.

For the far flung future, I'm not sure how to go about this whole 'kino' thing. I tend to come off creepy if I try touching anyone.

I set up an okc account several days ago, and so far it has been nothing but an exercise in frusteration. Out of the seven or eight cool girls in my area that I've contaced, I've only gotten a response back from one (and it was a negative one too). And I know they read the messages because all the chicks I've tried to contact have looked at my profile, they just aren't messaging me back. Makes me think there is something wrong on my end It's really not helping my self esteem at all and I know I'm reading too much into it, so I might just delete it soon

 

[Mr.City]

I think you need to let go of the past, Combine. I know, I know, easier said then done and what do I know, I haven't gone through what you haven't gone through ,right? Listen, whatever it is, your past is holding you back. If you want to progress, you got to overcome it.

 

[Snowman Prophet of Doom]

Actually I do acknowledge that. I know perfectly well I have severe anxiety/shyness and especially when dealing with strangers. Also major trust/paranoia issues as well (ie. if a stranger came up to me and started a conversation, I'd be wary about his/her ulterior motives and if he's some kind of scam/con). Sadly that's whats been ingrained in my psyche after my experiences in youth, since I didn't grow up the right way (not having friends, social life, etc.) for the past 25+ years.

It seems like such a hurdle after typing it out like that, I have no clue how I can even begin to overcome that, because yeah, a "girlfriend" sure as hell ain't gonna make that all go away with a magic wand (unless she's a witch). And no, I ain't going back to therapy or shrinks, I don't trust them anymore.

Honestly, man, I think a big change is coming in you. You talk very poorly of yourself and have some unwieldy personal baggage, but with everything that you have said and done in this thread, I think you are coming to a point where you are going to make peace with yourself sooner than you think. Be diligent, and try to catch yourself in those moments when you try to shrink back from experiences.

Also, I think you might benefit from studying Alexander Technique; it's not like therapy or anything that you said you want to avoid and is a great way of learning how to deal with harmful habits. Search for it on Google and see if it interests you.

 

[Tenks]

Actually I do acknowledge that. I know perfectly well I have severe anxiety/shyness and especially when dealing with strangers. Also major trust/paranoia issues as well (ie. if a stranger came up to me and started a conversation, I'd be wary about his/her ulterior motives and if he's some kind of scam/con). Sadly that's whats been ingrained in my psyche after my experiences in youth, since I didn't grow up the right way (not having friends, social life, etc.) for the past 25+ years.

It seems like such a hurdle after typing it out like that, I have no clue how I can even begin to overcome that, because yeah, a "girlfriend" sure as hell ain't gonna make that all go away with a magic wand (unless she's a witch). And no, I ain't going back to therapy or shrinks, I don't trust them anymore.

Which is why grapefruit is much more frustrating than you are to deal with. At least you acknowledge your faults and are on a track to correct them. Grapefruit thinks that his faults are permanent and has no desire to change them. If you find talking with girls to be the holy grail you're striving for then start smaller and more relaxed. Talk to guys. Talk with other human beings. Grape says he has no desire to talk with other males yet here is is on NeoGAF where it's 98.34% male. Talking with other humans simply makes you a better conversationalist and eases that anxiety. You don't have to goto a class where only chicks are there, it can be intimidating. Take maybe a Jiu-Jitsu class, a Thai Boxing class or a similar "manly" activity where the ratio is more dudes to chicks. It'll put you more at ease because you don't want to get in the dude's pants. You just want to have a conversation. Once sexual tension enters an equation things start getting more complicated. You worry if she's reciprocating. You worry if you're going too fast, too slow. You worry if she's having a good time. Hone your conversational skills talking with those you aren't sexually attracted to and talking with humans in general becomes easier.

 

[practice02]

Actually I do acknowledge that. I know perfectly well I have severe anxiety/shyness and especially when dealing with strangers. Also major trust/paranoia issues as well (ie. if a stranger came up to me and started a conversation, I'd be wary about his/her ulterior motives and if he's some kind of scam/con). Sadly that's whats been ingrained in my psyche after my experiences in youth, since I didn't grow up the right way (not having friends, social life, etc.) for the past 25+ years.

It seems like such a hurdle after typing it out like that, I have no clue how I can even begin to overcome that, because yeah, a "girlfriend" sure as hell ain't gonna make that all go away with a magic wand (unless she's a witch). And no, I ain't going back to therapy or shrinks, I don't trust them anymore.

Witches/Dating Age: Where to begin?

 

[hiryu]

Jesus fucking Christ. I went out with the girl that I mentioned last week. We went out 3 nights in a row. First night was dinner at a pub, chatting and I helped her fix her resume a bit. Second night was another dinner at a pub watching a hockey game. Third night we played Volleyball together for a team she's on. It was a good time and she seemed to be into me and I was into her. We hadn't kissed or anything like that, but I was planning to on Sunday...

I invited her to play Floor Hockey with me, so she did that. Afterward my team went out for Dim Sum. During the meal one of my teammates asked her, "Are you two dating or friends?" after a brief awkward pause she answered, "Friends". I immediately knew I made a mistake getting this involved with her. So after we finished at Dim Sum we were going somewhere to find the Canada vs. USA game at which point she decided to tell me, "I hope you don't get mad at me, but I'm actually dating someone". The someone is a guy that plays WoW and lives in Texas. Her and I live in Western Canada. She didn't think to tell me this before? Fuck.

We couldn't find a pub that had enough space to watch the game in so we ended up back at my place. We picked up some drinks on the way so we were drinking a little bit and we cuddled up together on the couch. We talked, a lot, and we agreed on a lot of the same subjects like politics, religion, etc. Made me even more upset because of the whole fact that she's taken. So when she left for the evening, I asked her if she wanted to go see a movie on Friday, and she said yes! Hell when she left I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she kissed me back.

What the bloody Hell?

I assume at this point I should probably bail... but I have a hard time to meeting girls...

If you like her next time go for the lips instead of the cheek. A cross-continent WoW based relationship isn't going to last. You should not feel bad about moving in on this. As long as you are having fun I say go for it.

 

[TurboLibre]

Have you tried asking what they like? I look at it this way, someone who has different interests isn't necessarily someone you can't relate to, but rather, is someone who can introduce you to new things.

Of course. Again, I'm going to generalize here but they constantly seem to only enjoy popular things. They only listen to the the played out radio singles, watch the Hills and other "reality" MTV, and if they watch movies it's romantic comedies. Most of my conversations have women hitting every cliche in the book. Maybe it's a front because if they like stuff that's popular they think there's a high chance I'll like it too, but all that comes across to me is someone who is so void of individuality they let others dictate what they should like. I don't have anything against mainstream culture either, but damn is it frustrating if that's the only facet of their personality.

 

[Mr.City]

Surely they must have interesting hobbies, careers, or even dreams for the future. If not, it's time to find a more interesting crowd. Although, I kinda get the same thing at this college.

 

[teddyboi]

A cross-continent WoW based relationship isn't going to last.

:lol

 

[practice02]

Of course. Again, I'm going to generalize here but they constantly seem to only enjoy popular things. They only listen to the the played out radio singles, watch the Hills and other "reality" MTV, and if they watch movies it's romantic comedies. Most of my conversations have women hitting every cliche in the book. Maybe it's a front because if they like stuff that's popular they think there's a high chance I'll like it too, but all that comes across to me is someone who is so void of individuality they let others dictate what they should like. I don't have anything against mainstream culture either, but damn is it frustrating if that's the only facet of their personality.

What are your interest and where do people with your interests go to interact socially?