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[BossLackey]

Between work, social obligations, family stuff, cooking, cleaning, feeling the need to improve my career, etc. I just feel like I haven't had a break from my own mind in years.

To make matters worse, due to the type of work I do, it's incredibly hard to take time off. Oh they'll approve it with a smile, but I have to work my ass off up to the second I leave, worry about work while I'm gone, then work my ass off for weeks when I get back to catch up.

I wish I could just walk into the wilderness and leave this life behind sometimes. Not in a suicidal way. I just have this incessant feeling like modern life is incompatible with how we were built. We're so far removed from the world we developed in and I know that's the root cause.

I feel like I'm running as hard as I can and going nowhere. I want out of this rat race. I know I'm not alone.

 

[Trunx81]

Welcome to adulthood. It gets worse from here. Try to handle an autistic daughter and a wife who’s fighting her alcoholism right now, trying to get sober and we talk again ..

 

[violence]

Maybe all the middle aged loners who only spend their money on themselves are actually living the life.

 

[BlackTron]

Maybe all the middle aged loners who only spend their money on themselves are actually living the life.

Can I interest you in some shakshouka?

 

[22:22:22]

I have a lady friend who's in her early 40's. Started going to school and internship with autistic, epilepsy and other a neurotypical people while being a single mom with a 14 year old son who's deep in the spectrum. Not potty trained (nr2) and doesn't verbally act. Reaching puberty now. Self inflicting damage. Breaking windows etc. IE puberty.


I try to help but damn.


Oh she has a girl as well

Very gifted.

Sorry man.

Just felt like sharing ♡♡

 

[Days like these...]

I feel underwhelmed everything is just whatever. Maybe it's just me disassociating.

 

[AlteredForms]

Maybe all the middle aged loners who only spend their money on themselves are actually living the life.

And this is why I was calling out people who gave that single woman so much shit in the other thread. How's that family life and work combination looking now when your time is eaten up by gluttons? Get all this shit out of your system before you put down deep commitments, that's the truth to me.

 

[bitbydeath]

Holidays aren’t the answer, sure they work but they are temporary bandaid solutions. You need to come up with something better.

Do you remember defrags on computers?
They are great examples of how our brains work.

All those white gaps accumulate over time and are wasted space in your brain, without it streamlined means you’re working harder than you should to get simple everyday tasks done.

You need to defrag your brain.

1. Write things down - Literally take it out of your head and put it down on paper. Do this for items you need to action in future, you don’t need this taking up space in your brain.

2. Walk - Go for walks, enjoy the outdoors, take in your surroundings, don’t stare at your phone the entire time. You may even come up with new ideas or solutions to problems because your brain gets a moment to relax.

3. Meditate - If you need to find more quiet time, just close your eyes, breathe and try feel your surroundings. You could even picture your brain defragging. Become zen.

Find ways to defrag.

 

[Slayer-33]

Are you in the IT field OP? I know that feeling, I was working like that at one point for about 2 years and change. I left that line of work because it felt just as you described. F that nonsense.

It's like you had to take work home with you because no one else was going to settle your work but you, specially dealing with the user accounts end of it, you had no choice but help people from home remotely any given day, things just kept piling up, everything had a tail to be stepped on, dealing with the hardware, the people and all the inventory tracking and supplies was just way too much for the salary that I was receiving.

I went back full time to my old job that I had kept a part time with. Am having a much much more enjoyable "work" life balance now while just making slightly less than the IT job and definitely work way less hours than my previous salaried position..

 

[ThisIsMyDog]

Welcome to adulthood. It gets worse from here. Try to handle an autistic daughter and a wife who’s fighting her alcoholism right now, trying to get sober and we talk again ..

"i feel overwhelmed"

"oh i have it worse shut up"

 

[Skyfox]

Same man. I'm exhausted from killing myself running my team all year (and being a parent). I bend over backwards for absolutely everyone and I get no praise whatsoever. I give praise all the time but today I got criticised publicly for my boss's and another team's mistakes.

No recognition for our team's 500% productivity increase. It's not even part of my role but my boss has contributed literally nothing in years. If I hadn't stepped up the whole thing would have collapsed years ago.

All productive senior staff left over the course of two decades and now I'm the only one left who even knows what we do.

My boss's boss pressured me to resolve an issue that has nothing to do with our team. We get all the blame but none of the praise and all we do is kill ourselves while everyone around us flaps around in incompetence. Even my boss's boss is part of the pool of ignorance and authority abuse.

They have no idea what's going on and only react when a complaint (that has nothing to do with us and everything to do with the complainer's own incompetence) lands.

Now I get to stress for the whole fucking weekend. It's so unfair. We have worked our asses off and really deserve a pat on the back for our considerable achievements.

Instead, egg thrown at us.

 

[BlackTron]

And this is why I was calling out people who gave that single woman so much shit in the other thread. How's that family life and work combination looking now when your time is eaten up by gluttons? Get all this shit out of your system before you put down deep commitments, that's the truth to me.

I think it's just lame that there are two poles, complete pathetic loneliness and epic rat race you can't back out of forever. Society appears to have pushed these poles further apart, and if you make something work anywhere in the middle, you're the cunning strategist.

No matter how much "getting it out of your system" you have behind you, that doesn't solve the task ahead.

 

[Trunx81]

"i feel overwhelmed"

"oh i have it worse shut up"

Sorry. Just having a bad day ..

 

[TaylorSwiftFan]

I think OP and I are going through similar things though I don’t have kids. I want out of the rat race too.

 

[Walter Matthau]

Your work will grind you into dust if you let it.

 

[Thaedolus]

All I can say is what I've tried to tell myself and employees who've told me the same thing:

-If something needs to be dealt with right now, deal with it now
-If it doesn't need to be dealt with right now, put it on a list and stop worrying about it
-Continually prioritize things this way
-Keep your eye on what you need to do right then and now, don't worry about the mountain of tasks once you've categorized what's important and what can wait
-Cut yourself some slack
-Jerk off

If you're still completely overwhelmed dealing with the immediate concerns, you may need to ask people for help. I always find that very hard to do, but then I realize...I never have a problem jumping up when a friend needs help, so I need to stop feeling bad asking someone too.

Trunx81 if you don't have family/friends to support, find a local support group. Take care of yourself man.

 

[AJUMP23]

Slow down don’t worry find a new job. If you are valuable as an employee they will pay you. Everyone is replaceable so you don’t have to think you are the only one. When you leave work, leave the work.

 

[Dice]

Maybe all the middle aged loners who only spend their money on themselves are actually living the life.

Working for me.

I helped my family through crisis after crisis till I was 33. I also did a lot of volunteer work, community stuff, church stuff from teens to mid 30s. There are only two people who have proven to be real lifelong friends through that. Everyone else only cared about whatever benefit they could persistently get out of me and I was forgotten the second it wasn't needed or I couldn't provide like before. Romance is no different these days, our whole culture around it being insanely toxic, but I don't want to mess with crossing culture/nation to get with someone as it has plenty of issues as well.

So I decided I'm actually going to let the fruit of my work come back to me for once, let my time be spent however I want, take care of myself better than I ever have, carry obligation to no one except my workplace, make sure it is a workplace that doesn't try to presume itself to more of my time than we agreed, be social in moderation but don't get too close to let my identity get wrapped in a particular group belonging. And you know what? I'm happier, healthier, and more well liked than I have ever been. When I do spend time with people who are enjoying time with me, I have confidence that it is simply that because they aren't getting shit from me but my company.

Take yourself away and people will figure out how to get on without you. If someone was depending on you for stuff they may feel slighted but you'll find new people who aren't like that. Fact is, those people would probably rotate into a new set of needs you can't help and leave your life anyway. When you don't let yourself be obligated to someone, they don't view you in relation to obligations, so they are better at appreciating you without first measuring if they are getting from you what they feel entitled about. It lowers the bar to something less possessive and more respectful and you both like each other better for it. You don't have to become an introvert to do it, just take steps back until you are connected instead of entangled.

 

[DeafTourette]

I have a lady friend who's in her early 40's. Started going to school and internship with autistic, epilepsy and other a neurotypical people while being a single mom with a 14 year old son who's deep in the spectrum. Not potty trained (nr2) and doesn't verbally act. Reaching puberty now. Self inflicting damage. Breaking windows etc. IE puberty.


I try to help but damn.


Oh she has a girl as well

Very gifted.

Sorry man.

Just felt like sharing ♡♡

The word is neurodivergent... Neurotypical means you're like the norm.

That said, your friend is amazing!

 

[Vyse]

Holidays aren’t the answer, sure they work but they are temporary bandaid solutions. You need to come up with something better.

Do you remember defrags on computers?
They are great examples of how our brains work.

All those white gaps accumulate over time and are wasted space in your brain, without it streamlined means you’re working harder than you should to get simple everyday tasks done.

You need to defrag your brain.

1. Write things down - Literally take it out of your head and put it down on paper. Do this for items you need to action in future, you don’t need this taking up space in your brain.

2. Walk - Go for walks, enjoy the outdoors, take in your surroundings, don’t stare at your phone the entire time. You may even come up with new ideas or solutions to problems because your brain gets a moment to relax.

3. Meditate - If you need to find more quiet time, just close your eyes, breathe and try feel your surroundings. You could even picture your brain defragging. Become zen.

Find ways to defrag.

Really like how you framed this. Thank you.

 

[Redneckerz]

Between work, social obligations, family stuff, cooking, cleaning, feeling the need to improve my career, etc. I just feel like I haven't had a break from my own mind in years.

To make matters worse, due to the type of work I do, it's incredibly hard to take time off. Oh they'll approve it with a smile, but I have to work my ass off up to the second I leave, worry about work while I'm gone, then work my ass off for weeks when I get back to catch up.

Then that's not the right job for you, or you have crap time management
Its about efficiency not about the amount of work. I can do my work lean whilst my co-workers just get frustrated. My method is justified working because i was the only person getting a pay raise on top of the hospital-wide raises.

This is not tooting my own horn, but it helps telling yourself that certain processes won't change, that certain shit behavior worth firing people for is just accepted behavior, and generally, giving less of a shit on the less important matters co-workers say to you.

I wish I could just walk into the wilderness and leave this life behind sometimes. Not in a suicidal way. I just have this incessant feeling like modern life is incompatible with how we were built. We're so far removed from the world we developed in and I know that's the root cause.

I feel like I'm running as hard as I can and going nowhere. I want out of this rat race. I know I'm not alone.

My way of dealing with it is that on holiday i go visit nature, be away from it all. It helps enough so i can cope with work pressure the next 3-4 months after.

Sorry. Just having a bad day ..

Good thing you are posting on GAF then.

 

[BossLackey]

Then that's not the right job for you, or you have crap time management
Its about efficiency not about the amount of work. I can do my work lean whilst my co-workers just get frustrated. My method is justified working because i was the only person getting a pay raise on top of the hospital-wide raises.

I'm the only person in the company that does what I do and my work is also incredibly time sensitive. It's not that simple and has nothing to do with what people say to me. I have a lot on my shoulders.

 

[Hudo]

2. Walk - Go for walks, enjoy the outdoors, take in your surroundings, don’t stare at your phone the entire time. You may even come up with new ideas or solutions to problems because your brain gets a moment to relax.

Can't stress this enough. I tend to usually go when it's late out but walking is really underrated. It can help you think, it can help you to calm you down. It can even be like meditation in a sense, where you just fucking walk.

 

[Sleepwalker]

I'm the only person in the company that does what I do and my work is also incredibly time sensitive. It's not that simple and has nothing to do with what people say to me. I have a lot on my shoulders.

Have you talked to your company about needing help with the load? Maybe theyll be a little understanding lol who am I kidding they don't care.

Start job hunting and find one with better pay/hours/benefits whatever you need. Gotta get the best deal you can for yourself. I saw my dad get demolished by his work, now he's sick in his early 60s and can't work, they didn't even offer him a goodbye letter at work.

 

[ProudClod]

This is a symptom of being disorganized.

And being disorganized is a symptom of not having a clear vision for your life and a plan of how you'll get there.

Let me flip that around to make it easier to understand.

If you know precisely what your goals in life are and if you have a plan to get you there, all of the sudden:

• You know what activities are important to your goals, and you will do more of them
• You will know what activities are not important to your goals, and you will do less of them
• You will get comfortable with saying "no" to things that don't fit your vision
• You will eliminate most of the incessant worrying / ad-hoc decision-making

If this resonated at all, I highly suggest reading a book called The 12 Week Year. It's not the only worthwhile framework out there, but it is a very simple, easy to implement method for taking control of your life and being more deliberate about what you pay attention to and spend your time on. I guarantee that if you implement this, the feeling of overwhelm will subside substantially.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

Welcome to adulthood. It gets worse from here. Try to handle an autistic daughter and a wife who’s fighting her alcoholism right now, trying to get sober and we talk again ..

 

[Kenneth Haight]

Good luck OP. It doesn’t get any easier as you get older. Focus on healthy habits and plan and organise your time and you will be ok.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

For me, only thing that bugs me in life is boredom as it's just me at home. Friends and fam and coworkers are all cool and everything, but they are busy with family stuff. At my age, there's only a small number of single people I know with no kids. Of course were all free to do anything, but the rest arent.

WFH was fine but I'm a people person. So I go to the office 3 days a week when in reality I can go only 1-2 times. I just want to get out of the house, talk to people, drive on a sunny day and just do shit like eating out or grocery shopping and seeing other people in the city. There's only so much sitting at home I can do, even though I enjoy surfing, gaming and watching reruns. But it gets to a point even I got to get out. Sometimes I'll walk or drive to do some shopping at 9 or 10 pm before stores close just for the sake of getting out of the house.

For any of you youngsters, one thing that will solve a lot of issues in life is put in some effort and get a good job you like that pays well. You dont have to be edgelord trying to beat Elon Musk or a wall Street banker in career and money. Just strive for something that you like and can make decent money in life.

A solid career and bank account works wonders assuming you dont blow it. Anything to do with mortgages, car payments, going out to eat etc..... you dont really give a shit if prices go up or interest rates jump 3%. Your financial status is at a point you can absorb any punch and not really care. You dont have to be a multi millionaire making $500,000 salary to get to that level of comfort.

 

[EverydayBeast]

 

[TTOOLL]

When was the last time you did something that was not some kind of obligation? Think about this and start having those moments. Find the time and do things just because you wanted to do them.

 

[The Infectious Paradox]

It really is true that everyone has their own problems. I'm one of those middle aged loners, but my challenge is meeting someone. It's really hard these days in dating and no one feels genuine. So I spend my time trying to be happy on my own. I think a lot of it has to do with where I am, but that doesn't make it easier.

BUT, then I see stuff like yours and I see how good I have it in many ways. One commenter said, "Work will grind you into the dust," and that's so true. Places that don't care about your wellbeing are machines and they don't care about you. I know changing jobs isn't easy, but you're not obligated to them. Your mental health is not the price to pay for an income.

I hope you have some easier days soon.

 

[Boaty McBoatface]

This is my life with ADHD (diagnosed in adulthood). Makes 'adulting' hard

 

[Redneckerz]

I'm the only person in the company that does what I do and my work is also incredibly time sensitive.

That means your job is disorganized and you need someone to pass the torch to. You shouldn't accept sole responsbility.

It's not that simple and has nothing to do with what people say to me. I have a lot on my shoulders.

So do i. But that doesn't mean i put myself in a position where everything relies on me.

 

[SidViscous]

I feel like I'm running as hard as I can and going nowhere. I want out of this rat race. I know I'm not alone.

I think I can relate, I look at society, what we've built, all the amazing gadgets and inventions we have, flying machines that can take us to see parts of the world our not so distant ancestors could only imagine, and sometimes wonder if it's actually worth the cost. Working 9 hard hours, 5 hard days a week, until you die. Leaving you so tired on the weekends that you are too exhausted to even enjoy all stuff you buy yourself to cheer yourself up from the monotony of the other days.

Can't wait to finish work today so I can play game, finish work, too fucking tired to play game.

Then I see my cat, who sits around just staring at a wall in apparent zen bliss 80% of the time, eating 10% and getting cuddled and told how beautiful he is the final 10%. We need to reject society and return to being monkeys or something.

 

[Hot5pur]

Ya'll should read the myth of normal by Gabor Mate and start your healing journey.

 

[Cyberpunkd]

You dont have to be a multi millionaire making $500,000 salary to get to that level of comfort.

Ah, the joys of being single. Get kids, then report back, k?

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Ah, the joys of being single. Get kids, then report back, k?

The vast majority of people in the world arent millionaires and dont make giant salaries. And this even goes for cities with high costs of living. A lot of people live fine.

It also comes down to how much stuff people want and their spending habits. If people are blowing their load trying to copy people who have more thats a recipe for disaster.

As for kids, if someone cant afford kids they probably shouldnt have any. If a parent(s) can barely keep afloat with no kids, having kids and struggling even more is going to be a tough grind.

 

[Platinumstorm]

Between work, social obligations, family stuff, cooking, cleaning, feeling the need to improve my career, etc. I just feel like I haven't had a break from my own mind in years.

To make matters worse, due to the type of work I do, it's incredibly hard to take time off. Oh they'll approve it with a smile, but I have to work my ass off up to the second I leave, worry about work while I'm gone, then work my ass off for weeks when I get back to catch up.

I wish I could just walk into the wilderness and leave this life behind sometimes. Not in a suicidal way. I just have this incessant feeling like modern life is incompatible with how we were built. We're so far removed from the world we developed in and I know that's the root cause.

I feel like I'm running as hard as I can and going nowhere. I want out of this rat race. I know I'm not alone.

I am a family medicine PCP:

Imo this is largely the reason for the mental health crisis in the US.
In today's world we have dual family incomes, this means responsibilities at home aren't being taken care of by one of two significant others. Maybe on Monday and Tuesday the dad picks up their kid from school, the mom picks up the kid from school on W-F and then they're trading off home responsibilities but they're not getting time to unwind. A dad has a really good job, but now he and his husband did IVF; now dad 2 is having to pick up a second job because they're falling behind. Their cooking, cleaning, isn't getting done, they're not getting to spend as much time together, and then they're working when they both get home. I'm happily single, but my coming home time is marked by these expectations: exercise, cook, clean, shop, recreate, sleep [note the government considers exercise recreation]. If I need to cook, exercise and recreation probably gets dropped, but I try to clean; usually one or two of those are getting dropped daily. While I'm a single income single person household; I still fill the role of two significant others, otherwise nothing gets done [this isn't unique, but is a comparison point].

I tell my patients that we are meant to lounge in a lean-to, see a pack of buffalo and go chase them for a day. Gather meat, bring it back and then be insanely lazy until we run out of meat or need to prepare for winter.

We also crave some degree of socialization that's more than just this [being online]. This is something older generations did better, and it's because they had one income households so they weren't as pressed for time when they get home for functions of basic living that we aren't even meeting well. I know tons of senior citizens in my community, but very few people under 40; part of this is because it's an expensive community, but because the people under 40 aren't great at meeting their neighbors or socialization in general. We've been taught it's ick, dangerous, it's pretty damned draining and we know what it takes away from us [time], and we've been conditioned to be on guard at all times no matter the gender because we've learned that "every person is dangerous". Ironically, I am forced into socializing; sometimes with people I want to, and sometimes with people I don't want to; and it's so much that it's the last thing I want to do when I get home.

We also don't get enough vacation time. n 1979, the U.S. worked about the same amount on average as other rich countries - Canada, Australia, France. It's just, after 1979, all of those rich countries started sharply cutting their work hours, but not the U.S. If you do the math, Daniel says, people in Europe work about an hour and a half less every day.


These other countries pushed for vacation time through their government, but the US ended up pushing for vacation time through unions who may have held that off of the table to make sure they had a use [making assumptions about OP being in the US].

If I worked an hour and a half less every day - all of those aspects of my life would be satisfied. When I get to go home at 3-330; I feel I have a happy and balanced life when I get home around 4. Even if I go home at 5, I really don't get home until close to 6; and that's when I start trading parts of my humanity away.

 

[Aces High]

In 1900 human knowledge doubled approximately every 100 years. By the end of 1945, the rate was every 25 years. Today, with the internet and the dawn of artificial intelligence, human knowledge doubles every 12 hours.

My 60 yo co-worker who is a true master in his field and probably top 5% worldwide for his job says that today he achieves in one day what he did in one month when he was my age.

When my boss bought me all the different A.I. tools I thought they will help me reduce stress. But the A.I. boosted my productivity in such an incredible way that I can barely keep up anymore. I can now do in 5 minutes what took me one week. That's very stressful in an unexpected way.

More and more of my co-workers are reducing their hours from 40 h to 30 h or even 20 h per week because they can't keep the pace of modern work.

It's a dire development.

 

[NotMyProblemAnymoreCunt]

Maybe all the middle aged loners who only spend their money on themselves are actually living the life.

That's how it's always been for me and truthfully I enjoy the lifestyle

 

[NotMyProblemAnymoreCunt]

Can I interest you in some shakshouka?

Looked that up

Looks delicious

 

[Aces High]

Looked that up

Looks delicious

It is. I always used it as "sauce" for my signature avocado bacon sandwich. That's next level delicious.

 

[LiquidMetal14]

Can I ask what your age is and where you live? I mean region. I have some context but can't say as much.

I'm the mean time, you're not alone in the level of responsibility.

As an aside, if you have discord, I'm down for a chat. PM me as I need more adult friends as I'm strictly a family man (and my bark is much worse than my bite!)

 

[sono]

Important to find time for yourself.

 

[Scotty W]

You need to find time for yourself to smoke weed, watch porn and binge on videogames Netflix and chill. If those three are not at the top of your agenda, you are doomed to failure.

 

[StreetsofBeige]

For me, my fam and my friends and peers, I dont live or are involved in circles of people who are broke or druggies and such. But for the people I know the key issue is being stressed out, no time for this or that etc.... it always seems to come down to kids. And to me most of that is seems due to their own parenting. When I was a kid, most of us just got home, hung out after school or watched TV. I had my own key on a string around my neck in elementary school. Ya, some kids had organized hockey or piano lessons that popped up after school or on weekends but for the most part most kids didn't have that much to do. Watch TV, play video games or play street hockey with friends. Or bike to the store and buy junk food or when youre a bit older rent a VHS movie. And parents were ok with this.

Something happened because it seems all my friends and fam have their kids are doing all kind of activities, lessons, after school this or that etc... I dont know if the kids truly like it or the parents just cramming it down their throats. Then they complain they are so crunched doing pick up and drop offs and dinner times are messed up etc...

Well, if all this kids stuff is such a pain in the ass then cut down on it and just chill out at home like a family. Eat dinner together and play a board game after dinner.

And this doesn't even include the financial costs where some complain its so expensive to put their kids in programs and such. Well, if it's that wallet busting stop doing it too.

 

[Trilobit]

Look up digital detox. Go to the forest and start a fire with the family on Saturdays or Sundays. You may feel that you can't stop the train you're on, but it seems you have the first signs of burnout and if that happens it'll FORCE you to nothing for over a year or longer. So it's better to choose now to start living a calmer life.