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Most embarrassing place you've ever farted?
- Thread starter ScOULaris
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Hey, watch it. This isn't a "Places I DIDN'T fart" thread. There'll be no derailment 'round here.
Let's get back on track.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jP3W8rqnZI8&NR=1
Let's get back on track.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jP3W8rqnZI8&NR=1
This was a related video to one linked in this thread. From 26secs onwards is insanity.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g48ekHoqTg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g48ekHoqTg
RoadHazard
Gold Member
I love you, GAF. This is the best thread of 2011 so far, made me laugh out loud several times.
Unfortunately, I can't really think of anything of my own worthy of the thread.
Unfortunately, I can't really think of anything of my own worthy of the thread.
Huevos de Oro
Member
We demand a video. And so we know it's really you, write "Hi GAF!" on your left ass cheek.ScOULaris said:
One story that comes readily to mind is back in school, with a rather bad tummy, sat in class just chatting with my friends. I had been battling with my stomach all day, doing strafing runs and carpet bombing (Like crop dusting, but so foul that it's an actual act of war) to dissipate what issued from my guts. However I was blocked in by an unlucky friend and a wall, and unable to escape. So, raising my bum off the seat slightly to lessen the sonic boom seat-ricochet, I tried to fire it off in short, controlled bursts.
My arse wasn't having any of it.
As soon as my cheeks left the seat, it came tearing out of me. It sounded like a Harley Davidson chopper plowing through a crowd of asthmatic donkeys. it was unnaturally warm too, so i thought the air biscuit had propelled me into Shartsville. Luckily, my bum was dry, however the stench rising from my trousers was something to contend with. It wasn't actually bad as such, it was just odd. i can't really describe it to this day. The best I can do is say that it was like licking a battery with your nose.
For the rest of the day, I was avoided like a hermit with halatosis by friends and enemies alike. I don't blame them.
My arse wasn't having any of it.
As soon as my cheeks left the seat, it came tearing out of me. It sounded like a Harley Davidson chopper plowing through a crowd of asthmatic donkeys. it was unnaturally warm too, so i thought the air biscuit had propelled me into Shartsville. Luckily, my bum was dry, however the stench rising from my trousers was something to contend with. It wasn't actually bad as such, it was just odd. i can't really describe it to this day. The best I can do is say that it was like licking a battery with your nose.
For the rest of the day, I was avoided like a hermit with halatosis by friends and enemies alike. I don't blame them.
_Alkaline_
Member
Dellrizla said:
citizenkaneclap.gif
Scuba Steve
Member
Gym class, 6th grade
We were doing situps and we each had a partner to hold our feet down
I farted on him
We were doing situps and we each had a partner to hold our feet down
I farted on him
_Alkaline_
Member
Scuba Steve said:
Some guy in this thread did the exact same thing, except instead of a male partern it was a hot female he had a crush on. :lol
Huevos de Oro
Member
:lol This is so very true.Danoss said:
And one of the comments on YouTube: "love is in the air".
:lol I am going to cherry pick my favorite quotes of this thread in a Memories post that I will cherish and hold close to my very heart.Dellrizla said:
It should come as no surprise to those of you following this thread that I regard farting as a performance art. In the right hands (or between the right cheeks) a simple fart can be manipulated and transformed into something much greater than itself. I've tried to convince my friends of this over the years, but only a few of them have truly heard my message.
I've worked real farts into conversations about farts, sectioned farts into tenths, done fart dances... etc. You name it, I've farted it.
But I digress. Here are some more fart stories. These ones aren't embarrassing, but rather just plain awesome.
Story #1
On the same trip to Michigan in which I deployed the previously mentioned "glass jar trick," I used my brother as a human canvas for my fart masterpieces. After having tagged him with one giant ass blast after another throughout the trip, he had thought he'd seen it all from me. My toxic shit cloud had essentially been hovering over him every day for a week at our grandparent's house.
But it wasn't until our last day in Michigan that I was able to enact my most masterful anal evacuation yet. My brother came down into the basement to see what I was doing, but I was already laying in wait behind the door. When he turned the corner and saw the look in my eye, he knew what I had in store for him. My gut was locked and loaded, and I was ready to unleash hell. As fast as he could, he attempted to slam the door in my face and sprint up the stairway to relative safety. Being that I am much older than my little brother, I caught up to him with relative ease. I dove at him, ass-first (think Powdered Toast Man) and pinned his head sideways to the carpeted step halfway up the staircase.
While his face was sandwiched between the step and my quivering buttcheeks, that's when I did it. I let loose the most forceful, gushy-wet, and all around putrid fart right into his goddamn face. He thought that I had sharted on him, and I was open to the possibility as well. This fart sounded like a sputtering attack chopper crash landing into a giant tub of chocolate pudding.
Fortunately for the both of us, my trousers remained turd-free, but I know to this day that my brother has never been the same. Now that he knows what I and my ass are truly capable of, he'd never dare cross me. If I even turn my back to him now, ten years later, he begins to tremble with fear.
Story #2
This one is simpler than the first story, but arguably more impressive. I was living in a two-bedroom apartment with a friend of mine for a year a while back. One night, he was making some dinner in the kitchen as I sat and chatted with him from our couch in the living room. Halfway through our conversation, a shit-mist cannonball formed in my stomach. From the second I felt it, I knew I had something special in store.
I stopped mid-sentence, spun around, braced myself on the arm of the couch, aimed my ass in my friend's general direction, and shot off like a fuckin' air cannon. This thing had such force that it blew my asshole wide open upon exiting, which made it sound more like popping a methane-filled air mattress than a traditional fart.
Since my friend was easily fifteen feet away from me at the time, he just kind of laughed it off and resumed talking. Three seconds later he doubled over in agony, as if he had just been punched in the face by a heavyweight boxer. My fart had reached him from across the entire living room in less than three seconds flat.
Don't even act like you're not impressed.
----
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Keep posting stories! They're hilarious! :lol
I've worked real farts into conversations about farts, sectioned farts into tenths, done fart dances... etc. You name it, I've farted it.
But I digress. Here are some more fart stories. These ones aren't embarrassing, but rather just plain awesome.
Story #1
On the same trip to Michigan in which I deployed the previously mentioned "glass jar trick," I used my brother as a human canvas for my fart masterpieces. After having tagged him with one giant ass blast after another throughout the trip, he had thought he'd seen it all from me. My toxic shit cloud had essentially been hovering over him every day for a week at our grandparent's house.
But it wasn't until our last day in Michigan that I was able to enact my most masterful anal evacuation yet. My brother came down into the basement to see what I was doing, but I was already laying in wait behind the door. When he turned the corner and saw the look in my eye, he knew what I had in store for him. My gut was locked and loaded, and I was ready to unleash hell. As fast as he could, he attempted to slam the door in my face and sprint up the stairway to relative safety. Being that I am much older than my little brother, I caught up to him with relative ease. I dove at him, ass-first (think Powdered Toast Man) and pinned his head sideways to the carpeted step halfway up the staircase.
While his face was sandwiched between the step and my quivering buttcheeks, that's when I did it. I let loose the most forceful, gushy-wet, and all around putrid fart right into his goddamn face. He thought that I had sharted on him, and I was open to the possibility as well. This fart sounded like a sputtering attack chopper crash landing into a giant tub of chocolate pudding.
Fortunately for the both of us, my trousers remained turd-free, but I know to this day that my brother has never been the same. Now that he knows what I and my ass are truly capable of, he'd never dare cross me. If I even turn my back to him now, ten years later, he begins to tremble with fear.
Story #2
This one is simpler than the first story, but arguably more impressive. I was living in a two-bedroom apartment with a friend of mine for a year a while back. One night, he was making some dinner in the kitchen as I sat and chatted with him from our couch in the living room. Halfway through our conversation, a shit-mist cannonball formed in my stomach. From the second I felt it, I knew I had something special in store.
I stopped mid-sentence, spun around, braced myself on the arm of the couch, aimed my ass in my friend's general direction, and shot off like a fuckin' air cannon. This thing had such force that it blew my asshole wide open upon exiting, which made it sound more like popping a methane-filled air mattress than a traditional fart.
Since my friend was easily fifteen feet away from me at the time, he just kind of laughed it off and resumed talking. Three seconds later he doubled over in agony, as if he had just been punched in the face by a heavyweight boxer. My fart had reached him from across the entire living room in less than three seconds flat.
Don't even act like you're not impressed.
----
Anyway, that's all I've got for now. Keep posting stories! They're hilarious! :lol
Not an embarrassing story, but a tale of old from my childhood. I'd spend a lot of time over at a cousin's house during the Summer. He had an older brother that enjoyed torturing us, so one day we decided to exact our revenge. We set a trap up involving a large area rug that was in his room.
He hated us being in his room, so when he heard us rustling about in there, he came flying in the door. Little did he realize that I lay in wait behind the door and pushed him down onto the area rug. While he was bigger than each of us, he was not bigger than both of us. We managed to gang tackle him, pin his arms, roll him up in the carpet, and stuff a gym sock in his mouth to muffle his screams and cursing. He was now helpless, looking like Dune Cat. We then took turns dropping flatus bombs in his face, much to his chagrin. We knew we would pay dearly for this later, but for now, we were in charge and we had no intention of stopping until the fart well ran dry or we were apprehended by parental forces. Unfortunately it was the latter since their mom came to investigate the source of all the laughter.
Needless to say we received a sound thrashing in the end, but neither of us had any regrets. We had finally gotten our revenge for all the pranks we'd had pulled on us.
He hated us being in his room, so when he heard us rustling about in there, he came flying in the door. Little did he realize that I lay in wait behind the door and pushed him down onto the area rug. While he was bigger than each of us, he was not bigger than both of us. We managed to gang tackle him, pin his arms, roll him up in the carpet, and stuff a gym sock in his mouth to muffle his screams and cursing. He was now helpless, looking like Dune Cat. We then took turns dropping flatus bombs in his face, much to his chagrin. We knew we would pay dearly for this later, but for now, we were in charge and we had no intention of stopping until the fart well ran dry or we were apprehended by parental forces. Unfortunately it was the latter since their mom came to investigate the source of all the laughter.
Needless to say we received a sound thrashing in the end, but neither of us had any regrets. We had finally gotten our revenge for all the pranks we'd had pulled on us.
The Lamonster
Member
ScOULaris is a little too "all about" this subject...
weekend_warrior
Banned
4 pages? :lol
spindashing
Banned
Danoss said:
holy
FART
Once blew out a quiet stinker while visiting New York in a packed elevator of the Empire State Building. You could hear everyone moan about the horrible smell and I had to do my upmost best not to burst out laughing and keep a straight face.
Good thing this was way before 9/11 or people might have thought it was a terrorist gas attack :lol
Good thing this was way before 9/11 or people might have thought it was a terrorist gas attack :lol
MisterAnderson
Member
On the way to a class in college a couple years ago I had to rip one bad from the walk. I had just gotten to the door and was standing outside, I noticed I was the first one there so I just silently farted outside then walked in and sat down. After a minute or so a couple of others came in and sat at the table I was sitting at. A few minutes go by and I start smelling something godawful. Presumably the smell of my fart came in with me since I was wearing pants, the fart likely just lingered in my pants and when I walked in it released itself into the room. I noticed the girl across from me looking around confused, clearly concerned with this ungodly smell she had just discovered.
I decided to speak out first (despite the whoever smelt it dealt it rule) and said "Does anyone smell that?" and she immediately responded with "YES." Me, aware that this fart was one of my smelliest farts ever, and noticing a strange stench to it, said "it smells like...sewage?" and EVERYONE at the table agreed. I was trying to hold in laughter at that point because I couldn't believe my fart smelled so terrible. Everyone was wondering if there was like a sewage leak in the building or something.
I'm sure I have more embarrassing fart stories than that since it's not like I got caught for it or anything, just thought I'd share.
I decided to speak out first (despite the whoever smelt it dealt it rule) and said "Does anyone smell that?" and she immediately responded with "YES." Me, aware that this fart was one of my smelliest farts ever, and noticing a strange stench to it, said "it smells like...sewage?" and EVERYONE at the table agreed. I was trying to hold in laughter at that point because I couldn't believe my fart smelled so terrible. Everyone was wondering if there was like a sewage leak in the building or something.
I'm sure I have more embarrassing fart stories than that since it's not like I got caught for it or anything, just thought I'd share.
brandonh83
Banned
Oh, you know. Pretty much everywhere I go.
Alaskanbullworm
Member
matt404au said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5MQjvjSmm0
In one of the related videos from the thread.... good god at 2:18 and after.
Personally, no embarrassing stories. Definitely a good hider and get plenty of people blamed for them. Word of caution, don't get me pissed off.
elitehebrew
Member
Music class early grade school years, we sat on metal chairs which evidentially did well for sound reverberation. I forget what music was being played but it blanked out all other sound...well perfect time to let one go....NOT. As i farted the music completely stopped and my fart echoed and eternity. I was embarrassed but everyone laughed so i just joined in haha.
Count Dookkake
Member
Someone should try farting in an elevator and whistling "Every Breath You Take."
Could also work if you bomb an empty elevator and start whistlng as you leave and others enter.
Could also work if you bomb an empty elevator and start whistlng as you leave and others enter.
All threads usually end with something gross from Japan. Or the US.eternal prize said:
I remembered the possibly only fart-powered superhero comic from Finland. It was called Peräsmies (a play of words from Teräsmies which is Finnish version of Superman/Man of Steel).
He gained his powers after eating radioactive pea soup.
Huevos de Oro
Member
PRÖÖT!
Oh, yeah. Once I was walking around town at night, in an area where everyone has horses. I stopped by one of the pastures and four horses trundled up to the fence, so I stopped to pet them. After a couple minutes of this, one of the older horses suddenly falls over onto his side, and as he lands, he lets out this giant fart. It was so piercing that it echoed against the retaining wall. I was scared to death he had just tooted his last, or at least broken his ribs, but then he got back up and continued wandering around.
Looking back on it, I'm pretty humbled. I will never be able to produce that kind of a sound.
Looking back on it, I'm pretty humbled. I will never be able to produce that kind of a sound.
spindashing
Banned
This made my day. Holy shit. :lolAlaskanbullworm said:
I don't have any really embarrassing stories, but I do frequently try and eat farty food before I go to work (I work at a grocery store on weekends). I enjoy letting one off and then walking over to the next aisle while customers look at each other and try and figure out who let it drop.
BlackNMild2k1
Member
Tarazet said:
That reminded me of this video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08-ZDZyAOzQ&feature=related
and this bud lite commercial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSJv7dRDxKw&feature=related
Like the hat?
Banned
oh god at proot and the horse story :lol
StalkerUKCG
Banned
Shart Story.
Im in Year 10 of secondary school, about 15 year old. Iv been farting pretty bad all morning and already made 2 trips out of class to the toilet. I frequently skipped school so bailing home at lunch time wasnt much of an issue and that was my plan. However it got so bad i said i was going to the toilet and just left the school.
I let about another 3 loud wet sounding diarrhoea farts at the bus stop much to the shock of the old lady and the pam pushing mother waiting with me. Bus arrives i jump on and suddenly i have the urge to poop worse than iv ever had in my life. My insides literally feel like their going to explode i make my way to the back of the bus and tuck myself in the back corner next to an open window where i can sit and fart in private or so i thought. I cannot help but let frequent loud and long farts rip themselves out from between my cheeks, safe to say the window did nothing nor did the noise of the bus, the whole of the bus is shooting me evil looks along with the bus driver in his mirror.
After 15-20 mins of this its finally time for me to get off, i make my way down the street to the corner of the street i live in, all this time iv needed to poop iv got serious diarrhoea, i start to sprint down my street to get to my house and the safety of my toilet when suddenly the unthinkable happens. I shit myself not just a little bit but incredible amounts of liquid shit pouring out of my ass at rocket speed and down my legs, flicking out of my trouser bottoms as i run. For those who haven't been in this situation its a horrible and warm sensation.
I get in my house strip naked sit on the toilet, by this point im empty i spend the next 20-30 mins on the toilet cleaning myself with a towel while im there. Anyway i get things sorted and the whole ordeal seems to be over. i spend the rest of the day moving between the toilet and the tv in an exhausted half awake daze. In this haze however iv forgotten to turn the washing machine on that contains all my shit covered clothing and clean up stuff. My dad comes home goes to put some clothes in the washing machine and the smell is overwhelming. He proceeded to come into the living room and rather loudly ask me " Son, did you shit yourself today?" i say yes to which he replies "Happens to the best of us" and then carries on with his day.
I dont like leaving home when iv got diarrhoea now.
Im in Year 10 of secondary school, about 15 year old. Iv been farting pretty bad all morning and already made 2 trips out of class to the toilet. I frequently skipped school so bailing home at lunch time wasnt much of an issue and that was my plan. However it got so bad i said i was going to the toilet and just left the school.
I let about another 3 loud wet sounding diarrhoea farts at the bus stop much to the shock of the old lady and the pam pushing mother waiting with me. Bus arrives i jump on and suddenly i have the urge to poop worse than iv ever had in my life. My insides literally feel like their going to explode i make my way to the back of the bus and tuck myself in the back corner next to an open window where i can sit and fart in private or so i thought. I cannot help but let frequent loud and long farts rip themselves out from between my cheeks, safe to say the window did nothing nor did the noise of the bus, the whole of the bus is shooting me evil looks along with the bus driver in his mirror.
After 15-20 mins of this its finally time for me to get off, i make my way down the street to the corner of the street i live in, all this time iv needed to poop iv got serious diarrhoea, i start to sprint down my street to get to my house and the safety of my toilet when suddenly the unthinkable happens. I shit myself not just a little bit but incredible amounts of liquid shit pouring out of my ass at rocket speed and down my legs, flicking out of my trouser bottoms as i run. For those who haven't been in this situation its a horrible and warm sensation.
I get in my house strip naked sit on the toilet, by this point im empty i spend the next 20-30 mins on the toilet cleaning myself with a towel while im there. Anyway i get things sorted and the whole ordeal seems to be over. i spend the rest of the day moving between the toilet and the tv in an exhausted half awake daze. In this haze however iv forgotten to turn the washing machine on that contains all my shit covered clothing and clean up stuff. My dad comes home goes to put some clothes in the washing machine and the smell is overwhelming. He proceeded to come into the living room and rather loudly ask me " Son, did you shit yourself today?" i say yes to which he replies "Happens to the best of us" and then carries on with his day.
I dont like leaving home when iv got diarrhoea now.
StalkerUKCG
Banned
Id like to think its, Dont sprint when you need the toilet.ScOULaris said:
Dahellisdat
Member
But all the best marathon runners do it.StalkerUKCG said:
In 6th grade, lifted my right butt cheek and squeaked it out. It was perfect, no sound, and best of all it didn't stink! I get this grin on my face like I pulled off some master plan. I look to the right and the super flamboyant classmate was looking at me with his mouth open. FUCK. He went all out screaming "I SAW YOU!! YOU THOUGHT YOU GOT AWAY WITH IT BUT YOU FAAAAAAA~~~RTEDDDD!! EEEEWWW YOU LIFTED YOUR LEG AND THEN *BRRRRRRRRRRR** THATS NAAAASA~~TY!!!!" I felt like I was shrinking and everyone around me was getting bigger and staring me down. Kind of funny now, but man was I mortified.
Patrick Bateman
Member
xx
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