Free Agent Kane
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October Wrasslin' |OT| I'm seein' double here...
- Thread starter Zach
- Start date
RecRoulette
Member
Not gonna lie I'm pretty bummed about missing THAT'S GOTTA BE KANE.
blackaroni
Member
Sweeney Tom
Banned
put that new theme up ASAP
it's no Slow Chemical but it's better than the last theme
it's no Slow Chemical but it's better than the last theme
SomewhatGroovy
Banned
Garbage wrestler. Garbage show. Christ
blackaroni
Member
Seems like a bit much for a match tbh.
Biggest-Geek-Ever
Member
You take that back right now, mister.
After being rolled up by man-flu last week I'm back to deliver the Kanetober treats, there are no tricks here, only tasty sugary sweet goodness.
Part 1
Part 2
9. Big Red Love Machine
Someone at WWE must love the beauty and the beast scenario because the amount of romantic plotlines Kane has delved in during his career is possibly the highest of any wrestler, it's almost a shame we never got the glorious merging of the "kane does a tag team" and "kane has a messed up relationship" tropes with him and Val Venis becoming a team or something.
But anyway, Kane has been booked alongside women wrasslers whose roles have run the gamutof valets, hall of fame wrestlers, general managers and so on, variety is the spice of life indeed.
Kane's first love was Tori, a tale that would teach us love is about what's on the inside, and I'm not talking about Kane and his burnt face here, I'm actually talking about how she heel turns for that mess that is X-Pac of all people, crumbs Tori, what a downgrade! The devesating episode of Smackdown revealing the X-Pac and Tori Christmas story is a true heartbreaker as Kane gives the heartshattering performance of a life time despite a full face mask, writhing violently from his ring corner imprisonment and solemnly stumbling off alone into the winter cold (I totally need these giffed).
Since this was the Attitude Era, Kane would be able to actually get revenge to the cheers of the live audience, faking us out by halting his chokeslam attempt only to instead tombstone that damn Jezebel as JR would say.
As an aside did you know Tori was something of a yogi back before it was cool? she had this whole article in one of the few RAW magazines I owned where she was also in revealing pictures and a poster which is certainly not the reason I purchased that issue....
okay I may have had a thing for Tori back then, still upset she just sorta vanished.
Phwoar, look at that sexy beast...and his fanny pack.
Kane's 2002 face run would grab the attention of Terri who had transitioned into a backstage interviewer role, part of Kane's humanisation angle I guess. Alas this same time period featured that whole Katie Vick thing so I guess Trips buried Kane's chances here with an elaborate cockblocking scheme, Terri may like the odd ones like say Golddust but that's too much man.
Okay back to the real storylines and one that would defintely be problematic in our current time period, the Lita storyline, and boy this one is a doozy.
So Kane starts stalking Lita a fair bit during 2004, I guess fiery red head felt like a perfect fit, shame for Kane that Lita already has that goober Matt Hardy in the picture eh? I truly loving relationship that will certainly not go south. Nothing stops Kane though, seemingly not even the word no, Lita gets preggers but it turns out Matt ain't the dad, Kane is!
I'll give you all a moment to stew on the implications of this....
Kane would battle Matt Hardy at Summerslam in a "till death do us part" match, which is a fancy way of saying the winner gets to marry Lita because wrestling works in mysterious nonsensical ways. Since face Matt is a perennial loser, he loses.
Kane has a fancy raw wedding complete with a strings playing his entrance them and some snazzy white suits, so dapper is our man Kane.
The story continues the controversial stupidity as a jobber wrestler Gene Snitsky knocks Kane into Lita during a match and punches his ticket to stardom by being part of an accidental miscarriage, it wasn't his fault is a mantra so strong that it become's Snitsky's actual gimmick.
Somehow this storyline makes rapey Kane a face, well who the heck wants to root for Snitsky anyway? This leads into a strange time period where the Kane and Lita duo actually start getting on like a house on fire (heheheheh), tragedy truly brings them together.
It reaches a sad end in 2005 as Lita betrays Kane for Edge, a situation totally not referencing any real life events involving one Matt Hardy. Regardless of the morally reprehensible way Kane got into this relationship in the first place he's played up as the face in this scenario which is quite frankly bloody hilarious for all the wrong reasons. Kane gets to ruin Lita's second TV wedding and gets revenge on PPV at Vengeance.
There's an incredibly short lived Kelly Kelly angle, I think it may have also been set to involve Orton but WWE dropped this angle before Kreeper Kane could do his thing, and nothing of value was lost.
Lastly we have #AJAll, a set of events that should never have really worked yet somehow did.
Internet darlings CM Punk and Daniel Bryan are embroiled in a title feud, somewhere along the way they realise that this isn't WWE enough and both sorta still monster Kane of 2012 and the ever peppy AJ Lee are thrust into the story creating a love...square? or something, not quite a triangle. The story is more of a showcase for AJ than anything else who stepped up to define her "crazy chick" (WWE Marketing and CM Punk's words, not mine) personality shift as she plays with the emotions of all three men who find themselves enraptured by her adorable self, there may also be a WWE title involved but nevermind that, AJ is wearing a Kane mask, the strangest big red boners are happening right now.
Kane peaces out of the angle earlier than the rest claiming that even AJ is to cray-J for Kane, this angle also served to shift Kane back into comedy monster, something that would actually pay off dividends as we'll see in the next entry.
Bonus round: Kane has also creepily stalked and/or dragged to hell the likes of Brie Bella and Eve Torres, but that was mainly to get at others and thus not truly part of the Kane romance saga.
10. If you want to see the best Kane team give me a Hell No!
Briefly touched upon early in the tag summary was Kane's partnership with Daniel Bryan, which as you may guess from the title is my favourite of the Kane team ups. Sure Undertaker has the whole ass kicking supernatural bros thing going on but they're better enemies. The team with Bryan was a mutually beneficial run that highlighted both mens comedic character chops, something I'm sure no one was expecting.
Coming out of the feud with Punk WWE had Bryan left like a chump by AJ Lee sparking a much more angry version of the beardo, since AJ was also GM at this point she made him face Kane at Summerslam. Bryan's win led to Kane also lashing out backstage so AJ did what any good GM would do, send both men to anger management class to sort their shit out.
AND IT WAS WONDERFUL
The first class
(that brief summary of Kane's messed up career)
The next class
The restaurant
a series of skits involving Dr Shelby in and out of the class gave rise to a team reminscient of The Rock and Sock connection in how much of a wonderfull mess their team dynamic was, despite still having a competitive streak with each other both men bonded over their shared rage and trials in overcoming it. This would lead to becoming the tag team champs (and debating that "actually I am the tag team champions"), slowly hugging it out in the ring mid match to a crowd pop and basically playing up the awkward alliance angle. Bryan got himself further over and it gave older man Kane something to do on the main roster that didn't require as much ring work.
Team Hell No would reign for 245 days before dropping the belts to some dudes called the shield, whoever they are.
"but I have diagrams, DIAGRAMS!"
In a refreshing change of pace, when the team ended there wasn't a big betrayal or blow off feud, they just went their seperate ways in pursuit of the WWE title, because not every team needs to end with back and forth shoving and miscommunication for three months. Of course Bryan would feud with corporate Kane later on (his only title defence feud in fact, much to fans dismay).
During this run the duo were involved in some pretty dope six man tag matches with The Shield, check 'em out.
Also a reminder, the name team hell no was part of three options selected by fans to determine the team name, the others were team teamwork and team friendship, I totally voted friendship by the way.
11. Through hellfire and brimstone, making an entrance
Entrances are low key one of the great hallmarks of endearing fans to characters, you remember a guy with a distinct entrance and theme, the Kane character had both down from the word go and mostly his entrance stuck with him until the present. That sinister organ, the explosive pyro, the mood lighting, the in ring motion timed with the turnbuckle pyro, top stuff.
Variations on his theme and small alterations to the entrance have occurred over time. Later themes dropped the Organ in the theme thus Kane's arrival was signalled by the sudden pyro blast, a small change in his in ring motion is that original mask Kane would flick his head up, unmasked Kane onwards would lower his head as if to hide his face, such character work!
Kane's theme has mostly maintained the same melody during his career. Its first variation popped up mid 2000 I think layering on more guitar wailing and thus adding a bit more energy to the original.
Kane's return in 2002 gave us the rather odd choice of a lyrical theme in "slow chemical" which takes the Kane theme as a base and spins off into its own "way better than it should be theme", it's oddly hype.
After some time they eventually switched things up and Kane's "man on fire" theme hit with a return to purely instrumental, notably it dropped the traditional melody associated with Kane's previous themes. It's not as fondly remembered as a result but for what it's worth it's like Kane in Castlevania, a Kanevania if you will.
Lastly upon returning to the mask they finally went back to where we started, with a modern take on the original theme, it includes a few more aural elements and diverges somewhat from the original a bit further in, a nice way to end the Kane soundtrack selection.
Or is it? because I'm not letting you forget this HOT BEAT from WWF Aggresion.
12. Kane's first title win, or how to book yourself into a corner
Our dubious entry in this set of Kanetober belongs to something that should've been celebrated. Monster Kane dethrones the massively over champ Stone Cold within his first year under the new gimmick. Strap yourself in for some Attitude era booking as we revisit the messy trip to Kane's first title win and title loss.
In 1998 the WWE's main event scene started to rely quite heavily on the combo of Austin, Taker, Mankind and Kane (Trips and Rock were just bubbling under at this point as the top of the IC division with their respective factions). It was the beginning of a shift, HBK was taken out by a seemingly career ending injury, Bret was obviously gone as result of the whole 97 Surivor Series kerfuffle and now Austin was THE GUY, as in actually THE GUY and not just a forced guy.
Austin had just come out of his feud with Mankind/Dude Love and Kane/Taker had finally cooled off, so the logical approach was to change partners. Thus Kane was set to challenge Austin at King of the Ring 98, after he finally one ups Taker due to a Mankind distraction that is.
For whatever reason some bright spark thought "what if we made the title match a first blood match even though Kane wears a mask lol", apparently someone (probably Vince) figured this was pure gold, following this someone sarcastically must've said "yeah and because the odds are so in Kane's favour how about he sets himself on fire if he loses", and Vince creamed his draws once again.
Thus Austin is booked into a match that he should lose in both match logic (a bald man in trunks who has bled before versus the masked man with one arm exposed never see to have bled) and story logic (so we're gonna televise a guys setting himself on fire huh?). On the night itself things get even dumber, firstly Kane is rocking a new one off attire where he's got no exposed arm, merely a single hand. Second, the Hell in a Cell from the prior Mankind/Taker match starts mysteriously lowering itself during the matchup further increasing Austin's risk of bloodshed.
Safe to say Vince's love for overcoming the odds booking was well and truly in play here, except they'd gone overboard, these odds just couldn't be logically overcome.
Thus Kane was booked to win, the finish involves Taker and Foley interference with Taker accidentally busting Austin open with a clash of chairs that goes nowhere near Austin's face, during this Kane is conked out in the middle of the ring. Thus Kane becomes WWE champ lying on his arse doing absolutely nothing....bloody hell.
(another Stro special)
Obviously Austin is a top draw, thus the very next night on Raw Kane defends the title and loses clean, all is back to normal in WWE land, except that Kane just got booked like a bit of a chump, something he'd unfortunately have to get used to whenever he sniffed the title scene.
(both matches are at least kinda fun though, so it's not all bad).
I guess it'd be a bigger gripe if the belt had prestige but well, that ship has long sailed.
GONNA NEED TO ADD ANOTHER CHAPTER TO THIS STORY BROTHER
We're the only cool posters left, Sydechick.
Biggest-Geek-Ever
Member
You take that back right now, mister.
You're the one hard for the Right Wing Machine Kane.
BewareTheBatsie
Member
So this is a TLC PPV where there's one TLC match and nothing else?
who wouldnt watch to see more of this shit?
Are these DLC for the game?
Biggest-Geek-Ever
Member
Are you making fun a man who, according to Jerry Lawler, has a mental handicap?
Spirit of Jazz
Banned
Fuck ya'll for willing Kane into existence.
I blame myself for Finn B. Pumpkin as I said the fact they kept the paint the same all the time for merch made the gimmick boring in NXT. They should have kept the paint the same all the time.
On top of all that Alica's feuding again Sasha? I'm pretty sure they'll go through the entire roster before she gets the Bayley feud. But hey, why rehash the best women's program you've had in your company when you can pretend like you'll make Alicia a thing for another week.
I blame myself for Finn B. Pumpkin as I said the fact they kept the paint the same all the time for merch made the gimmick boring in NXT. They should have kept the paint the same all the time.
On top of all that Alica's feuding again Sasha? I'm pretty sure they'll go through the entire roster before she gets the Bayley feud. But hey, why rehash the best women's program you've had in your company when you can pretend like you'll make Alicia a thing for another week.
Officerrob
Banned
You will want to throw tables, ladders, and chairs at your TV during that Sister Abigail match
who wouldnt watch to see more of this shit?
This is absolutely the most WCW ass picture I've ever seen. They should rename this show Halloween Havoc
TheeDanielJ
Neo Member
I was thinking the same thing...
Is this a first? No table, ladder, or chairs match.
No stairs match? Lol
Spirit of Jazz
Banned
Okay, now I'm just realising they're blowing their load Finn changing his paint which they were teasing from his debut and Sister Abigail which they've been building for 5 years on that... I literally can't comprehend it.
All thats missing is THE YET-AY
Sweeney Tom
Banned
Shockmaster looked better than this
half a moon
Banned
Ahehehehe
Maybe Strowman can pull double duty.
Wrap him up in bandages and send him out there to air hump those two.
chixdiggit
Member
Just found out I'm going to RAW Oct 23. Have not watched Wrestling in a long while. Any Youtube channels or blog sites that do recaps so I can kind of get some of the current story lines?
Don't...just don't go.
Trust me on this. Don't get caught up. Don't watch any recaps. Just close this browser window and move on with your life
Brian_FETO
Banned
Look inside of the nearest garbage can, it can't be too far off
I can't stop laughing at this picture.who wouldnt watch to see more of this shit?
This isn't even good enough to be WCW.
It's TNA Monster's Ball quality.
Fucking LOL 😂
SomewhatGroovy
Banned
half a moon
Banned
If you got hulu you could watcg promos only and match finishes
Sweeney Tom
Banned
Shield need 2 more members to stop the power of Kane
SomewhatGroovy
Banned
My daughter actually wants me to drive her ass 3 hours to Houston to see a libertarian car insurance salesman possibly headline survivor series.
The olds can still go
Biggest-Geek-Ever
Member
chixdiggit
Member
Geez is it really that bad? They are free tickets.....
Will do thanks.
Officerrob
Banned
She needs to be grounded
I keep going on but theres just something truly magnificent about this. Its literally the entire company summed up in one photo.
This is all you need to know.
half a moon
Banned
There is a brand split currently. TLC is a Raw ppv.
