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Okcupid is not that bad. I already got a date!

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I've only received one message. And it was from the ugliest and most bland sounding girl ever. Really kind of made me question myself. So no, I can't recommend this website. The girls on there just sound either crazy or too high maintenance.
 

DR3AM

Member
some girl had "dont just say HI if you message me" and today she messages me with "HEY"

haahahahahah
 

ianp622

Member
I've only received one message. And it was from the ugliest and most bland sounding girl ever. Really kind of made me question myself. So no, I can't recommend this website. The girls on there just sound either crazy or too high maintenance.

You can't recommend it because you don't receive any good messages? You have to be the one sending messages. You have to go through their profile, figure out the kind of person they are, and then write them a message letting them know you read their profile without saying so, and then expect to not hear anything. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass, but you're not going to get anywhere if you don't try.
 

Plywood

NeoGAF's smiling token!
I'm beginning to wonder if my profile saying:

Smokes
No

Drinks
Not at all

Drugs
Never
Is being considered a turn off for my age-range. Answer:
Yes it likely is.
 
I'm beginning to wonder if my profile saying:


Is being considered a turn off for my age-range. Answer:
Yes it likely is.
Smoking and drugs probably aren't issues, but alcohol might be. That said, your options are a)get drinking or b)deal w/ it.

If someone is turned off because you don't drink, then isn't that a win-win for you?

I've only received one message. And it was from the ugliest and most bland sounding girl ever. Really kind of made me question myself. So no, I can't recommend this website. The girls on there just sound either crazy or too high maintenance.
image.php
 
Just keep on trying. As much as there are guys out there who have had a better time, if you give up then it just stops.

Things will most likely work out in ways beyond prediction, as much as we love a good profile or stunning pics
 
You can't recommend it because you don't receive any good messages? You have to be the one sending messages. You have to go through their profile, figure out the kind of person they are, and then write them a message letting them know you read their profile without saying so, and then expect to not hear anything. Yeah, it's a pain in the ass, but you're not going to get anywhere if you don't try.

Yeah I can't recommend something that hasn't worked out for me....... Thats typically why you don't recommend things..

And yes I've sent out messages. No replies, but I just assume girls get tons of messages.

 
And yes I've sent out messages. No replies, but I just assume girls get tons of messages.

Yes I have an avatar of a girl from a game, your point?.....
How would your waifu feel if she knew you were on OKCupid?

Joking aside, you kinda come across as a Negative Nancy. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to "question yourself" a bit.
 

Plywood

NeoGAF's smiling token!
Smoking and drugs probably aren't issues, but alcohol might be. That said, your options are a)get drinking or b)deal w/ it.

If someone is turned off because you don't drink, then isn't that a win-win for you?
That's the thing, I really don't care if they drink on occasion or smoke or get high, etc. As long as they aren't doing the hard shit. I just think it comes off negatively in my profile.
 

maxxpower

Member
So there's this extremely pretty girl on okcupid that looks really intelligent(her profile picture is her in a chemistry lab). I compared our answers and for that one question that asks whether you'd prefer to date someone from your our race she answered yes, and she's white, and I'm Hispanic. I think I'll message her anyway.
 
So there's this extremely pretty girl on okcupid that looks really intelligent(her profile picture is her in a chemistry lab). I compared our answers and for that one question that asks whether you'd prefer to date someone from your our race she answered yes, and she's white, and I'm Hispanic. I think I'll message her anyway.

Ughh, I just noticed they grouped Hispanic and Latin together. Does Hispanic no longer have any true meaning? I should just put white since I still take Hispanic to mean from Spain.
 

Pilgor

Member
I'm on OKC, and I'd say it has been overall pretty good so far. I've been on about 20 dates since I've joined, and I've actually ended up sleeping with 6 of them, though not all on the first date. Whoever mentioned that the site caters to the hook-up crowd definitely seems to be right.

Of course, I do send out many messages and most do not get replies. Also many women will read my message, look at my profile, and still not reply. It's normal. I get about 35-40 visitors a week, though I probably checked out half of them first.

The guy who said don't post pics at your computer is right. Pictures doing something fun, or with people are best, so it looks like you're a fun person to be around. Also, don't list Pokemon, video games, or things that most people deem to be nerdy, unless you only want a girl likes those things too.

When messaging a girl I try to think of what everyone else probably says, and try to be unique. I guarantee every girl gets messages about the music or movies she likes, with guys saying they like it too. She doesn't care, and it's not going to get you anywhere. Find a detail in her name, in her summary, anything you think most people won't notice, and just make a one liner about it. It usually works.

I see people say to get a phone number as soon as you can. Be careful. Ask too early, and the girl will get scared. However, too many "how was your night" messages, and back and forth conversations are stupid. In the second message ask where they live in the city. Third message suggest meeting up for a drink. The number follows naturally.

It all comes down to how often you use the site. If I am not active, I hardly get any visits or messages. You have to be diligent, and just keep trying.
 
What do you mean by "question yourself'?
I quoted that phrase from your post. In fact, by asking what it means, you are almost literally questioning yourself.

But what I really meant is that maybe you shouldn't just assume that the problem is just the women. Maybe your profile sucks, maybe you chose crappy photos, maybe you were wrong to write off all those women as "crazy" or "high maintenance."
I can tell that I will be totally in sync with this classy lady based on her response to this question


and her excellent photography skills in the following photo


notice the use of lighting to enhance the foreground. Maybe she can teach me a few things.
That seems a bit tasteless, broski.
 

Surface of Me

I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
Anyone else paranoid about their friends findng their Okcupid account and then getting shit for it? There is still an unfortunate stigma towards it.

Anyways, I haven't messaged anyone in a while. I still have trouble starting up conversation.
 

ianp622

Member
Yeah I can't recommend something that hasn't worked out for me....... Thats typically why you don't recommend things..

And yes I've sent out messages. No replies, but I just assume girls get tons of messages.
What I meant is it's not a passive process for guys. And yes, they receive tons of messages, which is why you have to make sure yours stands out and isn't creepy or desperate.
 

Pilgor

Member
Anyone else paranoid about their friends findng their Okcupid account and then getting shit for it? There is still an unfortunate stigma towards it.

Anyways, I haven't messaged anyone in a while. I still have trouble starting up conversation.

Yes. I see friends on there often, and I just don't visit their profile. Nobody has ever mentioned seeing me, even after I saw them. Either they never say me, or we're both playing dumb.

And I'm embarrassed too, I don't want anyone finding out that I'm doing online dating. I lie to my friends and tell them that I met the girls at Starbucks haha.

And how would they end up finding it? :p

Female friends?
 
I can tell that I will be totally in sync with this classy lady based on her response to this question


and her excellent photography skills in the following photo
3386372890925883468.JPG


notice the use of lighting to enhance the foreground. Maybe she can teach me a few things.

She may not be the brightest women but who the fuck cares?
 
Yes. I see friends on there often, and I just don't visit their profile. Nobody has ever mentioned seeing me, even after I saw them. Either they never say me, or we're both playing dumb.

And I'm embarrassed too, I don't want anyone finding out that I'm doing online dating. I lie to my friends and tell them that I met the girls at Starbucks haha.



Female friends?

If they're judgmental assholes like that I'd reconsider having them as friends dude.
 

Pilgor

Member
If they're judgmental assholes like that I'd reconsider having them as friends dude.

I don't think they would judge me, or even care. Just there is still a stigma, and I guess I'm just embarrassed that I'm on an online dating website. It's irrational!
 
I don't think they would judge me, or even care. Just there is still a stigma, and I guess I'm just embarrassed that I'm on an online dating website. It's irrational!

Any more irrational than hooking up with some stranger at a bar? It's funny how much flack online dating gets when you have to do even more communication.
 
Any more irrational than hooking up with some stranger at a bar? It's funny how much flack online dating gets when you have to do even more communication.

Eh yes and no. It takes a lot more motivation/initiative to out and meet someone. It's dumb to think there isn't a significant difference. I have no problem with online dating, but I'm not about to say it is equal to typical human interaction.
 
Eh yes and no. It takes a lot more motivation/initiative to out and meet someone. It's dumb to think there isn't a significant difference. I have no problem with online dating, but I'm not about to say it is equal to typical human interaction.

What is typical human interaction? Because what i experience at a club isn't exactly what i would call a typical human interaction. There are all different ways to interact with people and i haven't seen any reasons that make this one necessarily worse (not that i'm a fan of online dating).
 

Pilgor

Member
Any more irrational than hooking up with some stranger at a bar? It's funny how much flack online dating gets when you have to do even more communication.

I agree with you, I'm saying the stigma and my embarrassment are irrational. As much as I know there's nothing wrong with it, I don't feel comfortable introducing someone to my friends and telling them I met them on OKC.

Edit: Beaten
 
What is typical human interaction? Because what i experience at a club isn't exactly waht i would call a typical human interaction. There are all different ways to interact with people and i haven't seen any reasons that make this one necessarily worse (not that i'm a fan of online dating).

"Typical" may have been a poor choice of words. I'm more talking about the necessary ability to carry a conversation quickly, without the ability to edit yourself while typing, and the ability to actually build up the confidence to talk to people. Also you're less able to hide physical attributes in real life.

I'm not saying online dating isn't worth it, but I don't think it's irrational to have initial questions about a relationship that starts in such contrived circumstances. I'd say the same thing about speed dating or a real "club" environment (I think a more low key bar is different), but obviously a significant number of even those relationships can succeed.
 
Eh yes and no. It takes a lot more motivation/initiative to out and meet someone. It's dumb to think there isn't a significant difference. I have no problem with online dating, but I'm not about to say it is equal to typical human interaction.

It takes motivation and initiative to message someone through these sites. It takes motivation and initiative to keep up the lines of communication with someone who's not a 20 minute drive away. It takes motivation and initiative to take the steps necessary to meet in person. I could go on but I've made my point.


"Typical" may have been a poor choice of words. I'm more talking about the necessary ability to carry a conversation quickly, without the ability to edit yourself while typing, and the ability to actually build up the confidence to talk to people. Also you're less able to hide physical attributes in real life.

I'm not saying online dating isn't worth it, but I don't think it's irrational to have initial questions about a relationship that starts in such contrived circumstances. I'd say the same thing about speed dating or a real "club" environment (I think a more low key bar is different), but obviously a significant number of even those relationships can succeed.

You can't really edit yourself on webcam. Or even on the spot instant messages sometimes. Have you actually done a long distance relationship through the internet?
 
It takes motivation and initiative to message someone through these sites. It takes motivation and initiative to keep up the lines of communication with someone who's not a 20 minute drive away. It takes motivation and initiative to take the steps necessary to meet in person. I could go on but I've made my point.

I'd still say all of those things are different since most of them occur once you already know you have a chance... There's less risk involved in online dating.
 

Surface of Me

I'm not an NPC. And neither are we.
If it's good enough for their female friends, it's good enough for them. Point is, the only people who are going to see your profile are people who are already on OKCupid.

It's a silly thing to be worried about.

Haha, I know. Like Pilgor said, it's irrational and I realize this, but it's hard to shake.
 
Less risk, hahaha. Yeah okay.

Face to face rejection tends to have a lot more impact than having someone not reply to a message on a dating site. That tends to be why a lot of people gravitate towards it in the first place. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but i definitely think there is less 'risk' involved in online dating, well at least depending on your perspective.
 
Being dismissive makes you right.

What exactly have I said that you find so offensive? All I'm saying is I wouldn't give it equal weight to human interaction....

It is human interaction, for whatever reason you want to minimize it.



Face to face rejection tends to have a lot more impact than having someone not reply to a message on a dating site. That tends to be why a lot of people gravitate towards it in the first place. I'm not saying it's a bad thing but i definitely think there is less 'risk' involved in online dating, well at least depending on your perspective.

Depends. Some people have a harder time online because of the limits. And it's really easy to come off the wrong way without tone of voice or in person cues.
 
Depends. Some people have a harder time online because of the limits. And it's really easy to come off the wrong way without tone of voice or in person cues.

I agree and it is one of the main reasons i always try to avoid communicating by text messages (things tend to be misunderstood). I'm not talking about how difficult each form of interaction is though. It may be harder to get a date online but when you fuck things up it's a lot easier to brush it aside as just meaningless. When you have a person turn you down in person it tends to be more impactful at least that's how i feel.
 
I agree and it is one of the main reasons i always try to avoid communicating by text messages (things tend to be misunderstood). I'm not talking about how difficult each form of interaction is though. It may be harder to get a date online but when you fuck things up it's a lot easier to brush it aside as just meaningless. When you have a person turn you down in person it tends to be more impactful at least that's how i feel.

That's how you feel. It's still disappointing to some people. It's still human interaction, it's still communication, it's still rejection.
 
That's how you feel. It's still disappointing to some people. It's still human interaction, it's still communication, it's still rejection.

I'm not denying that in fact i was saying a similar thing just a few posts up. I don't think online dating is risk free or that it isn't actual communication (it's just a different form of communication). I do however find rejection to be much easier to deal with in that format and i think that would be true for most people.

Although it could just be because people take a different approach to online dating rather then any actual difference in the type of interaction.
 
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