TheKaeptain
Banned
I always swipe right when a chick has mutual friends.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
I always swipe right when a chick has mutual friends.
I don't think I have ever been matched with a woman that I had mutual friends with.
Rafa=FedKilla
Banned
That's why I don't think I could use Tinder. I don't like the interconnectivity of it with Facebook.
I'm pretty sure you could just make a fake Facebook profile.
So the girl asked for the date to be moved to another day that's fine. But one of the other girls I mentioned waiting for a reply from sent a message asking if I was free tonight, that maybe we could meet up after 10. I said I have no plans for tonight, did she take it to mean I couldn't go out because it's about to be 10 and I haven't heard from her since. Shit.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I dunno, man. I think you're okay because it's Sunday. No one goes out after 10pm on a Sunday. I'd follow up tomorrow and be like, "Sorry, had work tomorrow. How about Wednesday?"
I sent a message like at 930 to clarify that I was indeed free tonight. So I guess something really came up. I'm sure she'll hit me up and apologize and we can sorta really plan something. She's gorgeous, and like almost all the white girls really into hispanic guys. Pretty sure she's only looking for a casual thing though. Even says she's looking for a really assertive guy in her profile. I think Hispanic dudes sometimes get stereotyped to be that sorta person... which brings me to something I have learned about myself. I'm probably the least assertive person I know, and it can be a big turn off. I come of as really mellow and super chill, too chill at times but that's just me.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Wow I post a lot in this thread, although most of the time it's (hopefully good) advice.
I think it's time I give Online Dating an actual shot.
I didn't have much luck with Tinder or Bumble. Though to be fair, I put almost no effort into my profiles for each app. Typical photo of myself, couple of shots, and almost nothing on the bio. That might also mean I'm just an ugly dude or something, who knows.
I was thinking of OKCupid, since it's free. And I read the OP in terms of setting up a good profile. Any additional advice you guys can give me?
I didn't have much luck with Tinder or Bumble. Though to be fair, I put almost no effort into my profiles for each app. Typical photo of myself, couple of shots, and almost nothing on the bio. That might also mean I'm just an ugly dude or something, who knows.
I was thinking of OKCupid, since it's free. And I read the OP in terms of setting up a good profile. Any additional advice you guys can give me?
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Gray Matter
Member
Fuck me!
A girl I sent a message to before my, umm, retirement, finally replied after 4 days.
A girl I sent a message to before my, umm, retirement, finally replied after 4 days.
Reel him back in!
Dude...
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Just saying... It helps.
Sure, being white 'helps'.
But, you work with what you have. Having an inferiority complex over your skin color isn't going to help you make yourself attractive to girls.
I'm an Asian guy. Online, that means I'm at the lowest tier when it comes to competitiveness. But, I put some effort into making a funny unique profile. I'm currently exclusive with an amazing girl who actually messaged me first, because she found my profile hilarious. You just have to stand out (and not just by being 'non-white') in other attractive ways. Humor is what worked for me.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
You're not wrong. I'm probably still ticked about getting blown off on the weekend when I tried to chat a girl up at a party. It was a flippant remark on my part.
Normally I'm not salty, just a shit weekend.
Quick! Come back! My inferiority complex is in check now!
You know what it is, last night my friend was trying to get his girlfriend to set me up with one of her single friends, and she didn't wanna do it and I didn't know about it until his girlfriend messaged me during True Detective trying to explain why she didn't want to set me up. While I didn't care cause I never asked him to do it, her constant excuses got on my nerves and he texted me after saying that he assumed it was cause I got a turban. I called him and said while his heart was in the right place, please never involve her in my love life cause that was a weird conversation full of strange self justification.
She literally messaged me for thirty minutes explaining that it's just not her style. Like... I never asked for this. But it did get irritating with her on one side telling me long stories about her relationships and why she can't fix me up with her single friend and him on one side saying, it's cause she doesn't like the way you look and can't imagine her friend with you cause of that. So it ignores the fact that I'm actually an awesome baller.
That was just irritating.
I just rolled my eyes throughout.
I should PM Quick.
I PMed Quick.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
My verbal vomit was longer than I thought.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
So did you reply?
Gray Matter
Member
The message was sent at 4:30 am, I saw it but I was 99% asleep, now I'm at work and don't have time to reply. I might when I get home.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
You mean you will, right?
NotTheGuyYouKill, that sounds like the absolute worst. I hope your friend apologized and you eventually told his girlfriend how you didn't ask for this and she should just stop.
Not exactly what I was getting at. This was the first time that it was a girl I already had an experience meeting in person once, but didn't get a chance to talk with much, so it was weird/cool to see.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
The weirdest bit was... she told me that I should get 'hooked up' or meet girls through my Indian friends, and I was like, well I only have a couple...? But that's neither here nor there, but then she says that she doesn't believe in setting people up, but that people should meet other people through their friends and that's the "best way"... and then I said, well you met your boyfriend on OKCupid, and she was like "Yeah... but I don't think that's how you should do it." And that she can't imagine me with her single friend I've never met or heard of before last night and that I really should just meet a girl through my Indian friends of which for some reason she assumes I have many because that's the right way to do it.
Like, I dunno what the fuck I'm supposed to even say to that. Like, someone help me out here. What do I even say to that? I didn't want to get set up through her, because I don't like her for a few reasons so I never hang with her or talk with her.
But despite that, it feels like a slight that... well, even if I was set up on a blind date with her friend, I think I'm sufficiently charming and funny enough to stumble my way through a date with this mysterious girl if it ever got to that point. I sure as hell can hold a conversation.
Gray Matter
Member
You read my post, you know how I feel. If I go thru the motions it'll probably go to shit like always.
She just sounds like a racist. Don't let her get to you.
It's true, though, you will face racism (overt or not) while trying to date online. Just shrug it off (easy to say than do, I know) and be better than that.
Never just 'go through the motions'. If you're doing only that, your mindset will already set you up to fail. Be spectacular.
You: "Do you even understand what you're saying? Fuck off."
That kind of mentality will only make your attitude a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep thinking "fuck it, I don't feel like putting effort into it, it's not gonna work out anyway", it's... well, not gonna work out.
Also, you said you're at work and too busy to message her back, but... you're on GAF, right? Unless you really mean to type a super long response, I don't see a reason you can't message her back now.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
She's Japanese and he wanted her to introduce me to her single Indian friend. Pretty sure she's just racist though, but I didn't wanna talk to her more than I had to.
Yeah, I was nicer than that, but I just kept questioning as to like "What, you think I'm a jerk or something?" and "Do you assume I only have Indian friends that will always hook me up?" and so on.
It wasn't a pleasant conversation. I texted him and told him I'm just trying to watch my show cause he kept asking me to tell him what she was saying to me and I was trapped in some sort of bizarre domestic cause he was pissed that she wouldn't help him out help me out and that his exes would have helped, like Jesus Christ.
What a nightmare.
For friggin' real. :/ Sorry you have to go through that, sounds like one annoying as hell situation to be in.
Yeah, I'd have told her to go screw herself and told your friend that she's an idiot for making such comments.
Again, sounds like the absolute worst.
Gray Matter
Member
Well, I meant that I don't have the time to actually think about something to say. I'm home now, but I still don't feel like actually engaging in this one, might just let it go.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Well, what's this girl like? Can you link her profile or anything? I think we can help.
Time to take advantage of this opportunity. It'll let you get experience, experiment with a different approach.
I'm using that account I created for my friend and it certainly frees me up to try different ways of engaging with people.
Gray Matter
Member
I don't think anyone would like their profile being shown without their permission.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
i would have stopped replying to her about halfway through that conversation. not sure what kind of relationship you have with her, but i don't see how you're beholden to put up with that unless your friend is like best man status.
or just say something mocking her like "i cant talk anymore, got to wash my turban"
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Race is like height: you can't control it, it shouldn't affect anything, but it does. Race is more noticeable than height though: you have to look at a profile to see height whereas race is pretty evident in a picture.
NTGYK, it's possible her Indian friend doesn't like Indian guys, but she still has a terrible attitude.
NTGYK, it's possible her Indian friend doesn't like Indian guys, but she still has a terrible attitude.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
You don't have to show anyone the profile if you don't want to. Everyone just wants to help craft a good opening.
I really dislike her. Hell, I don't think my friend even likes her. It's a very toxic, codependent relationship. He's too much a pussy to call it quits (cause he's scared of being alone and it's hard for him to find romantic partners cause he's so socially awkward) and she's obsessive and neurotic and basically has no life outside of him as far as I can tell.
But he's one of my oldest friends... so, I dunno, I put up with a lot of shit. I've told him a dozen times to break up with her. The fake OKC account I created with the white guy? It's a pic of him lol with his information. Kinda hoping his girlfriend stumbles across it and dumps him cause that's the only way to end this relationship cause he himself has told me he's trapped in it.
Crazy people, man.
I don't like her though. The only reason I didn't just stop talking to her is cause I wanted to see how deep a hole she could dig herself into.
It was very deep. I should have said something mocking like "Oh, I must now go do one of my five daily prayers."
And then revealed that I'm not a Muslim so I don't actually do that. She wouldn't know the difference.
I'm not even religious. I'm just your regular everyday cool guy.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
It is what it is.
Maybe it's possible. I didn't even wanna meet her friend, but it's more... I don't like the idea that someone's gating me off without giving me a chance. It's hard to explain, but it feels dumb.
I looked up her single friend after on Facebook and I'm not attracted to her, so whatevs, hahahahaha
Gray Matter
Member
You especially asked if I could link to her profile. It's not that I don't want to, it would help like you say, it's just an invasion of her privacy. It's in the OP, don't post anything from another persons profile without their permission.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Nah, that's fine. I don't want to invade anyone's privacy, so if I'm outta line, I apologize for that.
But you got a chance here, don't give up.
For real, Gray Matter. You're always saying how no one messages you back and so on, but now you have someone talking to you and you don't feel like engaging in a conversation? You're not gonna be able to land anyone if you don't even put forth the barest minimum amount of effort!
Open the friggin' app and send a goddamn reply already, and stop "thinking about it" and "giving up"! Sweet Baby Jesus!
I'm grumpy today.
Gray Matter
Member
Ok, message sent.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Good on you, man. Wishing you the best. Incidentally, what did she say and you say? We want you to nail this conversation! #cheerleads
Gray Matter, I agree with everyone else in the thread.You really have absolutely nothing to lose by replying to her since you don't know where the rabbit hole is going to lead. People have busy lives; the fact that she took the time to respond to you is a glimmer of hope that you should grab by the horns and do it. If it does turns out to be a dead end, don't beat yourself up over it, shrug it off and move on. We deal with all kinds of rejection throughout our lives whether it's not getting a call back for a job or someone not liking a person's art work.
If anything, watch this motivational video to get you in the mood. It lights a fire in my ass when I have doubts. It's Ice T on the Fuck it mantra: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mAlzPgXb6rE
And yes, it is against the TOS to post pictures of another person without their consent whether it's a stranger or a family member. If it's a screenshot of a message with the person's picture blacked out, then it's okay. A person's profile might have personal information in which case, it wouldn't okay. This thread is doing pretty solid so far but every few pages or so, it'll have to be reiterated so it doesn't get locked if people don't read the OP.
EDIT: You did us proud Gray Matter. That's damn good man. Keep that positive attitude going.
If anything, watch this motivational video to get you in the mood. It lights a fire in my ass when I have doubts. It's Ice T on the Fuck it mantra: http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mAlzPgXb6rE
And yes, it is against the TOS to post pictures of another person without their consent whether it's a stranger or a family member. If it's a screenshot of a message with the person's picture blacked out, then it's okay. A person's profile might have personal information in which case, it wouldn't okay. This thread is doing pretty solid so far but every few pages or so, it'll have to be reiterated so it doesn't get locked if people don't read the OP.
EDIT: You did us proud Gray Matter. That's damn good man. Keep that positive attitude going.
Gray Matter
Member
Well, something I omitted was that we match thru the "quick match" on OKC, this was June 17th at like 3:30 AM, the notification woke me up, and I sent her a sarcastic message about her liking my profile at such a strange time. She didn't respond for 4 days, that's when I had my brief retirement (lol). Her response was sent today at 4:30 AM, which again woke me I responded with yet another sarcastic comment/joke about the timing of her message, which I assume she liked because she's responded by apologizing for her waking me up in the middle of the night, and I just responded to that message now.
If history repeats itself, she will once again wake me up in the middle of the night.
Anyone know how to fix this on tinder:
https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/27ljsd/you_have_already_authorized_tinder/
https://twitter.com/tinder/status/399228093509808128
https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/27ljsd/you_have_already_authorized_tinder/
https://twitter.com/tinder/status/399228093509808128
It happened to me the other day. I just had to log back in.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
You ever come across someone's profile and they've basically written a dissertation on themselves?
Like, here's this beautiful woman. She's recently out of a divorce and was diagnosed with a mental disorder some time ago, and it's very clear she's trying to put her life back together, and this is to be commended!
But then she writes 5000 words about her life on this profile. I mean, this is her biography. Literally. And while it is a fascinating read, it feels more like an exercise in catharsis more than anything.
Hope she finds somebody. She's a few years older than I am lives quite far from me and is looking for someone to get married to basically.
Hm. There are fascinating people on this site.
Like, here's this beautiful woman. She's recently out of a divorce and was diagnosed with a mental disorder some time ago, and it's very clear she's trying to put her life back together, and this is to be commended!
But then she writes 5000 words about her life on this profile. I mean, this is her biography. Literally. And while it is a fascinating read, it feels more like an exercise in catharsis more than anything.
Hope she finds somebody. She's a few years older than I am lives quite far from me and is looking for someone to get married to basically.
Hm. There are fascinating people on this site.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I realize it's not quite the purpose of the site, but you could always drop her a message and say that you found her story inspiring. A girl in Chicago messaged me to say I had a cute puppy, and I appreciated it. Kinda made my day, even though it was obviously leading nowhere.
Nothing says you can't do someone a small kindness. It allegedly builds karma.