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[SCULLIBUNDO]

Perfectly fine.

I mean, it could obviously vary depending on the exact context, but that should be okay.

Been a slow week. On page 60 since my last update.

 

[Boombloxer]

I have a question I was hoping some of you guys could help me with. I've been working on a script outline for the past month and I've hit a complete wall regarding a key point:

I have a major plot point happen right in the middle of the screenplay. I've got a great scene for Plot Point 1 and a pretty good revelation for Plot Point 2, but this one scene/instance fits perfectly smack-dab in the middle of the screenplay.

So my question is... is that okay? I know that these pacing rules aren't set in stone, but I can't see this scene/instance happening anywhere else.

So, opinions, advice?

Finish the script outline first, set it aside for a few days, then start writing.

Some things won't come until you write them out.

 

[Mike Works]

Finish the script outline first, set it aside for a few days, then start writing.

Some things won't come until you write them out.

I've finished the outline already, this is more of a... treatment I guess? A beefed-up prose-y outline.

I just can't see this event happening anywhere other than the middle of Act 2.

 

[Mercury Fred]

I have a question I was hoping some of you guys could help me with. I've been working on a script outline for the past month and I've hit a complete wall regarding a key point:

I have a major plot point happen right in the middle of the screenplay. I've got a great scene for Plot Point 1 and a pretty good revelation for Plot Point 2, but this one scene/instance fits perfectly smack-dab in the middle of the screenplay.

So my question is... is that okay? I know that these pacing rules aren't set in stone, but I can't see this scene/instance happening anywhere else.

So, opinions, advice?

To me, that's impossible to answer without knowing what the plot and scene in question are. Care to go into more detail?

 

[Kevtones]

I have a question I was hoping some of you guys could help me with. I've been working on a script outline for the past month and I've hit a complete wall regarding a key point:

I have a major plot point happen right in the middle of the screenplay. I've got a great scene for Plot Point 1 and a pretty good revelation for Plot Point 2, but this one scene/instance fits perfectly smack-dab in the middle of the screenplay.

So my question is... is that okay? I know that these pacing rules aren't set in stone, but I can't see this scene/instance happening anywhere else.

So, opinions, advice?

People get bored easy but as long as you can get the reader/audience to that point, it's fine.

 

[OrangeGrayBlue]

I have an idea for a screenplay. It would probably require directorial control or at least significant input to get it done properly, but I think I have a solid idea in mind. Something that's never really been done, to be honest. I hope to have something to show for it in the near future


Edit- I'd like to PM the basic premise to anyone interested and get some feedback on my idea if anyone is willing to humor me.

 

[grkazan12]

I have an idea for a screenplay. It would probably require directorial control or at least significant input to get it done properly, but I think I have a solid idea in mind. Something that's never really been done, to be honest. I hope to have something to show for it in the near future


Edit- I'd like to PM the basic premise to anyone interested and get some feedback on my idea if anyone is willing to humor me.

Hey man I'm currently in the process of attempting my first stab at writing and I'd like a PM of your premise.

 

[Iceman]

I have an idea for a screenplay. It would probably require directorial control or at least significant input to get it done properly, but I think I have a solid idea in mind. Something that's never really been done, to be honest. I hope to have something to show for it in the near future


Edit- I'd like to PM the basic premise to anyone interested and get some feedback on my idea if anyone is willing to humor me.

Not that you shouldn't protect your good ideas, but everything that I've read on the subject says that "ideas" or premises don't sell; completed screenplays do. Until it's a 110 page script, properly formatted and includes a beginning, middle and end it's not worth a thing. An idea doesn't magically become a screenplay in someone else's hands; it takes a lot of work.

Basically, don't worry about spilling some of those golden beans. Odds are, no one is going to make the effort to plant them, (various gardening analogies), until it grows into a fruitful tree. That's your job. You know all the little details that are going to link the 50 plus scenes together.

I'd be interested in a reading a treatment or summary of the idea. I myself am still swamped by my own screenplays.. and I've already written 60+ pages for each of them. I still don't know if I'm close to finishing those.

 

[EliCash]

I also highly recommend Syd Field's Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting. I thought it was great for understanding screenplay form and structure.

I've been thinking about screenwriting for a while now, as a hobby really more than anything else while I study. I've been struggling for ideas for months though. I think that'd I'd be more capable of filming shorts rather than writing a screenplay at this stage, but I'd like to catch an idea and run with it and have a first stab at a script, but I've got nothing right now.

 

[Iceman]

I also highly recommend Syd Field's Screenplay: The Foundations of Screenwriting. I thought it was great for understanding screenplay form and structure.

I've been thinking about screenwriting for a while now, as a hobby really more than anything else while I study. I've been struggling for ideas for months though. I think that'd I'd be more capable of filming shorts rather than writing a screenplay at this stage, but I'd like to catch an idea and run with it and have a first stab at a script, but I've got nothing right now.

What kind of genres are you interested in?

 

[EliCash]

What kind of genres are you interested in?

I like things that cross genres, which might be a problem. But, I enjoy film noirs more than anything else I think. Anything that takes you into the strange and the mysterious I find exciting too - David Lynch films for example. I also enjoy comedies that are grounded in drama and tragedy.

As a side-note, whenever I brain storm ideas I feel the need to try and break down my interests and influences in an attempt to find a unique voice, if that makes sense. I've yet to find that, which is why I haven't been able to finish an outline of an idea. I don't want to imitate the things that influence me poorly, it's like a self-conscious search for originality - I'm not sure if anyone else has this problem as a first hurdle when it comes to writing.

 

[Mike Works]

Hey, I was wondering if anyone would be available to read an extremely short script (5 pages!) tonight? I'm not looking for a critique or anything (it's going to be full of cliches), it's more to check and see if I've got the correct formatting on everything.

Cheers.

 

[beat]

John August and Craig Mazin have started a screenwriting podcast. The second episode is all about answering the dreaded question "how do I get an agent?": http://johnaugust.com/2011/scriptnotes-episode-2 And awesomely, they also put transcripts of their podcasts up too a couple of days later.

 

[oatmeal]

brandonh83 and I have recently finished the sixth draft of a script we've been working on for almost a year.

Going to try and shoot it in March.

 

[beat]

Anyone ever entered Scriptapalooza or Scriptapalooza TV? The latter's deadline is coming up (Oct 1) and I'm halfway thinking of finishing my one measly spec for it.

 

[Iceman]

brandonh83 and I have recently finished the sixth draft of a script we've been working on for almost a year.

Going to try and shoot it in March.

awesome job guys.

 

[SCULLIBUNDO]

brandonh83 and I have recently finished the sixth draft of a script we've been working on for almost a year.

Going to try and shoot it in March.

How long is it?

Also just an update - I've been pulled into other things the past couple weeks that have slowed my writing. About 80 pages in now and expecting the finished product to hover around 150 pages.

 

[Vincent Alexander]

Thought I might as well jump in and take part in this thread a bit---wish there were more writers here at Gaf.

I've re-written a feature-length script at least 20 times, beginning to end, since I first wrote it a couple of years ago. I've had multiple people read it, including a script doctor, and just a few hours ago finished my (hopefully) last re-write. I've been looking at Inktip a lot to list my script and wondered if anyone had any experience with it at all?

 

[SCULLIBUNDO]

Holy fuck its hisheartening to read a post of mine from almost a month ago and realize I've made almost no progress.

 

[strafer]

Let's say I have this person sitting in a car, asleep, the camera is focused on the face but then the camera slowly pans to the dashboard to show a phone that starts to vibrate (as in someone is calling), I have no idea how to put that into script form.

I have these great ideas but no idea how to put them into script form.

Help me please.

 

[Kevtones]

Write the action, not the direction. Find creative ways to have your reader envision what you envision.


Empahisize the details that matter to your vision (and your story).

 

[kai3345]

Holy fuck its hisheartening to read a post of mine from almost a month ago and realize I've made almost no progress.

You think thats bad? I fucking started this thread and as of right now I have zero time available for screenwriting

 

[AlteredBeast]

Just lost an hour of inspired work to data corruption.


Damn I want this screenplay done so I can start counting my stacks of cash upon selling it.

Only way to describe it is if Dumb and Dumber, Fletch, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off had a love child. You have your road trip element of Dumb and Dumber, your sly, dry wise-cracking and daydreaming/detective-type shenanigans of Fletch, and the gets-away-with-everything of FBDO.

Fun facts:

I started it in the summer of 2007. During that summer, I wrote a treatment and storyboard of the movie from start to finish. This treatment, written with zero prior planning and almost zero edits has become 90% of what the screenplay is. I have only changed a few things around for clarity's sake/comedic effect/believability.

Once I began actually writing the screenplay in correct format, I read most of the book Screenwriting 434 by Lew Hunter. This definitely helped me with structure and understanding better about the flow that should exist between Act 1, 2 and 3.

Act 1 is about 4 pages away from completion. 50% of Act 2 is going to write itself, the other half is in the storyboard, but needs dialogue and a bit of a storyline GPS.

Act 3 is done in concept, but not at all in any sort of sense to know exactly where and when I should make the final scene end up.

My dad wrote a WWII epic for over 10 years before he died. It is the kind of stuff that legends are made of, but it is sadly unfinished and unpolished. I want to get my movie done and sold and get my name out there with a few projects before i unleash this badboy on the world.

I am a dreamer, hence all of my previous comments. I do have some pretty legit contacts in the industry, but none of that will matter if the screenplay sucks (of course, Spider-man 3, Green Lantern, Because I Said So, Love Happens, and so on prove that even horrible dreck can get made), so I am working hard to make this first one really well rounded and genuinely funny. I have allowed a few people to read the work-in-progress and I did hear audible belly laughs a few times, which to me is a good sign.

 

[Mike Works]

So I have to pitch my 15 page short to the rest of my class on Thursday. Any tips?

 

[Busty]

So I have to pitch my 15 page short to the rest of my class on Thursday. Any tips?

Logline. Logline. Logline.

If you don't know your logline (even for a 15 page short) you don't know your story. Simple as that. So get that down first.

An agency/industry logline is 25 words (or less), two sentences or one breath. Once you have that foundation down you can expand upon it.

Who is your protagonist? What is the their story? What is their journey within the story? Why should we care? Make the people you're pitching to associate and care about your lead.

Then throw in some nice lines of dialogue or shots, twists etc that your script has that might spice the package up.

And last of all pitching is never, never easy. But if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail.

 

[Mike Works]

Logline. Logline. Logline.

If you don't know your logline (even for a 15 page short) you don't know your story. Simple as that. So get that down first.

An agency/industry logline is 25 words (or less), two sentences or one breath. Once you have that foundation down you can expand upon it.

Who is your protagonist? What is the their story? What is their journey within the story? Why should we care? Make the people you're pitching to associate and care about your lead.

Then throw in some nice lines of dialogue or shots, twists etc that your script has that might spice the package up.

And last of all pitching is never, never easy. But if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail.

Thanks for your advice, I f'n nailed it! Only thing I forgot to add into the pitch was dialogue, but aside from that it went awesome.

 

[ivysaur12]

Logline. Logline. Logline.

If you don't know your logline (even for a 15 page short) you don't know your story. Simple as that. So get that down first.

An agency/industry logline is 25 words (or less), two sentences or one breath. Once you have that foundation down you can expand upon it.

Who is your protagonist? What is the their story? What is their journey within the story? Why should we care? Make the people you're pitching to associate and care about your lead.

Then throw in some nice lines of dialogue or shots, twists etc that your script has that might spice the package up.

And last of all pitching is never, never easy. But if you fail to prepare, then prepare to fail.

Just repeating this.

 

[Korey]

Here's the start of my amazing motion picture idea. Let me know what you think:

It was a quiet and calm night. Albert was sitting in his study next to a vast fire place. Seated in his massive leather chair he thumbed his way through a filthy, raunchy romance novel interrupted every few minutes with a sip of vodka from a canning jar.
“Holy shit this book has more immoral sexual activity than a roman whore house!” Albert exclaimed loudly. “It's like porn but with words!”
Albert's wife Nancy poked her head up from the nearby couch.
“Albert, I told you to stop reading that trash.” Nancy scorned. “It'll corrupt your mind.”
“Oh, I hope so Nancy.”
Nancy rolled her eyes and returned to her crocheting. Why she married this man she would probably never know. She only had to wait seven more months until the insurance policies matured and then she could follow through with her plan to kill his stupid ass and live high on the hog however.
“Hey honey, they're talking about clitorises in here. I didn't know you could mention clitorises in these kind of things?!” Albert said.
Nancy shook her head and thought of the pretty dresses she would buy after she slit Albert's fool throat like the annoying tool he was.
“I'm hungry Albert, let us go and get some supper.” said Nancy as she put her crocheting away in it's storage chest.
“I'm not hungry right now babe, this novel is so engrossing anyway.” replied Albert. “Betsy is getting her nipples licked by the young pirate captain who has never known real love! Can you fucking believe it?!”
Nancy decided it was best not to reply and headed towards the kitchen. Inside it's vast walls lined with pots and pans she began to rummage about looking for anything edible. All the servants had been dismissed for the night and god knows she wasn't about to cook anything. After a few minutes she found a plate of ham sitting in the bottom shelf of the stainless steel double doored fridge. She reached down to fetch it.
“Don't touch my ham!!!” screamed a voice.
Startled by the voice Nancy dropped the ham to the floor shattering the plate in the process.
“Who's there!??!” screamed Nancy.

So was there ever a follow up to this amazing post?

 

[Busty]

Thanks for your advice, I f'n nailed it! Only thing I forgot to add into the pitch was dialogue, but aside from that it went awesome.

You are very, very welcome.

I'm glad it all went well man.

 

[grkazan12]

I've still kicking some ideas around to write, but the one thing that's preventing me is the format. What is the best book that shows you how to put it in the standard format in terms of writing television and movies? I have a copy of final draft, just want want to make sure I know the format before getting started.

 

[ivysaur12]

I've still kicking some ideas around to write, but the one thing that's preventing me is the format. What is the best book that shows you how to put it in the standard format in terms of writing television and movies? I have a copy of final draft, just want want to make sure I know the format before getting started.

Download pilots and scripts. Pilot scripts are really easy to find and since most networks leak them, you won't get in any trouble for having them.

There's a book, "How to Write for TV" that was really helpful.

 

[Mercury Fred]

Just repeating this.

Hey, is your LA gig a writing one?

 

[ivysaur12]

Hey, is your LA gig a writing one?

I'm personal assisting for a writer/director at the moment. I had a pretty funny LA moment the other day where we were trying to get a story off of Deadline.

We'll see. I don't plan on being staffed for another 3-4 years, maybe more. Who knows. My boss is working with me though, and he and his wife are big names at CAA. So, again, who knows.

 

[Fidelis Hodie]

Awwwwww yeaaaah . .

 

[squidyj]

Man, I remember starting a rough concept outline when I read that valve hadn't seen a treatment that they liked. I wonder what I did with that.

 

[Hasphat'sAnts]

I'm writing my screenplay for my screen writing class tomorrow, and it's kicking my ass. :-/

 

[bernardobri]

Syd Field's Foundations of Screenwriting is a great book to get out bad stigmas regarding screenwriting. It made me reconsider a lot of principles in narrative, structure and character development. Since I finished it a few days ago, I read again some chapters once in a while just to make sure I don't get too attached to vague concepts, and put the time and focus on the execution of the ideas in order to complete them.

It's not "the" book for screenwriting, but its easily a great reference to get the basics.

(It also helps that the author recommends a lot of movies with great scripts and he explains why they have good screenplays rather than just "watch it to understand my point".)

 

[TheKaeptain]

Syd Field's Foundations of Screenwriting is a great book to get out bad stigmas regarding screenwriting. It made me reconsider a lot of principles in narrative and structure. Since I finished it a few days a go, I read again once in a while a few chapters just to make sure I don't get too attached to vague concepts, and put the time and focus on the execution of the ideas I came up for writing.

Great book. I'm reading it right now.

 

[kai3345]

Here's the first two pages of an idea for a slasher I've had swimming around in my head for the past few months.

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&...ODI0My00ZDhmLWIzMjMtNDNkZjI5M2FmNTky&hl=en_US

I know its not a lot, but let me know what you guys think!

 

[-Babyteks-]

Here's the first two pages of an idea for a slasher I've had swimming around in my head for the past few months.

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&...ODI0My00ZDhmLWIzMjMtNDNkZjI5M2FmNTky&hl=en_US

I know its not a lot, but let me know what you guys think!

I don't have permission to read it.

 

[kai3345]

I don't have permission to read it.

Ok i think I fixed it

 

[beat]

John August's blog is awesome; now he's started a new site to answer more basic screenwriting questions over at http://screenwriting.io/ .

 

[Mike Works]

Here's the first two pages of an idea for a slasher I've had swimming around in my head for the past few months.

https://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&...ODI0My00ZDhmLWIzMjMtNDNkZjI5M2FmNTky&hl=en_US

I know its not a lot, but let me know what you guys think!

1. Get rid of all references of "the film", "the camera", and "we".

2. What time of day is it? We need this in the sluglines.

3. Your opening paragraph of action has the word 'house' in every single sentence.

4. Don't add specific song titles from famous bands unless they're absolutely imperative to the film and you think you can get the rights to use them. In your case, I see no difference between using the specific Slipknot song and saying "heavy metal song".

5. Unless it's imperative to the script that he's Hispanic, don't bother specifying Jose's race.

6. Get rid of the passive voice ("ing"s and the like).

7. This is a more subjective thing, but I think if I was stabbed in the genitals, I wouldn't be asking any form of questions. I'd probably just be screaming.

 

[Kevtones]

I use slug lines sparingly. Only during more jarring cuts/location shifts. If you can convey the image change in a better way than EXT. BURNING RAIN FOREST then do so.


It's refreshing (and rare) to come across this in reading.


Ivysaur, we should link up. We share similar duties, probably.

 

[sans_pants]

I use slug lines sparingly. Only during more jarring cuts/location shifts. If you can convey the image change in a better way than EXT. BURNING RAIN FOREST then do so.


It's refreshing (and rare) to come across this in reading.


Ivysaur, we should link up. We share similar duties, probably.

slug lines are essential if you want your movie to actually be made

 

[kai3345]

Level with me GAF. Is this complete shit? Or only kind of shit? I'm looking for it to be about 15-20 pages.

First 2.5 pages

 

[beat]

Bearing in mind that I'm no writer, but feel like giving feedback anyways,

Technical stuff first:

- I'm not sure how much readers care about bad punctuation ("I'm no crook.,") but you definitely have to correct the spelling of "surgery".

- The slugline has to have "NIGHT" or "DAY" at the end, even if it's an interior.

- Do you really need those "Continued:"/"(Continued)" bits at the start and end of each page?

- movie scripts often (always?) start with FADE IN or something like that...

Artistic stuff:

- It's a nice enough beginning VO IMO. I would cut the "Although" in that first paragraph. Maybe replace it with "But" if you really need a word there.

- There's too much VO overall for my taste. I feel like I would break up the first VO into two parts separated by a little action on Max, maybe just obsessively checking the safety on the gun or something.

- I think it would be stronger for Eduardo and Rourke should be introduced with some dialogue or action... figure out some way to make it clear in dialogue that Max is close with Eduardo and unfamiliar with Rourke.

- You could pull all that stuff Rourke said out of Max's VO and give those lines to Rourke.

- the opening action line says the three guys are in the back of the van. Then Max's VO is interrupted when the van arrives at the house they're going to rob. So... who's driving? Is there a driver? Was there a time shift that we didn't notice because Max didn't notice? If so, we should notice it now.

- why are they robbing the house when it's occupied instead of empty, anyways? Maybe you're going somewhere with this (does Eduardo have ulterior motives?); just checking.

- Eduardo's line at the end is too nakedly expositional. If you could hide that information in a bit of conflict between Max and Eduardo or Eduardo and Rourke, that might help.

 

[MacGuffin]

Level with me GAF. Is this complete shit? Or only kind of shit? I'm looking for it to be about 15-20 pages.

First 2.5 pages

You are "telling" an awful lot of it when you should be "showing" it.

It's tough to judge an idea without knowing where it's going and how you're going about setting it up.

What I have found works is you write and write and write until you get to the end. Word of warning - it'll be shitty.

After that you'll re-write and re-write and it'll still be shitty.

Maybe after about 25-30 re-writes you'll start getting along the path you want and you'll be adding themes and subtext to your story.

Just keep writing, it's the only way to make you and your screenplay better.

I've written (shot and produced) a bunch of bad scripts but I have been really happy with my last 2-3. So, while this may be your baby right now, make sure you finish it and continue to write in the future.

 

[Kevtones]

Been in 'artistic hell' for the past 6 weeks. I'm on spec for my first feature and it's going extremely well between procastination sessions. Even without sale, I feel like im crafting a great sample. Hope.



kal3345:


Your dialogue overwhelms. The hooks don't land and you tell us minutia that doesn't relate or add to your story.

Your action prose needs pampeing but it's good and to the point. The moments of scenes came through before the dialogue protracted. Find better details.

Conceptually, this needs more. We don't need to be told more, but we need to feel the stakes.

 

[Teddman]

New screenwriting book alert, How to Write Groundhog Day just came out this week. Anyone read it? So far it's only available for Kindle and Nook.