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Worst reviews EVER

B

bud

Member
Zen said:
11t8j6w.jpg
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brackets (they're everywhere).
 
T

theluma

Member
Man I wish I could remember what site it was but it had an Uncharted 2 review a month before the game was out, and it was honestly as though it was written by a 5 year old. Full of sentences that barely made sense and the general content was awful anyway.

I think the guy later said he was foreign but I'm pretty sure his review would have been crap anyway, he didn't seem to have any kind of points to make at all. And why do people that don't speak English that work for an English gaming site get review builds of U2 a month before release? :mad:

It got to it through Shawn Elliot's twitter if anyone knows what I'm talking about. Last I was on it the site had an Uncharted 2 background.
 
X

xs_mini_neo

Banned
If you can't even review a fucking videogame like a professional, then you can't whine when no one takes videogames seriously.

I've read better gamefaqs troll reviews than the 'legit' ones posted in this thread.
 
I

Ihya

Member
Doubledex said:
All EDGE scores
bring the heat. It's true
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Edge looks at the list of reviewed games for that month, decides which one is worthy of the most flamebait and/or will get most people talking about Edge reviews, then slaps a 5 or a 6 on it. From that point they reverse engineer their argument, lambasting it for not satiating their intellectual appetites, which, they remind us at every turn, are vastly superior to our own, and therefore to argue against their wisdom would be akin to a midget attempting to fight a boxer.


Actually, if they had a stuffy 80 year old academic on their review team who was given 1 title a month to review but who in fact hated all games, and only read non-fiction from obscure eastern European authors who had been dead for 200 years... well, this would make sense.
 
C

Calcaneus

Member
J-Rzez said:
This review right here, basically single handedly withered any respect videogame "reviewers" get from me. I can't read anything without thinking there's some ulterior motives behind said review. I learned just to talk to friends with similar tastes rather than stuff like that review.

Edge is also a great monthly source for bad reviews. No matter how many pretty words they throw in there, you can't cover up the bullshit final message they all have.
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Did you read the second half that actually did the explaining for why the game got the score it did?
 
D

divisionbyzorro

Member
Ihya said:
Edge looks at the list of reviewed games for that month, decides which one is worthy of the most flamebait and/or will get most people talking about Edge reviews, then slaps a 5 or a 6 on it. From that point they reverse engineer their argument, lambasting it for not satiating their intellectual appetites, which, they remind us at every turn, are vastly superior to our own, and therefore to argue against their wisdom would be akin to a midget attempting to fight a boxer.


Actually, if they had a stuffy 80 year old academic on their review team who was given 1 title a month to review but who in fact hated all games, and only read non-fiction from obscure eastern European authors who had been dead for 200 years... well, this would make sense.
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Great avatar - seen it before, actually. You come from BGG?
 
M

Milk Lizard

Banned
Darklord said:
Oh yeah that review. :lol I remember making a thread about it. Someone copied the whole review I'll post it.

[terrible review]

(Yes, that's the entire review, pretty big, huh?)
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Wow that guy completely missed the point of football manager.

I love "normal" games but football manager is the game i spend the most time playing year after year, it's addicting especially because you can play it while doing other stuff like watching tv or browsing GAF... I adtually have the game opened right now. :D
 
D

Diablohead

Member
I just watched the youtube sonic the hedgehog 1 review, omg that must be a joke, no way is that any where close to serious. :lol
 
E

eznark

Banned
CartridgeBlower said:
Not that he necessarily needs to, but has Hsu ever commented about this review now that it's become infamous on neogaf?
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You should read the threads you post in.
 
S

ShineALight

Member
BoloTheGreat said:
IGN's football manager reveiw was so god awful it was Actually pulled. It pretty much confims every sterotype about IGN (and the wider US.). It was a feckless romp through everything that is wrong with that overbloated slackjawed bloated corporate whore that is the mainstream (and mainly amaerican) gaming press.
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What stereotypes are those?
 
B

BlazeHedgehog

Member
So I searched this thread for every instance of Game Informer, but nobody has mentioned the fact that Dave Halverson gave the 2006 "SONIC the Hedgehog" game a 9.0, initially? The game was a giant steaming turd (the largest one for the Sonic franchise to date) that needs no introduction and he basically gushed about how it was the perfect Sonic game and that the franchise had been reborn or whatever.

When people called him on his bullshit, he dropped the score to an 8.0, I believe, citing that Sega assured him that all the bugs and problems with the game would be rectified before retail release, and he gave it the score based on what he thought the game would be like if it was bug-free.

Then, when the nearly-identical Playstation 3 version of the game came out a month later, he gave it a 4.5 out of 10 because it still hadn't really fixed anything.
 
J

jett

D-Member
ChackanKun said:
Almost every review these days....
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I don't find any single reviewer worth reading. When I choose to buy a game I look at user feedback more than any website. I mostly make up my mind on my own though, assessing video content and such.

I like watching GameTrailers' reviews for that very reason, but I pay little to no attention to the scores they give.
 
A

Arpharmd B

Banned
bud said:
brackets (they're everywhere).
Click to expand...


I kinda "get" where Hsu is coming from ( he's basically saying, a game can have all kinds of flaws, but if its "impressed the hell out of him" that it doesn't really matter). He takes it... a bit far, and blasts the game to pieces (drugs?)... and it doesn't help that the dude can't write for shit (cue eyes rolling).

The review is so poorly (well, maybe a better word is annoyingly) written that it's beyond bad (I mean, bad like the powerglove bad) and I really hate his use of brackets (it may be a tad overdone) and if I were his English teacher he'd be getting a B- (which if you read the review you'd expect the game score to be). I also feel like he was bad for EGM (when he took over the magazine it got shittier and shittier till it died), and it seemed like he didn't know what he was talking about on some stuff (but hey here's some more words in a bracket).
 
L

lorddarkflare

Banned
faridmon said:
that's what I've been trying to say all this time. But no one listens to me :(
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I am now a believer.

They use may of their reviews to make a point, not to actually review.

This is a bad thing, though they are still one of the more intelligent outlets.
 
Yoboman

Yoboman

Member
EschatonDX said:
No 8.8 yet?

C'mon GAF, you can do better than that!
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8.8 was the right score for Twilight Princess. Many agree in retrospect

That was probably an example of one of the best and most honest reviews that looked past the hype
 
L

lorddarkflare

Banned
Yoboman said:
8.8 was the right score for Twilight Princess. Many agree in retrospect

That was probably an example of one of the best and most honest reviews that looked past the hype
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Hell i would have been harder on it. 8.5.
 
spons

spons

Gold Member
Private Hoffman said:
I realize a '10' isn't necessarily a perfect game. I never suggested it was. However, there are enough significant flaws in Gears 1 that prevent it from having a perfect score in my view, and while Hsu does a good job of articulating all of those flaws, it seems as though he was able to shrug them of when it came time to give it a score.

The netcode prevented almost any legs the game could have had in terms of serious online play, and the main campaign mode was extremely short. By all means, it's a good game, but it definitely doesn't warrant an A+ given how serious the flaws are.
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Gears was short as shit because they moved an entire campaign to the PC version to give it something 'extra'.
 
A

AniHawk

Member
Yoboman said:
8.8 was the right score for Twilight Princess. Many agree in retrospect

That was probably an example of one of the best and most honest reviews that looked past the hype
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8.8 reaction was overblown, but that doesn't make the review correct, or anyone that agrees with it correct. It was the best 3D Zelda with the best level design in the series.
 
D

Deleted member 30609

Unconfirmed Member
Jeff's 8.8 review doesn't belong in this thread, but that doesn't mean that many agree with it. Twilight is, by a wide-margin, the best 3D Zelda. The dungeons were outstanding.

edit: what Anihawk said
 
P

-PXG-

Member
Why doesn't GAF have a review section? Then again, look at the front page.

You know what, forget I asked.
 
Y

Ysiadmihi

Banned
AniHawk said:
8.8 reaction was overblown, but that doesn't make the review correct, or anyone that agrees with it correct. It was the best 3D Zelda with the best level design in the series.
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I don't agree that it's the best 3D Zelda, but the game was certainly given a more critical review than most. IIRC, he complained a good bit about how it's just "more of the same" but in his Halo 3 review said something like "It's just more of the same, but is that really a bad thing?" and gave the game a 9.5 :lol

Also, Gamespot's review of Radiant Dawn was pretty awful too ("No Mii support? 6.5!").
 
C

CartridgeBlower

Member
Sega1991 said:
So I searched this thread for every instance of Game Informer, but nobody has mentioned the fact that Dave Halverson gave the 2006 "SONIC the Hedgehog" game a 9.0, initially? The game was a giant steaming turd (the largest one for the Sonic franchise to date) that needs no introduction and he basically gushed about how it was the perfect Sonic game and that the franchise had been reborn or whatever.

When people called him on his bullshit, he dropped the score to an 8.0, I believe, citing that Sega assured him that all the bugs and problems with the game would be rectified before retail release, and he gave it the score based on what he thought the game would be like if it was bug-free.

Then, when the nearly-identical Playstation 3 version of the game came out a month later, he gave it a 4.5 out of 10 because it still hadn't really fixed anything.
Click to expand...

Yeesh. Is this guy still employed? I don't read Game Informer so I wouldn't know.
 
M

Massa

Member
How about this review:

Uncharted 2 is the kind of game that will justifiably drive people to buy new televisions. Synergy and convergence are business school buzzwords, but in coupling Uncharted 2, the PlayStation 3 and this television, I was experiencing an end-to-end entertainment statement from the global giant that is Sony. It is quite a statement.
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Can you imagine the GAF thread had this infomercial been published by IGN?
 
S

Shurs

Member
Sega1991 said:
So I searched this thread for every instance of Game Informer, but nobody has mentioned the fact that Dave Halverson gave the 2006 "SONIC the Hedgehog" game a 9.0, initially?
Click to expand...

That's probably because Dave has never worked for Game Informer.
 
C

CurlySaysX

Banned
1UP - every single PS3 review ever.
Notable mention Warhawk

1UP Killzone Liberation - Undoubtedly one the top 5 psp games ever and they give it 5 or some crap. WTF? They had to damage control that score and edited it a few times too.

Ohhh wow.. this is an old thread...
I'm getting deja vu. I think i may have posted here before. :(
 
S

Spire

Subconscious Brolonging
It's no wonder the games "journalism" industry is in such shitty shape, the readers are no better than the writers. Apparently a "bad review" is simply one you don't agree with, rather that one that is poorly written and doesn't articulate its points well.
 
D

Darkman M

Member
jett said:
I don't find any single reviewer worth reading. When I choose to buy a game I look at user feedback more than any website. I mostly make up my mind on my own though, assessing video content and such.

I like watching GameTrailers' reviews for that very reason, but I pay little to no attention to the scores they give.
Click to expand...


.
 
D

divisionbyzorro

Member
So here's Gaming Trend's review of Tony Hawk: Ride

http://www.gamingtrend.com/Reviews/review/review.php?ReviewID=1346

I don't so much mind them rating the game high (different strokes and all that), but their response on their forums is...atrocious. From a site administrator and the person who wrote their official review:

th'fool said:
Yeah, I knew the Giant Bomb review was going to be bad when I watched Gertsmann act like a douche in the quick take. i wonder how much balance an eggplant like him is capable of...
Click to expand...

And of course, never mind the whole "early review" controversy regarding the review event held by Activision.

Hehe. THR has gotta be one of the strangest games on Metacritic:
http://www.metacritic.com/games/platforms/xbox360/tonyhawkride?q=tony hawk: ride
 
S

skee

Neo Member
I remember back in the early EGM days there was a review where the reviewer (Sushi-X?) said simply "I cant remember playing this game" I am almost certain the game got a 0.0 in his review box as well. Damn I wish I could remember the game.
 
C

cooljeanius

Member
-PXG- said:
Why doesn't GAF have a review section? Then again, look at the front page.

You know what, forget I asked.
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Yeah, about that front page...
http://www.neogaf.com/ said:
NeoGAF G.A.M.E.: An electronic music compilation
Written by Tyler Malka
Friday, 21 December 2007
Our forum members have completed an interesting electronic music project which includes 26 tracks from 24 different NeoGAF members.

"Titled G.A.M.E., the project contains over two dozen tracks ranging from chiptunes to IDM to trance to experimental and everything in between, all inspired by our favorite videogames."

It can be downloaded here. Discuss the project on the forum here.
Click to expand...
NeoGAF G.A.M.E.: An electronic music compilation
Written by Tyler Malka
Friday, 21 December 2007
Click to expand...
Friday, 21 December 2007
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You'd almost think GAF had died or something...
 
W

Whimsical Phil

Ninja School will help you
CartridgeBlower said:
Yeesh. Is this guy still employed? I don't read Game Informer so I wouldn't know.
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Well, this didn't happen in Game Informer; it was in Play.

In any case, yes, I'm pretty sure that Dave Halverson, the magazine's publisher, is still employed there.

skee said:
I remember back in the early EGM days there was a review where the reviewer (Sushi-X?) said simply "I cant remember playing this game" I am almost certain the game got a 0.0 in his review box as well. Damn I wish I could remember the game.
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It was the review of Hydlide for NES, but I don't think it was Sushi-X doing the review, and I'm pretty sure that it didn't get a 0.0.

Not to defend the review, of course. The "I don't remember what Hydlide was about" review is almost as bad as EGM's classic "Just another karate game" review of Flying Dragon for the NES.

If I remember correctly, the first game in EGM to score a 0.0 was Mortal Kombat Advance for GBA (a review written by Shoe).
 
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