Muahahaha. Muahaaahaha. Muahahahahahahahaha!

*rubs hands*

I'd create my own Ginyu Force.

Click to expand...

Acorn said:

Kill all tories, salt and cement over Thatcher's grave.

Click to expand...

Sounds like you have plenty of salt already so you're on your way.

MIMIC said:

Once a year, all atheists must attend church (or equivalent place of worship) and all those practicing religion must attend a Richard Dawkins seminar

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Count me out.

As for what I would do:

-ban wars
-make life-extension a right for everyone
-pull together all available resources to usher in the technological singularity
-merge with AI to become the Borg
-colonize the galaxy
-???
-profit

Why, what else would I do?

Enact world peace, of course.

Do you even know how long I've had this typed up and saved on my Desktop?

That's right, you don't.

Thus, I present to you-


Blargonaut's Master Plan for World Peace

---------
STEP 1.

Unite all major world technological, power-generation, engineering, manufacturing, and resource-gathering corporations within one initially publically-secret coalition (bribe them, blackmail them, secretly hostile-takeover them, just get it done without loss of life) with two objectives and two objectives only:

OBJECTIVE 1. To produce a viable, fully-enclosed, fully armoured yet unarmed, EMP-hardened, radiation-proof, explosive-proof, chemical and biological warfare-proof, powered one-size-fits-all yet customisable personal bipedal exoskeleton/mecha ‘exosuit’ that runs on renewables, requires minimal maintenance, has two manipulator arms that have the same dexterity and size as human arms and hands and contains full amenities for sustaining human life from birth 'til death, e.g.: water storage & recycling, essential protein & nutrient generation, air supply, upgradeable entertainment facilities, a full data-bank of all knowledge ever, full communication/internet suite, temperature regulation, waste disposal, a cleanliness & hygiene-maintenance system, etc.

These will only be slightly taller and broader than an average human, and roomy enough to allow the person inside to stand up, sit down, exercise, stretch; every possible action, except for being able to exit it. That's correct; the user will be trapped inside, optimally forever (at least, for their natural lifespan).

Once the design is finalized, mass-manufacture eight billion of them.

OBJECTIVE 2. To produce a means of safely externally capturing moving objects regardless of their size and velocity (from a bullet to a passenger jet or cargo ship) whilst ensuring the contents are unhurt and undamaged, and purposefully landing the object safely to the ground or stopping it from moving. It could be as complicated as some kind of zero-point energy field-whatever or a really strong net, doesn't matter, as long as it gets these design goals done.

Once the design is finalized, manufacture enough to capture all the world's transportation and moving vehicles, then set it all up in locations where it can do so.


---------
STEP 2.

The moment that these objectives are achieved to executive viability, successfully distributed and strategically placed (over decades, whatever, as long as they stay committed to them until fulfilled):

Fuck countries and fuck governments.
Fuck politics and political parties.
Fuck immigration and emigration laws.
Abolish ALL borders, fuck off with these outdated territorial piss-on-a-tree lines in the dirt.
Fuck business, the modern economy and currency.
Fuck privacy.
Backup the internet and EMP the entire Earth.

If it's hardened against EMP effects; using all available resources provided by member companies of the coalition, arm dozens of private kill-teams with a few of these new exosuits and top-of-the-line weaponry and send them to either secure (if it's a non-lethal piece of technology that could be of beneficial use, such as medical tech.), sabotage and/or destroy it.

Send these same kill-teams to sabotage the global weapons design & manufacturing industries (yes, using weapons) and all government militaries and nuclear arsenals.

Using the capture tech., safely secure all moving vehicles worldwide; air, sea and land, before they can crash/mortally decelerate and potentially cause an undesirable loss of life. Strive to salvage these disabled vehicles for materials usable towards exosuit development and furthering the future ‘consolidation’ phase of this plan, as outlined in ‘Step 4’.

After the kill-teams' tasks are done, relieve them of their weapons and destroy the equipment.

By the end of this stage, all the world's existing economy, infrastructures and war-enabling establishments should be effectively nullified.


---------
STEP 3.

Permanently encase every single person on Earth in their own personal exosuit, including coalition members.

I envision hundreds of thousands, millions, billions of empty exosuits able and programmed to automatically swarm out of their subterranean sleeper facilities to hunt down and swallow up anyone and everyone worldwide.

Non-compliers, even among coalition members, will have no chance of escape; they will be found and encased by my relentless house-suits. It doesn't matter if you're fat, skinny, old, young, radical, conservative, whatever useless artificial title you refer to your beliefs with; you WILL be encased.

All encased, thus, the entire world's population, will have their identities and DNA registered on a global database.

The handicapped and the elderly will be encased in specialized suits that heighten their abilities and remove their disadvantages.

Families with babies, infants, and small children will be encased gently into larger family-sized mecha (internal room for two parents/guardians, with attachable room extensions the more children they have). Once the children have completed their individual puberty transitions, they will be forcibly moved into their own adult exosuits, then free to do whatever they please.

In the case of un-minded children and orphans, they will be encased in specialized suits that flex and adapt with them as they age, until they’re ready to be transferred into the regular adult suits.


---------
STEP 4.

Now that the global population is secured and accounted for; every exosuit will freeze in place, and a video will play on the internal screen to every occupant around the world: a complete video briefing detailing everything that has happened, why it happened, how it happened and, lastly, how to operate their suit.

STATUS, CONSOLIDATION AND THE FUTURE

There will now be large, fully-automated, self-maintaining, safe-via-drone establishments scattered at convenient locations around the world for free maintenance of your suit, free advanced medical care, free basic-level daily rations (the minimum for keeping you alive) and for meeting other people out-of-suit in a pre-secure interior. These facilities will be called 'Exo-Centres' (working title).

Food and water will be sustainably hunted and retrieved by drones dispatched from Exo-Centres, where it will all be processed and stored. Although each Exo-Centre provides every person with free basic rations, you may use whatever currency standard you have earned and possessed to purchase better goods from the Exo-Centre. Selection will be seasonal. You can take the goods back into your exosuit for storage. Exo-Centres are the new and only global supermarket, with prices maintained robotically and/or by paid 'economy experts' (if you are an 'economy expert', please fill out an application and submit it to your desired Exo-Centre workplace; you will be required to complete an examination and verification of your abilities).

You may also enter and pay to dine within each Exo-Centre's custom-order restaurant, with any ethnic dish you desire made available to you robotically or by paid chefs (if you consider yourself a chef, please fill out an application and submit it to your desired Exo-Centre workplace; you will be required to complete an examination and verification of your abilities).

Medical care is free at any Exo-Centre and is administered robotically or by paid medical experts (if you are a medical expert, please fill out an application and submit it to your desired Exo-Centre workplace; you will be required to complete an examination and verification of your abilities).

Every exo-suit detects the health of the individual inside; if you are detected to possess a contagious illness/disease, quarantine is already in effect as you are already locked in your suit, so proceed with your life. If you desire medical attention in your state and you choose to visit an Exo-Centre, you will be treated remotely, outside the facility, by drones (fully-automated, but potentially controlled by medical experts, if they are present and hired in that Exo-Centre).

There is now no more need for the full staffed education system. Every exosuit contains full education programs from kindergarten to university-level in every course ever imagined. You may proceed with any of them at your own pace, and tests/exams will be taken from within your suit. If you require human-to-human assistance, you are free to search for and request it from anyone you desire, as the entire world's population is registered in the database.

Qualified, practical technicians, doctors and engineers will be the most highly paid and sought after of any occupation now, required for maintenance and staffing of Exo-Centre facilities and their drones; thus, providing incentive to study into these difficult-to-attain positions. Wages for all occupations now mandated by the Exo-Centre system.

If you want to have sex, head to the nearest Exo-Centre to exit your exosuits in an established protected, romantic environment.

If you and your partner have a child (which you are recommended to have delivered in an Exo-Centre medical wing), head to your nearest Exo-Centre and apply for a family-sized mecha; the approval process is fully automated and instantaneous, and you will be able to move in within the hour of your application, should it be successful.

Should you have a physically-harmful domestic altercation within your family-mecha (detected by its internal systems), both parents/guardians will be placed within unremovable, unarmoured basic exosuit harnesses (frame only) within your family-mecha that will engage the violence-nullifying lock-and-freeze upon future incidents, only removable once your family unit decides to abandon your family-mecha.

Should you die inside your suit, your suit will seek to carry out your pre-set desired funeral arrangements (if you had arranged any; if not, the default is 'Underground Self-Burial + Mummification/Preservation' in an isolated, aesthetically-pleasing locale, safe for the slim possibility of scientific resurrection in the far future).

No one will ever be able to hurt or kill each other again, as everyone is now weapon-less, projectile weapons no longer exist and everyone is encased in their armoured exosuits. The suits are programmed to instantly lock and freeze should someone attempt to deliver exosuit-boosted CQC to anybody else. Hurting/killing fauna and certain flora will elicit a similar lockdown, as all sustenance-related hunting and farming is now performed by Exo-Centre drones, and all individuals are protected from any harm from any living organism ever by their exosuit.

All exosuits are programmed to detect the manufacturing/production/existence of projectile weapons (each and every suit has the blueprints/concepts of all weapons ever made installed in its memory for reference, as well as being constantly updated with details of approved current developments that are officially sanctioned and being conducted by personnel in Exo-Centres), and to automatically seize control from the person inside upon such detection then pound the work into dust before returning control.

Each and every exosuit is rigged and programmed to melt the person inside with extreme prejudice should its programming and/or master hardware be attempted to be tampered with from internally or externally.

There will be no more need for:

• Police (strife is now impossible)
• Fire-fighters (fires now handled by drones)
• Military (war is now effectively impossible)
• The Real Estate Establishment (everyone lives in their own personal house-suit now)
• Lawyers (law is maintained by the exosuits and a dumb AI Master Array)
• Retail Workers
(and many more occupations that could be automated or were made redundant by the pre-described new systems and/or the exosuits)

Finally: if an individual partisan, or group composing of such of any size, were to somehow successfully bypass the aforementioned established security measures and attempt to 'free' the remainder of humanity by means of force or subterfuge (unlikely; total existential satisfaction after self-experience of the freely-distributed advanced tech. and vital necessities afforded to all via this plan, coupled with mass entertainment-induced lethargy, will effectively dismay and/or counter drive for premeditated rebellion by the populace), or, if we are ever engaged by hostile extraterrestrials (highly unlikely); they, would immediately encounter a global human population with every single person, from the children to the elders, possessing mechanically-enhanced strength, speed and stamina, individual self-sustenance and the capability of instant private communication with every other individual worldwide; all, able and ready for strategic martial deployment on a micro- and macro-level as dictated by individual 'loyalists' and 'loyalist' groups ('loyal' in reference to this plan'), but/and ultimately, if need be, remotely puppeteered by the Master Array via remote servo-actuation (thus movement command) to ensure victory.

Thus, everyone is now free to rebuild society as they see fit, around the foundation of Exo-Centres and exosuits that enable all to be free of any worry of personal harm from anything short of a nuclear exchange, and make all totally incapable of harming one another no matter each other’s personal beliefs; and, it was all accomplished without ever having to directly kill anyone.


FIN










tl;dr: I want to produce eight billion empty, humanoid suits of fit-adaptable powered armour to maraud rampant across the Earth, each in fully autonomous drone form until the following task is achieved: seek, abduct and permanently entomb within themselves, every single individual human for the remainder of each of their natural lives, the suit intended as a mandatory uninhibiting (indeed, enhancing) 'second skin' created with the intent to enable 'for their own good' remote, effective, efficient worldwide security maintenance; stated as well, a desire to produce such suits in-continuum and compulsory for all future descendants, thereby allowing a tamper-proof, dumb non-sentient AI Master Array to be able to remotely, mechanically completely prohibit anyone and everyone from harming themselves, each other and the planet, for universal eternity, optimally; after which such is successfully consolidated, a worldwide automated corruption-proof Communist-Libertarian Technocracy will be established and involuntarily-but-out-of-crafted-vital-necessity maintained by members of the now 'declawed-on-demand' augmented human race, then, completely free to live however they want on Earth and beyond, all whilst enjoying total, secure, sustainable, perpetual interpersonal peace.







...but, barring the execution of my master plan, I'd probably settle for a hovering kevlar pyramid for me to happily live in until I'm overthrown and killed, if it was stocked with infinite comfort food, had full-time chefs catering to my every whim, and, a man-height fleshlight corridor lubricated with real human secretions that my worshipers must erotically crawl through in moist supplication before having an audience with me.

-legalize pot
-higher minimum wage
-health care reform
-break up telecom monopolies
-marriage equality
-education reform
-Better wages for women
-transition surgery covered under healthcare
-harsher penalties for rapists
-prison reform in the states
-12 step program for war veterans and job placement
-global ass and titties day

dapperbandit said:

Sounds like you have plenty of salt already so you're on your way.

Click to expand...

*adds to death list*

First on my list would probably be some kind of license to have children. Also probably make Stem Cell Research one of the top priorities.

I would also remove a lot of ethical guideline on science. For example, prisoners serving life would be given the option of selling their live bodies to science in exchange for a good sum of money.

I'd force Half Life 3 to become an iPhone exclusive

Blargonaut said:

snip

Click to expand...

I'd have the world's brightest minds build me a space pod and get out of here.

If I had no moral safeguards? Every facet of human activity would in some way be devoted to developing travel into space. Space colonies. And the technology to sustain that for the long term.

I'd send colonists to the moon and force them to live there. I'd experiment on condemned criminals to figure out what they can endure in space/experimental space suits, ships...etc.

We'd get a billion people living on the moon. Then mars. Then figure out how to colonize venus.

Then the galaxy!

You don't want me to rule the world. I'll basically become that villain in JRPG game.

Fracas said:

I'd force Half Life 3 to become an iPhone exclusive

Click to expand...

Meltdowns would be glorious you have my vote

I would make threetri333 my sex slave.

Acorn said:

*adds to death list*

Click to expand...

Not if my Secret Police Death Squad gets you first.

I would get an assload of money (For Ref thats any amount of money that lets me do what I want, when I want and never having to work ever again) and then push people to love one another. If you want to be the dick in a sea of good people then guess what, I'll send you to the moon. Lets see how long you can hold your breath!

Dawgs would rule the world.

I'd just end up being the Dr. Doom for liberal causes.

Libertarians will be relegated to a city under the sea.

I wouldn't mind ruling the world as long as people don't know that I'm ruling the world.

hiss

Fracas said:

I'd force Half Life 3 to become an iPhone exclusive

Click to expand...

we have a winner here. it doesn't get any more evil

Fake-Edit: forget what I said. you could make it a F2P P2W title.

I'd give blargonaut 49% of my power, just to see some of that shit.

Personally? I'd be fairly standard. Nothing but clean energy, education, and disarmament for the first years. If I wanted to do something dumb, I'd create a think tank to spread awesome cultural phenomenons. People would dress in ridiculous clothes, cities would be designed for parkour paths, gesturing and posing would be common in discussions. There' would be massive areas dedicated to building wonderful and strange structures and art.

Also I would force airships to be a thing.

Blargonaut said:

Stuff

Click to expand...

I'd just flip the switch of the existence of everything.

I would Nuke Dawg.

You know... I actually may start a campaign to kill every living domestic cat, the most destructive invasive species on this planet.

1. Undertake massive ocean cleaning activities.
2. Remediate all long-term contaminated sites (e.g., old mines leaching into groundwater etc.)
3. Embark on a multi-pronged project of destroying all internal combustion engines, sources of electricity, disposing of nuclear materials, and reducing human population to 0.005% of its current size.

Omaha said:

Click to expand...

"Look, Omaha, everything this post touches is my GAF cred." *I say in my naturally deep voice*

Omaha: "Wow." *you squeal as I throw my voice while puppeteering you*

"A crazed shitposter's time as cringe-ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, Omaha, the sun will set on my time here on GAF, and will rise, with you, as the new 'secretly brilliant forum weirdo that everyone ignores despite the fact'." *I boom with hereditary vocal gravitas*

Omaha: "And this will all be mine?" *high-pitched squeal of me ventriloquist'ing you*

"Everything." *said in super-low deep baritone velvet sex that is of course my natural voice*

Omaha: "Everything the light touches..." *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Have a Fabulous costume made for me

massoluk said:

You know... I actually may start a campaign to kill every living domestic cat, the most destructive invasive species on this planet.

Click to expand...

I would follow you to the depths of hell and back, sir. You have my sword.

I would end poverty

Vyroxis said:

I would follow you to the depths of hell and back, sir. You have my sword.

Click to expand...

Blargonaut said:

"Look, Omaha, everything this post touches is my GAF cred." *I say in my naturally deep voice*

Omaha: "Wow." *you squeal as I throw my voice while puppeteering you*

"A crazed shitposter's time as cringe-ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, Omaha, the sun will set on my time here on GAF, and will rise, with you, as the new 'secretly brilliant forum weirdo that everyone ignores despite the fact'." *I boom with hereditary vocal gravitas*

Omaha: "And this will all be mine?" *high-pitched squeal of me ventriloquist'ing you*

"Everything." *said in super-low deep baritone velvet sex that is of course my natural voice*

Omaha: "Everything the light touches..." *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

Click to expand...

It will happen one day, and when it does, I won't be able to hold any promises.

Mandatory highschool for everyone, college free worldwide with strong scholarship programs focused on the support of the students and their families.

Billions of investment on alternate energy sources with beneficts to people and companies that use them.

Metroid prime 4.

Destroy the right wing media such as Fox News. Take Murdoch's whole influence away. Kick out the Republicans from office.

Mistah said:

I would Nuke Dawg.

Click to expand...

Why

Do a Louis CK and buy all the pants in the world.

No more pants.

Substantially cut the military budget and put all that money into research and education.
I'd also heed Bill Burrs advice and try to limit the human population on this planet.
Apparantely the birth rate will significantly decrease if more people (epsecially women) have access to higher education. I'd say that's a win win situation.

Also:

Outlaw shaving. Down with shaving. Also I'd cure world hunger and inequality if I have the power to do so. But no shaving. All shaving.

I'd instate Blargonaut's plan, except that the exo-suits would deliver willing participants in ffm threesomes to my pleasure-dome palace.

sell it so I can live comfortably and not give a shit.

Blargonaut said:

*lots and lots of stuff*

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But OP asked you to abuse your power

I would challenge Noam Chomsky to a knife fight, and have it held in a gigantic arena in the middle of the ocean.

2 men enter.

One man leaves.

How does one abuse his power as the Ruler of the World?

Fracas said:

I'd force Half Life 3 to become an iPhone exclusive

Click to expand...

LMAO

Cut all military budgets to 0, take that money, invest in the gaming industry and outlaw DLC's and microtransaction

So since the question specifies that it is about how I would abuse the power, I'm going to forget about anything good or useful.

I would hire other people with my infinite money to do all of the actual ruling so that I don't have to do shit unless I specifically want to. Then I could just step in and lay down the law whenever it suited me.

I'd fire a whole lot of US politicians and force them to work low wage jobs only. I'd have a complaint PO box for them to write to, so that I could laugh at their tears and read the letters for youtube.

I would invite myself into creative teams that I don't belong in to assist with decision making.

I'd probably end up spending a lot of my time on movie sets watching movies getting made. Nobody can tell me to leave.

There would be a Chipotle across the street from my house by my decree.

I'd have my own driver who lives next-door who is on call 24/7 so I dont have to drive myself anywhere ever again.

There would be public monuments to many of my favorite movies like Terminator and Star Wars.

I want a really badass treehouse.

Also capes would be factually back in style.

Forced socialism, enjoy.

1. Commence human instrumentality project divert huge amounts of tax money into into.

2. Admit that human instrumentality project really doesn't mean anything.

3. Free LSD for all and ask them to forget.

Force Valve to either confirm or deny HL3.