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NeoGAF General Poetry Thread #1 - "Reflection"

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Z

ZephyrFate

Banned
I'm a huge fan of writing poetry. Always have been, always will be. I am, however, equally a huge fan of reading poetry.

I figured I would attempt a little experiment: A creative writing thread purely for poetry. This will be similar to the "Creative Writing Challenges" but differ in a few ways.

Rules:

1. You will have about three and a half weeks for each submission. Poetry sometimes requires a lot more time than other forms of writing.

2. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.

3. The poetry thread 'contest' will always end on a Wednesday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote, but you don't necessarily have to submit a piece to vote.

4. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following three and a half weeks.

5. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want. Yes, even haikus are fine.

6: Optional secondary requirements are not mandatory, you can include them or not.

Theme #1: Reflection
Overview: Some of the best poetry I've read has been an in-depth expose into the self, a reflection of sorts on the inner turmoils within to give birth to incredibly beautiful imagery.

Submission Deadline: Wednesday, April 28th, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific. Voting deadline is May 1st, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
I'm in. Three weeks, three different writing threads; three is indeed the magic number. Also we have some sort of symmetry with calander date. First three weeks to enter, and last week to review and vote. And the contest starts again on May 1st, hopefully...
 
M

Mike Works

Member
Desire

Men pray for vision of that silhouette
In their clouds: their soul-mate revealed. Distraught,
I become, of seeing her face, I fret;
How see I hers when my own I cannot?
I have kissed women's hearts, only before
I kissed too hard, or not enough. Desire
Fuels self-destruction: a one-sided war.
My wants kill my wants; I drown in their fire.
A solution exists here in my speech,
For, after hours- years- of introspection,
The rhyme behind my faults is within reach;
Convention assures, within this section:
The solution. The answer must exist
Of how to hold the hearts I have once kissed.


(wrote this a few hours ago)
 
C

cory

Banned
Just whipped this up on the spot.
I took creative writing last year, really helped out my writing all around.

I'm Not That Fond of Ramen.

What are you doing
Can't sleep through life
Getting ideas at all hours
Your brain doesn't stop
If you could only
Turn it off sometimes
Maybe you wouldn't be so distracted
Can't see your future cause you're set on a fantasy
Getting in the way of what you can really see
Messing up thinking that you can afford it
But you shouldn't let that dream die
You gotta keep that idea alive
What's life without aspirations
Maybe right now is the problem
Maybe it'll provide a resolution
Either way there's a date
You wish you could jump to
Another May to start a summer
Of endless working
Sleeping
Thinking
Absorbing info but getting dumber
When will it happen
If ever.
Or is this your life?
 
Z

ZephyrFate

Banned
I'll submit something I wrote today.

Dislocation

Dark chocolate black evening
Butterscotch streetlights
And the angelic grace of a passing by car
Some sorrowful electronic song blaring through his earbuds
The world is silent.

He walks to the beat of his own feet
the tapping upon the concrete his lone song.
Familiar faces and familiar places beckon and call
And he waves at them like each one's nothin' more
than a passing memory.

But he feels discontent
There's a kink in the machine
Throwin' off his tilt, going against his grain
He doesn't know what it is but it's tearing him asunder
Piece by piece like a short story that doesn't quite work.

The color of his battle is unknown
a melange of paints and dyes and bleaches
And when you throw them together against a wall
it comes out intangible
and so he continues down the path, the faces now a blur.

Rejections and revelations
All smattering together at once
Overloading, oversensualizing
He can't deal with it at once so he hides
Waiting... always waiting.

Into a mirror he looks
At the sagged eyes and the unshaven nascent beard
Specifically at the vessels of sight
In them there are no beginnings
Only the promises of endings.
 
D

Dresden

Member
Chipping Away at the Statue

Heed,​
the sound of her voice.
Indecent and everything lovely,
syrup-sweet and smooth, the
wandering thoughts and fingers dancing
building up in thoughtless fireworks.

Like candles burning,
wax dripping,
falling and gliding, slick-hot-smooth
against burning skin.

Heed,​
all the filthy thoughts that seep
past the memories of heartless, sought-out,
burnt wrecked shattered destroyed:
the hulking bulk of the sound of her voice
it drifts within her.

Echoes,​
of her. Her voice. Ringing,
rung 'round the robin's egg.
The shells break and it runs over
the side, dripping like candle wax.

I miss her.​
Her voice. Her sound. Her scent.
The lovers fall and lovers quarrel,

and​

the quarry of hearts met unmatched,
triangles fit loose into larger circles.

----------------------------------

Also, just a comment, I think three weeks might be too long for this.
 
D

Dartastic

Member
I actually started a tumblr for just this purpose. If anyone cares to read some of my stuff you can go here. Let me know what you think. Feedback is definitely more than welcome.

This is the first piece I posted.

Sometimes I wonder if
Love
Is just a construct of our ability to
Fuck
And nothing else.
Perhaps it’s just a belief that
She
Will be the best mother for
My
Children
Who will hopefully become
A better version of
Me
And nothing more.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
What! people submitting stuff, barely a few hours after the thread opened! scandalous. And no italics in sight! I'm presuming, this is not for the competition side of things: so here goes nothing.... Poetry thread is a go go go!:


Trouble belongs to me,


I will tell the you the great wonders of my life,
my love;
daring you to disagree.

In slow and entrenched disappointment;
my darling,
my heart does solemnly bleed;

The sun is the source of my life;
in more then a single way,
it helps me to breathe.

Happiness and sorrow works in twine,
destined to be together,
like the heart and my mind.

Work is on par excellence;
like heaven doth poetry,
though my work takes forever;
and though my tongue is not of great wit;
I do beg forgiveness;
for trying to be perfect,
to try to offer a leaf so short,
hoping that you read and reread,
and of poor, shabby, honesty,
and in truth denial,
that my pen,
my humble sword,
is,
and will always be:
of the worst quality.

and to end on but a sad note,
should tell you everything;
everything you wish to know about me,

for my life belongs to you and me,
my love;
like trouble belongs to sleep.



and this is one I'm working on (truth be told, I never finished a poem in my life):

Of Happiness



My lover is my best friend,
She's my wife, she's my soul mate.

My mother's a darling,
Her grandchild's awesome.

My father died a fine man,
he left quite the gentleman.




Three is a magic number and I was going to post a third... but I don't have a third... :(
Ps. I tend to write about other people, cultures, friends, family... id est, this ain't me. Peace out.
 
J

Jhoan

Member
Can I use code switching in my poem? I like doing using that technique a lot. Also, I like writing poetry (and short stories to a lesser extent, except that they require more thought and are harder), so this is awesome. I'm definitely in.
 
A

AnkitT

Member
Frustration, castration, no lies are white or black
It’s the grays that get you with what you lack
Fear and performance, yearning perfection
Rejection in election, with no elocution, selection
No criteria yet intelligence is overrated
Hated by debaters with priority set for later
Be complacent, like outrage with no hate meant
Or statement to the sheep that flock
Sucking each other cock while having goods to hawk

Talent is latent but positions never vacant
Wasted thus opportunities, hasted thrust
past your visor and you don’t get fussed
Comes back to haunt you to your core
The years gave you tests, and now to settle the score
No more, but like 1984, strength we ignore
So pour another glass in honour of a brother past
How further will this last if not go by fast?
Is this another test or crude judgment at best?
Lest we forget the bet on you that was set
Way before we even thought to attest
The skills are only required, when needed is a kill
Or selling a floor mat to a steel mill
Go back man, it could have been a dream still
So bill it on your medicare and start popping them pills
Potential to do so much, lost amongst the refuse
Still are we the ones drinking the kool-aid red juice?
Rose tinted visions stings like what close hinted “isms” bring
That sense of comfort even for a short while
Receive with open hands or, “Nah, not my style”
The bounty refused in order to take refuge
Amongst the like-minded fools who dropped school
Pool-in the cash and gnash your teeth
Word on the street is “complacency defeats”
So step right up and see these strength feats
As defeat won’t touch this with a pole 10 feet

Have a seat and enjoy in 3D your own devastation
The only test of patience is you can’t change the station
So what is it, causation or correlation?
When you have to ask money from people in your relation?
Confidence from your old self became more of a calm defense
No dreams, no visions just let the culling commence
The grays sprout on your head now and you go from you came whence.
 
J

JCX

Member
yes. I stopped doing the writing challenges, since my poetry didn't seem to gel with all the short stories.
 
D

Davedough

Member
Inside twisted
Outside composed
I see my everlasting image
in the mirror transposed
Should I ever become this demon?
One evil seed placed though semen
This demon who resides inside.

Thoughts wander
Actions organized
Everything calculated
and utmost sanitized
Will the voices ever cease?
Telling me of war not peace
Please cease my morbid thoughts.

Father dead
Mother alive
How she will meet her end
I must contrive
Have I really become this scarred?
To rip this family apart
So scarred from my own Father.

Memories falter
Reality's robust
Even my own head
I cannot trust
Why do these dreams haunt me?
Describing what should be
The -me- destined for these memories.
 
A

AnkitT

Member
Ashes1396 said:
do you mean like slam poetry or something similiar... ?
Click to expand...
Well, I had to look up what slam poetry is, and i'd say my style isnt as serious as slam though, but at times it is. The one I posted here could be categorized as slam loosely.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
I know this has nothing to do with the theme (i'm sorry), but I wrote it recently for a creative writing course and I would really appreciate some feedback before I submit it - if it isn't obvious from the scrawlings below, I really don't have a good grasp of poetry and find it an incredibly frustrating medium to work with, but I tried my best and some pointers or reassurance would be invaluable at this point as I fret whether to bin it or send it in;

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sand kissed and sun soaked on the beaches of Normandy,
life bustles by as Port en Bessin awakens.
Fishermen set to work, not a dozen miles from Gold beach
Where the relics of war litter the coastline.

Wrought with iron and blood, now left to rust
A gnarled testament to those who fought
And those who died, here on the beaches of Normandy
Sand kissed and sun soaked, a million miles from D-Day.

Down by the harbor the town rises with the sun
As vendors hawk their wares, assaulting the air with
a cacophany of smells, sea salt and smoked duck magrets
lobster étrilles and freshly baked bread.

Climbing the clifftop path, greeted by the breeze
The hollow remnants of resistance scar the landscape
Discarded shells of stone and metal,
mark where hundreds of thousands were bloodied by war.

Home now only to birds and the destitute.
Daubs of crackled paint, a splash of black on white on red
These ruined emplacements, a bitter rememberance.
Luminous under the suns rays, greeted by the breeze.

Onwards and upwards do the seagulls ever circle,
their piercing shrieks cast out through the air
Far below the breakers slosh and swirl against the bedrock
Where sixty-six years past a generation went to war.

This was their test, their responsibility.
Thrust head first into the fire with a simple choice
Yield or hold, triumph or fall, crumble or stand tall
Tempered in the flames of war, heroes were born and died and lived.

Lest we forget.
 
K

kid ness

Member
Me

I'm writing this so that I grab your attention
While you sit there listening, I get kind of nervous
Waiting for the ending, and your outburst of affection
Just tell me how awesome it was

I write only in the first person
To relate to me, and all of my glory
My adventures are like gold,
and when I write them down
the ink becomes a medium of perfection

I walk near the curb
Right next to car windows
Grasping my reflection
Then back to the world

I'm the only thought going through my head
And I want to be your only thought too
 
S

Sibylus

Banned
I Heard Something

I heard once that man was evil
And naught but faith could save him.
Does faith make one good,
Or is reason the seed of goodness?
I looked outward to heaven.
My faith fell away,
And reason compelled me.

I heard once that man lived for others
And naught but our opposites are suitable.
Do we choose our loves,
Or do we love who we must?
I looked inward to myself.
My choice fell away,
And love compelled me.

To will, to be willed.
To affect, to be affected.
To hold, to lose,
To raise, to level,
To live and to die.

I heard once that
To be human is to be
And let no one tell you any different.
 
S

Sibylus

Banned
Commentary:
This is a very general recounting of some pretty big changes in my life, as you can probably already determine. The mood I was aiming for was uplifting, but I also sought to promote and interlink specific ideas by using repetition. The middle line of the last text grouping was inspired from a piece of sage advice ZephyrFate gave me.
 
S

soul creator

Member
similar to what someone else had mentioned, my stuff is more on the rap side of things (as in, written specifically for a beat), and not really traditional poetry, but sure why not. Wrote this a couple days ago after hearing about my friend getting engaged. Wall of text!

Overanalyze

Hello World, but this is not my first program
This is a tale of life, love, and romance
I take all these thoughts in my mind
make it rhyme, find a beat, and then I turn it to a dope jam
damn, yeah, women, I approach them
never sure when I want to settle and be their own man
I guess I should be more open
so I write instead to keep my heart from being broken
so I'm talking to my folks then
mama telling me I need to hook up with my old friends
but they got their own men
and I live and let live, I don't want to be encroaching
She say I need to father two kids
why bother, I'm the type who'd rather buy me two cribs
maybe one in London, while I keep me one in Dallas
come and visit down the street from Buckingham Palace
but first, my checkbook gotta find some damn balance
I think I found it but you know this life's a damn challenge
I'm doing good but the bad I always notice
so I just try and focus and show off a few talents
record my own voice, then I post it for my friends
which consist of one Ben, one Brynne, and 3 Jen's
plus a gang of folks from high school to A&M
and the place I work right now, where every day I'm in
Honestly I'm just a little introverted
so I'd rather type some words in, that's why every night I'm staying in
an atheist who doesn't want any kids
I know I am not the type just to do something cuz many did
but if it works for you, I support your point of view
just because it ain't for me, you don't have to avoid it too
long term, I don't know if I'm the type
but I know what I like, so that's why I'd like to join with you

just being real, who knows where this'll go
please say you will, accept me as good folks
forever's a long time, can we take it day by day
I'd rather not play the game, but I can do the play by play
do you think that I'm able to be changed?
or do you think that my views are too strange
do you think we can have something strong?
even if it only lasts till the end of this song?

or is it death do us part
or a toni braxton, holding breath when we part
people getting married and people getting engaged
women in a hurry, to get their new ring appraised
and I am sitting here unfazed
should I be doing more at the age of twenty eight?
it's crazy, I must say, older every day
that's just more life experience, finding my own way
so I congratulate, cuz I still recognize
truth over lies, when love overcomes hate
this may be a mistake, for me to act like this
but trust, I am not trying to come off self-righteous
I just, like to contemplate and overanalyze
and it's kept me out of trouble, never caught me by surprise
shouts out to anybody who can sympathize
who know there's some time where this shit still applies
things I think about when I'm trying to be wise
this is My Life, word to Mary J. Blige
every song is the 411
into my thought process, now the score's one - none
I put it all out there, and the ball's in your court
I left it all bare, all for your support
no matter where I take it, still, every day is real
rewind it and replay it...say you will
 
I

Irish

Member
Now that the writing challenge is out of the way, I can finally focus on this. I had a bunch of ideas I needed to suppress during the writing of that other entry, but now I can go ahead and let them flourish.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
ahh!!! shit. Woke up late. Here's my official entry:

Left and Right

Raise a cup to hope, my friend,
The darling buds of May are not that far away...

Hold on to dignity, my brother,
Let the dust rise above the desolate dew,
Lift one arm and then the other.
sift the moliminous headache askew.

Cachinnate first, the constable arrives!
No sire, A good night was definitely not had!
I didn't fall to the floor, I simply dived!
A visible you signs the election fortnight.
Such perspicacity, indeed I have not that insight!
No sir, indeed, I was not taking the mick,
Poking fun of the law; the very idea makes me sick, hic!

I don't drunk sir. tis mental lethargy.
My name is ashes. Ashes. Yes. Ashes.
Now unhand me, and let me loose on some onion Bhajis!
Let me go, You flashes!
I mean fascist! I done nufink wrong.

lights pierce through the nightmarish eyes,
Another dream; reality surpassed.
My self separated from I,
like oil and water, the ground and the sky.
I don't belong to my name,
My name belongs to me.
It's my identity
not my destiny.

Hold on to dignity, my brother,
Let the dust rise above the desolate dew,
Lift one arm and then the other.
sift the moliminous headache askew.

Raise a cup to hope, my friend,
The darling buds of May are not that far away...
 
Z

ZephyrFate

Banned
I apologize. Got a bit blindsided by some stuff going on in my life. Anyway, it's voting time, peeps... get them in before tomorrow night!
 
D

Davedough

Member
I'm torn... lots of good entries for the 1st submission. Here are my official votes. (I wish I had time to critique, but I'm at work and wont have time tonight)

1. Mike Works
2. Ashes 1396 (but for the Trouble belongs to me entry. I think that was superior to your other "official" submission)
3. Botolf

To note, this competition was far too long for submission sake. Lets try and take that down a bit for round 2. Maybe the winner of this round can make that change?
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Yeah of course. The winner decides. It was actually me who suggested the longer time period, because good poetry takes longer. And I wrote three poems :)D :lol )... I realize now that I'd be fine either way.
Entries:

Mike Works: Desire
cory: I'm Not That Fond of Ramen.
half a moon: Untitled
ZephyrFate: Dislocation
Dresden:Chipping Away at the Statue
Dartastic: Untitled
Ashes1396: Trouble Belongs to me & or Of Happiness :D
AnkitT: Gray areas
Davedough: Conscious babblings of a frail psyche
Bootaaay: Untitled
Botolf:I Heard Something
Kid ness: Me
soul creator:Overanalyze
Ashes1396:Left and Right
 
S

Sibylus

Banned
1. ZephyrFate
2. Dresden
3. Ashes1396

Your piece weirds me out Zeph, it rings true for me personally in spots :lol
 
I

I AM JOHN!

Banned
1. Dresdan
2. Ashes1396 (for Left and Right)
3. ZephyrFate

I know I'm late and disqualified for judging, but I'm gonna post one anyway just because I never get the chance to share any of my work. This one is a year old and an imitation of Elizabeth Bishop. Lemme know what you guys think.

After School Special

This one time, I was in the lunchroom,
which has all those white folding benches
and that pipe with all the pillows on it
I like to climb on them (I’m a
good climber) but this one time I chipped
my tooth on the table? Anyway,
it was after-school and there were all kinds of
kids there and one of them had a book,
a how-to-draw book, which I liked
(I like drawing) and never followed because
drawing all those lines is just dumb, but
it was a Sonic the Hedgehog drawing book
and it looked cool because it meant I could draw
Sonic, and Tails, and Knuckles, and
all those guys I could already kind of draw but now I
could draw them better! Then the kid and a bunch more
kids went upstairs to play in the auditorium and I stayed
and then I heard a gasp and I thought that maybe the
pipe with all the pillows on it was talking but it
was me!

For then I realized that
the prospect that I could steal the book
had dawned on me, and not just as an off-hand
silly thing to think before I drank my juice but
as a serious possibility. I told myself it was wrong to
silence the bad thoughts but I thought:
you are a kid who loves Sonic, and loves
everything about him and may never see this again,
so why not take it?
Bad guys rob the banks and threaten to destroy the world
for ransoms of millions of dollars, but what of you?
A book, no more that six dollars worth,
and it could be yours as easily of opening the backpack,
taking it out and walking away. I had to debate the
possibility of this: the moral dilemmas of stealing being wrong and bad
and the kid being sad but me getting a cool book for my collection
and I could look at it and like it and never use it
whatsoever, when out of nowhere

the kid comes back, and grabs his coat, and then his bag
and then he leaves.
I had debated this for so long that I lost my chance to grab it.
And I was really disappointed; my seven-year-old world shattered
by the realization that time ran out before
I could choose the best plan of action for myself.
Of course, nothing had changed and I was
no worse than when I started but
it’s hard

to feel as a cartoon caricature
sitting on the edge of the curb under a
streetlight, the only light to dissipate
the deep blue dark; the angel and demon
vilify each other and berate me,
a melancholy saxophone plays somewhere off-screen.
 
Z

ZephyrFate

Banned
Everyone can vote; you don't have to submit a piece to do so. I'm extending voting until Wednesday since there were other contestants who still need to vote.
 
D

Davedough

Member
Ashes1396 said:
Yeah of course. The winner decides. It was actually me who suggested the longer time period, because good poetry takes longer. And I wrote three poems :)D :lol )... I realize now that I'd be fine either way.
Entries:

Mike Works: Desire
cory: I'm Not That Fond of Ramen.
half a moon: Untitled
ZephyrFate: Dislocation
Dresden:Chipping Away at the Statue
Dartastic: Untitled
Ashes1396: Trouble Belongs to me & or Of Happiness :D
AnkitT: Gray areas
Bootaaay: Untitled
Botolf:I Heard Something
soul creator:Overanalyze
Ashes1396:Left and Right
Click to expand...


I dont see mine in there =(
 
S

Sibylus

Banned
Davedough said:
Its all good. Just had me wondering if mine was THAT bad that it couldn't even make the list. :lol
Click to expand...
The esteemed poetry tribunal has found your admission... inadmissible. Prepare to be whipped!
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Ashes1396 said:
Entries:
Click to expand...

Hey man, you forgot Kid Ness' submission; http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=20724314&postcount=20

I had a really hard time chosing between the entires, just spent the last half hour pouring over my favourites and it was damn difficult to narrow it down to 3.

1. Botolf - 'I Heard Something'
2. Ashes - 'Left and Right'
3. Mike Works - 'Desire'

Honourable mentions for the others I really enjoyed; AnkitT - 'Grey Areas', Dartastic - 'Untitled', Dresden - 'Chipping Away at the Statue', ZephyrFate - 'Dislocation'
 
D

Davedough

Member
Results: (Tallied as 3 points for 1st, 2 for 2nd, 1 for 3rd)

Ashes1396 - 10 points
Dresden - 9 points
Bootay - 6 points
ZephyrFate - 5 points
Mike Works, Botolf and Kid Ness - 4 points
All others did not receive a vote.

Ashes1396 WINS! Congrats buddy.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Isn't it up till the end of Wednesday PST? :D
And just to add, I ended up entering three times, which *checks the op* isn't against the rules but ought to be... :D
What everyone said will be taken into consideration. The next one will be shorter in length, more organized, and hopefully run smoother voting wise.
PS. Apologies again for not adding people to the voting list. It's a dumb fuck up by yours truly.
 
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