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The Official NeoGAF General Poetry Thread #12: Passing By

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B

British Monsoon

Member
The Official NeoGAF General Poetry Thread #12: Passing By

Theme: Passing By
Is it time passing by? A memorable event in history? Or an object? A person? Perhaps the passing of a loved one, or a celebrity? Or something altogether entirely? Interpret this theme however you wish.

Secondary Objective: Allegory
An allegory is a extended form of a metaphor, in which objects, persons, and actions in a narrative are used to symbolise concepts that lie outside the literal meaning of the narrative.

Poetry thread Rules version 1.2:
1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread.
4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want.
5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such.
7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible. :) Comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them.
8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things.
10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread.

Deadline: Friday, October 1st, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific.

You should get your votes in by: Sunday, October 3rd, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific.

---

Previous Threads:

Poetry Thread #01: Reflection
Poetry Thread #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems)
Poetry Thread #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title)
Poetry Thread #04: History (+ Dream Song poems)
Poetry Thread #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems)
Poetry Thread #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus)
Poetry Thread #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode)
Poetry Thread #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes)
Poetry Thread #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line)
Poetry Thread #10: Obsolete (+ Ink)
Poetry Thread #11: Pride (+ Kanye West)
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Yeah, I'll definitely try to get something in before the deadline too - I'm at a loss as to what, though and am finding the secondary challenge harder than I anticipated.

I'll just reiterate that everyone and anyone is more than welcome to submit and vote, it would be nice to see a bit more life in these poetry threads again.
 
D

Dresden

Member
I completely forgot. If ashes hadn't bumped it...

Still can't think of a title, I'll settle for this one.

Scuttle:

The mast of the ship sat half-across
the starboard deck of the broken vessel.
They scuttled the thing at the sandy cove
and watched as it half-sunk, into
the shallow water.

One man said, I've been on that ship
for so long, my whole life: when I was a brat
they pressed me aboard and whipped me till I stopped crying.

One man said, I got press-ganged
walking back home with a drink in my belly,
after work. Chained me up good and didn't let me free
till we were so far from port, I had to ply the sea.

And all this time

I have a wife waiting for me back home.
That was ten years back, though.
It'd be more true to say, I had one, rather than have.
Now no doubt she's got another man by her side
and her hearth is no longer my own. Sad, innit?
It's sad how it goes.

And one man said, at last, following the other two:
you lads think your lives a tragedy? I was a general, once:
an admiral and a knight and a noble and an earl.
But they said I was yellow, they did, when my ship caught fire
and I ordered us to turn back, to save my crew.
Should've died out there, they told me, to save my honor,
nevermind all the common boys working below decks
to swab the plugs and man the guns. So they tarred me
as a coward and here I am now, my ship gone.

They watched pieces of the ship
scatter away.

Hey, said one, as they watched,
at least we ain't dead.
 
I

Irish

Member
The river will continue to run
with many objects in its path
The tree on the bank just watches
Standing against the wind for years

The river is many, the tree just one
Pebbles and bushes enter the flow
Decades pass, the width of the river grows
That tree still stands alone
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
This one was hastily done, and I've got to stop going to rhyme by default when I'm stuck for something to write :/

The Storm

The grey clouds swirled around the spire
Rocking it to and fro like a ships bough
The old man cackled and spat into the fire
"Not long now, my dear, not long now"

The wind howled and screamed it's wrath
Threatening to beat down the door
He saw her fear and let out a laugh
The storm had been foretold in lore

She stared at her fathers withered face
Ravaged and worn by the passage of time
Of his pain there was no trace
The storm and his fate were entwined

All at once the murky shadows deepened
She forced herself to meet his eye
This moment she would not cheapen
By letting his last moments pass her by

Lightning struck and the tower trembled
The storm bellowed and barked with rage
A beast like nothing had ever resembled
Grew forth in a frightening display

All bone and dripping flesh, it groped
Reaching out for her fathers form
It took hold and against all her hopes
The old man was consumed by the storm.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Shh... calm the basset hounds,
sit by the fireside,
upon a warm rug,
as the warm day melts
into the cold rainy night.

the childers sleeping
in their cots,
Dinner plates lie inside
the dishwasher,
the steam rises up and away,
from the sweet mixture of coccoa beans,
and hot water bathed in milk,
in your favourite blue mug.

the warm smile of your better half,
greets you,
absconding the tough day,
behind.

and yet your heart lies,
crestfallen, depressed.
Life is good, and yet the
champagne fizz lies locked,
beneath cork,
in the cellers below.

She worries,
that woman you married,
then gets up and leaves the room.
She throws you the
keys to the Porsche,
the one you daren't drive.


Your eldest child walks in with a book,
glasses short of
falling off the crooked nose,
The tory child, to the life long labourers,
as you leave with your wife,
to take in the simple pleasures in life,
a sullen night drive.

Droplets of rain,
bounce off the car bonnet,
whilst the cobble wept roads,
fall away.

Several miles past London,
and the two of you swap seats,
and it is she that takes,
on the simple joy of driving,
through untroubled,
unpoliced streets.

The simple joy of
drinking sweet tea,
from an open barn cafe,
under the auspicious eye
of the thunderstorm,
belting it out across the
English Countryside;
laying waste to grass,
and oppressing the dark forests,
hurrying the night foxes' prowl,
and the badgers of the north,
the owls, the squirrels, the moles,
frogs and their spawn.

A chick, a hatchling, a nestling, and a fledgling,
stir in the sleep,
as we pass on by,
their nest high in the trees,
cousin ducks lay sleeping beside,
the warm ponds,
it's waters disturbed by
the falling rain.
 
T

Toma

Let me show you through these halls, my friend, where treasures of indie gaming await...
I am reading Gaf on a mostly daily basis and didnt even know that these threads existed.
I somewhat like all of the poems, but I think I like Dresden's Poem the best :) It really forms the idea and story in my head he is trying to convey. Ashes poem has a lovely ending paragraph but is a bit too long overall. It just seems as if he could have written it a bit shorter while still containing the same meaning.
The one by Irish is also very nice due to being compact and still sounding very naturally written.

Sheesh. Maybe I am reading all the other threads then.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Ashes1396 said:
Everyone brought their A game in Thread 9. Perhaps we did actually peak then.
Click to expand...

Personally I find I do better in weeks when we have a ton of entries, like thread 9 - when these threads are getting bumped every day or so and you've got a bunch of people submitting poems, it's encouraging and inspiring - not to mention it serves as a good reminder to write something on time, rather than hastily scribbling out a poem a few hours before the deadline x_x

As long as we're getting enough poems (4+) for a proper vote I don't mind carrying on, it'd be a shame to stop the challenges after 24 weeks or so of awesome poems and hopefully some of the previous entrants will return to the fold.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
:lol

1. Irish - nicely notes the passage of time as well as setting a sombre mood. I got a feeling that perhaps it was allegory, but for it was, I could not say.
2. Dresden - the repetition of 'one man' was perhaps the sticking point, in an otherwise decent poem. Who was speaking on the last line btw? a fourth person?
3. Bootaaay - Nice imagery as usual but it danced around a few different rhythms, not least jumping into rhyme like you said. Just belt out a rhyme, to get it out of your system. :D
 
I

Irish

Member
I got different numbers with a straight up tie between Dres and Ashes

Dresden- 33212- 11
Ashes1396- 22331- 11
Me- 1133- 8
Bootaaay- 1221- 6

I made out Toma's votes to be this:

1) Dresden
2) Ashes
3) Me
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Oh, I didn't notice Toma's votes - uh, how are we going to decide this one? Can't do it on first place votes, as including Toma's would leave both Ashes & Dresden with 2 first place votes.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
OK, then I guess I'll go with my original count, because beyond the fact that Toma liked Dresden's the best there's nothing to indicate his preference in regards to the other entries, other than the order he commented on them.
 
A

Andrew.

Banned
The life of an indoor cat, high upon his perch he sat.
Watching life happen down below, from up there time seemed to slow.
Time to sleep, time to play, easy life one would have to say.
His stuffed beaver gets smacked in the head. He’s bite his neck till he thought it was dead.
His lifeless prize hung between his feet, made transporting the body quite a feat.
Nearly died of laughter the first time I saw, caused a serious pain in my jaw.
“Oh buddy” he hears, rolls onto his back, looking like he’s on kitty crack.
Nice from a distance, but I say beware, do not attempt to sit in his chair.
He likes lounging around the TV with his dad, but get him riled up and he’ll scratch you up bad.
Something moved, oh wow some new action. Like tires on ice, cannot get that traction.
Gets up to speed, nothing there after all. No traction no brakes…slammed into the wall.
The kneading starts, he must be getting tired, time to sleep with the TV wires.
Falling asleep with his beaver friend till he wakes up and starts over again.

-poem inspired by a friend’s cat
 
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