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The Official NeoGAF General Poetry Thread #10: Obsolete

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D

Dresden

Member
The Official NeoGAF General Poetry Thread #10: Obsolete

Theme: Obsolete

Definition of OBSOLETE

1
a : no longer in use or no longer useful <an obsolete word>
b : of a kind or style no longer current : old-fashioned <an obsolete technology>
2
of a plant or animal part : indistinct or imperfect as compared with a corresponding part in related organisms : vestigial
— ob·so·lete·ly adverb
— ob·so·lete·ness noun
Click to expand...

Secondary Objective: Ink

You know, that black stuff--or any other color, really, don't want to be discriminatory or anything--with which we write and draw. Scribbles on loose sheets of paper, doodles on the margins of notebooks, quick flashes of inspiration let loose on the back of envelopes and grocery receipts.

Try to tie in to how the method of writing has seemingly changed. Who writes with ink anymore? Most things are done on screen, fingers nimbly pecking away at the keyboard. Whether this is good or bad is up to you.


Poetry thread Rules version 1.2:
1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread.
4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want.
5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such.
7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible. :) Comment on these pieces are welcome but you just can't vote for it.
8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things.
10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread.


Deadline: September 3rd, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific.

You should get your votes in by: Sunday, September 5thth, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific.

---

Previous Threads:

Poetry Thread #1; Reflection
Poetry Thread #2; Making the Blind See & 5W poems
Poetry Thread #3; Interior & Incorporate a song or album title
Poetry Thread #4; History & Dream Song poems
Poetry Thread #5; A View From Afar or Within & Clerihew poems
Poetry Thread #6; The Surreal and the Fantastical &haikus
Poetry Thread #7 - Expectations versus Reality
Poetry Thread #8 - Mirror's Edge
Poetry Thread #9 - Look on the Bright Side
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Tenth aniversary. woo hoo!
edit: I really recommend people read the last thread and Dresden's winning poem. It was a really good selection of poems.
 
I

Irish

Member
Congratulations, Dresden!

Also, sorry for not voting. SC2 is taking me over even though I can barely run the game with settings all on low (just need a new graphics card and power supply). :(

This looks like another great challenge to experiment in. It's going to be a lot of fun. (Last thread, I had every line at 7 syllables.)
 
A

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
Congrats Dres, and you picked a damn good topic. I already have an idea for it.
 
A

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
Snowman, I pretty much use these challenges to try to stay regular. I try to write every day, but it's not stuff that I even intend to finish, just stuff I use to stay "fresh." These challenges help me actually FINISH stuff. :lol :lol
 
Z

ZephyrFate

Banned
Left Behind

Dust garnished its fringes
played along the steps and danced like children amongst the
kitchen floors and fell into the gaps
it sunk down where the old typewriters had been stashed
deep into dark corners splotched over with a ubiquitous inkstain

Someone had knocked it over, and it ran everywhere
so much that you couldn't see the memories
they hid in the nooks and the crannies
"Remember how you expressed love to me?"

The tip tap cluh-chiiiiiiiing
repeat the cycle
wash-rinse-dry
Crumple up the papers, made a mistake
"Remember how you cried tears to me?"

Old inkwells sprawled out nearby, knocked over by accident
never picked up. Next to them the old manuscripts;
from the days before you found me
They yearn for life anew, they told me.
"Remember how you bled anger with me?"

And now all I hear is the bzzzzzzz
the endless mosquito noise of sparks and diodes and monitors
The zombie face you adorn, as you stare into the virtual depths
As you type this poem to a life you put into a compartment
Stowed away underneath the plane

The one that flew you away from me.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
I've been having trouble with this one too, the only idea I had would probably work better as a short story, which goes some way to explain why the following poem is a bit shit - hopefully inspiration will strike and I'll have time to craft something better before the deadline, but for now this will have to do;

A Man Out of Time

In a lightning flash I awoke to a world of chaos
A world of crystalline spires, reaching to the skies
Clouded thick and black with smog and smoke
I stared in wonder, as horseless carts thundered by
And a great metal bird screeched it's call above
People bustled all around me, pausing to gawk
Their eyes, bemused and amused, at the sight
At the cut of my cloth and the sword at my waist
Which I grasped absentmindedly, now utterly lost
'Where in the world am I?' I did wonder
So I asked a man, who just hurried on by
I called out in greeting, but none understood me
They chattered incessantly, ignoring my cries
'H&#299;erstu' I said, 'L&#257;da mec! Sprecaþ g&#275; Englisce?'
But they backed away, apprehensive and unwilling

At length, I came to understand what had happened
Six hundred years, passed in a heartbeat
Through foul sorcery, ripped from the weave of time
Left here to languish, alone, a man out of place
In this shining metropolis that was once my home
Out of pace with all who dwell inside their spires
Their lives incomprehensibly advanced
Through magic devices that ease their every whim
Yet unchained from that magic, few would survive
They babble inanely across vast distances
Through the fancy jewelry that adorns their ears
And tap tap tap incessantly at rows of lettered blocks
Connected to glowing crates that store their thoughts
Ah, what I wouldn't give, to dip quill in ink again
Stranded here, a man out of time, in the year 2010.
 
D

Dresden

Member
bump

should we extend the deadline? Unless my subject was so bad that almost no one could write about it. >_>
 
A

AnkitT

Member
My phone is old, but in electronic years
my peers veer at it and steer clear of me
the shear peer pressure crushed me to tears
At first, I resisted due to nostalgic persistence
but it was an inception, the constant insistence

PC demands memory, it suffers from Alzheimer's
the way it runs now, it clocks in an hour on the timer
the kitchen screams for attention as if I was the wishing well
well wishers think it's be swell if I stop to dwell
the useless things turn into one time show and tells

Yet I hang on to memorabilia, now ebay paraphernalia
in forgotten boxes, reminiscent of their own unboxing
degrading to toxic wastes, some functional beyond warranty
thinking back on when things didn't end this horribly
They say I talk in obsoletes because it's absolutely a part of me.
_______________________________________________________

I think this will have to do.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Dresden said:
bump

should we extend the deadline? Unless my subject was so bad that almost no one could write about it. >_>
Click to expand...

nah, It's cool. I'm just going to use your subject as the starting point. It'll fuck up the weekend voting thing we have anyhow...
 
I

Irish

Member
One line down the page
branches off
A thousand letters
a hundred words

Write it a number of ways
absolutely no change
never stopping
never the same

Jot it down
it will stay
no undo
erase? no way

Wet it down
lose it all
transfer to fingers
words to muck

Many a piece
hidden away
come back again
to that green notebook
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Here's a rather late one, no worries if it can't be included post-deadline;

Tin Man

The tin man sidled aimlessly
His slight frame reverberating
As a train rattled by

His ilk were much sought after
Back in the day, when they were new
And shiny and clean

Top of the line, a modern marvel!
He cleans, he cooks, he organises!
No home should be without one!

But that was many recharge cycles ago
Now there were new, humanised models
And no one had need of a tin man

Shambolic and monstrous
The mind of a man
The body of a machine

No need, except to be needed
He awaits the fateful day
That he knows is coming

The day that no ports will accept
His outdated connectors
And he will power down, for the final time.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
drat. fell asleep. Will vote. definitely. Here is what I had so far:

shifting waves moving to conquer new pages,
dawn breaks through the cast iron water well,
to which the bottom breaks my back.

torn asunder, as I dig deeper, to-
 
D

Dresden

Member
Don't see any point in extending it, and we got enough people to actually vote for, so it's all good. :lol

I was going to write one but it all fell apart with school and the other writing stuff I've been doing.
 
I

Irish

Member
1) ZephyrFate- "Left Behind"
2) AnkitT- "They say I talk in obsoletes"
3) Bootaaay- "A Man Out of Time"

I must have switched Ank and Boo several dozen times before I finally decided on my order.
 
I

Irish

Member
I was sorta hoping that's how we would end up.

Current Standings:

ZephyrFate- 6 (1)
AnkitT- 6 (1)
Bootaaay-6 (1)
Me- 6 (1)

:lol :lol :lol
 
D

Dresden

Member
1. AnkitT
2. Bootaaay
3. ZephyrFate

I feel bad for ruining the perfect balance. I wonder how a tie would have turned out.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
1. Bootaaay
2. Zephyr
3. Irish
Hm. Ankitt

In reality, there was nothing to very little in it between the first two for me and the same with the other two... I would have voted like so:
1.bootaaay
1.zephyr
2.irish
2.ankitt
 
A

Ashes

Banned
mines 12 mins past the deadline... You're the op, you called it so i guess it stands... Congrats ankitT.
edit: just saw irishe's post. if i had voted, irish first, zephyr second,bootaaay third, all the votes would have been equal. well if my vote had counted that is :p
 
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