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The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Challenge #15 - The Great Winter

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B

British Monsoon

Member
The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Challenge #15 - The Great Winter

Theme: The Great Winter
Christmas is almost upon us, so it's seemed fitting to have a wintry theme - 'The Great Winter' is a literal translation of the old Norse word 'Fimbulvetr', which describes the long winter that smothers the Earth before the ending of the world. Here's a description from Wikipedia;

"Fimbulvetr is the harsh winter that precedes the end of the world and puts an end to all life on Earth. Fimbulvetr is three successive winters where snow comes in from all directions, without any intervening summer. During this time, there will be innumerable wars and brothers will kill brothers."

Interpret this theme however you wish.

Secondary Objective: Elegy
In literature, an elegy is a mournful, melancholic or plaintive poem, especially a funeral song or a lament for the dead. You can chose to use the elegiac couplet form if you wish (a term to describe the metre of a classical Latin elegiacal poem; alternating lines of hexameter and pentameter metrical lines of verse) - here's an example of a poem that utilises elegiac couplets in English;

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elegy_Written_in_a_Country_Churchyard

Poetry thread Rules version 1.2:
1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread.
4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want.
5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such.
7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible. :) Comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them.
8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things.
10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread.

Deadline: Friday, December 24th, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific.

You should get your votes in by: Tuesday, December 28th, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific.

---

Previous Threads:

Poetry Thread #01: Reflection
Poetry Thread #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems)
Poetry Thread #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title)
Poetry Thread #04: History (+ Dream Song poems)
Poetry Thread #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems)
Poetry Thread #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus)
Poetry Thread #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode)
Poetry Thread #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes)
Poetry Thread #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line)
Poetry Thread #10: Obsolete (+ Ink)
Poetry Thread #11: Pride (+ Kanye West)
Poetry Thread #12: Passing By (+ Allegory)
Poetry Thread #13: Take this Society (+ Ballards)
Poetry Thread #14: The Dark (+ Add Zombies to taste)
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
As this challenge runs close to Christmas I put the deadline for voting a few days after, but if anyone thinks it should be longer, let me know and I'll change it.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Between barren trees, moss coated and spindly branched
Pecked bare of berry and seed, onwards past he marched
As the maelstrom swirled and danced before his sight
Snow like TV static, stark and cold against the night
To warmth he ran, desperate for a measure of release
From the deathly chill that grasped him, winter's bequeath
As his boots crunched, he skidded on powdered ground
Shivering in gasps as the storm's fury unwound
Face down in ice, his skin blistered and burned
At length the pain numbed, but he felt no concern
Blanketed in layers of polystyrene packing foam snow
Drifting into slumber, letting worldly worries go
As his mind sought escape to warmer climes
His eyes closed and the death knell chimed
He would see home again, this much he avowed
And there was his garden, his door, his wife and child
Clearer than ever before, as he succumbed beneath winter's shroud.
 
A

AnkitT

Member
I wrote two and they were both too shitty, might not enter this one because I am seemingly in a creative rut. :\
 
A

Ashes

Banned
I know how you feel AnkitT; poetry is so very difficult... Some very talented people just seem to come out with it so naturally.

Oh well, just over a day left. Plenty of time left I guess. :)
 
A

AnkitT

Member
Anticipate apocalypse like moving to the gaudy calypsos
The clips of the epochs long lost on the minds of schizos
But it isn’t a lost cause if you anticipate the wrath
Just make sure our paths and pathos don’t stream past
The days were longer and the nights cold as judgment
What the judge meant was to be rectified at the end
Money well spent on the dream steel monster, a godsend
But what do I really know as an employee of level low
Rudimentary was what was meant to be, dissent grows slow
Complacent as far as acceptance goes, new officials to overthrow
But complaints were dislodged from the lodging trophy officials
Indifference far more lethal than employees actually giving a shit
So that night wasn’t a shocker, swept under the proverbial rug
And anyone who raised objections was squashed like a literal bug
The deeper you dug, the more shit surfaced like a compost
The chain of command shackled us like it was done by a ghost
The reactors still exist and the reactions have mellowed down
Since we didn’t need a simple atomic bomb for this war to compound
I survived as a live fossil in the wake of officially denied destruction
Dismissed every time I would bring issues as a “force of disruption”
So during the last few hours I didn’t fight the power or pick out flowers
I decided to keep these words alive for after the nuclear showers
They say that spring comes after the winter and we understand its value
While they sell the value of life by perpetuating poison as a thank you
_______________________________________________________________

Not happy with it still, but it'll have to do for now.
 
J

John Dunbar

correct about everything
Reindeer dance face to face
under a snowman’s leer.
Frosty’s wandering hands
seek the shadowy bulge
in the blaze of the fires.

The smell of sausages in potato peels.
You say potato, I say murder most vile.
In the words of the cartoon rodent:
The bells are chiming, children smiling,
and handing brochures with cold eyes.
Endearing, fearing the last days of snow,
end of innocence. Youth melts with ice,
and time transforms white and wonderful
to grey and grim, snow in filthy piles.

Our freezing hands understand
the season’s greetings for us all:
please die.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
_______________________

A Pure Winter's Daughter
_______________


The coldest winter,
harbours no delight,
to a broken heart.

Crystal flakes floating in the air,
pale in comparison,
to my little one's smile.

Watching,
Snow frosted trees,
Through glass windows,
my breath upon it's pane,
sighing;
though in truth,
I barely see past your reflection,

So still & mute,
apart from the twitch of the
little finger, and that of the little eye;
dream away, you tiny thing,
you're safe.

The snow,
though beautiful,
as can be,
does little but
take the mind,
above the clouds,
out on a sleigh across the moonlit starry sky,

fighting the cold winds,
struggling to break free,
but where can we go, really,
to quieten the flow of
memories inbound?

Staring at you,
in your hospital bed,
sleeping,
I fell in love with you. Again. And Again. And Again.

___________________
_________________________
 
A

Ashes

Banned
A very merry Christmas to you fellow poets; it has been a great and worthwhile effort so far; I still go back sometimes to read some of the lines you all have written. I don't know and failed to find out what the collective noun for poets is, but I guess, as it's Christmas, I might as well suggest, A family of Poets. :)

I'm lucky (or unlucky if you swing that way :p) enough to have a very large family, but I thought for those that don't have family, or are not near those they consider family, you're very welcome here. :)
 
P

Plumbob

Member
There is no silence among the frosted pines.
Unseen things murmur in the crisp comfort of the shade
And chill the many hearts of the wide-eyed traveler,
Who, placing his ear against the wall of glass,
Hears the whispers – and a white breeze.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Yeah, best to extend it a day or two if everyone doesn't have their votes in by the deadline. I was probably going to try and get mine in tomorrow, but I've actually got an idea for the creative writing thread for once, so I might try my hand at that instead.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
1. Plumbob - Lovely creation of the scene, with sound and images
2. Bootaaay - It would have been a whole lot better, with better formatting.
3. John Dubar - Confused; perhaps a little too dark and complex
Hm. AnkitT - Rythym is slightly off for me, and the lines too long.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
1. Ashes1396 - very evocative piece, I especially like the line "dream away, you tiny thing" and the ending. If I were to nitpick, I'd say that 'really' towards the end sticks out as superfluous in my mind and some of the lines felt needlessly truncated.

2. Plumbob - perfect pacing and form, I really enjoyed this one, so much that I would have liked to see it run a stanza or two longer.

3. John Dunbar - some really good imagery in this one, you turn a nice phrase with "under a snowman's leer" and I like the abruptness of the suitably dark ending.

HM; AnkitT - there's some really nice rhymes at work here, but some of the lines feel like they run too long and the pace stumbles a bit at the beginning, although the piece finishes much more strongly in the last half.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Results

And the winner this week is............... Bootaaay! Congratulations.

Full results

1. Bootaaay - 7pts *
2. Ashes1396 - 5pts *
2. Plumbob - 5pts *
3. John Dunbar - 4pts
4. AnkitT - 3 pts *


Cheers for all those who entered and voted. Welcome aboard John Dunbar. :)
Bootaaay, onwards and upwards please. Happy New Year everyone.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Best keep it to the normal routine, to avoid clashing with the writing thread, even if it's a week only this time... :p

I was initially going to say something about it the poetry thread being so last year but etc etc... but I thought I'd be a bit classy and just say hi... :D
 
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