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The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Challenge #17 - Storm Clouds Rising

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B

British Monsoon

Member
The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Challenge #17 - Storm Clouds Rising

stormclouds-poetry17.jpg


Theme: Storm Clouds Rising
Interpret this piece however you wish - whether the storm clouds in your piece are metaphorical or all too real, for this challenge set your poem under the cover of a storm.

Secondary Objective: First Person
If you chose to undertake the secondary objective, simply write your piece from a first person perspective.

Poetry thread Rules version 1.2:
1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread.
4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want.
5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such.
7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible - comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them. Incidentally, feel free to vote even if you haven't submitted a piece - the more the merrier :)
8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things.
10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread.

Deadline: Friday, January 21st, 2011 at 11:59pm, Pacific.

You should get your votes in by: Sunday, January 23rd, 2011 at 11:59pm, Pacific.

---

The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive

Author's poems listed in chronological order;


The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Previous Challenges:

Poetry Challenge #01: Reflection
Poetry Challenge #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems)
Poetry Challenge #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title)
Poetry Challenge #04: History (+ Dream Song poems)
Poetry Challenge #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems)
Poetry Challenge #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus)
Poetry Challenge #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode)
Poetry Challenge #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes)
Poetry Challenge #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line)
Poetry Challenge #10: Obsolete (+ Ink)
Poetry Challenge #11: Pride (+ Kanye West)
Poetry Challenge #12: Passing By (+ Allegory)
Poetry Challenge #13: Take this Society (+ Ballards)
Poetry Challenge #14: The Dark (+ Add Zombies to taste)
Poetry Challenge #15: The Great Winter (+ Elegy)
Poetry Challenge #16: What Nature Reclaims (+ Lay)
 
I

Irish

Member
Heh, I can already see myself participating in these more often again instead of the writing challenges considering school seems to be taking up a lot of my time somehow.

I like the comprehensive list of entries you have there. Nice.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
You always looked to me with contempt
after that rain soaked summers day
the day we both said things
that we couldn't unsay

words best left thought
babbling forth
like the incessant squawks
of a thousand jackdaws

perched on our shoulders
as we spat venom and bile
they watched on
chattering all the while

and didn't leave
until we'd had enough
exhausted and crumpled
covered in the dust

of a thousand worn arguments
expelled into the air
replayed time and again
for all to hear and none to care

like those re-runs
we'd watch on TV
curled together
just you and me

before we said things
best left unsaid
before we did things
we'd both live to regret.
 
A

AnkitT

Member
If only I had known the chaos that would ensue
Like a squealing pig anticipating swine flu
But it was not to be as we had previously planned
These inane thoughts, as I saw my blood on the sand

The bank castle built on hopes and dreams
No one would notice if we skimmed the cream
So we stormed the castle according to scheme
The greed bowled us over with its shiny gleam

It all precipitated while we waited to cool the trail
The ending clear in my head, like blind men to braille
Perspective to scale I wanted the others jailed
While I hid the money quick and it started to hail

Next morning I woke up and I was still on the beach
I forgot our verbal contract which I was about to breach
Paced to the hotel where they had been staying
Except they were aware of the game I was playing

The spot where I hid it was not known to them
Except for that time that we went for a swim
In fact it was the first place that they would search
My whole fuckin plan was now fully besmirched!

I reached the hotel and the clouds start to gather
I paid no heed as I would get rich faster rather
They shot me as soon as I entered the lobby
As the car trunk shut I knew I’d be dead probably

The tires came to a screech and the car halted
The trunk opened and my fear exalted
It was another hotel and not the beach
And then I saw a gun within my reach

They mistook this place for where I hid it
As soon as they unbound me, I leapt to get it
Took shots and hit them all on target
Loaded bodies in the car and parked it

Took a cab to the beach and on the way
Noticed that I was losing blood, but worth the pay
Limped on to the beach to find the money was gone
As I lay there on the beach trying to weather the storm
 
A

Ashes

Banned
So who's bright idea was to not post a link in the old thread? I only just found this thread.... smh...
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Stormy nights frighten me,
something haunts me till dawn.

My secrets lie in my secret diary,
My tale is such... it has me torn.

There was a girl in my past,
who lived alone in a mansion vast.

We were one, a circle fulfilled,
the moon we watched, love instilled.

And yet, on stormy nights,
I sit alone to candle lights.

I'll be right back, she said during a storm,
She was the brave one, that was the norm.

Red wine spills out of the glass and onto the white cloth,
As I reminisce to cold turkey all awroth.

I'm sorry for not being braver,
I'm sorry for not being your saviour.

I'm sorry for being a frightened rabbit,
I'm sorry for hiding under my habit.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
1. Ashes - some nice turns of phrase in this piece, I especially like the lines "And yet, on stormy nights - I sit alone to candle lights". The transition from rhyming alternating lines to rhyming in couplets is slightly jarring to the rhythm, although it occurs relatively early on in the piece and as such isn't too much of a problem.

2. AnkiT - some great rhymes in this one again, although the rhyme of 'gather' and 'rather' is slightly strained and you lose it a bit with the recurring rhyming of 'it' towards the end, but I like the story and it ends really well with a fantastic final line.

AnkitT said:
Shame no one else entered. :(
Click to expand...

Yeah, I think this is the lowest turnout we've had yet. Oh well, this thread has always been the red-headed step-child of the creative writing thread, except for those few weeks last summer where we had a dozen or so entries. Hopefully things'll pick up again, I'd hate to see PoetryGAF die out.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Maybe a thread title change to call in the new season might bring in the folks...

1. Bootaaay- Brought to home very well. Good structure, and some decent lines in between. Squawks and jackdaws put me off a bit though...
2. AnkitT- Rhythm is on core. The story boarding of the piece needed work. I can see an inherit pattern in this poetry, which made it feel like I can rap it myself. Kinda like music notes to a musician. Which was good.

Hey Irish... You should write more poetry... Wish the poetry regulars would come back... Oh well. Push on through. Poets have always played second fiddle to larger creative works, even if they have had the creative merit to compete.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Neogaf's poetry thread of suggest a poetry thread title: Challenge 18
Neogaf's Poetry thread corner: Challenge #18
The Official Neogaf Poetry thread: Challenge 18
Neogaf's poetry thread of making the world a better place. Or not. Challenge 18
Neogaf's poetry thread of aesthetic and evocative qualities. Challenge# 18
Neogaf's Poetry Age: 'turning 18'. Challenge#18
Neogaf's poetry thread of... poets? Competition no. 18

I like Neogaf's Poetry Thread Corner best. It's the most subtle out of that lot. Very reminiscent of the way we go about things here. Which gives me an idea for another thread ttle.*
*Neogaf's Poetry thread corner of going about things quietly. Competition# 18

ps. congrats on the first place Bootaaay.
 
I

Incitemaybe

Member
Just saw this thread for the first time, would have loved to play!

At least I got to read the three entries. When is the next poetry thread?
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Incitemaybe said:
Just saw this thread for the first time, would have loved to play!

At least I got to read the three entries. When is the next poetry thread?
Click to expand...

Bootaaay has gone to the trouble of putting every single poem ever to be posted -in this thread series over the ages- in the op. Feel free to browse there for more poems.

The next thread will be up soon. Usually in a day or two. He *usually* puts the link the last thread, i.e. this thread. But I think we're discussing thread titles at the moment.

edit: It may even launch by the time I've said this. :)
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Ashes1396 said:
I like Neogaf's Poetry Thread Corner best. It's the most subtle out of that lot. Very reminiscent of the way we go about things here. Which gives me an idea for another thread ttle.*
*Neogaf's Poetry thread corner of going about things quietly. Competition# 18
Click to expand...

I like that one too, although I prefer challenge to competition, as competition implies there's some form of prize, lol.

How does 'NeoGAF's Poetry Corner Thread of going about things quietly - Challenge #18:' sound?

Ashes1396 said:
ps. congrats on the first place Bootaaay.
Click to expand...

Cheers man, I'll get working on the new thread now.

And welcome Incitemaybe! Hope to see you in future poetry challenges.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Bootaaay said:
I like that one too, although I prefer challenge to competition, as competition implies there's some form of prize, lol.

How does 'NeoGAF's Poetry Corner Thread of going about things quietly - Challenge #18:' sound?



Cheers man, I'll get working on the new thread now.

And welcome Incitemaybe! Hope to see you in future poetry challenges.
Click to expand...

Yeah that's cool and describes the thread pretty well. sad as it is, we shall continue. :)

'Challenge' feels right.
 
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