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The NeoGaf Poetry Corner Thread - Challenge #19: Psychopomps

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R

Raguel

Member
The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge # :

deathbleed.jpg


Theme: Psychopomps. They are spirits, deities, etc whose sole purpose is to escort the recently deceased to the afterlife (pun unintended). They are not necessarily the embodiment of Death, but more attune to chaperons. Azrael and Anubis are some examples of psychopomps. Go crazy. The theme does not need to be about death, but about anything related to the processes of life and death. Wiki link for any research: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopomp

Secondary Objective: Assonance: Repetition without rhyme of vowel sounds in stressed syllables. Its purpose is to create a smooth calming effect. I think this will be a good contrast with regard the theme. Again, it's only a secondary objective.

Poetry thread Rules version 1.2:
1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread.
4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want.
5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such.
7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible - comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them. Incidentally, feel free to vote even if you haven't submitted a piece - the more the merrier :)
8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things.
10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread.

Deadline: Friday February 18th, 2001 11:59 pm.

You should get your votes in by: Sunday February 20, 2011 11:59 pm.

---

The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive


The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Previous Challenges:

Poetry Challenge #01: Reflection
Poetry Challenge #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems)
Poetry Challenge #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title)
Poetry Challenge #04: History (+ Dream Song poems)
Poetry Challenge #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems)
Poetry Challenge #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus)
Poetry Challenge #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode)
Poetry Challenge #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes)
Poetry Challenge #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line)
Poetry Challenge #10: Obsolete (+ Ink)
Poetry Challenge #11: Pride (+ Kanye West)
Poetry Challenge #12: Passing By (+ Allegory)
Poetry Challenge #13: Take this Society (+ Ballards)
Poetry Challenge #14: The Dark (+ Add Zombies to taste)
Poetry Challenge #15: The Great Winter (+ Elegy)
Poetry Challenge #16: What Nature Reclaims (+ Lay)
Poetry Challenge #17: Storm Clouds Rising (+ First Person)
Poetry Challenge #18: The Phoenix (+ Enjambment)
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Awesome, nice theme - I'll definitely give the secondary a go, as it's at odds with the rhyming pieces I always seem to end up writing.
 
D

Dresden

Member
Two quarters one atop one eye, one for the other,
a fair bill for the ferry. No more silver for the master of the river.
All cold steel and the dead don't understand.

Times have changed. Some come in expecting oblivion.
Some come expecting choirs and harps. Some come in
with dreams of wenches and mead, honey and wine.

Still the ferry-man plies the river. The river, endless.
The waters still save for the ripples cast
by the trailing fingers of the passengers.

Perhaps they find some in their pockets. Perhaps
a family member remembered well enough
to observe and follow an ancient rite. Two coins

one each atop each eye, a fair bill for the ferry.

Times have changed. Some come in shattered.
Shot gutted slashed wounded. Others come battered.
Despicable injuries coat their translucent forms.

Come aboard, the ferry-man whispers, and the dead
in all their confused huddling masses follow. Their steps
leave no marks on the banks of that endless river.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
What the-? Holy hell batman, where are all the entries...?

This is the last day. The last day, you hear?
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Yeah, I'm having real trouble with this one - it seems I utterly suck at assonance, so I'll forget the secondary and see if I can whip something up this evening.
 
I

Irish

Member
Ashes1396 said:
What the-? Holy hell batman, where are all the entries...?

This is the last day. The last day, you hear?
Click to expand...

Actually, the last day was about ten years ago. So, even if we submit it today, we'd still be very late.

I plan on getting something in a little later tonight.

Also, this avatar is only temporary for the KZ3 clan.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Beneath the Waves

Roiling waves roar against the rocks,
crashing watershed dashed blocks
of granite benighted grey
weathered and worn
by fury born of an ocean's storm.

A spectre stands bedecked in black,
scythe gleaming at his side
sharpened by the tide
fine as the light
cast by the moon's midnight eye.

Threads of souls sculpted and skeined
entwine through his skeletal form
inevitably severed
from earth born vessels
before the chorus of morning's dawn.

And whence the night has waxed and waned,
countless lay down in eternal rest
called to the grave
at the spectre's fateful behest
to dwell undying, beneath the waves.
 
A

AnkitT

Member
That starry night I remember, forgotten December
The most romantic antic which now seems pedantic
In those moments, I know what my soul meant
Stepping through what one might construe as a wedding
We were to be bound with the most sacred of vows
Now, I cant recall what we spoke in that valentine drawl
Must have held significance, for all of its magnificence
Being verbally impotent, ought to be a noteworthy incident
The next thing I recall, is the red draped fall
Into the valley of void, my skin starts to crawl
Every thought escapes me, except your face and your shape
Haunting my iteration, preventing from returning free
But also breaking my aching fall, saving me from baking
So have my perplexed gratitude, for granting me purgatory
With no escape, this baggage is my amusing marriage
 
I

Irish

Member
All we need is guidance,
when the wind blows in.
All we need is safe passage,
from beginning to end.

When our time comes,
we'll provide it as well.
We know it is a service,
to be repaid in full.

We'll lead them through the darkness,
we'll whisk them all away.
Then, when it is their turn,
I'm sure they'll do the same.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
48791e03_6a95_cc7f_12d0_911f78db119e.gif


Valentine's day is over; see you next year!


You went in your small idyllic boat,
in the plundering rain.
I stand by the sea shore,
Do I wait in vain?

Yes you do,
small girl, big fool.
He had a girl at every station,
stop being an emo, stop being a tool.

Wait, what? Who are you?
With pretensions to be the voice of reason,
I loved him and he loved me,
You're supposed to help, sir, not come out with bullshit treason.

You talk too much,
and think too little.
It's cold, go home,
you're no good, your bone's too brittle.

Hey death, why you trollin me?
I come with fig leaf, I come with a dove,
Leave me in peace,
Send me back my boy, send me back my love.

Dear me! Why don't you listen?
He was no good,
what you believe in is,
a blind truth.
Face it, you got played,
it was you who misunderstood.

Fine, I get it, but then
why are you here?
Is it my time?
Be sincere.

No, it isn't; and I shouldn't have talked.
Hell I shouldn't have even gawked.
But what am I supposed to do?
With a bumbling fool like you?
Your eyes are closed, your heart is open,
Think of this as advice, think of this as a token.

Go away to darkness, spirit,
I've reached my wit's limit.
Go back into the unknown,
Let me lie here alone.

What the-
I help you, and you treat me like-?
Never in my life have I-
Fine. See if I care.
You'll catch a deathly cold,
and quick as flash, I'll be there!

Add 'evil laugh' sea salt, and stir to taste.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
Uggggggh, you bastards. Every piece posted for this challenge is quality stuff, I'm having a hell of a time deciding on the order of my votes, but after much painful deliberation I've settled on...

1. Ashes1396
2. Dresden
3. AnkitT

Dresden - fantastic imagery in this piece, I adore the line "The waters still save for the ripples cast ~ by the trailing fingers of the passengers" and I like the idea of bringing the ferryman into the modern era.

AnkitT - this piece flows very well but I think it loses the rhythm somewhat over the last few lines.

Irish - nice piece, short and sweet and it works well.

Ashes - expertly formatted as always, I really enjoyed reading this one and you use some great language ('plundering rain' ftw) as well as managing to keep the tone and flow consistent throughout.
 
D

Dresden

Member
1)"Beneath the Waves"
by Bootaaay

--big, powerful stuff.

2)"Match made in heaven"
by AnkitT

--always liked your poems--they just flow well, like a chant (or rap, w/e).

3)"Continued"
by Irish

--short and works well.

"Valentine's day is over; see you next year!"
by Ashes1396

--wasn't as fond of this one as your other works. A pet peeve, I guess, but I think too many questions within a poem drags down its pace.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
The poems were very enjoyable this week. Not really a critique as such but I just wanted to suggest to AnkitT that if you had looked into the form of your poem, you would have done very well for your self. The lyrical zest as it were is there; for the future, perhaps look into the form of poems general, to see how you can better your craft...

1. Dresden - a mixture of good prose, and beautiful construction, though let down through lack of depth
2. Irish - you keep managing to infuse depth through simplicity; very good. And yet it feels like it felt off rhythmically.
3. Bootaaay- your prose is quite possibly the highest of the four this week. Morning's dawn was a nice touch. The rhyme again, is stop start stop start, which works on some levels and not on others.

hm. AnkitT
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
___________________________

Results
___________________________

1. Dresden - Ferry: 11 points ***
2. Bootaaay - Beneath the Waves: 7 points *
3. Ashes1396 - Valentine's day is over: see you next year!: 6 points *
4. AnkitT - Match Made in Heaven: 3 points
4. Irish - Continued: 3 points

*denotes first place vote

This weeks winner with 11 points and 3 first place votes is Dresden - congratulations man!

Here's the updated template for the thread;

http://tinypaste.com/b5d61
 
A

AnkitT

Member
Ashes1396 said:
The poems were very enjoyable this week. Not really a critique as such but I just wanted to suggest to AnkitT that if you had looked into the form of your poem, you would have done very well for your self. The lyrical zest as it were is there; for the future, perhaps look into the form of poems general, to see how you can better your craft...
Click to expand...
Thanks for the critique dude, its one I have been noticing myself as well. I lost this ghostwriting gig I had for a friend a few months back, and I just havent been able to bounce back to writing anything in general. These contests have been my only outlet for a while now. That, and i'm about to graduate soon, so that adds to my manic self somewhat lol. About the form, I will look into it. I used to keep to the beat while ghostwriting, but now i've lost all sense of it.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
A triumphant return for Dresden... well done bro... Well done everybody in fact, each had something that made their piece sparkle.
 
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