• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge 21: A Night on the Town

Status
Not open for further replies.
B

British Monsoon

Member
The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #21: A Night on the Town

banner21.jpg


Theme: A Night on the Town

After a couple of fairly dark themes I thought I'd chose something that may give the opportunity for some entries at the other end of the emotional spectrum, but either way make sure to set your piece during the prelude, the midst or the aftermath of a night on the town.

Secondary Objective: Didactic Poems

Didactic comes from the Greek word 'didaktikos' which means to educate or teach - therefore, if you choose to undertake the secondary objective make the purpose of your piece to impart a moral or lesson, or you could write a piece in an instructional tone and manner.

Poetry thread Rules version 1.2:
1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread.
4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want.
5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such.
7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible - comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them. Incidentally, feel free to vote even if you haven't submitted a piece - the more the merrier :)
8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things.
10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread.

Submission Deadline: March 18th, 2011; 11:59PM (EST)

t1300507200z1.png


Voting Deadline: March 20th, 2011; 11:59PM (EST)

t1300680000z1.png

---

The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive


The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Previous Challenges:

Poetry Challenge #01: Reflection
Poetry Challenge #02: Making the Blind See (+ 5W poems)
Poetry Challenge #03: Interior (+ Incorporate a song or album title)
Poetry Challenge #04: History (+ Dream Song poems)
Poetry Challenge #05: A View From Afar or Within (+ Clerihew poems)
Poetry Challenge #06: The Surreal and the Fantastical (+ Haikus)
Poetry Challenge #07: Expectations versus Reality (+ Ode)
Poetry Challenge #08: Mirror's Edge (+ Rhymes)
Poetry Challenge #09: Look on the Bright Side (+ poem must end with _________________ as it's last line)
Poetry Challenge #10: Obsolete (+ Ink)
Poetry Challenge #11: Pride (+ Kanye West)
Poetry Challenge #12: Passing By (+ Allegory)
Poetry Challenge #13: Take this Society (+ Ballards)
Poetry Challenge #14: The Dark (+ Add Zombies to taste)
Poetry Challenge #15: The Great Winter (+ Elegy)
Poetry Challenge #16: What Nature Reclaims (+ Lay)
Poetry Challenge #17: Storm Clouds Rising (+ First Person)
Poetry Challenge #18: The Phoenix (+ Enjambment)
Poetry Challenge #19: Psychopomps (+ Assonance)
Poetry Challenge #20: Death in the Family (+ Limericks)
 
Monocle

Monocle

Member
Scarlet smeared mirror
A plea in blood and lipstick
Make sure to flush twice

Sorry, I'll go away now.
 
Monocle

Monocle

Member
Ashes1396 said:
why the apology?
Click to expand...
Because it was a spur of the moment thing, and I'm not sure it's in the spirit of the challenge. If someone wants to count it as a legitimate entry that's fine with me.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Monocle said:
Because it was a spur of the moment thing, and I'm not sure it's in the spirit of the challenge. If someone wants to count it as a legitimate entry that's fine with me.
Click to expand...

:)

Well, you've got until the deadline to polish it, if you want...
 
Monocle

Monocle

Member
Ashes1396 said:
:)

Well, you've got until the deadline to polish it, if you want...
Click to expand...
Oh, that's okay. Think of it as an uncut diamond. Or a hunk of granite slathered in glitter glue. Whichever.
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
32984247_4fc7e0900a.jpg


Arm in arm we set out, winding towards the sea
through old, wind weathered streets,
the sharp tang of salt in the air
and the sky as dark as velvet,
pin-pointed by countless gleaming lights
that cast the world under a pallid glow.

On the way I buy us a packet of chips
and we share them as we walk,
their hot, greasy warmth
dispelling the bitter, northerly chill
but for a while, as we hear the waves
dashing themselves against the rocks.

We point ourselves along the promenade
and then pause to listen
as the Sally Army spark up a tune
in sombre brass tones that rise
and fall behind the roar
of the cold north sea.

A wave slams against the concrete walls,
sending spray crashing into the air.
You yelp in surprise
and shelter against me
and I'm soaked from head to toe,
holding you close.

Later we climb up the Bump, hands entwined,
the wind whipping at our clothes,
incessant and powerful
as the sea susurruses below,
whispering a tale
that is as old as time.

We reach the top and stare out at the waves,
frothing against the pebble beaches
before retreating once more.
You wrap your arms around me
and breath contentedly
as I press my lips to your brow.

For non-UK folk chips = fries, and the Sally Army is slang for the Salvation Army - also the 'Bump' is the name of the hill you can see in the distance on the right hand side of the photo
 
A

Ashes

Banned
Volkswagen-Golf-Night-Driving-campaign-launches-16537.jpg


Speaking to the bottom of a bottle


You are like the pebbles,
under my feet,
massaging with one glance,
rock hard rough stone in another.

When was the last time,
you had vodka neat,
dribble, down your broken lips;
savour the liquid,
they said,
till woe befalls me.

Why is my nose bleeding,
my hands shaking,
my skull shattered,
and the empty needle
laying yonder?

Pass me a cup of tea,
make it grass clean,
sweet with a hint of milk,
and that tablet...what is it called again
...ibuprofen.

The pitta patta of
the falling rain,
watch it flow,
through London’s cobbled streets,
down into her drains...

It's easy when your nose,
is stuckfast to the grain.
When your dreams lay shattered
by your shoes, old, weathered,
disdained.
 
A

AnkitT

Member
Forever alone on a Friday night, stage fright
Need to pay heed to instinct and prioritize
So with a bottle of perfume drowned
Reverse that frown with a night on the town
------------------------------------------------------

Probably will enter something else later. :p
 
I

Irish

Member
Neon lights blazin' through my eyes
Tonight's a night to snag new lives
Out on the street with a few good friends
As long as we're drunk, nobody cares where it ends.

Walk down a few dark alleys
Enter a bar called Dirty Sally's
Look around at an unfamiliar crowd
Seconds of silence, before it got loud

Feeling awkward, we move to the back
Would have been more comfortable in an old shitshack.
Couple friends went up to order a few beers.
Used the opportunity to distance myself from my peers.

Dim lamps swayed through the air.
In a moment of darkness, I slipped from my chair.
No one noticed, so I continued on.
Hours later, get calls asking where I had gone.

Go back home and sit in my closet.
Feed off the emotional deposit.
I'm just a silent stand-in.
I'm a creep - Mr. Mannequin.
 
A

AnkitT

Member
So there we were
The pale yellow sodium lamps
Enough to reveal
That walking miles in these shoes
Still bothered my sole

A romance forgotten
The specks of light reminding us
Of something dark
My memories of you, different shades of gray
It’s just how you look at it

Together we must tether
Good times to remind us of better days
But your face is fading
Just like the street lamps on sunrise
The light which is only visible to me
 
A

AnkitT

Member
Thoughts:

Monocle - I dunno if the lipstick part did anything to remove the imagery of fresh period blood in my mind from the first few lines lol.

Bootaaay - Really nice usage of a common man's tone, I felt. Imagery was good as well, nice, warm and lovely.

Ashes1396 - The script to the next hangover movie? ;) A really nice take on the theme, and the rhyming felt really good at places(such as again-ibuprofen),

Salvor.Hardin - Eh? I didnt really "get it", but it does spawn some unusual and twisted imagery in my mind.

Irish - I was also in the process of writing something with a similar tone(the hot douche one), but I scrapped it since it got way too sad and personal. But you have managed to make it work here. The rhymes are a bit stiff, but overall it flows well, and ends well.

Votes:
1. Bootaaay
2. Ashes1396
3. Monocle
HM. Irish
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
1. Ashes1396 - Speaking to the Bottom of a Bottle - great language as always and well formatted, plus I liked when you introduce the rhymes in the last two stanzas.
2. AnkitT - Asylum - some nice detail, it flows well and ends strongly, although I wasn't keen on the last line of the middle stanza.
3. Irish - Went Out - I didn't like the rhyming at first, but reading it through again it suits the content of the piece, although more so in the slightly longer stanzas

HM; Salvor.Hardin - short and sweet and has a nice flow.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
1. Bootaaay - I read this earlier on the week, and I read it again, just now; it's very sombre, and of a consistent tone throughout, but with the soft touches of heart, the thing is made whole. Very good Bootaaay. I would have put 'bought' instead of 'buy' (Line.7), but I can see why you put 'buy'.

2. AnkitT - Rhythm was a little off, but some good imagery in there; and you are picking up on how to mould poems. Good effort, but you can do better.

3. Irish - Creepy, and depressing, and had a great pace to it. The rhyming lifted the mood, almost making up a gay (jolly?) mood. A few rhymes were hard pushed, but maybe that is down to American/British pronunciation.

hm. Monocle, Salvor.Hardin -Both too short to gain anything I thought. But you are both welcome to try again.
 
I

Irish

Member
Sorry for being late. :(

Also, I fixed your title in the entry list, Ashes. I apparently can't freaking read.

1) Salvor.Hardin
2) Ashes1396
3) AnkitT
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
---------------------------

Results;

---------------------------

1. Ashes1396 - 7 points *
2. Bootaaay - 6 points **
3. AnkitT - 5 points
4. Salvor.Hardin - 3 points *
5. Irish - 2 points
6. Monocle - 1 point

The winner of Challenge #21 with 7 points is Ashes1396! Congratulations man, and great efforts by everyone this week, thanks to all for entering :)

*edit, here's the updated template for the thread; http://tinypaste.com/43dd84
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Whazzup Homie!!! - NeoGAF Members You'd Like To Meet
Social Community 2
69
3K
Ozzy Onya A2Z replied
GTA III: behind the scenes of the game that propelled Rockstar to the top of the world
Analysis Retro Game Dev
47
8K
Uhtred replied
NeoGaf Creative Writing Challenge #223 - "Objects in Space"
14
3K
Nezumi replied
NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #222 - The horror
2
92
10K
mu cephei replied
NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #220 - "Alive"
2 3
113
8K
FlowersisBritish replied
Top Bottom