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Aaron D. · Mar 20, 2015

Great. Now I can't get the Prodigy track out of my head.

Not that that's a bad thing.

Apoc29 · Mar 20, 2015

Good to see HK-47 about to join the fight. Can't wait to back him up!

decoyplatypus · Mar 20, 2015

Let's start a barracks pool for who captures the first invader. 5-credit buy-in.

Sciz · Mar 20, 2015

I can't believe we've only had a single guy even get scratched so far.

Poodlestrike · Mar 20, 2015

decoyplatypus said:
Let's start a barracks pool for who captures the first invader. 5-credit buy-in.

You're on.

ScraftyDevil · Mar 20, 2015

A live specimen would be so helpful for our research...

If we can learn how they think, we can better predict and outsmart them. It's imperitive that you bring it back without damaging the brain, though! No bashing them on the back of the head to knock them out!

Poodlestrike · Mar 20, 2015

ScraftyDevil said:
A live specimen would be so helpful for our research...

If we can learn how they think, we can better predict and outsmart them. It's imperitive that you bring it back without damaging the brain, though! No bashing them on the back of the head to knock them out!

Oh.

...

Do they need to have all their limbs?

NightmareTrigger · Mar 20, 2015

ScraftyDevil said:
A live specimen would be so helpful for our research...

If we can learn how they think, we can better predict and outsmart them. It's imperitive that you bring it back without damaging the brain, though! No bashing them on the back of the head to knock them out!

Oh but if someone does happen to crack some skulls, stuff 'em in the fridge, bring 'em back, and we can reenact that scene from Temple of Doom in the mess hall!

ScraftyDevil · Mar 20, 2015

Poodlestrike said:
Oh.

...

Do they need to have all their limbs?

Not necessarily. It might do a number on their mental state, which would be fascinating to study.

Poodlestrike · Mar 20, 2015

ScraftyDevil said:
Not necessarily. It might do a number on their mental state, which would be fascinating to study.

In that case:

Command, I am formally requisitioning a field hacksaw, or some sort of large blade.

Baalzebup · Mar 20, 2015

ScraftyDevil said:
Not necessarily. It might do a number on their mental state, which would be fascinating to study.

But one would imagine that you'd need a completely intact gray for a baseline at some point, right? I mean, if you can't compare, how do you know that the lack of limbs affects them in any way, as far as their mental state is concerned.

Shit, these guys don't seem to really feel fear or anything like that. We shoot 9 of them stone cold dead and the last shithead just keeps fighting. It that situation was reversed, I bet the last man standing would have trouble conrolling his arms, trigger finger and bladder to boot.

ScraftyDevil · Mar 20, 2015

Baalzebup said:
But one would imagine that you'd need a completely intact gray for a baseline at some point, right? I mean, if you can't compare, how do you know that the lack of limbs affects them in any way, as far as their mental state is concerned.

At some point yes, but any specimen is a good specimen as of now so long as the brain is intact. We can run a couple of tests, perform a vivisection or two, scoop out the brain and perform more tests, and THEN we'll need a new one.

NightmareTrigger · Mar 20, 2015

ScraftyDevil said:
At some point yes, but any specimen is a good specimen as of now so long as the brain is intact. We can run a couple of tests, perform a vivisection or two, scoop out the brain and perform more tests, and THEN we'll need a new one.

Can we......can we eat it afterwards?

Poodlestrike · Mar 20, 2015

NightmareTrigger said:
Can we......can we eat it afterwards?

NightmareTrigger · Mar 20, 2015

Poodlestrike said:

Oh come on! You're telling me you don't wanna taste some grilled xeno? I make a mean steak, I bet I could make that xeno taste like porterhouse!

Xeteh · Mar 20, 2015

This is pretty cool. I'm too much of a wuss to play Long War, but I'll keep checking this out.

!SIGNUP I'll die for earth.

Poodlestrike · Mar 20, 2015

NightmareTrigger said:
Oh come on! You're telling me you don't wanna taste some grilled xeno? I make a mean steak, I bet I could make that xeno taste like porterhouse!

No, man, I don't wanna eat E.T. Who knows where that shit has been?

NightmareTrigger · Mar 20, 2015

Poodlestrike said:
No, man, I don't wanna eat E.T. Who knows where that shit has been?

You put some of my famous Nightmare Sauce on it, you won't care where its been. You will, however, care where the nearest bidet is.

Baalzebup · Mar 20, 2015

NightmareTrigger said:
You put some of my famous Nightmare Sauce™ on it, you won't care where its been. You will, however, care where the nearest bidet is.

Yeeaaahh... I'm going to suggest to the chief that, no matter what, NightmareTrigger will not be given mess hall duties. Not even potato peeling. Dude might try to spike them with some MELD appropriated from the labs or something.

NightmareTrigger said:
Painful surgery or mashed meldtatoes? Your choice. I'm just saying.

I'm a big boy. I can handle a little pain, but I don't fancy trying to eat potatoes laced with alien nanomachines. I'm keeping you out of the kitchen, dammit.

NightmareTrigger · Mar 20, 2015

Baalzebup said:
Yeeaaahh... I'm going to suggest to the chief that, no matter what, NightmareTrigger will not be given mess hall duties. Not even potato peeling. Dude might try to spike them with some MELD appropriated from the labs or something.

Painful surgery or mashed meldtatoes? Your choice. I'm just saying.

Poodlestrike · Mar 20, 2015

I'd like to second Baalzebup's request.

ProvostZak · Mar 20, 2015

Command,

I'd like to place a formal requisition for a dedicated laboratory space in which to conduct our studies on the

REDACTED

life-forms. While we in the research department appreciate the...enthusiasm...of the troops, it is difficult to maintain a professional environment in their midst. The interns have recently reported one of the men skulking around our storage freezer. I think it best if we remove the temptation for unauthorized uses of specimens.

Dr. ProvostZak

Chief Science Officer

NightmareTrigger · Mar 20, 2015

I'd like to submit a formal request for you all to kiss my

REDACTED

Incendiary · Mar 20, 2015

Hey, once you science types do your research and poke the brains, can we bring back one and keep it as an unofficial mascot? Or a pet? I want to name mine Fluffy.

McNum · Mar 20, 2015

Concerning alien pets: Any and all live specimens of alien will be confined to the designated holding area and placed on heightened security. At no point will any live alien be allowed to roam freely around XCOM HQ. Aliens found roaming freely in XCOM HQ will be stopped with extreme prejudice and the base will be placed on lockdown.

We're the eXtraterrestrial COMbat unit, not the Galactic Petting Zoo.

Concerning using alien artifacts as trophies: Alien artifacts, including body parts and body fluids are too valuable to be taken as a trophy. All mostly intact alien bodies and weapons, fragmented or otherwise, will be accounted for on retrieval by the cleanup teams.

Aliens suffering extreme bodily damage, such as after getting hit by an RPG or Frag Grenade are generally useless for research and engineering. Picking up and carrying the scattered remains of aliens defeated in this manner is frowned upon... but not currently against regulations.

It is otherwise good to see team morale being this good. However, do not get careless. The war has only just begun and we're in this for the long haul.

That is all for now.

Zod the Bear · Mar 20, 2015

Well, given HK-47 isn't approved for field operations so far, I think it'll work as an effective mascot.

I mean, ET as a mascot? Would just turn into target practice around the base until someone radios in "Mascot down!"

Incendiary · Mar 20, 2015

Zod the Bear said:
Well, given HK-47 isn't approved for field operations so far, I think it'll work as an effective mascot.

....fine. But I'm calling the HK-47 Fluffy, and you can't stop me.

Baalzebup · Mar 20, 2015

Incendiary said:
....fine. But I'm calling the HK-47 Fluffy, and you can't stop me.

Just to make sure that you have considered the following:

You intend to call a prototype level, independent weapons platform armed with a heavy duty automatic weapon, named after a homicidal and sadistic assassin droid with a perchant to refer to humans and other similar forms of sapient life as "meatbags", Fluffy?

Incendiary said:
I like to live dangerously.

Remember to ask NightmareTrigger to cook for you sometime. You seem like the perfect volunteer for his new recipes.

Incendiary · Mar 21, 2015

Baalzebup said:
Just to make sure that you have considered the following:

You intend to call a prototype level, independent weapons platform armed with a heavy duty automatic weapon, named after a homicidal and sadistic assassin droid with a perchant to refer to humans and other similar forms of sapient life as "meatbags", Fluffy?

I like to live dangerously.

McNum · Mar 21, 2015

Incendiary said:
I like to live dangerously.

Well YOU'RE in the right outfit then. Welcome to XCOM.

Jintor · Mar 21, 2015

ProvostZak said:
Command,

I'd like to place a formal requisition for a dedicated laboratory space in which to conduct our studies on the

REDACTED

life-forms. While we in the research department appreciate the...enthusiasm...of the troops, it is difficult to maintain a professional environment in their midst. The interns have recently reported one of the men skulking around our storage freezer. I think it best if we remove the temptation for unauthorized uses of specimens.

Dr. ProvostZak

Chief Science Officer

Apologies, Dr ProvostZak, but we simply don't have the budget at the moment. Be assured however that a second laboratory block is top of the list the moment a windfall gain or another round of funding arrives.

Dr. Mindlog has little time to devote to matters of construction, but he anticipates that when the LVL-3 access elevator is completed we will be able to access the lower bottom-right layer identified in the anthill map. This has been identified as one possible location, though of course your opinion is always appreciated regarding Science Team assets.

NightmareTrigger said:
I'd like to submit a formal request for you all to kiss my

REDACTED

Denied.

- DirOps

Jintor · Mar 21, 2015

CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET
//ENGAGEMENT REPORT 002 – UFO-002//
21 March 2016
XCOM SECURE CHANNEL – AUDIO TRANSCRIPT

Radar: Sir, we’ve got a ping!
Central: Location?
Radar: Somewhere on the North American continent… triangulating… North Quebec, sir.

Radar: Profile fits UFO-001.
Central: I recommend similar intercept profile, commander.
DirOps: Flight team status?
Central: PBAlfredo’s fighter is still being repaired, but Hekk is ready and waiting. Appiah was grousing about seniority earlier though-
DirOps: He can fly escort and serve backup if need be, but he doesn’t have the right weapons loadout. Get them both in the sky yesterday.
Central: Roger that.

bigdaddygamebot · Mar 21, 2015

decoyplatypus said:
Let's start a barracks pool for who captures the first invader. 5-credit buy-in.

I'm in punk!

Jintor · Mar 21, 2015

<--timeskip advance +16 minutes-->

Hekk: -visual range fuck, its in Michigan already?
Appiah: This things goddamn fast! Bobbing and weaving like a mother-
Hekk: Were still out of engagement range, Central.
Central: Stay with it-

<--timeskip advance +13 minutes-->

Appiah: This mother[static] ing to slow down anytime soon?
Hekk: Shut up and fly, damnit! Bloody flying frisb-

<--timeskip advance +13 minutes-->

Radar: UFO-002 is approaching New Mexico-
Appiah: Hes turning, hes turning!
Hekk: Closing to engage weapons locked! Firin- shit!

Appiah: Nosedive!
Hekk: Oh, its going to take more than that, you piece of- [static]
Central: Second missile hit
Hekk: I'm hit- missile three locked! Firing!

Appiah: Yeesh, Nosedive, I think you hit the power source or some shit.
Hekk: Central, Ive just got a dust cloud up here. Nothing salvageable by the looks of things.
Central: Hmmm disappointing, but nothing to complain about exactly. Fuel status?
Appiah: Near bingo, sir.
Central: Alright, RTB, the two of you.
Hekk: Roger that.

--- TRANSCRIPT ENDS ---

XCOM PILOT KILLBOARD

PBAlfredo: 1 [1 x Scout]
_Hekk05: 1 [1 x Scout]

coolasj19 · Mar 21, 2015

I have a serious problem making posts and leaving them unposted when it comes to this thread.

Subscribed

Baalzebup said:
Coolasj19 has some interesting ways to the whole rookie training business. Though it looks like at least one rookie really did take the lesson to heart.

(My) Studies have shown that most Rookies are visual learners.

I have potentially imperative information for the Commander. Requesting information on protocol to communicate.

PBalfredo · Mar 21, 2015

Good shooting, Hekk. Lab boys might complain about not being able to poke through the scrap, but a kill is a kill and our ground pounders have enough to worry about.

Mindlog · Mar 21, 2015

Special Note to Field Operatives,

Your efficiency is most commendable. However, please remember that human remains are very useful to our work here. If you see any spare limbs out there please bring them to us. We would be more than happy to compensate you for the trouble. No need to contact command on this one.

Dr. Mindlog

Chief Engineering Officer

ProvostZak said:
Command,

I'd like to place a formal requisition for a dedicated laboratory space in which to conduct our studies on the

REDACTED

life-forms. While we in the research department appreciate the...enthusiasm...of the troops, it is difficult to maintain a professional environment in their midst. The interns have recently reported one of the men skulking around our storage freezer. I think it best if we remove the temptation for unauthorized uses of specimens.

Dr. ProvostZak

Chief Science Officer

Nerds,

Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. Again. We will get you your fancy lab to study all the

REDACTED

you would like in due time. Right now the corpses are in use elsewhere. If you happen to see one walking around you can thank the engineering division. You know, the people doing all the real work.

Dr. Mindlog

Chief Engineering Officer

Poodlestrike · Mar 21, 2015

Engineering,

I would be happy to get you the corpse bits that you want. However, as my request for a field hacksaw has yet to be processed, I'm currently unable to do so.

Hint.

SPEC Poodlestrike

Jintor · Mar 22, 2015

We’ve got a priority one mission coming in from the Council, Bravo. The aliens have targeted 30th Street Station in Philadelphia with… well, to be frank, we think it’s some kind of bomb. This is a high-risk, high-stakes operation; experienced troopers only on this one. Half of Alpha’s still out on fatigue time so you’re the team for the job.

Operations has approved SPEC Danj to be added to Bravo’s combat roster for this mission; I understand she’s a dab hand with an SAW. Preliminary energy readings have confirmed the presence of the same auto-biometric signatures as is found in MELD cans, so you don’t have to worry about red wire/blue wire nonsense. Just worry about the clock. And the aliens, of course.

Jintor · Mar 23, 2015

CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET
//INCIDENT REPORT_0006//
OPERATION FORGOTTEN MOON
<<30th STREET STATION, PHILADELPHIA, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA>>
21 March 2016

CONTACT TEAM BRAVO
SPEC Raphael (Scout)
SPEC Hazaro (Medic)
SPEC Incendiary (Engineer)
SPEC Screaming Meat (Infantry)
SPEC Danj (Gunner)
SPEC Chasing Comets (Assault)

--- AUDIO TRANSCRIPT EXCERPT – CONTACT TEAM BRAVO –

Screaming Meat: -we ready?
Raphael: Locked and loaded.
Danj: Can’t wait.
Chasing Comets: Nothing like a time limit, eh, Bravo?
Incendiary: Touchdown in three… two… one… go, go, go! Fan out!

Incendiary: There’s a bunch of glowing things – the bomb?
Central: Negative, Bravo: sensor readings indicate that they’re some kind, uh, priming mechanism. Works like a can – just stand nearby and you’ll disable it.
Danj: Lucky for us.
Screaming Meat: Yeah, just fantastic – we’ve got two sectoids behind the train.

Hazaro: Comets, you and Danj are with me - we’re going for the node. Meat, covering fire!
Screaming Meat: With pleasure.

[automatic rifle fire]

Incendiary: I don’t think they liked that.

[plasma pistol discharge]

Screaming Meat: I could care less what they like
Chasing Comets: Did you hear that tone change?
Hazaro: Uh… the fuck do you do with these things again? It’s not-

[hand hitting metal]
[power node deactivates]

Screaming Meat: Ah, the old Fonzie Fix.
Central: Reading falling energy levels… you’ve bought yourselves some time, Bravo.
Hazaro: Maybe this won’t have to be a quickie after all.

Jintor · Mar 23, 2015

Raphael: Moving to fla-

[plasma pistol discharge]

Raphael: -there’s a civvie with a plasma gun over there!
Screaming Meat What?
Incendiary: That ain’t no civvie! Look at its neck!

Hazaro: That thing looks almost human! Even got a suit!
Chasing Comets: Be advised contact is armed, repeat armed-
Incendiary: If it’s in the AO and it’s armed we can’t take any chances-
Danj: The dude ran for cover, so…
Central: Cleared to engage, Bravo.
Chasing Comets: On it.

[shotgun blast]

[unknown biological sound]

Chasing Comets: Target, uh, exploded.
Incendiary: You okay, Comets?
Chasing Comets: Yeah, the body went flying, so I’ve just got a little mess to clean up back at base.
Danj: Oh, so it’s like every date you’ve ever been on, then.

Jintor · Mar 23, 2015

Raphael: Weve still got an ET problem, guys.
Screaming Meat: Its nothing I cant handle.

[automatic rifle fire]

Screaming Meat: Scratch one.
Incendiary: Civvies dont usually explode, right?
Chasing Comets: Not in my experience. Not with whatever the fuck this is, anyway.
Incendiary: Usually better not to let unknown biological fluids touch you.
Danj: Shouldve told him that before that last craigslist hookup, eh, Comets?
Chasing Comets: Shut up, man.
Raphael: The other ones running away
Screaming Meat: Hell yeah hes running away.

[window shatters]

Danj: What was that?!?
Incendiary: One second-

[power node deactivates]

Chasing Comets: Another node up here; no contacts.
Raphael: Oh, youre not getting away from me, tiny.

[shotgun blast]

Raphael: Eat lead.

Jintor · Mar 23, 2015

Chasing Comets: Haz, Danj, were clear. Get up here.
Hazaro: You got it.
Danj: Running

<--timestamp advance +30 seconds-->

[power node deactivates]

Screaming Meat: Another node gone.
Hazaro: Okay, weve got time

[power node deactivates]
[power node deactivates]

Screaming Meat: And another.
Danj: Got the one up here, too.
Chasing Comets: Yo, Ive got something-

Chasing Comets: Two tangos and a well looks like a bomb, dont it?
Central: Confirmed, Bravo. Operates on the same principles, according to these energy readings. Deactivate that and were free and clear.
Incendiary: Copy that, command.

[power node deactivates]

Raphael: Aint great cover along this side
Chasing Comets: Getting eyes on.

Chasing Comets: 3 more tangos on the trackbed! Clustering near the train!
Raphael: Here they come!
Danj: Theyre doing the brain thing-
Incendiary: Quick, think happy thoughts!

Chasing Comets: Your brain crap is no match for the power of positive thinki-

[plasma pistol discharge]

Chasing Comets: -shitshitshit!

Jintor · Mar 23, 2015

Hazaro: Moving to engage-

[automatic rifle fire]

Hazaro: Negative damage!
Chasing Comets: Coveerrrrr meeeeee-

Hazaro: Comets!
Raphael: Comets, you idiot-
Chasing Comets: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-

[plasma bomb deactivates]

Chasing Comets: -HHHHHHHHH-

[shotgun blast]

Chasing Comets: -HHHHH!!!!!!
Screaming Meat: Cover him, cover him!

[automatic rifle fire]
[automatic rifle fire]
[SAW fire]

Danj: No effect on target!
Screaming Meat: Head down, Comets, you crazy bastard-
Incendiary: He’s right around the corner!

[plasma pistol discharge]

Chasing Comets: ---FUCK-

Chasing Comets: --ME!

[plasma pistol discharge]

Raphael: Holy shit, look up!

[window shatters]

Central: Wave of X-rays, closing in on your location!
Incendiary: They’re dropping from the roof! The fucking roof!

Danj: Black suits coming!
Hazaro: Two – no, three new tangos!

Jintor · Mar 23, 2015

Hazaro: Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck-

[unknown weapon discharge]

Hazaro: Definitely plasma! Definitely alien!

[automatic rifle fire]

Hazaro: Glower down-

[SAW fire]
[automatic rifle fire]

Danj: Fucking SAW-
Screaming Meat: Target’s bleedin’ green but not down yet-
Raphael: On my wa- woah!

[unknown weapon discharge]

Raphael: Fucking accountant-looking quarter-stealing mother-fucker-

[shotgun blast]

[unknown biological sound]

Raphael: One skinny down!
Incendiary: In my sights-

[automatic rifle fire]

[unknown biological sound]

Incendiary: Comets, get out of there!

Jintor · Mar 23, 2015

Chasing Comets: Bye-bye, frie-

[unknown weapon discharge]

Chasing Comets: Forgot about that last asshole!
Incendiary: Shit, one more in the back!

[shotgun blast]

Chasing Comets: Theres a shotgun round with your name on it too, skinny!
Raphael: Theyre moving up again-

[plasma pistol discharge]

Raphael: Danj, surpress the spook!
Danj: On it!

[continual SAW fire]

Incendiary: Move in, move in, move in!
Chasing Comets: Firing!
Hazaro: Firing!

[shotgun blast]
[automatic rifle fire]
[automatic rifle fire]

[unknown biological sound]

Hazaro: One more to go.

Jintor · Mar 23, 2015

Raphael: Hes headed towards you, Haz!
Hazaro: Suicidal little-

[plasma pistol discharge]

Hazaro: ARRRGH!!!
Incendiary: Hazaro!
Hazaro: My fucking arm you little fucking tiny piece of shit SHITBAG-

[clickclickclickclick]

Hazaro: For fucks sake-

[ballistic pistol fire]

Hazaro: IM GONNA SLICE YOU INTO FUCKING BITS OF SUSHI YOU LITTLE SECTOID PIECE OF SHIT!
Screaming Meat: Uh, Haz-
Hazaro: -FF YOUR HEAD AND SHIT DOWN YOUR- [static]
Raphael: Hazaro-
Hazaro: -IF YOU EVEN -someone get me a fucking hacksaw, Isweartogod, I will rip you limb from fucking li-
Incendiary: Hazaro! Pull it together!

Hazaro: [indistinct muttering]
Central: Uh, thats all life signs extinguished, Bravo. Fantastic job out there today.
Incendiary: God, I need a drink.
Hazaro: [self-administers morphine]

--- TRANSCRIPT ENDS ---

ScraftyDevil · Mar 23, 2015

Dammit, men! We need a live specimen! LIVE! How am I supposed to study alien psychology if all of the ones you bring home are in more pieces than a jigsaw puzzle?

Hazaro · Mar 23, 2015

So I can't hit anything standing still and only become a critgod when people try to kill me while calling others idiots and get shot at?
Sounds about right.

I won't make it two more missions, at least I'm alive for 17 more days in base.

Also that map with Thin Men is BS I'm shocked no one died.

Jintor · Mar 23, 2015

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