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Crushed puts amusing MGS spoilers in spoiler-free thread, gets banned, gets thread

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Crushed

Fry Daddy
As an MGS fan, I instantly caught onto the differences between Big Boss/Naked Snake and Solid Snake, but it wasn't until recently that I could really put my finger on it. Look for it when you're playing the game, and it's actually rather noticeable.


Solid Snake is cold and cynical with a sharp tongue; he has a tendency to be mocking towards his opponents, make sarcastic remarks to everybody, and tries to be smooth and clever. He'll bitch about having to take a mission, but during the mission he'll just take his lumps, sarcastically comment that things are just swell, and keep going without whining. If he ever does complain, it's usually shouting at someone or something that's screwed up.

He's also very intelligent. He knows when something's up, even if he doesn't know exactly what it is. It really reflects his past as someone who's had a rough early life, and was betrayed at a very early age (he was only 25 or so when Big Boss betrayed him at Outer Heaven, 29 when he killed Big Boss, 35 in MGS1, etc.).


Big Boss' portrayal is very fitting as well. As Naked Snake, he's idealistic and loyal, but not delusional: he knows that the world is a dirty and twisted place, he just puts his trust in the only thing he knows how to do. He takes orders unwaveringly, even if he does show some regrets about them. He'll do a mission without notice because it's his way of life, but during the mission he'll gripe a lot. He treats war like a game at times: if you snipe The End early, he's disappointed that he won't get to face the Cobra's legendary sniper in battle. If The End dies from old age, BB will tell Major Zero he's truly upset he let down The End by not giving him one last battle; the Major replies that it's war and you shouldn't care how "appropriately" an enemy is defeated.

But there's one part of Big Boss' portrayal that I don't like as much. He's not intelligent like any of the three Snake brothers. He's actually rather slow. Almost... dumb. He's not clever, he's not smooth, he's awkward around women, he's utterly clueless about social things, has only a casual knowledge of current events and politics that's pretty poor for the standards of a CIA operative. He'll forget important things, thinks about food and fighting constantly, completely misinterpret things he's not familiar with, and is so dense that it's almost impossible to clue him in on anything that doesn't involve taking out enemy soldiers or reaching a point.

BB's practically a savant:

He can speak Russian fluently (probably other languages too), but can't pick up on implied comments in any language.

He's a walking encyclopedia of weapon design, combat strategy, etc., able to understand the mechanics behind nearly any weapon and all its possible uses (both intended and improvised)... but the instant Para-Medic or SIGINT starts talking about biology, chemicals, or electronics, his eyes glaze over.

He can look at Ocelot's elbow, figure out that Ocelot's trying to absorb recoil, and conclude that Ocelot is more suited to a revolver... but he can't recognize Eva wearing glasses and her hair tied up.

Sokolov tells him that the Shagohod uses rocket engines to attain a land speed of 300mph, and he immediately understands that it operates like the first stage of an ICBM, removing the need for a silo and a rocket to be boost into the upper atmosphere... but when he sees a picture of girlyboy Raikov (who enjoys "special privilege") and pervert Volgin smiling at each other suggestively, he can't figure out that they're gay, even when Eva spells it out for him.



It might be fitting, but it's practically a cartoonish parody of the whole "lol I r teh hero but i am dum please halp me supportin characters, i just wanna eat rofl" cliche
 
Crushed said:
As an MGS fan, I instantly caught onto the differences between Big Boss/Naked Snake and Solid Snake, but it wasn't until recently that I could really put my finger on it. Look for it when you're playing the game, and it's actually rather noticeable.


Solid Snake is cold and cynical with a sharp tongue; he has a tendency to be mocking towards his opponents, make sarcastic remarks to everybody, and tries to be smooth and clever. He'll bitch about having to take a mission, but during the mission he'll just take his lumps, sarcastically comment that things are just swell, and keep going without whining. If he ever does complain, it's usually shouting at someone or something that's screwed up.

He's also very intelligent. He knows when something's up, even if he doesn't know exactly what it is. It really reflects his past as someone who's had a rough early life, and was betrayed at a very early age (he was only 25 or so when Big Boss betrayed him at Outer Heaven, 29 when he killed Big Boss, 35 in MGS1, etc.).


Big Boss' portrayal is very fitting as well. As Naked Snake, he's idealistic and loyal, but not delusional: he knows that the world is a dirty and twisted place, he just puts his trust in the only thing he knows how to do. He takes orders unwaveringly, even if he does show some regrets about them. He'll do a mission without notice because it's his way of life, but during the mission he'll gripe a lot. He treats war like a game at times: if you snipe The End early, he's disappointed that he won't get to face the Cobra's legendary sniper in battle. If The End dies from old age, BB will tell Major Zero he's truly upset he let down The End by not giving him one last battle; the Major replies that it's war and you shouldn't care how "appropriately" an enemy is defeated.

But there's one part of Big Boss' portrayal that I don't like as much. He's not intelligent like any of the three Snake brothers. He's actually rather slow. Almost... dumb. He's not clever, he's not smooth, he's awkward around women, he's utterly clueless about social things, has only a casual knowledge of current events and politics that's pretty poor for the standards of a CIA operative. He'll forget important things, thinks about food and fighting constantly, completely misinterpret things he's not familiar with, and is so dense that it's almost impossible to clue him in on anything that doesn't involve taking out enemy soldiers or reaching a point.

BB's practically a savant:

He can speak Russian fluently (probably other languages too), but can't pick up on implied comments in any language.

He's a walking encyclopedia of weapon design, combat strategy, etc., able to understand the mechanics behind nearly any weapon and all its possible uses (both intended and improvised)... but the instant Para-Medic or SIGINT starts talking about biology, chemicals, or electronics, his eyes glaze over.

He can look at Ocelot's elbow, figure out that Ocelot's trying to absorb recoil, and conclude that Ocelot is more suited to a revolver... but he can't recognize Eva wearing glasses and her hair tied up.

Sokolov tells him that the Shagohod uses rocket engines to attain a land speed of 300mph, and he immediately understands that it operates like the first stage of an ICBM, removing the need for a silo and a rocket to be boost into the upper atmosphere... but when he sees a picture of girlyboy Raikov (who enjoys "special privilege") and pervert Volgin smiling at each other suggestively, he can't figure out that they're gay, even when Eva spells it out for him.



It might be fitting, but it's practically a cartoonish parody of the whole "lol I r teh hero but i am dum please halp me supportin characters, i just wanna eat rofl" cliche

I noticed the difference in the first playthrough of MGS3, I love how you play a different kind of Snake. When you put it like that yeah you are right BB was a bit of a dummy at times. Throughout the whole game I did not feel like he was in control of the situation, it did feel like playing as Raiden at times. You never felt that with Solid, there is some confidence to him that the other characters don't have
 

Yoboman

Member
Crushed said:
As an MGS fan, I instantly caught onto the differences between Big Boss/Naked Snake and Solid Snake, but it wasn't until recently that I could really put my finger on it. Look for it when you're playing the game, and it's actually rather noticeable.


Solid Snake is cold and cynical with a sharp tongue; he has a tendency to be mocking towards his opponents, make sarcastic remarks to everybody, and tries to be smooth and clever. He'll bitch about having to take a mission, but during the mission he'll just take his lumps, sarcastically comment that things are just swell, and keep going without whining. If he ever does complain, it's usually shouting at someone or something that's screwed up.

He's also very intelligent. He knows when something's up, even if he doesn't know exactly what it is. It really reflects his past as someone who's had a rough early life, and was betrayed at a very early age (he was only 25 or so when Big Boss betrayed him at Outer Heaven, 29 when he killed Big Boss, 35 in MGS1, etc.).


Big Boss' portrayal is very fitting as well. As Naked Snake, he's idealistic and loyal, but not delusional: he knows that the world is a dirty and twisted place, he just puts his trust in the only thing he knows how to do. He takes orders unwaveringly, even if he does show some regrets about them. He'll do a mission without notice because it's his way of life, but during the mission he'll gripe a lot. He treats war like a game at times: if you snipe The End early, he's disappointed that he won't get to face the Cobra's legendary sniper in battle. If The End dies from old age, BB will tell Major Zero he's truly upset he let down The End by not giving him one last battle; the Major replies that it's war and you shouldn't care how "appropriately" an enemy is defeated.

But there's one part of Big Boss' portrayal that I don't like as much. He's not intelligent like any of the three Snake brothers. He's actually rather slow. Almost... dumb. He's not clever, he's not smooth, he's awkward around women, he's utterly clueless about social things, has only a casual knowledge of current events and politics that's pretty poor for the standards of a CIA operative. He'll forget important things, thinks about food and fighting constantly, completely misinterpret things he's not familiar with, and is so dense that it's almost impossible to clue him in on anything that doesn't involve taking out enemy soldiers or reaching a point.

BB's practically a savant:

He can speak Russian fluently (probably other languages too), but can't pick up on implied comments in any language.

He's a walking encyclopedia of weapon design, combat strategy, etc., able to understand the mechanics behind nearly any weapon and all its possible uses (both intended and improvised)... but the instant Para-Medic or SIGINT starts talking about biology, chemicals, or electronics, his eyes glaze over.

He can look at Ocelot's elbow, figure out that Ocelot's trying to absorb recoil, and conclude that Ocelot is more suited to a revolver... but he can't recognize Eva wearing glasses and her hair tied up.

Sokolov tells him that the Shagohod uses rocket engines to attain a land speed of 300mph, and he immediately understands that it operates like the first stage of an ICBM, removing the need for a silo and a rocket to be boost into the upper atmosphere... but when he sees a picture of girlyboy Raikov (who enjoys "special privilege") and pervert Volgin smiling at each other suggestively, he can't figure out that they're gay, even when Eva spells it out for him.



It might be fitting, but it's practically a cartoonish parody of the whole "lol I r teh hero but i am dum please halp me supportin characters, i just wanna eat rofl" cliche
:lol Great points there, I think they're more similar than you give them credit for. Snake was also younger and less experienced at that point than any of the Snake brothers, and eventually we saw the reality of Big Boss putting his own agendas into action

Perhaps some of the charisma that all three brothers have is inherited from their mother. Or maybe the clones were made to be better than the original
 
Crushed said:
As an MGS fan,

i just wanna eat rofl" cliche

I guess the difference is that Big Boss had no friends, his had The Boss as his mentor and EVA as his one night stand, but in general he was a pretty lonely guy. Snake actually had a best friend in Gray Fox and McDonald Miller was his mentor. In MGS1 he still didnt come off as a real social guy compared to MGS2 when he was friends with Otacon. I mean, who responds to some pantsless girl saying "So whats next?" with "on the battlefield you never know whats next."

also, as fucked up as Snake and Raiden's lives are at times, Otacon takes the cake when it comes to having a messed up family situation. Other than the whole nuclear thing in his family history, he banged his stepmom which led to the suicide of his father, then he abandoned his adopted sister.
 

Crushed

Fry Daddy
I think Naked Snake MUST have ADD, or Les Enfants were engineered to not be so... stupid. It's just so odd that Big Boss is this legendary badass hero, yet when you compare them...

Mantis: I AM THE GREATEST PRACTITIONER OF PSYCHOKINESIS AND TELEPATHY, IN THE WOOORLD.
Snake: Nice parlor tricks, motherfucker, oh wait your mom died in childbirth, oh snap that's the worst burn you've gotten since you killed your entire village by accident as a child.

Sorrow: I am a ghost, I can summon ghosts, this is the ghost world, you're carrying stuff you shouldn't have and this place is totally different from where you just were, you are dead, once again I am a GHOST.
Big Boss: ARE YOU ONE OF THE COBRAS!?!??!?!? (aims gun at floating ghost)


Raven: The Raven has put the Mark of Death upon you...
Snake: What the fuck is going on, you muk-tuk eating fatso crow, this makes no goddamned sense.

Pain: I'M COVERED IN BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Big Boss: OKAY (BLAM BLAM)
Pain: PAAAAAAAAAIN (BOOM...
beeeeeeeeeeeeees
)


Ocelot: I'm going to torture you, Snake. Or else the girl will die. Just for fun. Nobody's going to save you. I am the most sadistic son of a bitch ever.
Snake: Ow, my arms hurt a little. Hmm, I'll think I'll tell painful stories about killing my dad and best friend to ease the pain, because that's how badass I am.

Volgin: Heehee, I'm going to beat you up. HA HA! Ha. I shoot lightning.
Big Boss: OW OW OW THAT HURTS I'M PISSING MY PANTS FROM THE PAIN*, HELP ME EVA, HELP ME MAJOR! BOSS... WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS


Raiden: Snake! I can't believe he would call me foolish and gullible and angsty THAT MAKES ME SO DARNED MIFFED, what a jerk!
Snake: Raiden, I'm listening to you right now. I heard everything you said. And my tone and silence implies that if you don't get moving RIGHT NOW, I will shove my foot so far up your ass that your teeth will be flossed by the laces.

Para-Medic: BOY NAKED SNAKE SURE IS DUMB, HUH (laughs)
SIGINT: YOU BETCHA, WHAT A GULLIBLE DUMBASS (laughs)
Zero: HE'S BLOODY RETARDED (laughs)
EVA: I'M A CHINESE SPY (laughs)
The Boss: THIS IS ALL A SETUP, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS (laughs)
Ocelot: YES THIS IS A SETUP (laughs)
The Philosophers: WE'RE CONTROLLING THIS (laughs)
Sakurai: (laughs)
Iwata: (laughs)
Big Boss: ?
Para-Medic: Oh, that was nothing Snake. Go back to being stupid.
Big Boss: Wait, what's this animal I caught?
SIGINT: That's a rotary telephone, Snake.
Big Boss: OM NOM NOM, I CAN MAKE PHONE CALLS NOW



*(no seriously, he actually does. Watch the torture scene again)
 

Yoboman

Member
Crushed said:
I think Naked Snake MUST have ADD, or Les Enfants were engineered to not be so... stupid. It's just so odd that Big Boss is this legendary badass hero, yet when you compare them...

Mantis: I AM THE GREATEST PRACTITIONER OF PSYCHOKINESIS AND TELEPATHY, IN THE WOOORLD.
Snake: Nice parlor tricks, motherfucker, oh wait your mom died in childbirth, oh snap that's the worst burn you've gotten since you killed your entire village by accident as a child.

Sorrow: I am a ghost, I can summon ghosts, this is the ghost world, you're carrying stuff you shouldn't have and this place is totally different from where you just were, you are dead, once again I am a GHOST.
Big Boss: ARE YOU ONE OF THE COBRAS!?!??!?!? (aims gun at floating ghost)


Raven: The Raven has put the Mark of Death upon you...
Snake: What the fuck is going on, you muk-tuk eating fatso crow, this makes no goddamned sense.

Pain: I'M COVERED IN BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES
Big Boss: OKAY (BLAM BLAM)
Pain: PAAAAAAAAAIN (BOOM...
beeeeeeeeeeeeees
)


Ocelot: I'm going to torture you, Snake. Or else the girl will die. Just for fun. Nobody's going to save you. I am the most sadistic son of a bitch ever.
Snake: Ow, my arms hurt a little. Hmm, I'll think I'll tell painful stories about killing my dad and best friend to ease the pain, because that's how badass I am.

Volgin: Heehee, I'm going to beat you up. HA HA! Ha. I shoot lightning.
Big Boss: OW OW OW THAT HURTS I'M PISSING MY PANTS FROM THE PAIN*, HELP ME EVA, HELP ME MAJOR! BOSS... WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS


Raiden: Snake! I can't believe he would call me foolish and gullible and angsty THAT MAKES ME SO DARNED MIFFED, what a jerk!
Snake: Raiden, I'm listening to you right now. I heard everything you said. And my tone and silence implies that if you don't get moving RIGHT NOW, I will shove my foot so far up your ass that your teeth will be flossed by the laces.

Para-Medic: BOY NAKED SNAKE SURE IS DUMB, HUH (laughs)
SIGINT: YOU BETCHA, WHAT A GULLIBLE DUMBASS (laughs)
Zero: HE'S BLOODY RETARDED (laughs)
EVA: I'M A CHINESE SPY (laughs)
The Boss: THIS IS ALL A SETUP, I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS (laughs)
Ocelot: YES THIS IS A SETUP (laughs)
The Philosophers: WE'RE CONTROLLING THIS (laughs)
Sakurai: (laughs)
Iwata: (laughs)
Big Boss: ?
Para-Medic: Oh, that was nothing Snake. Go back to being stupid.
Big Boss: Wait, what's this animal I caught?
SIGINT: That's a rotary telephone, Snake.
Big Boss: OM NOM NOM, I CAN MAKE PHONE CALLS NOW



*(no seriously, he actually does. Watch the torture scene again)
Man of little words, silent and deadly, no fuss no muss. That's how Big Boss is
BD.gif
 

Crushed

Fry Daddy
Yoboman said:
Man of little words, silent and deadly, no fuss no muss. That's how Big Boss is
BD.gif
Mei Ling: I can't berieve I'm getting heet on by the famoush Shorid Shnaek...
Snake:
emot-quagmire.gif

Naomi: Maybe when you get back, I'll let you do a strip search... on me.
Snake: I'll hold you to that, doctor.
emot-c00l.gif

Meryl: You tryin' to sweep me off my feet?
Snake: You'll land right back on them once you meet the real me... Meryl.
Meryl: (swoon)

Big Boss: Can't even eat a snake during a mission, huh.
Eva: I wouldn't mind eating you.
livestock01-14-04-whore.gif

Big Boss:
emot-aaa.gif

Eva: After this, you have to treat me to a nice dinner.
Big Boss: UH... WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT.
emot-saddowns.gif

Eva: How about sushi?
Big Boss: SUSHI?
emot-saddowns.gif

Eva: It's a form of Japanese cuisine gaining popularity in the West, made using specially prepared raw fish.
emot-eng101.gif

Big Boss: RAW FISH?
emot-saddowns.gif


...THAT WOULD BE PERFECT FOR MY SURVIVAL SKILLS
emot-haw.gif
 

Yoboman

Member
Crushed said:
Mei Ling: I can't berieve I'm getting heet on by the famoush Shorid Shnaek...
Snake:
emot-quagmire.gif

Naomi: Maybe when you get back, I'll let you do a strip search... on me.
Snake: I'll hold you to that, doctor.
emot-c00l.gif

Meryl: You tryin' to sweep me off my feet?
Snake: You'll land right back on them once you meet the real me... Meryl.
Meryl: (swoon)

Big Boss: Can't even eat a snake during a mission, huh.
Eva: I wouldn't mind eating you.
livestock01-14-04-whore.gif

Big Boss:
emot-aaa.gif

Eva: After this, you have to treat me to a nice dinner.
Big Boss: UH... WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT.
emot-saddowns.gif

Eva: How about sushi?
Big Boss: SUSHI?
emot-saddowns.gif

Eva: It's a form of Japanese cuisine gaining popularity in the West, made using specially prepared raw fish.
emot-eng101.gif

Big Boss: RAW FISH?
emot-saddowns.gif


...THAT WOULD BE PERFECT FOR MY SURVIVAL SKILLS
emot-haw.gif

Zero: Then what about a snake-shaped gun? You could make it look like you're grappling with a giant snake and then get a shot in on the enemy while they're distracted.
mysmilie_2031.gif


Snake: OK, now you're being ridiculous.
19525694hu9.png


Zero: Oh I get it. You're worried about how to handle the ladies, aren't you?
mysmilie_970.gif


Snake: No...
snakey.gif


Zero: I knew it. Hmm... to tell you the truth, I don't like the idea of playing hanky-panky with enemy femme fatales, either. But that's part of Bond's appeal. You could learn a thing or two from him. What about this EVA? What are you planning to do with her?
alien.gif


Snake: I... I don't even trust her yet.
meh-1.gif


Zero: You've got to grab the initiative. And to do that, you've got to get the upper hand in the relationship. That's what a spy is supposed to do.
mysmilie_941.gif


Snake: Get the upper hand... I don't think I'm cut out for that mission.
mysmilie_1262.gif


Zero: Maybe if you changed your code name to Double-O-Snake?
mysmilie_793.png


Snake: Major!
metal_gear_awesome.gif
 

SMZC

Member
Crushed said:
Mei Ling: I can't berieve I'm getting heet on by the famoush Shorid Shnaek...
Snake:
emot-quagmire.gif

Naomi: Maybe when you get back, I'll let you do a strip search... on me.
Snake: I'll hold you to that, doctor.
emot-c00l.gif

Meryl: You tryin' to sweep me off my feet?
Snake: You'll land right back on them once you meet the real me... Meryl.
Meryl: (swoon)

Big Boss: Can't even eat a snake during a mission, huh.
Eva: I wouldn't mind eating you.
livestock01-14-04-whore.gif

Big Boss:
emot-aaa.gif

Eva: After this, you have to treat me to a nice dinner.
Big Boss: UH... WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT.
emot-saddowns.gif

Eva: How about sushi?
Big Boss: SUSHI?
emot-saddowns.gif

Eva: It's a form of Japanese cuisine gaining popularity in the West, made using specially prepared raw fish.
emot-eng101.gif

Big Boss: RAW FISH?
emot-saddowns.gif


...THAT WOULD BE PERFECT FOR MY SURVIVAL SKILLS
emot-haw.gif


:lol :lol
 

TheExodu5

Banned
Yeah thanks for posting a lot of shit I can't read guys. Good job spoilering the thread where there are supposed to be ban-enforceable non-spoiler rules in place.

Where's sp0rsk EvilLore when you need him?
 

Yoshichan

And they made him a Lord of Cinder. Not for virtue, but for might. Such is a lord, I suppose. But here I ask. Do we have a sodding chance?
Wait, did he get himself a new tag or did he really get banned?
 

atomico

Member
:lol

his views were both funny and sometimes even made sense, but the MGS thread did need a cleanup

ever since Costanza finished MGS1/2/3, it's like we just assumed nobody else was still playing :D
 

Relix

he's Virgin Tight™
Crushed gives GAF 1/10th of its personality. As an April Fool's day... LET'S PARDON HIM!
 
I've been warming up a little to the Meme Machine, but he kind of had this one coming. An excellent post, but really not in the right place at all.
 

kennah

Member
But... but... with all his corrections in the dinosaurs are awesome thread... I was beginning to not hate him!
 
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