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NeoGAF Creative Writing Challenge #21 - "Foreign"

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bengraven

bengraven

Member
Theme - "Foreign"

Something different. Maybe it's someone unfamiliar, from another country, culture, or even planet. Maybe it's a "foreign object".

Word Limit: 1701

Submission Deadline: Wednesday 2/11 by 11:59 PM Pacific.

Voting begins Thursday, 2/12, and goes until Saturday, 2/14 at 11:59 PM Pacific.

Submission Guidelines:

- All submissions must be written during the time of the challenge. We don't want a snippet of your doctoral thesis from 1996 being used here.
- One entry per poster. You can submit and then edit if you'd like, but finalizing before submitting is encouraged.
- Spelling and Grammatical errors can be used to great effect when the story, characters, and setting demand it. However, proofreading and spell-checking your writing will probably result in a more positive attitude towards it when people are voting.
- Using the topic as the title of your piece is discouraged. These challenges get a large number of submissions and if entries share the same title, it's difficult for the readers to separate them out come voting time.
- Any writing style is welcome, but remember that most people are probably going to vote for the well written short story over an elementary acrostic poem.
- There are many ways to interpret the theme for this assignment, we are all writers or wannabe writers, so keep that in mind when writing and critiquing others' works.
- Thousands of people read GAF, so if you don't want some masterpiece of yours to be stolen and seen in Hollywood a year from now, don't post it on here.
- Finally, there is a handy word count checker at WordCountTool.com. Nobody wants to be a word count Nazi, but please keep your submission under the limit.

Voting Guidelines:

- Anyone can vote, even those that do not submit a piece during the thread.
- Three votes per voter. Please denote in your voting your 1st (3 pts), 2nd (2 pts), and 3rd (1 pt) place votes.
- Please read all submissions before voting, it is only fair to those who put in the effort.
- You must vote in order to be eligible to win the challenge. Critiques/comments are encouraged but not required.
- When the voting period ends, votes will be tallied and the winner will get a collective pat on the back and will be in charge of picking a new topic to write about and pick the word length.
- In the event of a tie, the story with the highest number of first place votes will be declared the winner. If they are still tied after this first tiebreaker, the previous challenge winner will decide any further tie-breaking measures (2nd Place votes, Joint Topic Choice, etc.)
- Remember: you cannot win if you don't vote!

Previous Challenges:

#1 - The Things Unseen” (Winner: beelzebozo)
#2 - An Unlikely Pair” (Winner: Aaron)
#3 - weightless, breathless” (Winner: Azih)
#4 - On the way” (Winner: DumbNameD)
#5 - The End” (Winner: Cyan)
#6 - Playing with Fire” (Winner: Aaron)
#7 - Something Brutal” (Winner: Ronito)
#8 - Parasite and Host” (Winner: Aaron)
#9 - The Seasons” (Winner: ivysaur12)
#10 - Anniversary” (Winner: Memles)
#11 - Comedy” (Winner: Scribble)
#12 - The Trilogy” (Winner: Aaron)
#13 - Impossible Thing” (Winner: Cyan)
#14 - Lost and Found” (Winner: Iceman)
#15 - Prescient” (Winner: Iceman)
#16 - Trick or Treat” (Winner: DumbNameD)
#17 - Countdown” (Winner: DumbNameD)
#18 - Masquerade” - (Winner: Nitewulf)
#19 - The Grey Area” (Winner: DumbNameD)
#20 - "Score" (Winner: Timedog)
 
bengraven

bengraven

Member
Optional Secondary Objective - Try to write an epistolary short story.

From Wikipedia:

An epistolary novel is a novel written as a series of documents. The usual form is letters, although diary entries, newspaper clippings and other documents are sometimes used. Recently, electronic "documents", such as blogs and e-mails have also come into use. The word epistolary comes from the Latin word epistola, meaning a letter.
Click to expand...

Recently I realized the three last books I read shared similar formats. I had been reading Dracula, Rant by Chuck Palahniuk, and now have begun reading World War Z by Max Brooks.

While this kind of format has been shown to work in long-form novels, I'm interested in seeing how it would work in short form. Maybe it's in the form of a single, personal letter with a glaring twist in the end or for a more modern approach a series of Twitter replies or Facebook comments.

Remember, this is just an option. It is not necessarily going to give you bonus points, but could definitely make your story interesting.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Sounds cool!

The secondary objective is interesting. I did an epistolary in one of the earlier threads (didn't know the word for it then). Maybe I'll give it another go.
 
D

dragonlife

Member
dragonlife29 am fail for missing the last one...but I like this theme, so...;_;

I've gotta manage my time better and actually sit down to think about these competitions.
 
Z

ZephyrFate

Banned
I am absolutely in love with this topic and the secondary objective. I really hope to dazzle you all with the ideas that are veritably exploding in my brain. :D
 
R

RevoDS

Junior Member
Bookmarked. Topic sounds good, I'll try to submit something. I just discovered about these challenges this afternoon, and I'm quite interested :)
 
L

liquidspeed

Member
Hey, I'm new to this series of threads, but I was lurking in the last one, and thought it looked interesting. All of my classes are math and physics based and I need something creative to give my mind a break. I think I have some interesting ideas, so expect to see something from me.
 
bengraven

bengraven

Member
crowphoenix said:
Aw man, I suck at epistolary writings. Ah well, expect some cliched and poorly written letters from me in a few weeks. :p
Click to expand...

Remember, it's just an option!

A trick I used once a few years ago for school was to just write a first-person short story and add the date, "to" and "from" in order to make it look like a letter. ;)
 
W

Ward

Member
Nice topic, I brainstormed last night and started on the framework for my story this morning.

At first I was put off by the epistolary format and decided to skip it, but after considering it's merits I think (read hope) it will actually work perfectly for what I'm trying to accomplish in my story.
 
A

Aaron

Member
I have an idea that will even fit in with the optional option, but it might chafe a bit under the word limit. As mentioned, the form suggested is more suited for longer works.
 
S

Scribble

Member
Congratulations on winning, Timedog. Sorry for not voting and/or reading, because I was in hospital for the last few days.

And yessss this theme totally clicks for me. Although I don't know what my story is yet. I just think that I'll enjoy writing this one.

EDIT: Missed the secondary objective, which is very interesting.
 
C

crowphoenix

Banned
Scribble said:
Congratulations on winning, Timedog. Sorry for not voting and/or reading, because I was in hospital for the last few days.

And yessss this theme totally clicks for me. Although I don't know what my story is yet. I just think that I'll enjoy writing this one.

EDIT: Missed the secondary objective, which is very interesting.
Click to expand...
You were in the hospital? That sucks man. Everything ok?
 
S

Scribble

Member
Yep, wasn't anything big, although it ruined several of my plans this weekend. Was supposed to go on a short holiday, so bah =/
 
bengraven

bengraven

Member
I'm really glad everyone seems to be digging the topic and optional objective. :D

I'll be cranking out my story very soon, though I have about three in mind to write.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Oh, I totally know what I'm going to write. This'll be fun.

Love the secondary objective.

Scribble said:
Sorry for not voting and/or reading, because I was in hospital for the last few days.
Click to expand...
Bummer! Glad you're ok.
 
C

crowphoenix

Banned
Scribble said:
Yep, wasn't anything big, although it ruined several of my plans this weekend. Was supposed to go on a short holiday, so bah =/
Click to expand...
Random issues always target those weekends. Bummer dude.

I think I'm the only person in this thread not completely confident about this one. Looks like I'll have to step it up if I don't want last again. :D
 
M

MrFingers

Member
crowphoenix said:
Random issues always target those weekends. Bummer dude.

I think I'm the only person in this thread not completely confident about this one. Looks like I'll have to step it up if I don't want last again. :D
Click to expand...

Not so fast!*tentatively throws hat into ring*

Last place is mine!
 
M

MrFingers

Member
crowphoenix said:
Ah, but it will be a down hill battle for you to overtake my reputation of cliches and mediocrity.
Click to expand...

:lol

I'm the master of cliche.I've just about finished it btw...There's a new hack in town:p
 
M

MrFingers

Member
Scribble said:
So I'm guessing that your stories will be full of racial stereotypes =P
Click to expand...

Maybe:p

My effort really is lame,you should all thank me, I'm gonna make you all look like Bukowski in comparison.
 
M

MrFingers

Member
Not a serious entry.I hope you enjoy it for what it is(a bad joke shoe-horned into a very short story...)

word count:894
Title:Jim's pants
------------------------------------------------------------------



An unwelcome guest.
No use in hiding, he will let himself in anyway.
The most unwelcome guest of all.
A new day.


The curtains were still drawn,a dingy brown, they were white once.Dan could see the shapes outside going about their day.
Maybe today there would be something different behind them.

Dan:"ugh...God ,how much did I drink last night?"

Dan cast a glance at the mess around him...he had a nagging feeling he had forgotten something.

He decided to wrench himself from the comfort of his bed and make the voyage to the bathroom.

He stumbled out of bed,scratching himself along the way.

Looking quizically into the mirror,he examined his face, poking and prodding himself like he was inspecting livestock at a cattle auction.He stretched the bags under his eyes.

It must have been a good night, that much he knew.

He cleared his throat and set about making himself presentable.

Barely awake, he made his way into his living room.He noticed the red light on the answer machine, blinking.



*plays answer phone message*

*beep*

*Hey, it's Mick j here.How's it coming along?Ian is getting antsy, he wants to get this done soon.I got a good feeling about this.peace brah*

*beep*

Dan:"What the hell does that mean?Mick j?I knew there was something I needed to do.....But what?....I need to take a little time,a little time to think things over.I need to read between the lines......Maybe I should go out.walk a little ,clear my head.Maybe it will come back to me then."

He slipped-on his finest acid washed jeans,they were tight,he liked them that way,made him feel sexy.

On his way out he saw the myriad of miscellanious junk mail and final demands,it felt like a mountain he had to climb.One item caught his eye,it was a retirement plan...

Dan:"I guess I should read this later,maybe I'll need it when I'm older"


Collar popped, Dan stalked the streets alone.It was a dark, brooding, day.

Dan was hot and he knew it...the ladies knew it as well.But Dan didn't have time for the ladies,he had a more pressing matter to attend to.

He headed for his favourite cafe,hoping a shot of caffeine would jolt his memory.

Waitress(Sarah):"Dan you don't look so good,is something bothering you?"

Dan:"Really? What's your problem ?I mean, I come in here for a cup of coffee and you say I don't look good,maybe you dont look so good yourself"

Sarah:"Ok , would you like me to top you up?"

Dan:"Sure have at it."
Sarah:"You always brighten my day Dan"

Dan:*sigh*..."Look im sorry..its just..just..."

Sarah:"Just what dan?just, I have to work my ass off so I can put up with your shit day after day .You think because i'm a waitress you can talk to me like im trash,you don't even look me in the eye.What is wrong with you?You know what you are Dan?you're a misanthrope,you don't like people..yeah thats right!..Maybe the success went to your head,
or maybe some girl didn't treat you right...well boo-fucking-hoo! we all have problems"


Dan:"No..its just..I forgot something"
Sarah:"Oh.."

*both pause for a moment*

Dan:"So..what does a girl like you do for fun?"
Sarah:"Huh?"
Dan:"Why do you even work a job you hate so much?"
Sarah:"Look, I don't have time for this.I've got customers waiting.Customers who tip well!"
Dan:"If I had a motorbike it would be waiting outisde right now"
Sarah:"wtf?"
Dan:"I'm dangerous and you know it..You want me..Have you seen my jeans?"
Sarah:"I...Dan shut the fu...Dan?youre right...I can't fight it anymore...I fill your cup every day..maybe you could fill my cup for once"
Dan:"let's get out of here..."

Sarah threw down her apron and never looked back.

And for Dan,it looked like love had finally found him and through the clouds,he could just about see the sun shine...

It was like a badly written metaphor for his new romance.



They walked the streets all day..though couldn't stop or turn back now,they had travelled too far.






But the problem remained,and it was causing Dan much heart-ache and pain...




Sarah:"what is it baby?Is it this stupid thing you can't remember?"


Dan"Stupid?probably...I give up...I can't remember.I won't remember!Screw it! Whatever it is I was supposed to do, will just have to go fuck itself!"

Sarah:"Hey, Dan! look over there....on that corner...Mexicans!! being hired illegally to do American jobs..damn foreigners.."

Dan:":O!!!"

Something had triggered Dan's memory,he knew what he had to do.

The doors to an unamed recording studio flew open.Dan strutted in,confidently.At a desk infront of him sat Ian Macdonald and Mick Jones of the band......FOREIGNER
I'm really,really sorry :/
and an unknown third party with a fabulous perm.

Ian"So you have it?"


Dan slapped down a sheet of crisp white paper onto the desk.

Dan:"guys.... I think youre going to like this..."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz2cUX0CNA8

sorry for the lame Foreigner gag,it's all I had
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Man, the format I chose for my epistolary story is kind of tough to work with. I mean, it opens interesting possibilities, but also makes it hard to convey emotion and atmosphere.
 
E

Ela Hadrun

Probably plays more games than you
I know one of the guys from Foreigner. My friend has some story about how he wore his underwear or something? He had cancer and his whole family's allergic to wheat.
 
C

crowphoenix

Banned
Timedog said:
i can't think of much for this. what do you guys do when you have writers block?
Click to expand...
Panic and give up writing for years, putting the whole of my life on hold until I work up the courage to join a creative writing thread on Gaf.
 
T

Timedog

good credit (by proxy)
crowphoenix said:
Panic and give up writing for years, putting the whole of my life on hold until I work up the courage to join a creative writing thread on Gaf.
Click to expand...

that sounds like something I would write a story about. MOJO REVIVED!
 
S

Scribble

Member
Timedog said:
i can't think of much for this. what do you guys do when you have writers block?
Click to expand...

I don't believe in writers block -- this is a major procrastinator talking. What I do when I lack ideas is to write any old shit, and something ALWAYS comes out of it. Try it. Write anything.

I do feel that I don't have enough life experience to write anything worthwhile outside of 'lol zany concepts!!!!' Well, 'interesting' stuff has happened to me, it's just that I don't want to write about them. I'd just rather write about 'zany' things, but zany, silly, 'unrealistic' things are always more successful if they're realistic to an extent.
 
T

Timedog

good credit (by proxy)
Scribble said:
I don't believe in writers block -- and this is a major procrastinator talking. What I do when I lack ideas is to write any old shit, and something ALWAYS comes out of it. Try it. Write anything.
Click to expand...
I have an idea after Crow's post, but what exactly do you mean by "write any old shit"?
 
M

MrFingers

Member
I know one of the guys from Foreigner. My friend has some story about how he wore his underwear or something? He had cancer and his whole family's allergic to wheat.
Click to expand...

Now you tell me. I could have done a whole angle on the wheat allergy thing:D

Timedog said:
I have an idea after Crow's post, but what exactly do you mean by "write any old shit"?
Click to expand...

Scribble said:
I don't believe in writers block -- this is a major procrastinator talking. What I do when I lack ideas is to write any old shit, and something ALWAYS comes out of it. Try it. Write anything.

I do feel that I don't have enough life experience to write anything worthwhile outside of 'lol zany concepts!!!!' Well, 'interesting' stuff has happened to me, it's just that I don't want to write about them. I'd just rather write about 'zany' things, but zany, silly, 'unrealistic' things are always more successful if they're realistic to an extent.
Click to expand...

I found this was the easiest way to get ideas.They might not have been good ideas mind you,but at least I was commiting something to paper(well notepad)
 
S

Scribble

Member
Timedog said:
I have an idea after Crow's post, but what exactly do you mean by "write any old shit"?
Click to expand...

Like this. Doesn't have to make any sense whatsoever. It works for me, at least:

There was a carrot spiraling out of control according to the fisherman using pigtails as bait, but I learned never to trust the fisherman because he always saw everything from the perspective of a Muslim extremist. So I ignored him, and continued sewing the rabbit toys for the children, one with evil eyes and a spiky tail, and one with a pink tail and skirt. The former was for Harriet and the latter was for Billy. Memories should always be opened with a can-opener and not with a hair clipper, because the hair clipper is likely to bicker and complain and say that he should be busy clipping the long, golden hair of Rapunzel's either on her head or in the pubic area. Billy crashed through the window riding an anthropomorphic flea, which Ginger and I was very displeased about, and I was about to take out the Fleaguard until the flea insisted that he was not like his smaller brethren, and if he did attempt to suck blood from an everyday puppy he would end up eating the creature whole, which is not the flea style. Instead, he feeds upon mammoths.... etc.

I got one or two ideas out of this =X
 
T

Timedog

good credit (by proxy)
Scribble said:
I do feel that I don't have enough life experience to write anything worthwhile outside of 'lol zany concepts!!!!' Well, 'interesting' stuff has happened to me, it's just that I don't want to write about them. I'd just rather write about 'zany' things, but zany, silly, 'unrealistic' things are always more successful if they're realistic to an extent.
Click to expand...

I only care about writing zany concepts too. I purposely try to make them so they're not at all grounded in reality though. It's my style.....

Scribble said:
There was a carrot spiraling out of control according to the fisherman using pigtails as bait, but I learned never to trust the fisherman because he always saw everything from the perspective of a Muslim extremist. So I ignored him, and continued sewing the rabbit toys for the children, one with evil eyes and a spiky tail, and one with a pink tail and skirt. The former was for Harriet and the latter was for Billy. Memories should always be opened with a can-opener and not with a hair clipper, because the hair clipper is likely to bicker and complain and say that he should be busy clipping the long, golden hair of Rapunzel's either on her head or in the pubic area. Billy crashed through the window riding an anthropomorphic flea, which Ginger and I was very displeased about, and I was about to take out the Fleaguard until the flea insisted that he was not like his smaller brethren, and if he did attempt to suck blood from an everyday puppy he would end up eating the creature whole, which is not the flea style. Instead, he feeds upon mammoths.... etc.
Click to expand...

.....yeah like this. Uhhh, kind of.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Wow, I just got a whole new perspective on Scribble's mind!

I think the key to not getting blocked for me is to just go with it. You know how self-help jackasses tell you that "the perfect is the enemy of the good" or whatever? That's actually kind of true. For me at least, writer's block is a perfectionism issue.
 
C

crowphoenix

Banned
It's all crippling self-doubt for me. I'm doing a bit better, but I doubt I'll be able to write anything I haven't classified as an assignment anytime soon.

Edit: And... Uh... What the heck did Scribble just write?
 
C

Cyan

Banned
crowphoenix said:
It's all crippling self-doubt for me.
Click to expand...
Hmm. I think they're interrelated.

When I say that perfectionism causes writer's block, what I mean is that I used to look at my writing and go, "damn this sucks. If I were a better writer this would be better." Then I'd give up on it so that I could come back to the idea later, when I got better at writing and could do a decent job of it. Alternatively, I still sometimes get blocked in the middle of writing something because it's not coming out perfectly and I stop because I'm getting frustrated. Then I don't know what to do next to make it come out right, blah blah blah.

These challenges have helped me a lot with these issues (along with NaNoWriMo). After the first couple of challenges, I basically decided that I would never miss a challenge, even if it meant submitting something shitty. And funny enough, while some of my stuff hasn't quite been up to par, I don't think I've yet submitted something completely shitty.

That reminds me; did you ever read Bird By Bird?
 
C

crowphoenix

Banned
Cyan said:
That reminds me; did you ever read Bird By Bird?
Click to expand...
I read about half of it, then the old self-doubt kicked in, and I had a freak out. :lol

Fantastic book. I'm glad you recommended it to me. I need to go back and finish it.
 
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