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Salvor.Hardin · Apr 5, 2011

The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #23: The Blues

Theme: The Blues
There's much to be said about the state of melancholy; it grips us in our love, in our hate and follows us, hounds us. The blues encompasses all our struggles and for that reason I think it makes for often, but not always, beautiful, thoughtful, wild and expressive poetry.

Secondary Objective: N/A
It's important that you should try to loosen up on this challenge. Write where your mood swings you and not the other way, so no Secondary Objective.

Poetry thread Rules version 1.2:
1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread.
4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want.
5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such.
7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible - comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them. Incidentally, feel free to vote even if you haven't submitted a piece - the more the merrier

8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things.
10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread.

Submission Deadline: 15th April 11:59 pm(PST)

Voting Deadline: 17th April (PST)

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The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive

AnkitT - Gray Areas, Point of View, I See, Internal Conflict, Sightsee, The Circlejerk, Be Pee, You Expected a Title? Really?, Development Hell, Cover Your Eyes, They Say I Talk in Obsoletes, Collective, Sensory Deprivation, Nuclear Winter, Deception, Cremation, Match Made in Heaven, Nobody Came to Mine, Hot Douche, Asylum
Alarif - Light Blue Reminds Her, Second Movement of Discordia Part 2, Uncanny, The Balloon, Untitled, A Game of Cat, Mouse & Fuck Bioware, Blessed
Ashes1396 - Left and Right, Trouble Belongs to Me, The Head & Tails of it All, Blind Faith, The Brain, the Heart, the Kidneys, Mary Poppins vs. other classic musical sing-a-longs, Epoch encroaching mass atrocity: The Rwandan Genocide, und sex?, Golden Phoenix & River Thames, Nobody has time in the city of London for anyone else, Developers, or a poem written in one go in under ten minutes, Soft dreams treading on winter nights, Live, War Torn Machine, Taking Flight From the Nest, The Abominably Rich Man, Prison, A Pure Winter's Daughter, Mechanical Heart, Frightened Rabbits, The brevity of life, Valentines day is over; see you next year!, Don't be sad John., Speaking to the Bottom of a Bottle, Thief
Beelzebozo - Letters
Bootaaay - Untitled, "Happy" I muttered, trying to pin the word down, November Rain, Vuvuzela & Untitled, Delirium Tremens & Gary Coleman, Nimbus Watching & Crocodile Tears, An Ode to Oscar (the former life of the party), Nerevarine, Trev & Bill's night out on the town, Bastogne, A Man Out of Time, A Dose of Reality, The Storm, The Tower, Smaug, Winter's Shroud, Gone to Ground, Live to Regret, The Sourceress & Current Affairs, Beneath the Waves, Morning Dew, Sea Spray, In the ink deep blackness of night-time's embrace.
Botolf - I Heard Something, The Lights
cory - I'm not that Fond of Ramen
Cryptozoologist - Untitled
Cyan - Goals, George Washington & Ashes1396, Adrian Brody, Untitled
Dartastic - Untitled, Untitled #2, Within - "Fear"
Davedough - Concious Babblings of a Frail Psyche
disappeared - January 27th
Dresden - Chipping Away at the Statue, Old Callisto, See-Through Lenses, It's always within you, Cristiano Ronaldo & They Call it the Vuvuzela, Alarif, Said the Monkey to the Monk, Galactic Trooper, Expectations, Orange Everywhere In This Bitch, High & Low, Scuttle, Ferry, Untitled
Flink - Your Bed
Freezie KO - My Flag
goldlion054 - The Girl at the Grocery Store, The Abandonned Neighborhood, That Day
half a moon - Untitled
hey_monkey - Afterward, In Summer, Chiggers: A Dream Song, Cyan Hobbes, Just One, Untitled, For Monica, Jeddah is Drowning
Igoritza - Untitled
Irish - Faint, Down the Street & Journeyman, What Have I Done?, B Covers Bread As Well, Never Always, Live the Life, Lock, Mud, Lack of Focus, How It Is..., Ever, Continued, Cement, Went Out, The View
Jangaroo - Tomorrow, Now
John Dunbar - An Ordinary Chap, A Winter Wonderland
kid ness - Me, Coin Flip, The Angry Man, Sandbox King, The Market, Somewhere a World, Lizard
The Lamp - Melanoma
MaxSteel - Poem #1, Interior
Melchiah - Beneath the Flesh
Mike Works - Desire
Monocle - Untitled
Mudkips - Interior
Nightshade1765 - Reterning the key to the Rightful Gatekeeper
PolarBearsClub - Forgetting Birthdays, Guest
Plywood - The Masochist
Plumbob - Untitled, The Witches Wade South, Control, Untitled
Raguel - Untitled
ronito - Vespers
Salvor.Hardin - A Weathered Man, A Virgin Afternoon in the Arabian Desert
soul creator - Overanalyze
Snowman Propet - Indigestion, THE BOOK OF SEGA GENESIS
Tim the Wiz - All We Humans
Timedog - Waves Hitting Rocks (Godfuck), Nothing
Trip Warhawkins - A Meaningless Affair, The Coward Says Goodbye
ULTROS! - Room
umop_3pisdn - Untitled, Cellular Matrix
WanderingWind - Untitled
Zamorro - Time Well Spent
Zapages - Prince & Farah Meeting in the Two Thrones
ZephyrFate - Dislocation, ZephyrFate, Niche in the Canyon, Left Behind

Irish · Apr 5, 2011

You should change up your dates there. Submission deadline should be the 15th of April, 11:59 pm (PST).

Nice theme.

Salvor.Hardin · Apr 5, 2011

Ah thanks for that. Fixed.

iavi · Apr 5, 2011

Sheath

More than sick of me. I can't stand you.
This something is all that I wake to.
Watch me spread it.
Let it taint you.
Taking these flames to your lover, others, and home too.
Fire unquenchable. Watching them burn.
Suffer the smoke that'll cause you to learn
That there are those in your life that you could present to nothing but niceties,
they'll greedily take them wishing your demise in return.
Ah, see it now? The life I lead.
The strife I seed.
These vices my creed.
I'll do nothing about it.
My life without it is hollow, quite empty, the sword-less sheath.

A little side-note: It was written in time with this. It's a little something I do frequently. Writing to a track that fits the theme makes the writing flow from the fingers so much easier.

Ashes · Apr 6, 2011

The blues... Cool theme mate.

disappeared · Apr 6, 2011

I'll try to think of something.

AnkitT · Apr 6, 2011

I know too much
and its killing me
filling me with pills
to negate the sorrow
emotions borrowed
carried like eternal burden
camel needs a spine surgeon

I know too little
and i'm so damn happy!
recreational drug user
to accentuate my pride
ignorance is nothing to hide
my peers agree and in it revel
without a cause, i'm a rebel

My favourite colour is Socratic blue
the method to not be a meth-head
constant pursuit of knowledge
I know that I know nothing
everything perpetually incomplete
verbal contract; clause non-compete
rigor mortis turns you blue; rhythm and beat

Truth101 · Apr 8, 2011

Are we allowed Multiple entries? If not I'll take one out.

The Blues

Title: Partings

Just as the tide steals things out to sea, so do people drift from each other.

Just as the tide returns what was stolen, so I hope to return to you.

~~~~~~~

Secondary Objective

Title:

Alone we wander

Our hearts frozen
Our souls bound

So vast our prison
So dark the depths
So little the hope

We wander needlessly
We wander lost

A prison that never ends
A bond that cannot be broken

Time is lost
Time is forgotten

This is our eternal slumber

In an ocean deep

Ashes · Apr 8, 2011

In the poetry threads, you are allowed one per objective, but we don't have a secondary objective. So I guess... theoretically, the secondary objective is... open. There's your loophole!

Ashes · Apr 12, 2011

Bumpity bump bump bump!

Salvor.Hardin · Apr 14, 2011

Of Jungles and Lights

The hunter and providence
Notes the prey,
Hunger and impoverishment
It's been days

By means of lights and fare
This city mixes within
And tangles and winds
Around the smoke stack of your mind
And blows the bells of your chimney virgin
And smells the dalliance in your perfume hair

It's a sensation august
And sweeps through your veins
The city is gay
Her heroin body rips you
And you writhe it away

A spear darts across
The jungle of lights
And your heart stops at once
But the beat of the drums
Dabble away

Pray tell:
Beyond the suspended smoke
And trails of the broke
Above the musk of sex
And inside the heart of hearts
After the addiction
But before your reprieve
Why do you pursue
A city of dreams?

Father of time
He plays and he plays
On into the night
He plays and he plays

Salvor.Hardin · Apr 14, 2011

Not much more time left fellas. Get your work in while the submission slot is still open.

Ashes · Apr 15, 2011

______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________

High Seas

The wind that rocked the
boat in the stormy weather,
had nothing in mind when
it did this.
It isn't thinking about the
clouds, who rejected it,
the ship didn't creak
with heartbreak,
nor did it leak any tears.

This ship did still fight,
to stop itself sinking.
It swayed and frayed,
when everything was going to hell,
and although it could not see where calm
waters would come from,
it learnt the flow of the currents,
and rode the waves.

I remember you foe,
cried the captain,
holding onto the mast,
destroying things in your path,
but it is only your nature,
and so I forgive you;
though my fate,
you would now never know,
and not care about,
had you even the instinct to empathise,
I still forgive you;
though you do not ask for forgiveness,
I forgive you.

______________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________

Salvor.Hardin · Apr 15, 2011

There's still some time to scrap and string some words together into a poem before tonight's deadline. Bumpity Bump.

British Monsoon · Apr 16, 2011

Vigil

"Watch for me, little one" he had said.
So she waits, toes tracing through
the white-foam water as, above,
gulls sound their calls.
Each morning she takes her seat,
feet dangling in the brine,
as she watches the tide
drawing forth and back again.
Her heart soaring at the sight
of the minuscule vessels
that bob along on the horizon,
but they come no closer,
so she waits, watching,
for a glimpse of the rough,
wood hewn boat painted darkly,
deeply blue, a midnight hue
and named for the God of the waters
so that he might see him safely home.

"Wait for me, little one" he had said.
So she watched, skin browned
by the fierce morning sun
that glistened and gleamed
on the surface of the ocean.
She closed her eyes and listened
to the sounds of the waves
as they caressed the shingle beach,
waxing and waning
in an endless rhythm.
Which wave, she wondered,
would be the one to mark his return?
Days had passed,
and more would pass still,
but she would keep her vigil
waiting, watching
for that midnight blue boat
to bring him back home.

Ticker Tack

Ticker tack, ticker tack,
keep those feet on the track,
just keep on runnin' kid,
'cause the devil's at your back
and there ain't no way
he's gonna cut you no slack,
so ticker tack, ticker tack,
keep your eyes on the track
and just keep on runnin' kid,
'cause the devil's decked in black
and there ain't no way
of you turning time back.
so ticker tack, ticker tack,
keep to the old rail track
and just keep on runnin' kid,
'cause the devil's out to take back
the souls of those who delayed
the dread of death's pact.
Ticker tack, ticker tack.

Ashes · Apr 16, 2011

Posting on behalf of H.B.

H.B. said:
"I've been tired for a year and ten days"

the future seems like an
'assortment of bandanas'
made in prison
and dumped (down in the dumps)
in a gaudy fluorescent yellow basket
hopeless.
i stay inside (my head) more than
i go outside
i think about everything
and nothing
i think
'i could not possibly think of everything'
feel repetitive
feel boring
and bored
i stare at the ceiling
air.
'alone in kyoto'
solo
and 'so low'

Ashes · Apr 16, 2011

_____________________________________________

The Entries this week:
______________________

"Sheath"
by Miri

"Deadbeat"
by AnkitT

"Partings"
by Truth101

"Alone we wonder"
by Truth101

"Of Jungles and Lights"
by Salvor.Hardin

"High Seas"
By Ashes1396

"Vigil"
by Bootaaay

"Ticker Tack"
by Bootaaay

"I've been tired for a year and ten days"
by H.B.

You have:

Refresh to see how much time left.

Some reminders

1. You don't have to have entered to vote.
2. Vote for your top three poems. Order them 1,2,3 plus any honorable mentions (hm) you may have.
3. You can't vote the same author twice.
4. You can't vote for your own poem
5. You must vote to be eligible to win.
6. Crits are always welcome.
7. And that's it, good luck...

Ashes · Apr 17, 2011

The Clock is ticking!

iavi · Apr 17, 2011

1. Vigil
2. Of jungles and lights
3..... Fuck, this is kinda hard.... ill update this one in a bit.

I'm on my phone atm, so voting and critn is a bit harder than normal.

Salvor.Hardin · Apr 17, 2011

1. High Seas - The first and last stanza stanzas were particularly good. Nice flow through out and I always enjoy seafaring allusions.
2. Vigil
3. Partings

Ashes · Apr 17, 2011

Salvor.Hardin said:
1. High Seas - The first and last stanza stanzas were particularly good. Nice flow through out and I always enjoy seafaring allusions.
2. Vigil
3. Partings

It's about heartbreak as well. I like that word though. allusions. Always trust a poet to find the right words...

British Monsoon · Apr 18, 2011

1. High Seas
2. Of Jungles & Lights
3. Sheath

HM; Deadbeat

Ashes · Apr 18, 2011

hey bootaaay; is your second entry going along to a beat of song?

British Monsoon · Apr 18, 2011

Nah, I didn't write it to a specific song, although it was meant to have a kind of lyrical quality and I tried to keep it running at a constant pace throughout.

Ashes · Apr 18, 2011

Bootaaay said:
Nah, I didn't write it to a specific song, although it was meant to have a kind of lyrical quality and I tried to keep it running at a constant pace throughout.

ha ha. You should do like a full on rap sheet in one of these threads.

Salvor.Hardin · Apr 18, 2011

Well that wraps it. With 2 #1 votes for High Seas, Ashes 1396 wins Challenge #23. Congrats!

Ashes · Apr 18, 2011

Nah, I call that wrong since I fell asleep whilst posting my votes!
And since I haven't posted my votes I am ineligible to win... Normally we allow a little bit extra time if a potential winner hasn't voted yet.

Ashes · Apr 18, 2011

1. Vigil.
2. I've been tired for a year and a day.
3. dead beat.

hm. Of jungles and lights.

On that note, we may as well extend the vote a little bit more, and see if AnkittT votes.

AnkitT · Apr 18, 2011

1. Salvor.Hardin
2. Bootaaay(Vigil)
3. Ashes1396
HM. Miri

Ashes · Apr 18, 2011

Results.

1. Bootaaay: Vigil - 10 pts
2. Salvor.Hardin: Of Jungles & Lights - 7 pts
2. Ashes1396: High Seas - 7pts
3. H.B.: I've been tired for a year and ten days 2pts
4. AnkitT: Deadbit - 1pt
4. Miri: Sheath -1pt
4. Truth101: Partings - 1pt

Congrats Bootaaay; good effort all around I think.

Bootaaay, it falls on you once again to lead the way.

British Monsoon · Apr 18, 2011

Cool beans, I'll get working on the new topic.

Irish · Apr 18, 2011

Damn, I thought I had this one in the bag. You know, by totally forgetting to both submit and vote.

Oh well!

Congratulations, Boo.

Ashes · Apr 18, 2011

Irish said:
Damn, I thought I had this one in the bag. You know, by totally forgetting to both submit and vote.

Oh well!

Congratulations, Boo.

Salvor.Hardin · Apr 18, 2011

Congrats, Boo!

Also, clearly I need more practice at this whole thread management thing. Shouldn't have called the result as quickly as I did.

Ashes · Apr 18, 2011

Salvor.Hardin said:
Congrats, Boo!

Also, clearly I need more practice at this whole thread management thing. Shouldn't have called the result as quickly as I did.

You called it at the right time, and did things properly mate; it's just traditions and history of the thread more than anything else really.

Ps. There's the creative writing thread as well, if you want to take part in that thread.

British Monsoon · Apr 19, 2011

New thread is up;

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=427803

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