Nintendo E3 conference was so bad. Two days ago, I wondered how Steve Jobs would have done it. And here is the result.
I don't own a blog, otherwise I would have linked to it. Hope the mods will let me host it here

Enjoy the read!

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Welcome everyone.

This is a day I’ve been looking forward to for two years. Every once in a while, a unique product comes along and changes everything. And Nintendo has been – well, first of all, one’s very fortunate if you get to work on just one of these in your career.
Nintendo’s been very fortunate. It’s been able to introduce a few of these.
In 2004, we introduced the Nintendo DS. It didn’t just change Nintendo, it changed the whole gaming industry. With the first mass market touchscreen interface, DS allowed people from 4 to 77 to play videogames. The result? DS sold more than any console ever released.

In 2006, we introduced the Nintendo Wii and we brought motion gaming to the world. To this day, Nintendo sold 96 millions wii consoles, 30% more than our closest rival. We sold 200 millions wiimotes. Over 250 millions miis avatars have been created. Wii Sports is the most played party game in the history of videogames, with an estimated billion of people who played it at a friend’s, a family gathering or a public place.

Well, today, we’re introducing three incredible products of this class.
The first one is a GamePad merging touchscreen, motion and classic controls.
The second is a game changing tablet, opening a new window into game worlds
And the third is a new HD console with a built in social network

So, three things, a GamePad, merging the best innovations ever created by Nintendo; a game changing dual screen set up; and a breakthrough new social console.

An ultimate GamePad, a dual screen set up, and a social console. These are not three separate products, this is one product, and we are calling it Wii U.

Today, Nintendo is going to reinvent the videogame market again.

Now, you know, one of the pioneers of the IT industry, Alan Kay, has had a lot of great quotes throughout the years. And I ran across one of them recently that explains how we look at this. Explains why we go about doing things the way we do, cause we love software. And here’s the quote: “People who are really serious about software should make their own hardware.” You know, Alan said this 30 years ago, and this is how we feel about it. And so we’re bringing software to a dual screen console like it’s never been done before. It’s five years ahead of anything on the market.

The second thing we’re doing is we’re learning from the Wii, and the wiimotes.
You know, we’re gonna ship our 100 millionth Wii this year, and that’s a lot of 10s of millions of people that know how to use a wiimote.
Right?
So you just take a wiimote in hand, and you know how to play.
You’re gonna do the same thing with Wii U. It recognizes the wiimote you already have at home. Day one, when you get the Wii U, you’ll be able to play multiplayer games with your wiimotes. The system will also be backwards compatible with your Wii games, and other peripherals such as your balance board.

Third thing I wanna talk about is design. Let me introduce you with the Wii U system. It’s a bit bigger than our previous Wii console. And it’s much, much more powerful. It’s the first Nintendo HD console ever. The Wii U console can stream beautiful graphics on both your HDTV and the Wii U GamePad. This is what GamePad looks like.
We’ve designed something wonderful for your hand, just wonderful.
It’s the perfect fusion of the best Nintendo controllers of these last 25 years. Touchscreen. Motion. Classic controls. It’s got everything, engineered in the most elegant way.

Let’s start with the 6.2 inch resistive touchscreen. It’s really big. You can use it to write notes on a virtual keyboard, draw paintings, browse the web, watch TV. We’ll have tons of apps and informations here at your fingertips.

And of course you will use the touchscreen in games. All kinds of games. So, let’s go ahead and have a look. Here is Rayman Legends, a gorgeous Wii U exclusive. As you can see I’m using the touchscreen to play Rayman with my friend John who’s standing next to me. John will use a wiimote. With the touchscreen on the GamePad, I’m performing totally different actions than him. See that? It’s like having 2 games in one. This is what we call asymmetric gameplay. It’s a groundbreaking innovation that will make people from all horizons want to play together. With Wii U control options, core gamers will be able to enjoy challenging games with more casual gamers, that mainly play on smartphones or tablets. If you have young brothers, cousins; if you are a father with young kids. You can now play your favorite games with them. It’s a fantastic social experience. Actually, this is how we envision videogames.

Now what I wanna do is show you the GamePad can work in parallel with 4 other wiimotes or classic controllers. Up to 5 players can play together on Wii U. Let’s see how it works. Here, you can see me play a fantastic launch title, New Super Mario Bros U with 4 people. I’m using the tablet to help my friends… or make their game harder. Look at this, it's seamless. By design, Wii U offers the most ambitious set up on the market for local multiplayer. Asymmetric gameplay, 5 players supported, ability to reuse your wiimotes. It’s the new console king to host family and party games.

So now, the touchscreen will also be used in single player games, in the most creative ways. Let’s have a look at Zombi U from Ubisoft, a fantastic game making great use of Wii U unique features. See how the action displayed on the GamePad is different than what happens on the TV? Here you can see me scan the surroundings. Hey here comes a Zombi! Hats of to Ubisoft, the way they designed this game with the dual screen set up, it’s very, very clever. Adds a great level of tension compared to a single screen experience.

DS and 3DS owners know it already, having a second screen is much appreciated to display a map or an inventory. It can be used to add more command options. Or select tactics in a sports game. It enhances gameplay. It also gets rid of annoying things, such as the need to pause the game to make certain selections. Also, why clutter the TV screen with HUD informations when you can display it on the GamePad? Developpers will have endless possibilities to take advantage of this additional screen. You’ll see plenty of fresh, new ideas applied in Wii U launch games on the show floor. And we’ve only scratched the surface.

Now, we’ve also got some stuff you can’t see. The GamePad has a built-in 3-axis accelerometer and 3-axis gyroscope, same technologies that equip your Motion+ Wiimotes. Here you can see me move inside a scene in a software called Panorama View. See how I move to point the GamePad above head height, down at the ground, swiveling on the spot to see behind? It gives a full insight into the happenings of the video. The change in perspective is realistic, as if actually being there at the time and simply turning around. This is made possible with the sensors. This offers developers tremendous opportunities to make you feel immersed in the games. Imagine using it in a game with a cockpit view, or underwater for scuba diving. Isn’t that great? Yeah.

Then we have speakers built in the GamePad. Wii U offers a 5.1 surround sound, but we thought it would be even better if you could also get additional audio information, right from the controller you hold in your hand. So we made it. GamePad has stereo speakers. By the way, GamePad can be used as a standalone screen in some games. Let’s say you want to play a game while someone in your room wants to watch TV. No problem. Here I am playing Trine 2 Director’s cut right from the GamePad, while the TV is displaying a football game. The GamePad streams content from our new Wii U console. It’s not magic. It’s an exclusive Nintendo technology that is completely lag free under a decent distance. Lag free. This is the real deal. Not the pale copy some of our competitors try to push with inevitable, game breaking lag. To come back and close on the sound topic, we’ve got a headset jack, all your headphones fit right in. John can watch his football game, while I play on the GamePad with my headphone in perfect conditions. Isn’t that cool?

There, we have a microphone and a front-facing camera. Let’s launch a video chat with my friend Mike. “Hi Mike, how are you?” See, holding the camera in my hand helps me have my face displayed in full screen, and not as a tiny element at a distance. It looks great. I can have the video chat displayed on the GamePad, and keep doing other things on the TV screen. Very useful. Wii U will be equiped with a stand, so that you can lay the GamePad on your table. Having the microphone in the GamePad, so close to the mouth will benefit voice commands recognition in future games. Nintendo is the first console manufacturer to include a camera as a standard in all consoles we will sell. Each household with a Wii U will be able to videochat with their friends who also have a Wii U. Very easy to use, very cool.
Next, buttons. Let me say few words about buttons. It’s an interesting topic and I will be frank with you. No matter how successful we were with the Wii, we lost some 3rd party support and we lost wome gamers, because the wiimote could not play all games designed around a complete set of buttons. You couldn’t play all your favorite games the way you were used to. So we heard you, we wanted to build the best controller ever, and I’m pleased to say the GamePad offers dual clickable analog sticks, 4 face buttons, L/R bumper buttons and ZL/ZR trigger buttons. We also have a fantastic D-pad. And a stylus. And rumble. Our controller can handle any game configuration you can think of, and then some.

You can’t see it but we have bluetooth support. It’s very useful. For instance, WiiFit U will include a pedometer, that will communicate with the GamePad via bluetooth, so that you can transfer your walking information. It’s a great motivational tool. How do I do this? Well I don’t need to power on the TV, launch the console and boot the WiiFit game. Studies we ran showed some of our consumers stopped using their balance board, because it was not enough convenient compared to their traditional balance. We solved this issue with WiiFit U. I can now simply grab the GamePad, touch the WiFitU icon, and… that’s it. It’s that simple. I’m now ready to measure my weight or transfer pedometer informations. Very, very easy. As WiiFit U tracks weight evolution for all family members, we think you now have the most useful and practical way to reuse your balance board.

Last but not least, the GamePad supports NFC, near field communication. This is a new technology with lots of potential. This is a forward thinking move to include it in the GamePad, and you will learn more about it in the near future.

With all these embedded technologies, GamePad remains incredibly light. It’s lighter than most tablets out there, at about 500 grams. It’s pretty unbelievable, and I think when you have a chance to get your hand on it, you’ll agree, we have reinvented the controller.

So, now, let’s take a look at the built in social network as part of Wii U.
Nintendo has had some great success with online, such as in Mario Kart Wii.
We reckon we also had room for improvement. We felt we were late with what our competitors offered, and so we brainstormed on how we could close this gap.
You know, thinking out of the box is what Nintendo excels at, this is why our company is 100 years old. And so, instead of hastily copying our competitor online structures, we took our time, we observed market trends. And today, we think we’ve got a winner. We are building a whole new online console paradigm. And so it’s my pleasure to introduce you Miiverse, a pretty spectacular idea.

In a nutshell, Mii-verse is a key component in our online offering, it is a way to be social and to discover things online. You can certainly do multiplayer online, but we're really focusing on community and sharing and discovery because that's something that's new and unique and fun, we think, that Nintendo's uniquely qualified to bring.
MiiVerse is short for Mii Universe. As with our last Nintendo hardware releases, you’ll create your Mii when you first boot up the console, a newly high-definition representation of yourself on screen. Here is where things get interesting: from the home page, the place in which you select which game you’d like to play, Mii characters of people using that game will appear gathered underneath. If you struggle, you simply open the home menu, open the chat area of the game which you’re playing and you’ll see help and advice made by other people stuck in the same location. Within seconds you can go from playing a single player game to playing a game with the help of strangers.
When Miiverse is integrated into your gameplay, new breakthroughs happen. Gamers can talk about their overall progress and even challenge each other as they play.
For the first time in gaming history, the “massively multiplayer” is going to be a key part of any gaming experience.

Mii-verse will work across every game, including those without online components of any kind. Developpers can put the MiiVerse in their games. Let me who you an example of how it works. Here on the screen, you can see how we use it in New Super Mario Bros U. Not only will you be able to see what others are saying … but you’ll also be able to connect right within the game.

Wouldn’t it be great if you were able to call up and interact with this Nintendo console service on your smartphone or tablet? Well we’ve got it. Somebody away from the game - stuck on the other side of the country bored on a train – can use 3DS, PC, or any web-enabled mobile device, to aid your progress without needing to be at the console.

So we are building our own social network and we think this is a pretty big deal.

Now, I wanna take a minute and highlight another fantastic social feature.
We see Wii U as a family device, and so it will support multiple user accounts on the same console. There's actually twelve different accounts you can have on any one piece of hardware. So when you grab the GamePad, first thing you do is you login with your mii. From this moment you’ll have an experience that’s tailor made for you, with different games featured, different friends, or your own message box.

You will love this, you will be able to exchange drawings and messages with your relatives in your home, with your friends in a dorm... It’s a great communication tool.

In addition to making Wii U a formidable gaming machine, the Gamepad also presents opportunities for you to make it part of your daily life. The controller has TV remote capabilities. You can power on your TV, change channel, switch to Wii U, all from your GamePad. Isn’t that awesome? And the size of the GamePad screen gives it great multimedia potential. It will make it apart of your living rooms, even when the Wii U is off.

In addition to Netflix, the console's streaming video options will include Hulu Plus, YouTube and Amazon Video, that will take advantage of the integrated second-screen experience. Nintendo is all about user experience, and we are building something incredible. We want people to reach for their GamePad before their TV, before their iPad. With the Wii U, our ultimate goal is that this might be the most looked-at screen in the house, the screen on the GamePad itself. That’s our goal.

About digital content, you saw we take it very seriously with our Miiverse mobile strategy. Our goal is that, in the future, you will be able to purchase games found in the Miiverse from that smartphone or tablet device and, by the time you arrive home, that game will already have arrived on your Wii U system through SpotPass. For the Wii U hardware system, from the beginning, we've planned to make it possible for people to release their games as either an optical disc or as digital content... There are no technical restrictions.

Let me show you one of these titles, it’s called Trined 2 : Director’s Cut, and you will be able to download it from our digital store at launch. It’s absolutely gorgeous. Director's Cut features the "developers' vision of Trine 2 fully formed, including the original game with numerous enhancements, such as the new party mode, Magic Mayhem. Magic Mayhem was designed specifically for Wii U and creates a more challenging atmosphere for the existing multiplayer mode.

As you can see, I can play it only on the controller with the TV off. It’s so easy, so easy to start a game right from the GamePad. No need to power on your TV. Just grab your GamePad and you’re ready to play. All the 2D games you saw today will benefit from this feature. Titles developped around a dual screen set up will still require the TV to be on, for obvious reason.

Now Trine 2 is not the only Director’s cut game that will come out on Wii U. We are very pleased to announce Ninja Gaiden 3, Batman AC and Mass Effect 3 Director Cuts editions will be available at launch. These are enhanced versions of the games some of you have played already. Most of you missed these though, and now is the perfect time to discover it on Wii U.

Ubisoft is using the GamePad in Assassin’s Creed 3, which looks incredible on Wii U. Look at this video. This is the first time Assassin's Creed appears on a Nintendo console, and we are very happy with that.

Ubisoft will also release 3 party games at launch: Just Dance 4, Rabbids Land and Sports Connections. All these will play like no other previous games, thanks to the GamePad.

We have 27 launch games on the show floor and we won’t have time to cover them all during this conference. On top of these, many more Nintendo, western and japanese 3rd party titles will be unveiled between this summer and this fall.

Here is one game coming from Japan I can show you. It’s called Project P-100 and it’s amazing. Project P-100's the debut Wii U offering from Platinum Games, and it's the latest title from master action director Hideki Kamiya. The touchscreen gets a real workout. Unite attacks are triggered by sketching a shape on the Wii U's touchscreen. Draw a circle, and you'll turn your heroes into a giant red fist. Draw a line, and they'll come together to form a gleaming blue sword. The whole thing feels as precise as you might hope. It took just fifteen seconds of the ten-minute demo I played to fall in love with what Platinum's created.

Now what about Nintendo titles at launch? So far we showed you Wii Fit U, and New Super Mario Bros U. Combined, these two games sold 70 millions on Wii, SEVENTY. MILLIONS. We want our consumers to know we will keep giving them what they want. And make it better. Much better, as you can expect.

Now let me introduce you to a new magical Nintendo game. It’s called Nintendo Land and it’s probably one of the more fun games you will play on the show floor of E3. NintendoLand will serve as the new system's version of Wii Sports ; a killer app that can immediately convey the appeal of the system's new controller. NintendoLand does a fantastic job of demonstrating what can be done with the touchscreen-equipped GamePad.

Nintendo Land takes players through a virtual theme park filled with attractions/mini-games that are based off of classic Nintendo franchises. There will be 12 mini games in all, and 5 are playable at the show. All these are crafted to be simple pick-up-and-play experiences. They still provide a great amount of depth and replay value to casual and hardcore gamers alike.

Each of the mini-games included as part of Nintendo Land demonstrate different mechanics. Let’s have a closer look on these:

Donkey Kong's Crash Course is a physics-based platform-racer where you use the GamePad's gyroscope to tilt your cart through a maze of girders and platforms to reach the end goal as fast as possible. The TV screen provides a complete overview of the map, with the GamePad providing a closer look at your particular location.

The Legend of Zelda: Battle Quest showcases how three people can be playing the exact same scene and having entirely different experiences. As Wiimote controlled Link-constumed Mii's attack foes with their swords, the Wii U controller based player uses the screen and motion controls to fire arrows as a ranged support character. It plays as good as it looks, I love it.

Animal Crossing: Sweet Day is my favorite. In most games, communication between players is rarely utilized, but Animal Crossing: Sweet Day makes this element of gameplay instrumentally important. Sweet Day features up to four candy-loving animals – controlled using Wii Remotes – trying to steal 50 pieces of candy from a candy orchard being protected by two guards – controlled using the Wii U GamePad. Each controller provides a unique experience for the players.The strategic aspect of Sweet Day is sure to appeal to gamers of all ages and degree of experience.When you bring friends over to show them the Wii U, this is bound to be the one game you will definitely want to show them.

Takamaru's Ninja Castle is a modern reinvention of the NES's Duck Hunt. With this attraction you have to swipe your finger across the Wii U GamePad screen in order to unleash ninja stars with the tilt of the GamePad controlling aim. he quickness of the swipe determines how fast the ninja stars fly toward enemies. You will be able to rack up combo points by successfully taking out multiple ninjas in a row. This attraction is a surprising challenge, which demonstrates another unique use of the Wii U GamePad.

Luigi's Ghost Mansion is another favorite of mine. It borrows a few ideas from the Miyamoto designed Pac-Man Vs. that appeared on the GameCube. Four players control their Miis on-screen with their wiimote while the fifth player controls a ghost with the GamePad. The twist: The ghost is invisible on the main T.V. screen. The ghost can only be seen on the GamePad screen. The object of the game is for the four players to survive for five minutes, or destroy the ghost using their flashlights. The ghost has an opposite goal: to touch the four players before time runs out. It’s a very simple concept, a next generation of hide and seek, which you could never play if you were limited to just one screen.

I think you can tell a classic multiplayer game by its ability to instantly unite strangers. Nintendo Land is that game. Get a group together, and Nintendo Land will genuinely make you laugh. Every person who tested Ninteno Land loved it and had a really great time. It’s probably the best mini game compilation we’ve ever done at Nintendo. If you’re willing to give Nintendo Land a chance, you’ll have one hell of a time.

Nintendo Land is a great way to introduce casual gamers to our core franchises. It is going to more effectively convert casual players to more kinds of games by virtue of its sampling of a number of beloved Nintendo franchises.

Speaking of which, let me end this presentation with a cherished Nintendo franchise, that will be available at launch.

It’s my pleasure you introduce you to Pikmin 3. Wow. Look at this, isn’t that gorgeous? The long-awaited return of Nintendo's strategy title works brilliantly on Wii U. The Wii U's HD output amplifies all the Pikmin-ness of the series: the forest looks more lush and beautiful. We are using tilt-shift effect to make the environment really look like a very tiny realistic garden.

Pikmin 3 can be played with either the GamePad or Wiimote-and-Nunchuk combo. On the Wii U GamePad you will always see the overall map of the level. You can touch the map and scroll very quickly over the environment. You can also play the game using only the GamePad.

It truly feels like a classic Nintendo game, everything just comes together perfectly. Pikmin 3 promises to be an unbelievably welcome sequel and an outstanding addition to the early Wii U library.

And it’s only the beginning. Expect your favorite Nintendo franchises to receive the same amazing Wii U treatment.

Nintendo’s basic strategy is to expand the gaming population. We would like as many people as possible, regardless of age, gender and game play experience, to have access to our games. We want you wii owners to upgrade with Wii U, keep your wii peripherals, and experience franchises you love like never before. You will discover new fantastic titles, new genres, new clever ways to play games. And we also want PC, x360 and PS3 owners to join us, and get a fresh gaming experience with Wii U. It is so different, it is certainly the best complementary console you could wish for.

We feel like Wii U's launch lineup has a bit of everything for everyone.

We are at the end of this conference now, and we only gave you a glimpse of what’s to come for the Wii U by the time it launches. That is because we want to surprise you… and our competitors. We’re very excited about this.

You know, there’s an old Wayne Gretzky quote that I love.
I skate to where the puck is going to be, not where it has been.
And we’ve always tried to do that at Nintendo.
Since the very very beginning.
And we always will. So thank you very very much for being a part of this.

What.......?

He wouldn't have, he'd have scrapped it long ago.

Look fanboys wanabees, that's how you do it.

are u kidding me? this long post because of your watered down opinion?

and here's the other thing i don't get: Why do people keep whining and crying when there isn't a thing they can do about it?

That shit cray.

I skimmed through it.


Is this a fanfic?

I'll take fifty

More Wii U press conference fanfics please. If someone could work on more "If _______ hosted..." perhaps Christopher Plummer or Jim Ross etc.

marc^o^ you scare me very deeply.

If ever there was a case where tldr legitimately fits...jesus :lol

I did skim through it and I'll say you have some dedication OP. Those 2 posts are probably longer than all 12k of mine combined.

It's missing the "It's the best ____ we have ever done"

This is the time when TLDR is not bannable, right?
That's one long ass fanfic post.

Ctrl+F "Magical" "Revolutionary"

It wouldn't have buttons. And he would announce the price and availability for pre order the next day.

This thread is best thread.

this is some scary shit.

Are you okay OP?

JordanKZ said:

Ctrl+F "Magical" "Revolutionary"

Click to expand...

Magical exists.
Revolutionary doesn't.

Steve Jobs rolling in grave, confirmed.

Nintendoland still seems like shit even with all the description of each mini game.

I seriously hope that you get something in return from Nintendo for all your dedication to their platform...

Wii U E3, 3DSXL power adaptor nonsense, CPP XL... the sleepers have awoken. And they cray cray.

You could've gotten a job, earned money and bought a new PC and/or non-Nintendo console in the amount of time it took you to write that up.

I thought this was going to be a hilarious parody. I kept reading and it never came.

JordanKZ said:

Ctrl+F "Magical" "Revolutionary"

Click to expand...

1 result, 0 results.

Fail

massoluk said:

This is the time when TLDR is not bannable, right?
That's one long ass fanfic post.

Click to expand...

Yeah... trying to replicate a dead man's style of presentation is just strange.

What... is this? Why?

Can't wait for your Steve Jobs/Reggie fan fiction.

How Neogaf would introduce a Nintendo system:

Wait, are we doing E3 conference fan fiction now? lol.

Way too long to want to read, came in hoping it was a video.

PetriP-TNT said:

ITT: Post your favorite TL;DR images and gifs

Click to expand...

The mods havent unbanned the usage of TLDR for this thread yet. You guys arent safe of the Bishammer just because you say so. Just a fair warning.

MuseManMike said:

I thought this was going to be a hilarious parody. I kept reading and it never came.

Click to expand...

This is marc^o^ you are talking about, he acts as nintendo's guardian angel.

too many boxes to check, dude.

While the wii u will almost certainly be underpowered compared to its contemporaries, they just won't be able to overcharge enough to compare it to an apple product.

First post nailed it.

2 posts. I see this as a challenge. Damnit, so busy at work today too.

Before reading your post, I thought you'd imply that Steve Jobs and the Wii U share the same fate. But apparently you aren't.

I don't think Steve would have waffled on for quite so long, frankly.

Why ?

The first quarter (what i've read) is a ripoff of the MacWorld 2007


but yes i think the reception of it would have been totally different if Jobs presented it.

No matter how much I try to read it as Steve Jobs, I can't stop seeing Reggie in my head... Stupid Sexy Reggie.

I think it's pretty well written, actually, regardless of how strange of an idea it is. And I'm not really much of an Apple fan.

grimshawish said:

How Neogaf would introduce a Nintendo system:

Click to expand...

pokelol.

shagg_187 said:

No matter how much I try to read it as Steve Jobs, I can't stop seeing Reggie in my head... Stupid Sexy Reggie.

Click to expand...

I had the same problem. I read this with Reggies voice.

Is this confirmation that everyone using a Kid Icarus Uprising avatar is mentally unstable and "biased" towards a certain company?

Toma said:

I had the same problem. I read this with Reggies voice.

Click to expand...

You will now read the next line in Reggies voice:

Reggie said:

We feel like Wii U's launch lineup has a bit of everything for everyone.

Click to expand...

Derrick01 said:

If ever there was a case where tldr legitimately fits...jesus :lol

I did skim through it and I'll say you have some dedication OP. Those 2 posts are probably longer than all 12k of mine combined.

Click to expand...

Who's your Yang? :lol

solarus said:

This is marc^o^ you are talking about, he acts as nintendo's guardian angel.

Click to expand...

I learned the hard way...

O....k?