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GAF, I'm 100% sure I'm getting friendzoned on Monday

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K

Kopite

Member
Met this girl who's doing the same course as me at Uni about a month ago and fell hard for her. She was the first girl I've ever fell for and because we shared plenty of the same interests(games) we became friends immediately but there's this other guy in our course who she's also friends with and he's closer to her than me and has broken the touch barrier far more often.

Anyway her birthday was on Saturday(That's yesterday for me now, it'll still be Saturday for most of you) and I planned a surprise birthday party for her on Friday. So I came early, gave her the gift she wanted and we hugged. So at this point, I couldn't wait anymore and told her how I felt about her. We talked and laughed and I was pleased she seemed really positive about it all and I told her to think about it before we were interrupted by that other guy.

So throughout the day we were still talking and joking and in my naivete I thought things were going great and a yes was forthcoming as soon as we managed to get alone. But by the end of the day I kinda sensed that it wasn't going that way and when I reminded her of what I asked she simply told me "I'll tell you why tonight." That kind of hit me hard and I was pretty hurt then.

So then I said my goodbyes after which we hugged again and I went home. We chatted a bit on Facebook, and she gave me all the signals that she was gonna say no while still joking and talking about games(she also noticed that I looked sad towards the end earlier) but never explicitly stated so. She finally asked me to meet her for drinks on Monday so she could explain everything(her literal words) and I agreed.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking or why I'm posting this, a part me(hell probably all of me) still sees a tiny chance to make this work. I think I'll have to tell her that I'll not hang out with her as often and want some time apart from each other. This isn't because I don't enjoy her company anymore,I really do. But seeing her with this other guy(even though they're not dating yet, I'm certain their going to) just hurts too much. I also got some advice that distancing yourself is kinda important to anyone wanting to escape the friendzone. I don't think I'll stop loving her if we continue hanging out, I just keep being reminded of why I love her every time we're together.

I guess I've done goofed here. And I know I might sound pathetic or a 'beta bitch' and that I should man up and move on but damn It's just so fucking difficult GAF. I really love this girl. I guess I'll keep you updated about what happens after this.
 
entremet

entremet

Member
Why didn't you ask her out on a date in the first place?

You guys and your vague hanging out shit. That's why you get friendzoned.

If you get turned down, then it's less weird, and if you want to be friends, you can without any hidden motives or hopes.
 
2

2San

Member
SHIT I held off posting waiting, because I was waiting for a good first post.

You told her how you feel, you did good. Getting rejected is not the end of the world. Chances are she'll hang out less with you naturally and hang out more with the other guy. Guy Girl friendships are surprisingly fickle, especially in uni/college.
 
C

Conor 419

Banned
Edit - Actually, good work for doing way more than the Grady Gang of Gaf would in terms of being straight with the person you like, it'd be worth asking if she prefers him for closure.
 
K

Kopite

Member
entrement said:
Why didn't you ask her out on a date in the first place?

You guys and your vague hanging out shit. That's why you get friendzoned.

If you get turned down, then it's less weird, and if you want to be friends, you can without any hidden motives or hopes.
Click to expand...
Like I said, I guess I fucked up thinking that a month was still soon enough,

I don't think we can continue to be friends without me thinking I've still got a chance.

Tagyhag said:
Love sure is thrown around a lot these days.
Click to expand...
I don't exactly have much to compare against with this girl being the only girl I've ever fell for.
 
O

OriginalThinking

Member
Kopite said:
Met this girl who's doing the same course as me at Uni about a month ago and fell hard for her. She was the first girl I've ever fell for and because we shared plenty of the same interests(games) we became friends immediately but there's this other guy in our course who she's also friends with and he's closer to her than me and has broken the touch barrier far more often.

Anyway her birthday was on Saturday(That's yesterday for me now, it'll still be Saturday for most of you) and I planned a surprise birthday party for her on Friday. So I came early, gave her the gift she wanted and we hugged. So at this point, I couldn't wait anymore and told her how I felt about her. We talked and laughed and I was pleased she seemed really positive about it all and I told her to think about it before we were interrupted by that other guy.

So throughout the day we were still talking and joking and in my naivete I thought things were going great and a yes was forthcoming as soon as we managed to get alone. But by the end of the day I kinda sensed that it wasn't going that way and when I reminded her of what I asked she simply told me "I'll tell you why tonight." That kind of hit me hard and I was pretty hurt then.

So then I said my goodbyes after which we hugged again and I went home. We chatted a bit on Facebook, and she gave me all the signals that she was gonna say no while still joking and talking about games(she also noticed that I looked sad towards the end earlier) but never explicitly stated so. She finally asked me to meet her for drinks on Monday so she could explain everything(her literal words) and I agreed.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking or why I'm posting this, a part me(hell probably all of me) still sees a tiny chance to make this work. I think I'll have to tell her that I'll not hang out with her as often and want some time apart from each other. This isn't because I don't enjoy her company anymore,I really do. But seeing her with this other guy(even though they're not dating yet, I'm certain their going to) just hurts too much. I also got some advice that distancing yourself is kinda important to anyone wanting to escape the friendzone. I don't think I'll stop loving her if we continue hanging out, I just keep being reminded of why I love her every time we're together.

I guess I've done goofed here. And I know I might sound pathetic or a 'beta bitch' and that I should man up and move on but damn It's just so fucking difficult GAF. I really love this girl. I guess I'll keep you updated about what happens after this.
Click to expand...

First off, you did the right think asking her out. It would have been easier to have said nothing, longed from afar and thought "what if". You only have one life, go for it.

As for Monday if you get knock backed so be it. Wayne Gretzky says it best "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". If she doesn't go for you, keep your distance until you get over it - and don't let it put you off asking anyone else you like out in future. Few things are more crippling in life than a fear of rejection.
 
Y

Yado

Member
You've known her for about a month and you're in love?

It definitely doesn't sound like she feels the same.
 
F

fmpanda

Member
Out of curiosity, when you told her about how much you liked her, did you flat out ask her on a proper date right then and there? If no, you didn't close the deal and you've been fired by Alec Baldwin.

If you did, you've been rejected. It may not even be for the other guy, she could just be busy with life in general and want no time for boyfriends, even if it means missing out on relationship and all the perks it comes with. Recognize the situation for what it is, move on and do your damnest to at least salvage your friendship with the lady, although it may be imposible at this point.
 
entremet

entremet

Member
Kopite said:
Like I said, I guess I fucked up thinking that a month was still soon enough,

I don't think we can continue to be friends without me thinking I'be still got a chance.
Click to expand...

Live and learn, bro.

If you like a girl, be direct about it. If she doesn't feel it, you can move on and that way you don't develop an emotional connection that only hurts you the end.

Up front rejections are much, much easier to take then after the fact, when you've developed an emotional attraction.
 
Z

ZaCH3000

Member
Stand her up. She is setting you up for "the talk". It's inherently awkward and your instincts are signaling this. Either cancel or show her up to keep your dignity intact. This friendship you have is going to slowly disappear after Monday night anyway, slowly but surely.
 
D

Darkwater

Member
Touch barrier is a term? Sounds like overthinking, to be honest. Also, you love her? And you've known her for a little over a month now? Don't mean to be harsh, but I'd use the Oprah shaking head gif right now if I were at my computer. All in all I'd say whatever happens happens, aaaaaand we're moving on.
 
K

Kano on the Phone

Member
The friend zone doesn't exist. You creepily confessed feelings of love to someone you barely know and were pretending to just be friends with.

You're lucky she's taking the time to let you down softly.
 
G

GK86

Homeland Security Fail
I don't think I'll stop loving her if we continue hanging out, I just keep being reminded of why I love her every time we're together.
Click to expand...

You must be new at this.
 
K

Kopite

Member
fmpanda said:
Out of curiosity, when you told her about how much you liked her, did you flat out ask her on a proper date right then and there? If no, you didn't close the deal and you've been fired by Alec Baldwin.
Click to expand...
No I didn't manage too, I got interrupted.

In a funny roundabout way I've got a 'date' with her on Monday though which is also the first time we'll hang out alone.
 
D

Dali

Member
CoffeeJanitor said:
You never 'get' friendzoned'.

You've always got a chance, you just have to make your intentions clear
Click to expand...
He made his intentions clear and she doesn't return his feelings. He probably should have been more proactive in making his intentions clear throughout his interactions with her instead of a grand japanese like "confession". That shit rarely works and just reeks of... I dunno... But I think it really turns girls off.

Anyway good on you for saying something to her. Next time flirt more heavily and use the common interests a little less as a crutch. She's gonna shoot you down tomorrow no doubt but there'll be another and another and another.

Kopite said:
No I didn't manage too, I got interrupted.

In a funny roundabout way I've got a 'date' with her on Monday though which is also the first time we'll hang out alone.
Click to expand...

That's a date like an inmate has a date with the governor on the day he gets fried.
 
D

DopeToast

Banned
You told her how you felt. I think, at least in the situation you're describing, that's a good thing. Similar thing I'm going through right now. Was crazy about this girl, made it fairly obvious but never said anything, and one night when we were hanging out alone it came up in the conversation. She said it wouldn't work out between the two of us, and hoped we could still be friends. It was hard at first, but we stayed close and still seeing her with all our feelings out in the open made things easier and less stressful for me. And then about a month after that she made a move on me and said she had changed her mind. Even if that doesn't happen with you, being honest with her is probably a good thing.
 
S

SHIT

Banned
Kopite said:
No I didn't manage too, I got interrupted.

In a funny roundabout way I've got a 'date' with her on Monday though which is also the first time we'll hang out alone.
Click to expand...

How is it this will be the first time you will "hang" out with her alone.

and you are already madly deeply in "Love" with her ?

I seriously don't get this notion.
 
Ragnarok

Ragnarok

Member
geez so you hung out all day, brought up the topic more than once, then went home and chatted on facebook about it???

Bro, you're being way too needy already. Create some distance. Coming off as desperate or obsessed is never good.
 
K

Kopite

Member
Kano On The Phone said:
The friend zone doesn't exist. You creepily confessed feelings of love to someone you barely know and were pretending to just be friends with.

You're lucky she's taking the time to let you down softly.
Click to expand...
Nope. This really really isn't one of those threads where the truth gets distorted. I really am good friends with her.

GK86 said:
You must be new at this.
Click to expand...
I thought I made that obvious? Doesn't mean it's easy for me to get over i though, although I realise that's what most peoples advice would bw.
 
F

fmpanda

Member
Kopite said:
No I didn't manage too, I got interrupted.

In a funny roundabout way I've got a 'date' with her on Monday though which is also the first time we'll hang out alone.
Click to expand...

Yup, you should've kept going and closed the deal, even with the other dude interrupting. By not closing you set yourself up for "The Talk", which is what will be occurring on Monday good sir.
 
Ragnarok

Ragnarok

Member
Kopite said:
No I didn't manage too, I got interrupted.

In a funny roundabout way I've got a 'date' with her on Monday though which is also the first time we'll hang out alone.
Click to expand...

wait so you're in love yet have never even hung out alone with this person? does.not.compute.
 
M

Messypandas

Member
You dun fucked up op. You should have kept it waaay casual, asked if she wanted to hang out for drinks sometime or catch a flick. Confessing your feelings up front, with a girl you've barely hung out with alone could be seen as way confrontational and awkward. No offense.
 
Ragnarok

Ragnarok

Member
Kopite said:
Nope. This really really isn't one of those threads where the truth gets distorted. I really am good friends with her.


I thought I made that obvious? Doesn't mean it's easy for me to get over i though, although I realise that's what most peoples advice would bw.
Click to expand...

how great of friends could you really be if you've never even been alone with her?
 
K

Kano on the Phone

Member
Kopite said:
Nope. This really really isn't one of those threads where the truth gets distorted. I really am good friends with her.
Click to expand...
You knew her for a month. You didn't know her well enough to be in love with her, whatever romantic movies tell you. You romanticized a friend and then went about acting on it in the most awkward way possible. Lesson learned.
 
TheMan

TheMan

Member
we had better get a fucking update on monday night after she cuts your heart out with her devastating words of rejection
 
G

GK86

Homeland Security Fail
Kopite said:
I thought I made that obvious? Doesn't mean it's easy for me to get over i though, although I realise that's what most peoples advice would bw.
Click to expand...

It is something we have all done, all regretted, and (hopefully) all learned from. Move on and learn from these mistakes.
 
S

Stuart444

Member
Good on you for telling her how you feel.

Good luck dealing with it on Monday. Remember, there is still that 1% chance that things will go the way you want it to.
 
R

royalan

Member
entrement said:
Why didn't you ask her out on a date in the first place?

You guys and your vague hanging out shit. That's why you get friendzoned.

If you get turned down, then it's less weird, and if you want to be friends, you can without any hidden motives or hopes.
Click to expand...

Pretty much this. All of this.

People these days need to have guts. Whenever my straight guy friends ask me for advice on girls I say the same thing: There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting a girl know you're attracted to her and that you're interested. Be respectful, of course, but most girls can fucking handle themselves. If they're interested they'll reciprocate, and if not, well, what you end up with is something that could actually turn into a LEGIT friendship. Or you just move on.

But you can't be mad when you move in on a girl under the pretense of wanting to be "friends" and then end up getting friendzoned. You basically ASKED FOR IT.
 
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