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KingDirk · Dec 20, 2013

Hey guys, I just remembered I posted this in the 'Actually Awesome Fan Fiction' thread, and was disappointed by the lack of replies. As I'm tired of having to explain to a sex offender that it's pronounced 'Monopoly,' not 'Mopoly,' I figured I'd make it its own thread.

Here is the fanfiction I wrote my brother for the movie Hitch. It is titled Hitch Atlas. Sorry if this is a shitty thread.

Slayven · Dec 20, 2013

I don't know what this is.

commedieu · Dec 20, 2013

KingDirk said:
Hey guys, I just remembered I posted this in the 'Actually Awesome Fan Fiction' thread, and was disappointed by the lack of replies. As I'm tired of having to explain to a sex offender that it's pronounced 'Monopoly,' not 'Mopoly,' I figured I'd make it its own thread.

Here is the fanfiction I wrote my brother for the movie Hitch. It is titled Hitch Atlas. Sorry if this is a shitty thread.

holy shit..

you had me at kevin james.. will read.

Lionel Mandrake · Dec 20, 2013

You're my kind of crazy, OP.

Alphahawk · Dec 20, 2013

Hitch fan-fiction is a thing? How deep does this rabbit hold go?

DMczaf · Dec 20, 2013

Hitch? As in Will Smith Hitch?

fo'real?

Valhelm · Dec 20, 2013

beautiful...

Salsa · Dec 20, 2013

this is amazing

Trouble · Dec 20, 2013

This is great.

Hitch nodded blankly at the flickering apparition before him. Like a parent, he just didnt understand.

Lionel Mandrake · Dec 20, 2013

Goddammit. This motherfucker wrote a 10-chapter fanfiction for the movie Hitch, and I'm gonna make sure this thread is bumped until it gets the recognition it deserves.

CarpeDeezNutz · Dec 20, 2013

Lmfao this is awesome haha. I would keep reading but I need to go to bed. Subbed.

Onion_Relish · Dec 20, 2013

“Seems like your friend suffers from premature e-grapple-lation,” Hitch said. 1000+ years had not diminished his capacity for sick burns.

Jesus Christ. This monstrosity is both garbage and vastly entertaining. Also, it needs some serious editing.

Edit: HO-LEE-SHIT, i missed this the first time around
"I would! I will! This planetarium has all I need to call down the Ideeforr"
Fucking independence day reference? trainingdayreference.gif

crimsonheadGCN · Dec 20, 2013

Subscribed for later.

Spring-Loaded · Dec 20, 2013

There's a reaction I'll have to gif later. it'll go right here though

Odrion · Dec 20, 2013

Someone turn this into a RPG Maker game, we have the next Charles Barkley Shut Up and Jam.

M3z_ · Dec 20, 2013

Christopher Hitchens does not approve of this use of his moniker

Paper Sparrow · Dec 20, 2013

"Seven-Oh-Four."
Truly, the masterpiece of our time.
(; - ; )7

WorldStar · Dec 20, 2013

for some reason this reminds me of the gaf member who made a movie about Creed tickets

evilromero · Dec 20, 2013

Is Hitch the one where he's a super hero?

Gila · Dec 20, 2013

evilromero said:
Is Hitch the one where he's a super hero?

No that's Bad Boys

This here, is when he goes for the aliens

Persona7 · Dec 20, 2013

This is amazing

Brianemone · Dec 20, 2013

I started reading it thinking it was Hancock.......... I might continue it as such.

crimsonheadGCN · Dec 20, 2013

VHS junkie said:
for some reason this reminds me of the gaf member who made a movie about Creed tickets

Thanks for mentioning this.

Discotheque · Dec 20, 2013

lol holy shit this is ridiculous.

KingDirk · Dec 20, 2013

Odrion said:
Someone turn this into a RPG Maker game, we have the next Charles Barkley Shut Up and Jam.

I won't lie, this is half of the reason I posted it on the internet in the first place.

Also not a lie: I'm genuinely happy none of ya'll are asking for context. I want this thing to exist as an entity unto itself.

roosters93 · Dec 20, 2013

That was great. I didn't know I wanted a Hitch fan fiction but the heart wants what the heart wants.

KingDirk said:
As I'm tired of having to explain to a sex offender that it's pronounced 'Monopoly,' not 'Mopoly,' I figured I'd make it its own thread..

what

crimsonheadGCN · Dec 20, 2013

That was beautiful.

KingDirk · Dec 20, 2013

roosters93 said:
That was great. I didn't know I wanted a Hitch fan fiction but the heart wants what the heart wants.

what

I work in a facility for children (up to and including age 17) who are actively homicidal/suicidal/aggressive or on their way to foster care placement. Sometimes situations like the one I described drive me to GAF.

curb · Dec 20, 2013

DMczaf said:
Hitch? As in Will Smith Hitch?

fo'real?

That was my first thought...

IamMattFox · Dec 20, 2013

Now this is fan fiction.

Futureman · Dec 20, 2013

Hey man I run a book printing machine at work. PM if you want to self publish this gem.

KingDirk · Dec 21, 2013

So Futureman's kind offer has prompted me to write the sequel to Hitch Atlas so I can publish them as a bundle. It'll concern Hitch's son After Earth's attempt to unravel the legend of The Legend of Bagger Vance.

Also thank you for all the kind words.

Staccat0 · Dec 21, 2013

This is amazing

roosters93 · Dec 21, 2013

KingDirk said:
I work in a facility for children (up to and including age 17) who are actively homicidal/suicidal/aggressive or on their way to foster care placement. .Sometimes situations like the one I described drive me to GAF.

Ahhh rightio. I was reading it as being directly related to the fan fic or something.

KingDirk said:
So Futureman's kind offer has prompted me to write the sequel to Hitch Atlas so I can publish them as a bundle. It'll concern Hitch's son After Earth's attempt to unravel the legend of The Legend of Bagger Vance.

Also thank you for all the kind words.

Can't wait.

Joni · Dec 21, 2013

You should read the posts of a poster named Wozzly. You can learn a lot from him when it comes to fanfiction.

WedgeX · Dec 21, 2013

This is phenomenal.

CrankyJay · Dec 21, 2013

When I read Hitch that was the first thing that came to mind...was the movie...and you didn't disappoint. lol

novenD · Dec 21, 2013

I am in awe.

Hitch, a voice intoned. It was deep and brimming with gravitas; Hitch felt like a penguin whose march was being narrated by a professional.

holy piss I'm dying over here

KingDirk · Dec 21, 2013

Guys, should the second book be called 'The Hitchening' or 'The New Testahitch?'

Trouble · Dec 22, 2013

KingDirk said:
Guys, should the second book be called 'The Hitchening' or 'The New Testahitch?'

#TeamHitchening

crimsonheadGCN · Dec 27, 2013

KingDirk said:
Guys, should the second book be called 'The Hitchening' or 'The New Testahitch?'

The Hitchening

sohois · Dec 27, 2013

KingDirk said:
Guys, should the second book be called 'The Hitchening' or 'The New Testahitch?'

Well, What do you think?

If there's one thing I learnt from Hitch Atlas, it's that you should follow your heart to find the answer.

roosters93 · Dec 27, 2013

KingDirk said:
Guys, should the second book be called 'The Hitchening' or 'The New Testahitch?'

The New Testahitch : The Hitchening.

AzureSkies · Dec 27, 2013

KingDirk said:
Guys, should the second book be called 'The Hitchening' or 'The New Testahitch?'

Definitely The Hitchening!

Coreda · Dec 27, 2013

So good. Had me laughing and enjoying it all the way through. Just the right length, too.

yogloo · Dec 27, 2013

Am I drunk? Is this real life?

KingDirk · Dec 29, 2013

So I spent a huge amount of time yesterday trying to think of the name of the spaceship for part 2, and then the most obvious name popped up and it is clearly the best.

Guys, I hope you're ready to meet the Willennium Falcon.

yogloo said:
Am I drunk? Is this real life?

Both.

crimsonheadGCN · Jan 4, 2014

So how is the sequel coming along?

Ultima_5 · Jan 4, 2014

Can OP get a tag?

KingBeyondTheWall · Jan 4, 2014

10/10 it's perfect

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