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Poisoning-My-Roommates-Age: Exposing a food thief

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E

Exclamation-One

Member
Hi there NeoGAF,

I've moved into a new house, and my food has been consistently and mysteriously disappearing little by little. I've been able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that someone has been eating my food and I'm outraged. (case in point: I made a smiley face in my jar of peanut butter last night, only to find it was destroyed when I returned).

On my next shopping trip, I'm considering purchasing some choice items and introducing a small agent to deter the would-be-thief. Nothing life threatening, of course, but certainly enough to keep them out of work for a day or two. I want to find out who's doing this shit. I feel that I am entirely within my rights to make my own food toxic.

What is the legality of this kind of action, and, any suggestions on what is safe but not life-threatening?
 
W

White Man

Member
Exclamation-One said:
What is the legality of this kind of action, and, any suggestions on what is safe but not life-threatening?
Click to expand...

Nothing that is effective in small doses would be able to be placed in food without making the food taste funny. Medicines taste bitter and bleach, well, tastes like burning.

But I like your moxie.
 
W

White Man

Member
Note that chocolate laxatives taste like funny chocolate and unless you are melting them and mixing them into pudding, they would be "off." Also note that the victim would only know he had been laxatized if you gave him a big ol' dose.
 
A

aoi tsuki

Member
Ninja Scooter said:
here's a crazy idea: Grow a pair and tell them to stop eating your fucking food.
Click to expand...
That would involve a social interaction, something GAFers aren't known for, unless it's talking about video games... with another guy.

If you want, go to a health food store and get a few ounces of cayenne pepper. Put it in the bait, but make sure it's mixed in so it's not immediately noticeable. It doesn't have much of a taste, but it packs enough heat to make it known who's eating your stuff.
 
E

Exclamation-One

Member
Ninja Scooter said:
here's a crazy idea: Grow a pair and tell them to stop eating your fucking food.
Click to expand...

Kind of hard when I mention it in passing (nothing directly accusatory) to all SIX of my roommates and everyone 'suspects' someone else.
 
Crab Shaker

Crab Shaker

Doesn't pay his sources
crestfallen said:
if you have a cabinet claimed for yourself, couldn't you just padlock it?
Click to expand...
:lol That would be sad

Ahh, dealing with passive-aggressive roommates, I have one, it's such a pain in the ass I tell ye
 
E

ElyrionX

Member
Well, if they're your ROOMMATES, what's wrong with sharing a bit of food with them?

Besides, once you pull something off like that, payback's gonna be a bitch because you'll never know when your food has been similarly "poisoned" by any of your six roommates who may not have liked what you did.
 
M

Mercury Fred

Banned
What about Visine? Isn't that supposed to constrict the blood vessels in the digestive system and cause that organ set to pretty much shut down?
 
M

Mr Toast

Member
If you absolutely know who it is, steal something small of theirs (which will be important for them to find - eg a ring or mobile phone). Seal it in a plastic bag, then put it in a half-emptied jar of whatever it is they keep stealing of yours (ie peanut butter jar).

As soon as they have it back, you know and they know theyve been found out. Just turn the phone on silent first. :D

Edit: the importance of what you hide on them has to be dependant on how often you think they are taking your food. Dont use their phone if its only a once-a-week theft.
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
Mercury Fred said:
What about Visine? Isn't that supposed to restrict the blood vessels in the digestive system and cause that organ set to pretty much shut down?
Click to expand...
sounds fair and just.
 
E

Exclamation-One

Member
Mr Toast said:
If you absolutely know who it is, steal something small of theirs (which will be important for them to find - eg a ring or mobile phone). Seal it in a plastic bag, then put it in a half-emptied jar of whatever it is they keep stealing of yours (ie peanut butter jar).

As soon as they have it back, you know and they know theyve been found out. Just turn the phone on silent first. :D
Click to expand...
Funnily enough, my old cell phone went missing for a while (I bought a new one). I could have sworn that I had left it on top of the refridgerator, but a few days later it shows up underneath the stairs.

Anyway, my motive here is not revenge, but actually EXPOSING the food thief in the hopes I can get his (or her) ass evicted.

Edit:

There are two complications here:

One, I told one of the roomies this idea (half-jokingly) before I really latched on to it, and she might be the prime suspect.

Two, another roommate has a kid who stays over from time to time. If he steals food and feeds it to his son, I'd feel horrible.
 
P

Pochacco

asking dangerous questions
Peanut Butter should be shared.
I'd understand if you bought a hamburger for yourself, or something..
...but everyday items (e.g. rice, sugar, butter, ketchup, milk, etc.) shouldn't be a big deal.

Just take other peoples' stuff and it'll balance out. And if they get pissed, establish some firm rules.
 
B

Brannon

Member
A few droplets of Syrup of Ipecac can look like moisture from the oil droplets that sometimes form in peanut butter...
 
W

whytemyke

Honorary Canadian.
I had a roomie that did this shit earlier. We told him multiple times to quit jacking our shit, but he refused to listen. He'd be all nice and shit to our faces, then once we were gone he'd jump into our shit again (it was only a few beers of mine, which wasn't a big deal beyond the principle of it, but he would eat my other roomies food, drink his gatorade, etc.)

So my roommate had some orange juice in the fridge that he hadn't drank in a long time, but after the third time we flat out told the kid to stop taking our shit, and he flat out told us to fuck off, my roomie took the half empty jug of OJ, and took a long piss in it. Then he put it back in the fridge.

Next morning he came out and saw the empty jug lying in the garbage can :lol
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
Just murder all your roommates in your sleep. It'll save you a lot of trouble in the long run.
 
P

Pochacco

asking dangerous questions
Is this really about the Peanut Butter?
Are you sure you're not in love with all of them? Think about it.
 
Amakusa

Amakusa

Member
heres what you do dude, put Eye drops in a open 2 liter soda. Let those fuckers drink that while you're gone. Shits for days :lol
 
M

M3wThr33

Banned
Would they take money?
Use a pen and put a small dot in the corner of a $1 bill. Stick it next to your food, underneath, whatever.

When it's taken, go to each roomie, asking if they have change for 4 quarters.

OR

Go to each person individually and confess to them you found out that ____ (Always a different person) was stealing your food. Then, ask that roommate to help you prove it by shadowing him, that way it would be two-against-one. Then watch chaos ensue as they solve the problem for you.

OR

Lock the door to the bathroom after you've dissolved Exlax into food.

OR

Piss in the soda.
 
E

ElyrionX

Member
Biohazard said:
...and yet the peanut butter smiles will still be astray..hmm...
Click to expand...

7457.jpg


"We'll take care of it."
 
G

Ghost

Chili Con Carnage!
Put dead bugs in there (sizable things like roaches or something), that way you cant go to jail but you can be sure that you're gonna hear about it when something happens.

You can even make it a fake one if you wanna be a pussy about it.
 
M

MomoPufflet

Member
Biohazard said:
Don't be a bitch and share, everyone in my house does.
Click to expand...

It's one thing to share, it's another thing to be an inconsiderate ass and constantly take someone's food without asking. If you haven't established that it's cool to eat eachother's food, don't do it. Even then it doesn't mean WOAH BABY FEEDING FRENZY!!!

Also notice how they're conveniently taking it when he's not around. They know exactly what they're doing, they just don't care.
 
D

Deleted member 1235

Unconfirmed Member
start stealing everyone elses food. See the person with the worst and least food? That's the thief.
 
P

pjberri

Crotchety Old Man
Dye. If you bought some Coke or something and slipped some dye in it'll make their piss change to whatever colour the dye was, and the colour of the Coke will easily mask it. Make sure the dye is non-toxic, but potent enough to pull this off.
 
J

Jeffahn

Member
Exclamation-One said:
Hi there NeoGAF,

I've moved into a new house, and my food has been consistently and mysteriously disappearing little by little. I've been able to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that someone has been eating my food and I'm outraged. (case in point: I made a smiley face in my jar of peanut butter last night, only to find it was destroyed when I returned).

On my next shopping trip, I'm considering purchasing some choice items and introducing a small agent to deter the would-be-thief. Nothing life threatening, of course, but certainly enough to keep them out of work for a day or two. I want to find out who's doing this shit. I feel that I am entirely within my rights to make my own food toxic.

What is the legality of this kind of action, and, any suggestions on what is safe but not life-threatening?
Click to expand...

I've been in the same situation before. Somebody was stealing my Coco Pops every day, so I decided to add some delicious washing powder to what remained. It turned out not to be the regular house thief, but another guy I was friendly with. He had to leave his construction job with severe stomach cramps and diarrhea. It was fun.

...
 
E

EGM92

Member
A couple of years ago when I at Uni I was living just off residence with 5 people in a tiny house. We each had our own food but mysteriously mine would go missing.

Here's an idea, bake a pie... if you can't or don't know how, buy an Apple Cinnamon store bought pie. Buy some laxatives and some Cinnamon sticks, crush a pill or 2 and mix it with the cinnamon sticks, sprinkle it all over the top of the pie. The Cinnamon covers up the taste of the pill if proportions are done correctly. If you really want to teach someone a lesson, get some extra strength laxatives and use those. While their shitty themselves stupid in the washroom warn them that if they ever touch your stuff again there will be many more sleepless nights sitting on the toilet. The idiot didn’t learn his lesson and started eating my fruits and taking my protein supplements, even wearing my damn clothing. One time my favorite pair of jeans went missing, I found them later that week beside the dryer. I put some itching powder I found at a gag shop inside the jeans. He never admitted to taking my clothing but his red chaffing legs were proof enough. He moved out a week after the second incident

As for actually poisoning them, that’s illegal and you can get yourself in some serious shit (not pun intended). Laxatives are a good way to find out who’s stealing your food. Using spices may not be a good idea, it may cause an allergic reaction or worse.
 
Crab Shaker

Crab Shaker

Doesn't pay his sources
Jeffahn said:
I've been in the same situation before. Somebody was stealing my Coco Pops every day, so I decided to add some delicious washing powder to what remained. It turned out not to be the regular house thief, but another guy I was friendly with. He had to leave his construction job with severe stomach cramps and diarrhea. It was fun.

...
Click to expand...
:lol :lol
 
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