Serious suggestion: Paint some of your stuff with UV reactive stuff and shine your roomies. Might be expensive though. Hmm, maybe something to do with odour. Smear something citrusy on your stuff and.. eh, go smell your roomies. Oh, oh! Parfume! That'll work. Spray your peanut butter jar with parfume (wich doesn't smell as much when cold) and you'll eventually get your crook, I think.
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Poisoning-My-Roommates-Age: Exposing a food thief
- Thread starter Exclamation-One
- Start date
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Naked Snake
Member
pjberri said:
And how is he going to check on their piss color?
teruterubozu
Member
Too risky man. What if one of your roommates eats your food just once and he/she isn't really the main culprit.
Panic_Attack
Banned
Cool thread Exclamation-One, now if you can perform a second magic trick and find a way to unlodge the pole from your ass perhaps you will not be a complete asshole!
a friend who works for the fire department told me a story about a firehouse that had a food stealing problem that they solved.
well, 'shift A' got sick and tired of 'shift B' always stealing from their fridge so they decided to get them back in a cruel way. shift A bought a box of krispy kremes and they all stuck their penises in the donut holes and took a group picture. they put the donuts back in the box for shift B to steal with the group picture taped underneath the box. after the donuts were eaten, shift A left a post it note on the empty box left in the fridge asking shift B to look at the bottom of the box revealing the "penises in donut" picture.
sure enough, there was never a food stealing problem ever again.
well, 'shift A' got sick and tired of 'shift B' always stealing from their fridge so they decided to get them back in a cruel way. shift A bought a box of krispy kremes and they all stuck their penises in the donut holes and took a group picture. they put the donuts back in the box for shift B to steal with the group picture taped underneath the box. after the donuts were eaten, shift A left a post it note on the empty box left in the fridge asking shift B to look at the bottom of the box revealing the "penises in donut" picture.
sure enough, there was never a food stealing problem ever again.
DaCocoBrova
Finally bought a new PSP, but then pushed the demon onto someone else. Jesus.
Couple drops of visine in food or liquid will have them shitting their life away in moments.
TheQueen'sOwn
insert blank space here
Just let each one of them know seperately about your plan to poison some of your food. Don't tell them what item you're going to poison. You won't have to do anything and I'm sure they'll stop.
PhoenixDark
Banned
Put liquor in all your food, therefore getting him drunk. At that point, FHUTA. It is the only way.
I had a roommate who would always have friends over and they'd always drink all the sodas. Not that I cared, they weren't my sodas. But the next day this douche would come home and find no sodas left so he'd start bitching about how we were drinking all of his shit. And sodas was basically all this guy bought. Everything else myself and my other roommates bought. However, one day he came home and bitched about his 12 pack of Dr. Peppers being gone and I distincly remembered his asshole friend drinking about 7 the night before so I told him and he starts cursing and screaming and goes to his room and slams the door. So I go over to his CD collection and take every single rare, import, great CD I can stack in 2 hands and go down to CD Warehouse and sold 20+ CD's that cost him hundreds of dollars for $39. I win.
Christopher
Member
I got a whole case of snapple and had all one of them, I dunno I just don't care about petty things like this at all as my roomies are my good freinds.
Well, that's good for you. A lot of people have roommates because they can't afford to live on their own, and that means that every penny they spend they need to conserve wisely. I make more than my roommates, and I'm likely to live on my own come June, so I tell them what I'll share and what I won't (like stuff I'll prepare for dinner). But I wouldn't think of swiping their food when they plan out their meals and such for the entire week. It's called being considerate.
Tortfeasor
Member
Exclamation-One said:
Really really really illegal. If anyone gets hurt you are completely responsible. Even if they get hurt in a way not imagined by you (lets say one ingests some laxative and dies due to some super rare genetic disease they didn't know about that the laxative triggers or crashes his car after getting sick while driving to work after ingesting whatever you added to the food). By adding something to the food you are acting in a way defined by the law as reckless. Because of this, anything that flows as a result of your actions will be found to be your responsibility.
Naked Snake
Member
DaCocoBrova said:
Is visine bad to put in the eye in general? Cause I use it from time to time.
DJ Brannon said:
This works. Two guys i knew in the dorms that were roomates got into a fight about some sort of petty crap. As revenge, one guy poured a bottle of ipecac in his 2 liter of pepsi, right before he went home for the weekend. He told me he was going to do it but i didnt believe him until i saw the other guy barfing minutes after drinking some of his pepsi. He never knew what happened until years later when i told him, he thought he was hung over or had the flu :lol
Invite a male friend to your house, and make it sound like you are making out in your room. After a while, go with your friend into the kitchen while giggling and grab the peanut butter. Head back to your room with it, lock the door, and make even louder sex sounds.
PROBLEM SOLVED
PROBLEM SOLVED
CrystalGemini
Member
Use rat poison. They won't die unless you put JUST the right amount in. No more. No less. 
That's what I hear anyway.
That's what I hear anyway.
Exclamation-One
Member
I've thought about a spycam (could be a good investment for the future), but the cost of purchasing all the necessary equipment is a bit prohibitive. My computer is nowhere near the kitchen. In addition, I'd have to install a motion detector. Too expensive.
For those of you who are calling me an asshole, what the fuck ever. The thief is not asking me to share, he or she is running around behind my back. Someone who's going around doing this could very well be stealing other things, causing damage to the property, and/or otherwise lying about things. They'd deserve to be evicted.
Even say, if I put a warning up on in the inside of the cabinet, threatening the offender that they may be getting sick?
I just can't imaging the law siding with someone on this issue. If they're employed, I don't see how they can get away with a 'compulsive-food-snatching-insanity' plea. It's MY food, and as far as I'm concerned, my business what I do with it. Providing a warning should cover me.
For those of you who are calling me an asshole, what the fuck ever. The thief is not asking me to share, he or she is running around behind my back. Someone who's going around doing this could very well be stealing other things, causing damage to the property, and/or otherwise lying about things. They'd deserve to be evicted.
Phoenix said:
Even say, if I put a warning up on in the inside of the cabinet, threatening the offender that they may be getting sick?
I just can't imaging the law siding with someone on this issue. If they're employed, I don't see how they can get away with a 'compulsive-food-snatching-insanity' plea. It's MY food, and as far as I'm concerned, my business what I do with it. Providing a warning should cover me.
Stop and think about what you are doing. Putting "poisons" like laxatives in your food is just a batshit insane idea. Seriously, you'll be the "bad guy" if you go this route, and the "thief" will look more innocent. It's ridiculous to get worked up so much over $2 peanut butter that you want to buy motion sensors and webcams.
DaCocoBrova
Finally bought a new PSP, but then pushed the demon onto someone else. Jesus.
Naked Snake said:
I use it daily. Eyes stillworking just fine. I use this one specifically...
Burns like you wouldn't believe but boy does it work!
Tortfeasor
Member
Exclamation-One said:
You would think so, but you are wrong. Google "eggshell plaintiff". The issue here is that normally you wouldn't expect putting some visine into someones food to kill or hurt someone... But if it did, you would be held responsible since they would not have died or been hurt but for your actions.
That is the legal answer. Proceed at your own risk.
SupaFlySoccerMom
Banned
Catch the herps and ejaculate into your peanut butter. Whoever's been stealing your food... the outbreak will give them away.
I always go back to the story I once read on the Something Awful forums. Basically, it was nerd drama of the highest degree. Some Magic: The Gathering geeks are playing in a tournament and this one fat, annoying guy (there's always at least one at comic shops, you know the type) has apparently been stealing the OP's sandwiches from the refridgerator they keep in the back. He knows its him but there's no way to really prove it. So at this tournament, he booby-traps his sandwich with some really insane, 15,000 scoville rated hot sauce. Sure enough, the time arrives and fatty comes out of the back crying in pain. Apparently, not only is it burning his throat but he got some in his eyes, as well. Needless to say, the OP never had his sandwiches stolen again.
So I'd suggest something like that.
So I'd suggest something like that.
I've gotta say, anyone that is telling the OP to get over it must still live at home in their parent's basement.
If you lived with roommates, you'd realise that its the small things like this that can really make life unbearable. Its not the fact that you have less peanut butter, its the fact that some asshole thinks he can just help himself to your shit and think nothing of it.
And I can't just help myself to my roomates stuff to balance it out, because he is Polish and all he eats is cabbage and onions.
If you lived with roommates, you'd realise that its the small things like this that can really make life unbearable. Its not the fact that you have less peanut butter, its the fact that some asshole thinks he can just help himself to your shit and think nothing of it.
And I can't just help myself to my roomates stuff to balance it out, because he is Polish and all he eats is cabbage and onions.
tsp_gatmog
Member
i have the answer.
leave your food out in the open. lie in wait. if they make a move, shoot them in the neck.
leave your food out in the open. lie in wait. if they make a move, shoot them in the neck.
adamsappel
Member
DO NOT DO THIS! It is an urban legend that Visine will give someone diarrhea (though it sounds like you're advocating total intestinal failure). Ingesting Visine could cause:Mercury Fred said:
Lowering body temperature to dangerous levels
Making breathing difficult, or even halting it entirely
Blurring vision
Causing nausea and vomiting
Elevating and then dropping blood pressure
Causing seizures or tremors
Sending the ingester into a coma
Info at snopes.com
SCULLIBUNDO
Banned
Fuck that, he's right. He's allowed to do whatever he wants with his own food. I say go to a doctor, tell him you feel constipated and hold onto the prescription so you're covered when you say you don't like the taste of laxatives on their own. Or similarly, tell one person a week that you're poisoning your food, just between the two of you, and for the remainder of each week see if anything is taken.
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